Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: calamity on July 20, 2013, 06:00:46 PM
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Old thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3564.0;all#lastPost
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This really is my favourite thread!!!!
I have just been reading and cannot believe how similar some of the things our MLCers say are.
I am 15 months post BD and the crazy comments have all but disappeared. Is this script?
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tughtimes I agree with your similarity comment. For some odd reason just that makes me feel less alone in this crazy journey.
As for everything about pets, I can see my H distancing himself from our dog. She is 2 1/2 and has been his baby since he brought her home as a pup. He often commented she was more human than dog to him. Now although he's not mean to her he does get irritated when she wants to play too much especially when he's texting. And i dont think hes taken her for a walk more than 3 or 4 times early this summer, last year was nearly daily. It's really sad how she's gone from being such a treasure to him to now more often an irritant.
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One I had forgotten:
Just draw a line & move on.
After 37 years, just draw a line & move on. This doesn't sound like his way of speaking either--mlc talk or ow?
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After a crazy conversation, H said 'I am on this path because it is where it has led me'
And another, business like question about the dishwasher - 'Will the dishwasher be going on intra-day?'
'You were very happy and I was not.......you will never change' clearly its all my fault!!!
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This probably isn't script but just thought i'd share the giggle I got.
H now does his own washing and, as I had mentally predicted, after tumble drying wrongly, he decided he needed to iron his shirt collars. The following questions show how little notice he took of what I did even though we have been married nearly 25 years. Bear in mind, he is also an engineer.
I must add that I didn't reply to any of them just stood back and observed from a distance.
"Where's the ironing board?"
"Where's the iron?"
"Is this the bit for the steam?"
" What kind of water should I put in it?"
" Which is the steam part on the dial?"
He then spent 25 minutes ironing 3 collars!!
Oh MLC - you do make me laugh sometimes!!!!
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After a crazy conversation, H said 'I am on this path because it is where it has led me'
I love this.
One thing my H said all of the time was "Its exactly the same, only different!" ::)
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Something along those lines from Scatterbrains...
''I know me moving out is a bit drastic and selfish but I have to''
So if you think it is drastic do you not think that there could be a better solution? ::)
Also, and I love this one:
He was hungover one day and announced he had been drinking a whole bottle of red wine the night before, to which I said:
'All on your own?''
''Yes, I like my own company!''....said with venom by the way
I thought to myself: ''Right, you like your company, but only when you are drunk? Ahuh, can't stand yourself sober then?' ::)
So funny really! ;D
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Thank you all for the comments about the MLC and pets. The strange thing is my female disliked him before MLC, but seems to sense he is not well. When he visited once she was almost protective of him, laying near him while he slept-on the couch, but when he was awake she stayed attached to me, watching him. My male who is super friendly to the whole world stayed as far from him as possible. I think he could sense the anger in Genius when Genius was awake.
One of the things that I loved about Genius and attracted me in the beginning of our relationship was his sense of humor. We watched Black Adder, the Simpsons, American Dad, Charlie Chaplain, the old Batman shows, and the Beverly Hillbillies to name a few. We went to comedy clubs all around the world. Now he has absolutely NO sense of humor. It is as though it evaporated about two months before bomb drop. I remember going to a theater production with him and laughing uproariously. He sat next to me stone faced, looking at me with the most puzzled expression on his face. I remember asking him if he was ill. He refused to tell me what was wrong. He never even cracked a smile while watching his favorite old Batman series show. He asked me to send him some jokes while he was staying with OW in another country as he was feeling down. :o
He called me to tell me "Thank you, I found them to be funny to a degree." (Very formal and stiff.)
I cannot remember the last time he really laughed and smiled. Even in his vacation pictures with OW people comment that he looks ill, mad, etc. Sad really since we had so much fun together for years and so many laughs.
But that lack of humor really helped me detach and I can honestly say without the humor I am not attracted to him one bit. Great for detachment!
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After a crazy conversation, H said 'I am on this path because it is where it has led me'
Wow! This is so similar to something mine said at the start, just after BD... he said 'I just feel like i'm on a different path' in the saddest voice. it was weird..
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I cannot remember the last time he really laughed and smiled.
I see this too, we used to laugh together all the time and I thought it was wonderful to have such an intellectual connection. We are still - surreally - able to talk very easily about many things but I haven't seen him laugh or really smile for months and months.
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They can't laugh or smile but insist they are so happy with the choices they made. Ironic isn't it? Oh no, that's right, just MLC crazy! :o
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They can't laugh or smile but insist they are so happy with the choices they made. Ironic isn't it? Oh no, that's right, just MLC crazy! :o
I got 'I am so happy, but I don't want to show how happy I am because that would not be fair'... ::)
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That seems to be my problem also but mostly it's other people I'm afraid to show my happiness to. I know everyone knows I don't have the kids (D20 D17) and they know they are my whole world. So how could I possibly be happy? :o
Believe me I don't miss him.
What you can't change you just have to accept- there are worse things that could happen I guess
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Heres a some good ones.
I can eat with you drink with you and love you till my dying day, but I cant be happy for me, I know this sounds selfish but I just want to give me some undivided attention and I think I deserve that after all this time of doing everything for everyone else.
This might be the biggest mistake I ever make, but I dont think so.
After wanting to be on his own and then taking up with ow, he said, maybe I was just lonely.
x
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From someone's post on somewhere...
people seem to manage when they divorce.
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I believe this is worthy of this thread as well:
"There are three people suffering right now!" (and he did not mean the children)
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Till now I got these:
I'm not 'in 'love'
You don't clean the place well ( maybe cause I worked full time at my own business , helping him out at his for free and raising two kids, while he sleeps till noon I'd be tired out already)
Let's take it a step at a time
I don't know what the future holds
We still have a chance (2 weeks after BD)
Find someone else I want to c u happy (yeah with 2 small kids passing through a trauma, that's exactly what they need to c)
Be happy and keep God in you heart.
Life is too short
We haven't brought the best out of each other (after 8 yrs?????)
It did not work out
I must really be evil
and I do believe there will be more to come :-\ :o :o
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You don't like to drink coffee.
Everything happens for a reason.
You had choices - I didn't. Now it's my turn.
I need to be able to stand on my own. Be responsible. So you'll respect me.
You talk too much.
There's nothing wrong with me.
You use too much cheese in your cooking.
Is all there is?
You wouldn't watch Breaking Bad with me.
I don't have to listen to you anymore.
You wouldn't dye your hair.
Cry in the shower like I did so you won't upset the girls.
You ask too many questions.
I don't have to do what you want.
You didn't clean the toilets. (he's got me on that one)
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'I want to take us back to zero forget the past and take it from there'. Ok h let's forget that we've got two kids together
Life is too short.
I have no time to waste.
I did not leave the kids I disintegrated by choice (what????????)
I never abandon anyone
I was with you cause I pitied you.
I did not abandon the kids but you.
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Astrid, BD1 for me 2010, my h said just the same thing - maybe we can start again, forget about the past R and start afresh! Haven't heard any others say this yet but you saying makes me think this is script too!
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Me - 'So you are off again, what about your children?'
H - 'I am preparing them for when I leave for good'
Me - 'And you think this is ok?'
H - 'Well I didn't see my father for months at a time when I was their age' -------------- (boarding school)
Me - 'So that makes it ok then?!!!'
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Hi toughtimes well he surely managed to forget about the past but he did not build his new life with me and the kids!!!!!! H is now blaming me for not seeing the kids and for manipulating them. He also said that him being on drugs is cause of me and if he stayed he'd still be using. I know that he'd done so all his life jerk!!!
Together with I never loved you and did not love you enough. You let yourself go and don't take care of your appearance and have not slimmed down after S3. Very difficult to do so working full time, raising two kids plus him, I also have umbilical hernia and due to the fact that he never really worked I could not stop to do my operation and still can't cause he does not give child maintenance.
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ISTILLMATTER: 'You use too much cheese in your cooking'. Not the 4-cheese lasagna?
[Soulmate Schmoopies].
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My X still has a very "entitlement attitude" she believes I should modify my schedule and life to always accommodate her. Even after 2 1/2 years divorced that I "owe" her.
Her common refrain regarding custody and placement issues with our three boys on Mom nights ... "As the saying goes ... it takes a village." Meaning can you take them I have other plans.
My response to her text last night - We live in two separate villages that have never developed a plan on how to coexist.
Some stay in the fog for a loooooooooooooooong time
Mac
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Are you sure this isn't just her personality? After this much time WTF is she doing?? ::)
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ISTILLMATTER: 'You use too much cheese in your cooking'. Not the 4-cheese lasagna?
[Soulmate Schmoopies].
Haha Calamity cracked me up! And don't forget the meatloaf!! ;)
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I can't wait until Thanksgiving..the first year I was on here someone posted about
"Mashed potatoes and a well placed turkey baster" Still cracks me up as I'm typing this. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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We could never go out clubbing as friends we would end up f*cking each other. .......I do love you but like a brother!
All in the same 3 minute conversation. Maybe her childhood was more messed up than I realised :-\
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ISTILLMATTER: 'You use too much cheese in your cooking'. Not the 4-cheese lasagna?
[Soulmate Schmoopies].
I cooked cheesy potatoes and cheese enchiladas. Not the same night, but usually the same week.
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I got this once...
" first off I would like to thank you for taking such good care if the kids, it's great that you live them so much"
Then later monster played this one.....
"Just because you are now trying to be father of the year"
Too bad she didn't give me a trophy to remind her every now and then! Lol
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Here are some of the ones I heard:
You never buy me presents.
I don't want to leave you hanging, (too late you already have)
My all time favorite... You don't wear any lingerie for me. I bet there is not one piece of what I brought in there.
Me: No there isn't. You haven't replace any since the house burnt years ago....
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I took up too much room in the garage with the ironing board!
Great mom but not a good wife
I did nothing for 30 years
We can't go back
I need to start over
We will be closer than ever, best friends (he hasn't spoken to me in over a year)
I couldn't make you happy
Find a man that makes you happy
I want to see you make it on your own, be strong, get a place of your own
I think I have heard it all!! LOL
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I got most of those BH and I got you never buy me presents'
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Just bumping up for the newbies xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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"I took up too much room in the garage with the ironing board!"
:o :o :o :o :o :o after that I LMAO!!!!!!! WOW ::)
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When discussing the fact that he is leaving me with no health insurance (tricare / military), H said:
You'll have Obamacare. :o :o :o :o :o
Is this a new one? As it is a more recent development in our culture,
I'd be proud to think my H coined it - for future MLC lexicon use.
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I'm afraid like so much of mlc, that's not an original. ::)
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these are what I call his just-ifications.
'It just happened.'
'I'm just changing.'
'I'm just not happy.' (Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. R...)
'I just need my me time'
me: What if I hadn't caught you? Would you have kept this up for years?
him: "I don't know, Probably"
me: Do you still love me?
pause
him: Yes. But it's not the same.
me: How long have you been unhappy?
him: "I don't know. a while."
me: What is it that you are unhappy about?
pause...pause...pause...pause...
him: "I don't like the way the house looks."
(okay, freak...)
Of course, there was the golden oldie: "It's not you, It's me"
followed by "It's because of the things you do, and the things you don't do."
(what a difference a week makes...)
"You got a date? Got a boyfriend? Anybody hit you up yet?"
This is 5 wks after BD/one week after he finally moved out (due to my begging him because I couldn't bear the pain any longer of him flaunting his mistress in my home and his settlement-bullying) all the while witnessing my intense agony during this time.
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Holy cow. Had I not been going through the same things, I would swear no sane person would say these things. So here's mine to the pile.
- You never emptied the water out of the toothbrush holder. (Still have no response to that one)
- I think you should pay for all of my startup fees at my new house. (Because I'm going to live there?)
- I was trying to be generous (when divvying up the stuff W was going to take, which included the new bedroom set and the biggest TV in the house.)
- I love you, but it's like a brother (well, thanks for ruining marital relations for me with that little gem.)
- I think you should give me all of the savings. (er, no)
- I haven't been happy for five years
- I haven't been happy for two years
- It doesn't matter how long it's been, I haven't been happy (Clearly, it's because I'm not emptying the water out of the toothbrush holder)
I try to keep my sense of humor. Although I'm pretty sure my W would say it's either hers to take with her or she was unhappy with it for between five and 10 years. ;D
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The latest one I had was
"I'm sorry that people are getting hurt - it's inevitable and it hurts me to do what I'm doing but it can't be helped!"
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Songanddance I got something similar:
BH, you are not the only one hurting! This hurts all of us! :o
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I've moved on, the kids have moved on. (All to do with me accepting ow)
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Anyone else get accused of abusing their MLCer or am I the only one? It tends to happen when the MLCer is not getting their own way. Bring out the big guns.
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I got 'You are so controlling' and then 'Do you know the children have no discipline and you let them do what they want'.
'You are making me leave my children because of your terrible and controlling ways'
'You are the devil'
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Just had to tag onto the ever been accused of abusing your mlcer.
Before my h moved out last year we had an argument and I was shouting at him to leave. He was on his way out of the back door and I pushed his backpack in order to shut the door quickly. He then flung open the door and said to me that I would never "assault him" ever again. Wtf??..
I said I pushed your backpack you freak if that's assault then call the cops, there's the phone right there.
And what he meant by "again" I will never know. Suspect it was not really me he was talking to, if you know what I mean.
Sd
X
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I've just remembered this one..
"I wouldn't put it past you to be calling OW and both of you conspiring against me - that's why I feel so ill. You're both poisoning me!"
And he meant literally poisoning as he claims that after some cups of tea he doesn't feel well....
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I've just remembered this one..
"I wouldn't put it past you to be calling OW and both of you conspiring against me - that's why I feel so ill. You're both poisoning me!"
And he meant literally poisoning as he claims that after some cups of tea he doesn't feel well....
This made me laugh - sorry S&D but how do you put up with it!!!
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The 'I'm hurting too' is the most frustrating; like he's hitting us both with a stick, accusing me of making him hit & complaining that it hurts.
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this is just what i needed today!!!!
so validating to hear some of the same things your crazyass MLCers said...
in addition to the oh so many "top tens" (i'll always take care of you, i'll always love you, you are a good mother, friend, daughter, employee, etc., but not a good wife, blah blah blah), here are a couple of kickers that stand out in my mind...
"i moved on years ago" (hey! thanks so much for letting me know 5 YEARS LATER--more like thanks for nothin'!)
"i'm not the man for you" (gee, h, don't i get to decide that?)
and maybe the most mind-boggling...
"i'm not a quitter" :o :o :o :o :o :o
i still can't figure that one out but i gave up trying after about 10 minutes...
onlyjo
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Watch out for the "I'll always take care of you, I'll always care deeply for you and you are a good mother". As they go through the tunnel this will change. I got those early BD...now it is the complete opposite.
"I choose to be happy, so should you". " the past is the past, lets move on". Lately in he emails every line starts with something similar to "as I have told you many times...." Then a statements I have never heard before. ???
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I was told I was an abusive spouse. With my moods during my depression. Said why would I stay with you. You wouldn't stay with me if I physically abused you.
Geez thanks. Now I'm a criminal.
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I am a criminal too. Picture the scene from the court............
I put it to you SD that you did indeed assault the backpack with full intent on causing grievous canvas harm upon its person.
I also put it to you that you did indeed control your husband with your face and mesmerised him into being a big lying cheating sod and ruined his life.
I sentence you to the rest of your life trying to forget everything he put you through.
I rest my case
SD
X
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New one fresh off the press yesterday.
'Have you ever considered that I just want to be a $l()t for a while. I mean I will probably f* ck someone else before we get back together but just listen to what I am saying, it will just be a f*ck!!
Classy ???
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thanks for all the comments. I'm back home and I've gotten the first sense of being back in craziness.
As far a pets. We both loved our pet so much. We both worried when his knee was operated on and he was even nicer to him that he was to me many times. ;-)
The last time I had him, because he was taking a wknd vacation with the alienator, I expressed that I loved him and that I would miss him. He said well than I'm going to have to get another dog. However, he and the OW both have a dog and they probably keep eachother company. He is in monster right now and it's very scary and confusing. What need does he have to hurt me on purpose. He has chosen another life...what does that have to do with me.Hurt people hurt people...not happy people> Right? Thanks for sharing. Most that you said is script. :-)
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New one fresh off the press yesterday.
'Have you ever considered that I just want to be a $lut for a while. I mean I will probably f* ck someone else before we get back together but just listen to what I am saying, it will just be a f*ck!!
Classy ???
Jeez...That's brutal, but at least you got probably what was an honest answer.
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thanks for all the comments. I'm back home and I've gotten the first sense of being back in craziness.
As far a pets. We both loved our pet so much. We both worried when his knee was operated on and he was even nicer to him that he was to me many times. ;-)
The last time I had him, because he was taking a wknd vacation with the alienator, I expressed that I loved him and that I would miss him. He said well than I'm going to have to get another dog. However, he and the OW both have a dog and they probably keep eachother company. He is in monster right now and it's very scary and confusing. What need does he have to hurt me on purpose. He has chosen another life...what does that have to do with me.Hurt people hurt people...not happy people> Right? Thanks for sharing. Most that you said is script. :-
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Lately in he emails every line starts with something similar to "as I have told you many times...." Then a statements I have never heard before. (http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/Smileys/default/huh.gif)
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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New one fresh off the press yesterday.
'Have you ever considered that I just want to be a $lut for a while. I mean I will probably f* ck someone else before we get back together but just listen to what I am saying, it will just be a f*ck!!
Classy ???
Jeez...That's brutal, but at least you got probably what was an honest answer.
BH- Crazy thing is that i was not even asking her any questions! !! Just seemed to come out of no where.i did not react though. Its just normal now!!
The thing is BH is that I was not even asking any questions! ! Today she was really nice to me when I picked the kids up
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Best thread ever.....
You'll always be in my life - He's now vanished and has NO contact with me ,kids or grandkids.
I think it's time for me to move on, but I will be hurt when M, finds someone else. ( said to his sister)
I am selling my stuff to pay for the mortgage, so all of you have a place to live, but I am not living here again.
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I got the "Because of you, I have gained weight. I have never been so fat in my life." and "I was drinking myself to death because of you."
LOL.....I don't really cook so how did I make him gain weight. I dont even drink so how did I make him drink.
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Love these ;D ;D ;D ;D:
And another, business like question about the dishwasher - 'Will the dishwasher be going on intra-day?'
"Where's the ironing board?"
"Where's the iron?"
"Is this the bit for the steam?"
" What kind of water should I put in it?"
" Which is the steam part on the dial?"
He then spent 25 minutes ironing 3 collars!!
Lately in he emails every line starts with something similar to "as I have told you many times...." Then a statements I have never heard before. ???
"I wouldn't put it past you to be calling OW and both of you conspiring against me - that's why I feel so ill. You're both poisoning me!"
I took up too much room in the garage with the ironing board!
You wouldn't dye your hair.
You don't like to drink coffee
"There are three people suffering right now!" (and he did not mean the children)
I did not leave the kids I disintegrated by choice (what????????)
I was with you cause I pitied you.
I got the "Because of you, I have gained weight. I have never been so fat in my life." and "I was drinking myself to death because of you."
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Following monster, my MLC is prone to say, "I was just speaking my truth!"
A favorite of my MLCer is, "You don't support me!" This from the person who relies on me for nearly everything except toilet assistance.
And the one I hear most often--and am so sick of--is, "I never intend to hurt you It just happens.."
Blech. :P
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And the one I hear most often--and am so sick of--is, "I never intend to hurt you It just happens.."
Blech.
I heard this too, along with you can't help how you feel. :P
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I got this one recently...
"There is a smell I smell when I walk out of work at night and it reminds me of how much I want to start over, closer to nature, I don't want to hurt you but I need to do this alone. Winter is coming soon so the smell will go away soon." WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He works in a city 15 minutes from home.
Figure this one out and you get the prize of the day!! :)
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I'm sorry but I splurted my tea out all over my laptop when I read this!! What a hoot!
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Ah, the smell of manure otherwise known as Bs. It does travel to cities when the wind blows,
Your husband's brain is made of wind and bs right now,
I think thst is what he is trying to say. An airhead.
As for the winter connotation, well....maybe he is aware that his moods are changing with the winds...some of those winds are mind farts ;D
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Ah, the smell of manure otherwise known as Bs. It does travel to cities when the wind blows,
Your husband's brain is made of wind and bs right now,
Wonderful analysis! Thanks for the laugh!
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Just thought of another one I used to get in the days following an attack of Monster (before I set a strong boundary about monstering): "I can't stand you walking on egg shells. You just need to live in the present."
Uh, right. You get to use unexpected rage to intimidate and criticize me, then expect I will pretend everything is okay?
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New one fresh off the press yesterday.
'Have you ever considered that I just want to be a $lut for a while. I mean I will probably f* ck someone else before we get back together but just listen to what I am saying, it will just be a f*ck!!
Classy ???
ROFL. Sorry but it was in fact very funny and I have to laugh. She have sense of humor. :D Funny and honest (monster) in the same time.
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Albatross- She certainly does have her moments!! Strangely she is being more civil , even pleasant despite her occasional outbursts. She has been quite flirty the last week but without the cocky attitude............but then she did say the 'I might want to be a $l()t' speech which did take the shine off a little bit if I am being completely honest! ;)
A
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oh some of these are so funny :) Thank God there is some humour in these awful situations. It also makes me realise that my H hasn't even said anything that bad compared with some others. Early days yet tho...
Mine have been the typical:
'I've been unhappy for years'
'I'm unhappy with you'
Amazingly he apologised after those two.
'I don't know' (a lot)
'I got thinking about what more is there?' (to life...?)
Also:
'I want children, but not with you' (that hurt)
and weirdest of all.... because I had to quit my part time job which I love to go and move in with my parents 3 hours drive away:
'I could pay for you to rent somewhere so you can keep your job' (how is that practical...? I don't earn enough to support myself even without paying rent)
The dog thing is interesting too. I have the dog with me (thank God), but he has completely detached from him, I hadn't realised until I saw the other dog related comments.
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Now I look back, I've been getting the "I don't know" for a long time. Drives me insane :o. I used to say before hand, this requires a yes or no answer, ask the question and still get the I don't know answer. I honestly think he does not know, he is that confused! It doesn't seem to apply to work situations though, that I have noticed.
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i love reading these--i have had a few doozies, and posted them earlier--just remembered this one:
"you don't wear enough sunscreen"
WTH? 8)
OK, so that's what the problem has been all this time--i haven't been slathering on sunscreen 24/7. silly me.
onlyjo
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I remeber my h said I just have to do this??? he then said other things like you do someone a favour by marrying them coz their pregnant ??? funny that together nearly 25 years but thats why he married me ...then he denied saying it
just script like a lot of other things i think
oh and one time i remeber he had a paddy my son and i (son was 23 then looked at each other in disbelief) as my h stamped his foot and said IM NOT TALKIN TO YOU was just like a 7 year old
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My h muttered something about wasting his time with my stupid friends, watching too much television and having to be around my awful sisters. So we watched too much rubbish tv when he first met me in our twenties and he had to talk to stupid inane people. I guess the people I was friends with just weren't furthering his career enough and held him back in the same way I did.
I just remembered He had sky installed just before he left too and I have never watched it, so I can't be accused of being a stupid person that only watches TV. I never wanted a TV at all, he was the one who bought the big telly.
They say such ridiculous things, ill thought out and false. All projection.
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Fascinating stuff on this thread!
We used to dog sit my FIL's very cute, friendly, adorable dog, a Yorkshire terrier. My H absolutely loved him, staying up half the night once, when the dog was ill. And then only a few months ago when a friend was talking to H and mentioned the Yorkshire terrier, H said "it's only a dog"!
That convinced our friend that there is something wrong with H.
Also, H bought a rose bush and planted it in a pot in the garden in memory of his mother. For the last 6 years, he has nurtured this plant, and fed it and tendered it. It has bloomed beautiful roses every year. Alas this year, no roses, H has totally abandoned his mum's rose bush too.
Love & Light xx
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I am trying to compile a list of the "common" things that our spouses have said/bombshells. I've started the list with the following.
Things prodigals say:
I love you but I’m not in love with you.
We got married too young/fast.
I never loved you.
You are better off without me.
I’m done. I’m never coming back.
Move on. Now is your chance to see someone else.
I want out, give me what is mine
You need to get on with your life as I am with mine as I am now happy
I have taken care of people my whole life, now it's time for ME to have fun
We had problems before the other person…
-
I loved this one on BD:-
If you hadn't of snooped you wouldn't have found out, then it would have run it's course and nobody would have been the wiser :o ???
I'm sorry I got caught, I'm NOT sorry I did it
Just let me go
Don't fight for our marriage
We've never been happy
If we hadn't have had D16, we wouldn't have stayed together. - (Mmmmm 18 years it took you to work that out?)
-
I loved this one on BD:-
If you hadn't of snooped you wouldn't have found out, then it would have run it's course and nobody would have been the wiser :o ???
I'm sorry I got caught, I'm NOT sorry I did it
Just let me go
Don't fight for our marriage
We've never been happy
If we hadn't have had D16, we wouldn't have stayed together. - (Mmmmm 18 years it took you to work that out?)
--------------------------------------
"You need to apologise to my Girlfriend!" :o
1Cor13 (married 20 years, and married still..)
-
Before he left my h said "the problem is that I don't like anyone else as much as I like you" .... What????
-
You should find someone that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy (well I was happy before h).
I love you but I am not in love with you.
I have fallen out of love with you.
We have been unhappy for years (meanwhile you made love to me the week before you left).
She is my friend. And I have known her for a long time. We have a lot in common (yes, you are both cheating).
I am deliriously happy now. No I am very depressed.
It can't be me. It's not stress. It's not work. It's not the children. Therefore I have figured out, it is you.
-
If you hadn't of snooped you wouldn't have found out, then it would have run it's course and nobody would have been the wiser :o ???
me: "If I hadn’t found out, could you have just continued on like this for years?"
him: "I don’t know...prob’ly!"
-
BD day
ME: When's the last time you talked to _--X-X-X-X----__??
HIM: :o I don't know...a While! >:(
(how bout 15 minutes ago...here's the printout from cell ph records)
Next Day
HIM: I'm just not happy
ME: How long have you felt that way?
HIM: :o I don't know...a While! >:(
-
Those are great replies. There is a clear double mindedness and a denial of reality.
-
i just have to do this
you do someone a favour by marrying them because they are pregnant (funny how we were married for 22 years ) you had an affair before and begged to come back 18 years ago because you missed me ?
I dont care if I never see you again or son
a lot more but even more hurtful then denies saying any of them ?
-
How about:
I've been used by you and everybody in YOUR family. I wasn't appreciated.
-
W on OM#1
“He was someone I’ve known for years but he has recently taken an interest in me”.
Actually he was someone she picked up in a bar a couple of weeks before.
-
That is a really good point. My wife also has said some really crazy things and denies saying them.
"Now's your chance to be with other women"
"I never said that"
I have seen my wife change "channels" from crazy talk to normal in a heartbeat when I prayed while she was talking.
She kicked me out of the apartment:
I don't love you, never loved you.
etc.
The apartment is in my name, get out.
So my daughter and I packed everything for ourselves and two youngest and moved it out into storage the next day.
"Why did you do that? I never kicked you out? I meant go for a walk and give me space."
-
he told me he used to care about hurting me and now he hates me and doesnt care what happens to me, then the next ime denied it again
he also said I hurt him when i told him that he said our marraige of 22 years was a sham he said our marriage was never a sham , you have changed ? you are someone I dont want to be with now, (funny you walked away from the person you want me to be for another woman??) bat $h!te crazy as others on here say ,
I cant belive some of the things they come out with and then deny it. woman and man ?? hoope you and your d are ok?
-
A couple more for the list
“I could never call you a bad Father”
Previous day she called me a terrible Father.
“That it now, we’re finished, there’s no turning back”
Next day, “I never said there was no turning back”.
Lanzo
-
"I love you but I'm not in love with you"
"she appreciates me"
"if you hadn't snooped, you never would've know, are you happy now?"
"I can't stand you"
"you don't know the value of money"
"we haven't been happy for very long"
"we never shouldn't gotten married"
"millions of people divorce"
-
"I know that You really love me, but I don't know why is Your love destructive to me."
"It is not normal being with someone for 25 years in marriage."
"I am 22 years old."
"Find for your self another woman."
"I can't live like this anymore."
-
My Favorites
1. Don't make me choose you'll probably lose
2. You're the Narcissist
3. Where's the money obviously you're frequenting prostitutes.
4. I would look at you while out at the bar with my friends and just loath you.
5. Why shouldn't I give my friend monkey hugs?
O I could go on and on and on
Mac
-
H: I am moving into her (OW) guest house. I need to time to think.
You and I cannot talk to each other anymore. We can't live together anymore.
Me: Are you in love with her? No
Me: Are you having an affair with her? No
Me: Do you still love me? No
Me: Do you hate me? No
Me: You never said a word to me about being unhappy..why?
H: I don"t know. It happened because it was a bunch of little things coming together. The chemistry between us is not the same anymore.
H: I think I have a midlife crisis.
Me: Your too old for a midlife crisis.
The was BD day...he had been having an affair with her for 13 months already)
There was no guest house..one month later he was gone. OW was a good friend.
-
The passion is gone you killed it!!!!
Maybe she is just an escape.
Call it a midlife crisis, I dont know.
I feel like I am in a tunnel and when I get to the end there will be time for me.
I have done everything for everyone else all my life and now I just want some time for me.
Told his mam the reason he left was it was like a slow death (hmm that was nice).
x
-
ow is ten times the woman you are this after knowing her fr a month or two??
Im gonna throw you out and move ow in before i give you this house
-
I love you but I'm not in love with you.
I am so confused.
I need space. Give me space. I am so confused.
It's my time to be happy now.
It's all about me now.
It's time for me to be selfish.
I am never coming back. There is nothing you can do.
I don't want to have to worry about anyone except for me and S18.
I have things I want to accomplish.
She makes me feel alive, like a man, and appreciated. (barf!)
It's not you, it's me.
I became unhappy and decided it was time. (To have an affair, apparently).
Best friends don't do this to each other. (Duh? Ya think?)
You never came home at lunch on Fridays to surprise me. (Uhh..you were always busy.)
You didn't appreciate me or what I did for your family. (So saying thank you wasn't enough?)
I want to be able to come and go as I please.
I want to be able to do whatever I want when I want. (Never stopped you from doing it before.)
I want to be able to f&*k anyone I want. (Seems like you already are.)
I could go on and on and on and on......
You can't make this $hit up!!
CT 8)
-
I received an altered version of ILYBNILWY of "I don't love you like I should".
"I have a great life just a bad marriage"
"Your the only person I've known"
"You make my skin crawl"
"I'll never get married again, cause I'll never trust anyone again" (WTF! He did everything to break my trust and I did nothing)
"Never been more sure of any decision in his life" (about leaving me)
"We're not compatible and never have been"
"Life is short and I am not going to waste any more time in a mediocre marriage"
"Can look at me, touch me, hug me, kiss me, and have sex with me and feel nothing"
"I don't know who I am any longer"
" I can let go of my anger when your not around"
I could go on and on but the one that stung the most was "Married 15 years and always knew you weren't the one" Ouch!!
-
Ok, found more in my old journaling..
"Last 15 years have been a waste of his life"
"Has had an awakening and not ging down this path anymore"
"He needs to be in control of his life and put himself first"
"I hate your personality, you bring out the worst in me"
"Life has no meaning as long as I am with you"
A little bit about me since this is my first post.
Me 39
H 39
M 15 years
Bomb drop 1/2011
Dissolution 2/2012
No children, only occasional contact about dog
Moved back to my development in with a woman two streets over 1 year ago.
-
Oh yeah, and I got this one too:
I don't want to settle.
WTF?? I told him, "I didn't think we were settling at all."
CT 8)
-
A few months before BD:
You have pretty underwear! (16 years after being married.... What the heck?? Compared to whom?? )
I wonder what it feels like to live with someone during a divorce? (our neighbors up the street were going thru this)
After not being intimate with me for a few years-->> excuse of meds: Wow, this feels like when we first started dating! I feel great!
The next week after intimacy: I don't feel anything anymore! I have made a decision to leave and when I make a decision, that is it!! (held me all night long and wanted more in the middle of the night)
Can we still go out to dinner as a family after I leave...like D and A do with their kids? (No H, they didn't get a D due to an affair.)
How did this get so messed up?? (b/c you brought a 3rd party into our marriage H)
And all the others posted on here, most of them anyway! :-\ ???
-
I want nothing but good things for you
I'm done, I'm never coming back
I need time/space to think
I'm not going to be taken advantage of anymore
I'm tired of taking care of people, I'm not going to hold their hands anymore
-
song You Dropped A Bomb On Me - The Gap Band
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17lkdqoLt44 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17lkdqoLt44)
-
Love these. For a laugh, I often read the Script thread, and am guaranteed to laugh until I cry. These people are so unreal aren't they, yet in a way, so creepy how they all say and do the same things. Then again, we do too, but at least we aren't weird ;)
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CT- I just about peed my pants reading your list!!!!!
I got just about all of these EXCEPT the I love you but not in love with you speech..
I got:
I don't love you anymore
This family is a sham
I'm done
I'm not sleeping here anymore ( he was sleeping in the garage before that)
After he left the house one night and I figured out he was with exow confronted him.. he got all indignant and said:
"I was home before midnight!" :o :o :o
Asked me more than once if I wanted a divorce
Told me to go find somebody to slow dance with ( I never mentioned that was ever an issue)
The only thing I ever meant to him was sex ( said this twice; I tend to believe this one)
You never finish anything you start ( me wanting to paint the kitchen cabinets.)
About exow; "She has a beautiful spirit-I will always love her She is a good woman."
Then afterward THAT blew up said:
"Your 1000 times the person she is.."
(yeah- then you kick me out with nothing but the clothes on my back..call the Troopers.. assault me..WOW)
-
I'm not sleeping here anymore ( he was sleeping in the garage before that)
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
He was! Had a futon..of course it was summer..I think he was considering moving in with exow. I wish he had done that instead.
Would have been cheaper and easier and less of a hassle for me.
-
I am never coming back!
On me saying he'd never apologised "I'm sorry you found out!"
On me asking if he would ever have told me"I hoped you'd never find out"
On me asking what's so great about OW " she's fun" yeah right, crazy BPD more like!
On me saying she seems controlling " oh it's just better if we do things her way"
-
My version of ILYBNILWY:
-Me: Babe, what's going on; don't you love me anymore?
-Her: Honestly, I am just not feeling it!
-Me: WTF do you mean not "feeling it"?!?! :o
-Her: I have love for you; I just don't have those loving feelings I should have!
Other random sh!t from BD to now:
-I felt like this for years...since the beginning! (at BD.....all 21 years of marriage?!?!?! :o)
-I felt like this since D10 was born (about 2 months after BD. WTF...which is it?!?!?! ???)
-I felt trapped!
-I am so confused! (yeah....so am I! ???)
-I want to have those feelings for you, but I don't and don't know why! (has made this statement several times and still confirms this as a desire).
-Don't you want someone to reciprocate your love and affection? (Yeah...YOU! :o)
-We got married too young! (I was 23, she was 20...and we dated for over a year)
-We were never in love! (WTF was this then for 22 F**kin Years?!?! :o)
-You're a great guy and a great father; D10 loves you and she needs you! (Yeah....and you? ???)
-You are more like a brother or cousin to me! :o
-I recognize you as my Husband, close friend, and confidant, but not my lover! :o
-I am not leaving (after I told her I didn't want her to leave, but it was her choice and I wouldn't stop her)
-I almost left you!
-I almost told you to leave!
-Sometimes I feel like I need some space!
-I feel guilty about all this; but I can't help it! (I have gotten this one more than once!)
-It's not fair to you; but I can't help it! (same with this one)
-I feel better; but now your sad and I feel guilty about it. (After she finally expressed her feelings on how she actually felt)
-What's wrong babe? I'm not just asking because I feel guilty! (She would say this early after BD when I was still wearing my emotions)
-Sometimes I want you to let me go; but other/most of time I want you to hold on to me.
After discovery of EA:
-I can't believe I let my self get emotionally attached to another man; but I needed it!
-I know what I did was wrong and inappropriate; but I needed it!
-I am so sorry I did this baby; but I needed it!
(I'm not kidding; she actually made all three of those statements with the same "but I needed it" ending!)
-I feel lost again! (since she no longer has her "chat" buddy to lean on)
-Why do you (still) love me? (she felt I shouldn't because of her EA!)
-Her: I was trying, but I just couldn't feel that bond and connection to you.
-Me: No sh!t; that's because you let yourself get attached emotionally to someone else. (<---truth dart)
On having sex:
-You're the only one I want to have sex with, but, I only want the sex; no emotions attached! (WTF...married one-nighters?!?!?!?! ???)
-I said I don't want to have sex anymore! (really? this was less than a week after the above statement; she had hopped into bed naked, snuggling. This is her normal method of initiating so I went to reciprocate!)
-24 hours later she comes to bed again, same as above, then gets upset when I am hesitant to respond to her advances (WTF?!?!?!?!?!?! :o)
-
Oh yeah...I got the "It's not fair to you" line too. Of course, it's not fair to me you moron! You didn't give me the choice!!
I swear... I think I need to go all ninja on his a$$.
CT 8)
-
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
Oh yeah...I got the "It's not fair to you" line too. Of course, it's not fair to me you moron! You didn't give me the choice!!
I swear... I think I need to go all ninja on his a$$.
And that's the bad part. They say some sh!t like that, multiple times, then they must actually realize it. So instead of calmly validating, you would rather throw it straight back in their face "then why are you doing it?!"
Oh wait...that's right....*sniffle*...."I can't help it!"
-OneByOne-
-
Love this thread ;D ;D
The obvious ILYBNILWY
You're like my sister
You are so controlling and nagging - how on earth could any man put up with that?
I am not coming back you know. Repeated daily for two weeks. Nice huh?
You never listened.
You hate me racing, you hate my work; all I want to do is have some time to myself - so says the man who worked a 70-80 hour week and then every other weekend!!
His nicer phase... LOL!!
you're too good for me
I'm letting you go.
Find someone who can be better for you than me.
I pushed you away for your own good.
I want to see what life is like with other people. I have to give myself that chance.
I could go on, but I am boring even myself ::)
-
I could go on, but I am boring even myself
CB ;D ;D for a second I thought he said that too ;D ;D ;D AS IF!! ::)
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I could go on, but I am boring even myself
CB ;D ;D for a second I thought he said that too ;D ;D ;D AS IF!! ::)
;D ;D ;D
PMSL, SD!! I know he thinks he's God's gift to the needy, but we have to draw a line somewhere !!!!
xxx
-
Just thought I'd share this .......
I happened to comment on how wrong it was that some retailers were making profit out of selling poppies and remembrance badges rather than passing it onto the charity. H nodded and said ,"some people have no scruples do they?"
I smiled sweetly, looked him in the eyes and replied,"no some people don't."
Don't think he got it! Ho hum!
-
They never see it in thier own behavior; this has blown my mind more than once! :o :o ::)
-
Songanddance,
My H often criticises others' bad behaviour but never recognises it in himself even though it can be exactly as he is behaving :0/.
X
-
My experience exactly! I can't tell you how many times I heard him tell me about how he had to comfort some poor soul whose R had gone west or whose other half had done some terrible and totally heartless thing...like abandon his family (of course it's almost always women who come to him for comfort) :o ::)
-
Now I look back, I've been getting the "I don't know" for a long time. Drives me insane :o. I used to say before hand, this requires a yes or no answer, ask the question and still get the I don't know answer.
I was getting this a lot before I just stopped asking questions. Or, I would get the 1000 yard stare into space and no answer at all! Most frustrating sh!t ever! I too think she is really confused about everything and even verbalizes she is "confused".
-OneByOne-
-
Fidelle and OneByOne,
I can SO relate to what you both said!
Sheer SCRIPT! Oh whatever happened to these normal/nice people we married?!?
I get so tired of it all and just want closure!
X
-
Early on, after BD, but before he filed for divorce:
me: please don't do this, the kids are so young, they need you.
him: I am not leaving them. I am leaving you!
then did not call them (they had their own phone) for over 3 weeks and did not see them for over 3 months.
"I have been unhappy for 2 years"
"I have been unhappy for 10 years"
"I have never loved you"
"I have always loved you"
"I have found my soul mate and am finally happy. I deserve to be happy"
"I want the fairy tale kind of love. I know it's not real, but I have it with her"
"you deserve to find a man that will love you"
"you never wanted to be a mom" - actually, we worked to overcome infertility for 3 years (and 6 miscarriages) because I desperately wanted to be a mom.
"I know I am making a huge mistake and will die a lonely man because of this"
"you don't feed the kids" - actually I LOVE to cook and make extravagant meals almost every day and have for 20 years!
"Wow! You are such a good driver now. No more road rage" - What? My driving habits have not changed.
"I am not fit for anyone...I still want to $@%#@ you even though I am with her"
"You are turning the kids against me"
"She will be a wonderful mother to our kids"
"No one wants to replace you as their mother. You are a wonderful mother."
"You are not a good mom. You do not do anything for the kids unless they are bleeding."
"She (OW) is a psycho with a violent vendetta against my past"
"She is the kindest most compassionate person I have ever known"
"You are the most compassionate person I've ever known"
"None of this is your fault"
"This is all your fault"
"You knew I did not love you when we got married"
"I lied to you all along. Always lived a double life and did not mean my vows when I said them"
"You know I have always loved you"
I don't know whether to laugh or cry...three years of listening to crazy MLC comments.
-
Melissa2013,
I think I've mostly heard all of those as well :0/
It really sucks doesn't it - the rubbish that comes out of their mouths when previously they had actually been normal human beings.
Like you, I'm tired and jaded at the moment. It has gone on way too long.
Hugs
X
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"I want the fairy tale kind of love. I know it's not real, but I have it with her"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"She is the kindest most compassionate person I have ever known"
"You are the most compassionate person I've ever known"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"None of this is your fault"
"This is all your fault"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
[quote"I have been unhappy for 2 years"
"I have been unhappy for 10 years"
"I have never loved you"
"I have always loved you"
"I have found my soul mate and am finally happy. I deserve to be happy"
"I want the fairy tale kind of love. I know it's not real, but I have it with her"
"you deserve to find a man that will love you"
"you never wanted to be a mom" - actually, we worked to overcome infertility for 3 years (and 6 miscarriages) because I desperately wanted to be a mom.
"I know I am making a huge mistake and will die a lonely man because of this"
"you don't feed the kids" - actually I LOVE to cook and make extravagant meals almost every day and have for 20 years!
"Wow! You are such a good driver now. No more road rage" - What? My driving habits have not changed.
"I am not fit for anyone...I still want to $@%#@ you even though I am with her"
"You are turning the kids against me"
"She will be a wonderful mother to our kids"
"No one wants to replace you as their mother. You are a wonderful mother."
"You are not a good mom. You do not do anything for the kids unless they are bleeding."
"She (OW) is a psycho with a violent vendetta against my past"
"She is the kindest most compassionate person I have ever known"
"You are the most compassionate person I've ever known"
"None of this is your fault"
"This is all your fault"
"You knew I did not love you when we got married"
"I lied to you all along. Always lived a double life and did not mean my vows when I said them"
"You know I have always loved you"
][/quote]
You have to say this in a Schmoopie voice ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
I got these
"I still love you but not enough"
"I will probably always love you"
"You're not very personable"
"You are fine when we are alone but not around other people"
"You will find someone who loves you like you should be loved and when you do I will be sad"
And of course the "I don't know, I don't know" and the blank stare is classic.
Oh and the dog thing is strange. He would pick up the dog every couple of weeks the first 9 months after BD and now the last time he took him was in April. The dog was his pride and joy. I asked him recently why he wasn't taken the dog he said it was because I wanted to know when he as going to return him and I was concerned who he was going to be around meaning the OW. Really since when does he care what I think.
-
"You will find someone who loves you like you should be loved and when you do I will be sad"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
HIGA - Hi, welcome. You have come to a great place. Lots of good people and advice, as well as tons of information to help you along on your journey. Sorry you are here, but glad too.
I laugh so hard at the script ;D, I just find it to be so comical. I know it isn't funny at the time, but I love to read the thread as it makes me laugh.
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Loved this.
Here is my list of script:
Our vows meant more to you, I was not paying attention.
I want to be free, don't want to be responsible for you anymore.
I love you as the mother of my children.
I should have divorced you 15 years ago ( have a wonderful care from him 2 months before BD saying the opposite)
You should not have snooped... If you go looking you will find something.
Relationship ship with OW is intense....
I will always take care of you and the boys.
You only want me for my money( unemployed for a year.)
Ilybinilwy
I will always love you but I can't return to that life.
I am leaving because I do not like how you dish up my food.
I am leaving because you are violent...???
I am leaving because you don't like my friends
My friends all want/have trophy wives.
Did you know that you need to add sugar to tomato when you cook( he never cooked In 25 years)
My friends will talk about you behind your back.
You never appreciated me/loved me.
We can't go for a walk, you are too fat... ( seriously I'm not)
I looked in your cupboard and it was untidy so I'm leaving ( seriously!)
It's not my fault you can't survive without your parents help, ( 6 months and no financial help from him.
Lets sell your car ( no payments due) and you can have my car( huge repayments)
My car has been repossessed because I couldn't pay for it. ( thanks Buddy, I would have been in the bush)
-
Now I look back, I've been getting the "I don't know" for a long time. Drives me insane :o. I used to say before hand, this requires a yes or no answer, ask the question and still get the I don't know answer.
I was getting this a lot before I just stopped asking questions. Or, I would get the 1000 yard stare into space and no answer at all! Most frustrating sh!t ever! I too think she is really confused about everything and even verbalizes she is "confused".
-OneByOne-
In the beginning, I too got only "I don't know" or "I think so"
Now, 6 mo after BD I get the 1000 yard stare followed by minutes of silence and not looking me in the eye...standing up with his back to me staring out the window until I push for any kind of response.
Drives me nuts!
SSG
-
Oh dear, where is the checklist?
I am afraid that sarcasm seems to be something I have to work on, but then maybe not cos it makes me laugh. My dad said once that sarcasm was the lowest form of wit, yet also the most effective. When my h did the staring and silence after a question I would say, h "would it be better if I just kept to the quantum physics questions and then you could maybe answer before it got dark"
He would have that face you do when someone asks you a really hard math sum and you are working it out in your head.
Got to say that most of the listed quotes here always come when they are " in love" elsewhere when they are all certain of not being alone and don't care how you receive these quotes. No decent person would break up like this if you had any respect. You would want to do it gently. Might have been more teenage to have sent a text saying " your chucked I've got a new bird".
Don't ya just love em.
Sd
X
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Here is what h has said to me in past 3 months:
1. He wants his freedom and doesn't believe in marriage (and never getting married again)
2. I am too controlling - generally and as it relates to him taking care of te kids
3. He needs financial freedom (hence the opening up of new credit cards)
4. He is emotionally detached from me
5. He only wants to be a co-parent with me
6. He has been unhappy for 2 (or 7 - he changes his mind on that) years
7. I tore up an old letter he wrote me in 2006
8. He held back in his career so I could work more
9. He never wants to be physical with me again (one day he might be able to hug me he says)
10. He will only leave if he can have house as comfortable as ours
11. I got him out of his last depression (1998)
12. He wants me to be happy
13. He is not angry and does not blame me for anything but then rattles off a long list of bad things I have done over the years and continues to say this is all my fault
14. Wants to go on spring break as a family next year
15. He doesn't want to hurt me by telling me these things
16. The spark is gone
17. Tells my close friend that I will be able to find someone else and he realizes it will be harder for him because he is balding and gray haired
18. Asks me why I haven't taken off my "silly" wedding bands (he took his band off a few months ago)
19. Says I am self destructing because the stress of all of this has caused me to lose 15 lbs in only a few months
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My W said she has never been happy in our marriage of 20 years. She said I was a poor provider, controlling, abusive and that she had zero respect for me. I asked why for 20 years did you say you loved me, were grateful that I worked so hard and was a good provider, that you were so blessed to have me as your husband, that I brought the best out in you? Why did you say the opposite of what you are saying for 20 years? My W said it was because she was worried that if she told me the truth I would not make it. I needed her to support me and encourage me or else I would go off the deep end. She did it in hopes that I would believe it and would make something of myself. It did not work so I am leaving you. :o :o.
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I never said I didn't love you!
You need to go find a good Christian man, that's not me
I feel more like myself then I have in years
I tried to tell you, but you never listen
I have never doubted your love
Do you really love me or just my provider ship!
You clean too much
We have nothing in common
You don't like my fat a$$ sitting in chair watching tv
You don't like football
I didn't leave you for another woman ( yet the confrontation was bomb drop)
You don't respect me
You never wear anything for me to bed
My favorite as he is walking out the door.. Yeah it's all me, me, me!
Even the dog tiptoes around me! Yeah bc your crazy!
Maybe I will die old lonely man in nursing home!... Ya think?
She doesn't bit$!
I'll never get married again.
You were never happy.
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The same old, same old is so interesting isn't it!
I got:
You keep the house too tidy (He just needed to look around to know that wasn't true!)
This is not about you it's about me
You're a good person
I don't know what the future holds and it scares me
I don't think you're happy either
I want to assure you I have stayed inside this marriage (lovely romantic way to declare and faithfulness and a lie anyway!)
It's difficult to do....(anything that involves responsibility)
Things are only going to get more complicated
And lots of others but its making me sad to remember them so I will stop. Their complaints are all just so ridiculous, there is no substance to them. however, there is a little insight into their pain and that I do find useful.
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My W said she has never been happy in our marriage of 20 years. She said I was a poor provider, controlling, abusive and that she had zero respect for me. I asked why for 20 years did you say you loved me, were grateful that I worked so hard and was a good provider, that you were so blessed to have me as your husband, that I brought the best out in you? Why did you say the opposite of what you are saying for 20 years? My W said it was because she was worried that if she told me the truth I would not make it. I needed her to support me and encourage me or else I would go off the deep end. She did it in hopes that I would believe it and would make something of myself. It did not work so I am leaving you. :o :o.
I reckon so, this is familiar script. My h gave me a card just after our wedding in 2007 saying "being with you makes me a better person" he also said it in his wedding speech. When I found out about ow the script was spewed out in one long diatribe, I held him back, he's half the man he could have been, it's a crime to the universe to be this unhappy ... He went on and on and then intermittently until October 2012 when I stopped talking to him about anything related to us and our R. The advice we get here is spot on, NO relationship talk and BELIEVE NONE OF WHAT THEY SAY! We all hear the same thing, none of it is true.
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This thread is awesome...I can't believe I didn't see it before now! ;D ;D ;D I will have to go back and read through it in its entirety, but for now, I'll share probably my very favorite WTF statement from my H.
This was about a month or so after BD, and he wanted to sit down and discuss "us." He got himself nice and drunk first, because as we all know, it's always a good idea to get inebriated before having a serious discussion. :P So, in the course of discussing OW situation, he said, "I know that we love each other, and we work really well together. But OW and I connected too. I'm afraid that if I come back, that I might regret not giving her a chance; that I might have thrown away something great." :o What I wanted to say in return was, "Wow, H - maybe you're right! Maybe I should leave S with you for a while, so that I can fly off to the UK and meet up with Jarvis Cocker again. Because, you know, that 30 minutes we spent talking to each other...man, there was a real connection there! Maybe I'm missing out on something great!" What I actually said was...nothing. Because, honestly, how do you even respond to something that ridiculous? ;D
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Can anyone explain this one.....
H- I can't stand it when people don't like me, but if you resent me then I am fine with that because to resent me you have at least taken me into account and I am happy with that" what???????
Me- what planet are you on? Pretty much that means I do not like you at all!
H- like I said I can live with you resenting me.
How can you even twist that logic
Sd
X
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It probably has nothing to do with you and more to do with his mother and childhood.
Since I know nothing about that maybe you do, although I am sure you did not cause it or have anything to do with his mother and his childhood?
Correct?
Can anyone explain this one.....
H- I can't stand it when people don't like me, but if you resent me then I am fine with that because to resent me you have at least taken me into account and I am happy with that" what???????
Me- what planet are you on? Pretty much that means I do not like you at all!
H- like I said I can live with you resenting me.
How can you even twist that logic
Sd
X
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Hi OP,
Yes he had mummy issues for sure. Do you mean that him saying to be resented means you have attachment to the feelings associated with resentment is better than having none at all for him?
Indifference towards him really gets to him.
Sd
X
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I understand MLCer language now. lol
What's that course? Learn Spanish in 1 month.
Learn MLCer in 33 months.
Superdog's H:
"H- I can't stand it when people don't like me, but if you resent me then I am fine with that because to resent me you have at least taken me into account and I am happy with that" what???????"
Sounds like he meant .. ::) ::) ::)...you know when you first meet someone and get a first impression ??? Then a little while later someone asks you "What do you think of that person?" You might say "Oh I don't like them." ::) :-\
BUT you'd have to get close to someone and have an R with them in order to actually RESENT them. ::)
Translation : I don't want to be judged on my surface. Get to know me first, then resent me.....lol
I stumbled upon this while searching for the resentment thing...lol
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-difference-between-compassion-and-codependence.htm#didyouknowout
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Actually this was the part of the article that caught my eye.
This to me is mirror work.
"A person who takes care of his or her own needs and well-being can feel empathy for others without sacrificing personal boundaries. He might possess the ability to help someone, without expecting anything in return, because the compassionate person typically respects the personal boundaries of others, allowing them to make their own mistakes and develop coping skills. Compassion is considered a valued virtue in various religions as a human endeavor to end suffering.
Some psychologists believe the way people develop compassion and codependence traits hinges on whether they promote their own growth. Those who take personal responsibility for their own happiness are generally able to feel empathy for others in a healthy way. People with codependent personalities might lack compassion for themselves, making them unable to give true compassion to others.
Signs of codependency include a desire to make others happy and keep peace, no matter the cost. A codependent person might believe others owe him and resent them while trying to fix their shortcomings. He generally wants others to like him and will do whatever is necessary to gain approval, even if it means neglecting himself."
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Just another guess but why do children misbehave in school?
To get attention.
So maybe this is his way to get attention from his mommy.
Hi OP,
Yes he had mummy issues for sure. Do you mean that him saying to be resented means you have attachment to the feelings associated with resentment is better than having none at all for him?
Indifference towards him really gets to him.
Sd
X
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Good point OP.
My friends at work whose kids act out badly are good in school and BAD around Mommy. :o ANY attention is better than none. :P
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Thanks mama bear,
I thought I had taken that course too, but clearly I didn't make the grade. I got fed up and did something more interesting. ;-)
That's interesting how you translate that because that's been the whole point, he never lets anyone get to know him ( other than me by default) so he obviously fears that true self will totally put people off. Fear of rejection. Which if this is the real him, then he is absolutely correct ! Seriously though, he fears judgment because he judges himself as he doesn't like who he truly is. But then I resent alien h not the one from before. You are spot on. So I will see this as a compliment as in I got to know him before deciding he was an ass. Yey for me.
And yes, codependency is his middle name, hence the clinger. Oh dear for him. Those paragraphs pretty much sum it up. He told me two days Ago he hates the word empathy, probably as this says he doesn't feel it or know what it means and therefore will not recognise it in others.
I have the mother of all statements which back up the you owe me.
" I saved your life after the kids were born, you damn well owe me". And there is me thinking saving someone's life was a selfless act. Not in mlc land. Lol
Yip MLC, not script as such, but still script.
Thanks
Sd
X
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SD
I like the concept of The MLCer doesn't want to be alone. ::)
That in itself is crazy.
Think about it. I do know people like that. They have to have other people around. Why? Probably because the conversations that they have inside their own heads are NOT GOOD!
Why? That's the thing. How can someone not like themselves? ???
GO....FIX!
:-*
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Just today i got these
"I love you i always will"
"I don t know "
It took me 8 years and two kids to realize we cannot be in a relasonship"
"Ow and i are not serious it s not like i wanna get married or something"
"I wanna end up alone"
" i d rather be gay right now" huh????????
" I don't wanna die young, I wanna enjoy myself"
And when i told him that i do not want to c him anymore he started crying silently.
He also wants to talk??????
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Thank you everyone - it has been SUCH a tonic reading these posts!
My WAP (62): 3 weeks ago at BD (by email):
- It is what it is
- I want 2014 to be a year of rejuvenation and new beginnings - so that means that doors must close....
- I am depressed and it is because of you and our relationship
- Whenever I am any where near you it is exacerbated (the depression)
- For my own peace of mind I have to end this relationship.
- You are a good woman - you deserve to meet someone who can give you what I am unable to
- We are very different people. It is neither one of our faults. We are just not compatible.
- I need space and time to think
- I only want you to contact me via email as I cannot cope with verbal and emotional pressure
- I cant go on pretending to be positive and cheerful when I dont feel that way
- My feelings have changed. I have tried to get them back but nothing has made any difference and I dont see that changing in the future.
- There is NO hope for reconciliation
AND MY FAVOURITE 2 days later to my mother (after BD)- "I am shocked that LBS hasnt responded to my email. She is showing no sadness, no regret, no remorse, no understanding - NOTHING. How odd!
Sheesh.......
Please someone confirm this is "silver haired MLC" otherwise I am going crazy!
Bx
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Following the script beautifully B88, I was nodding along remembering my H saying almost all of those things to me /about me and he is smack bang right in the age bracket, turning 50 a year after BD. I know the age thing probably makes you doubt but the same devil is whispering in his ear. Trust the process.
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Bells, a friend of mine is going through it with her H who is 70! He's read exactly the same script as the younger ones :(
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2 days later to my mother (after BD)- "I am shocked that LBS hasnt responded to my email. She is showing no sadness, no regret, no remorse, no understanding - NOTHING. How odd!
Isn't it amazing how cruel they are to the LBS and then they play the victim to their families?
Totally script
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Bells, a friend of mine is going through it with her H who is 70! He's read exactly the same script as the younger ones :(
Wow, and I thought my H at 63 was on the edge of the MLC years... I think at 70 I would let him go.
SSG
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This is the first time I've seen this list and boy it's like a tape recording. Somebody needs to compile everything and get rid of the dups because this is really interesting stuff.
So here is some of the stuff that I haven't completely blocked from my brain ...
you need to lose 40 pounds, go to the gym everyday, and be athletic (I'm a librarian and I'm 153lbs)
you need to wear thongs everyday
you need to get rid of all the hair on your body
I'm not going to tell you what I want a sexual relationship. You should just know that.
I'm not going to tell you what I need because then you would feel obligated to do it and it would feel like I'm raping you.
I want to go out and drink all night, and its fine girls to screw around with non stop
you have the sexual development of a 14 year old
I'll post more when I remembered more. This is just getting me depressed.
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Ahhhh....there's some good stuff here. :o ::) ???
Here are some of mine...in no particular order...and no, you can't make this $hit up!
He asked what I was going to do one Sat. night so I said I was going out on the town. His reply: "Are you gonna go get laid??" Ummm...NO. I was actually going shopping for my son's bday gift.
"You're such a clean freak!" This was said while standing in my kitchen that looked like a tornado had hit it. I couldn't help but reply with "Does this kitchen look like that of a clean freak? Your mom is a clean freak, NOT me!"
These two wouldn't be so surprising on their own, but were both said within the same week...I kid you not!
"You act like you're my mom."
"Your blowjobs are FREAKIN AWESOME!"
Ya, I was confused too. :o :o :o
"You have too many rules." To which I replied, "Like what?" His answer: "Nobody can walk across the kitchen floor with their shoes on without you freaking out. You think we gotta take them off at the door, but I don't want to unlace my boots to come in and take a look at the tv and then go back out again." Ummmm...ok, once again this is his mom, not me, but I was so stunned that all I could think to reply was "So what other rules were bad?" His reply: "I don't know. That's the one that bothered me the most." WOW...ok. :o
Back at BD, before I knew about MLC, when I found out about the OW, they had been texting each other a couple weeks and had been together once, according to his FB messages, which is how I found out. UGH! Anyway, I had told him I would forgive him and forget about her if he'd just come home and be with me. His reply: "It's more complicated than that. There are a lot of people involved here so I can't just leave her. We work together and she's always right there so I would see her every day anyway." Ummmm...so there weren't a lot of people involved at this end??? My family...his HUGE family who loves me like one of their own. He still hasn't told his family.
Day after Christmas: "I have to work on me and OW."
Day after New Year's: "Good morning, my HUMMER QUEEN." Meaning he's buttering me up for a blow job when he comes home for a wknd with me. Gotta love a man who thinks with his head! ::) ::) ::)
On his new smoking habit: "Life is too short to not enjoy myself. Everybody else at W & A's parties all smoke so it's just easier to smoke with them." UGH! He's constantly coughing and hacking and wonders if he's catching a cold. HELLO...perhaps it's the new cigarette habit??
"You think you have to cook all fancy and healthy all the time. Sometimes, I just want to fry a pack of bologne so now I can do that if I want." Really?? I do cook healthy, but fancy it is not! I can't stand bologne so I never buy it...apparently that was also a deal breaker. :o :o
"You always think you gotta bake homemade bread. Why can't you just buy cheap 88 cent Walmart white bread like normal people do?" Ummmm...again, his mother buys cheap Walmart bread...and who the heck complains about getting fresh homemade bread? I grew up with homemade bread...Walmart bread is so far from my shopping list it's not even funny. This is also a man who despises shopping at Walmart. ::)
"We (OW) have so much in common. She likes to eat the same thing when we go out to breakfast." Mind you, I like a cinnamon roll because I have a daughter with a cinnamon allergy so I can't make them at home anymore. He orders the plate with 3 of everything. That would be WAY too much food for me.
"I told her I got ADD and she said that's ok." BwAHaHA...like that's all there is to it! She hasn't got a clue!
And one of my favorites..."She's like a female version of me." OMG...REALLY? Like that will be a lasting relationship. ::)
"You can't fix stupid." No, you sure can't.
I know I have a few more, but can't think of them at the moment. I do have to say that his mom is more of a trend with what he says than what I had ever thought about before. Wish I could say something about that. Mostly I just don't say anything. Just like you can't reason with a 2 yr old....you can't reason with a MLCer.
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I'm new but I had to join this conversation.
1) I never loved you.
2) The problem is that I always loved you more than me.
3) you were never committed (married 11 years and 3 kids )
4) we've only been out on Valentine's Day once in 12 years. (Hello ! Maybe he should have told me he wanted to go!)
5) my life changed when our oldest son was born (said to woman who had emergency c-section and was primary breadwinner )
6) you never supported me
7) I hate the way you eat tacos
8) you planned to go here because you knew traffic would be bad (I had no idea I controlled traffic in a major metro)
9) we were done 5 years ago, 11 years ago, it 2 weeks ago when I used a certain voice. Just depends on the week.
10) the nail in the coffin according to h is when I got upset after he didn't answer the phone when I had a car accident with my 3 kids. I doubted him.
11) he wonders if he will ever find anyone who truly loves him
12) told kids he isn't going anywhere as he moved out
13) didn't want to end up like my dad. Huh? My dad passed away 8 months ago after minor surgery and was married to my mom for 50 years.
14) says he had to move out to find true happiness (suffers from clinical depression and severe anxiety)
15) when I would journal ( I've written since I was in middle school) he knew I was writing about him and what a horrible person he was.
I could keep going..... Some of these made me laugh hysterically
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7) I hate the way you eat tacos
OK I'm sorry but I'm dying at this one! I thought the fact that I didn't dry my back off was crazy but this is wild!!!!
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Well when we went to the lawyers office The lawyer said to him you need grounds to get a divorce ..the ex was like :o :o ??? and silence
I sat here and helped him think them up...they were all grounds I would have divorced him over and he used them. ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Oops. How could I forget my favorite?
H said he had no idea how I could function being so logical. What ????? Yes, irrationality is where it's at:)
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Oh wow, I got those ones too.....
She is a female version of me. ( I too thought okay see how long it take you to hate her too then, 2 victims together, what a lovely happy couple )
We have so much in common. ( I said yeah you are both a couple of lying cheating selfish rats, you can sit there and tell each other lies all night, then spend the day looking over your shoulder).
The kids stopped me doing anything I wanted to. Your life hasn't changed. Em what!!! I had two at once Nd nearly died After having them, lost my driver licence and I could only work part time. Geez I am glad my life never changed one bit.
Bafoons the lot of them,
Sd
X
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After seeing my MLC reading material, J said to me,
"Are you having a MLC or something?" (smiling and looking hopeful)
Me: "Ah, no why?"
"D*mn, I thought maybe we were getting a sports car!" (Jams car ad in drawer)
"Well? Are you worried I may have a MLC in the future?"
"Ummmm, no I think you already covered that."
"Oh. Ok. Yeah, I guess so.
"About 9 years worth don't you think?"
Looking at the floor, "Yes."
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OW is always a female version of them....throw in some Mommy traits too!! Later on you will hear that ow is too much like them..."and not in the good ways"
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OW is always a female version of them....throw in some Mommy traits too!! Later on you will hear that ow is too much like them..."and not in the good ways"
My thinking at the time is that I wouldn't want a male version of me so why the heck would he want a female version of him? It was then that I realized there had to be something bigger going on.
I can't wait until he tells me she's too much like him. He already complains about her 3yr old getting up at 6:30am. ::) I pretended like I didn't hear that comment as I was secretly chuckling to myself...GOOOO 3yr old...show him what you got! He says he hates kids so obviously it's a match made in heaven. ;D ;D ;D
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EXOW was EXACTLY like him- his dark side. If he'd picked her (like he told me he took a wrong turn with me 32 years ago)-he'd be in prison right now.
I am somewhat like him but I stayed in the LIGHT it's been MY influence that kept him on the straight and narrow as much as possible-he says it was the kids.
He believes in NOTHING bigger than him.
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hey all you LBSs out there...
i posted the ridiculous things my MLCer said on a thread way back--i'll have to go and find it so i can laugh.
i am CRYING i am laughing so hard--CT2014--HATE the way you eat tacos. i am really having trouble breathing I...i always like to read this thread from time to time, just because i know it will make me laugh. and really, laughter IS the best medicine...
onlyjo
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I've been reading these script threads all day and they have been so eye opening and entertaining. I am new and haven't posted my story yet but wanted to share a couple of gems I've heard over the last few months:
When I busted him on having and affair and questioned him what happened - "It was only oral and it only happened 3 times." The A equivalent of "officer, I've only had two beers"
Upon leaving to "stay at his mom's" for the third time in a month earlier this week - "We have no spark. There is no intimacy, no connection" Then 5 minutes later "We spend too much time together. I can never do anything by myself."
Other contradictions over the months - "You want too much, you are too materialistic, always trying to keep up with the Joneses." "You have no ambition in life and I don't think you can handle how ambitious I am. I want a nicer house, more money and you don't" "Me leaving is really going to alter your lifestyle, not mine. I'll be happy in a little house with just my Harley." Hmm, we live in a big house that he picked out. And when he quit his good job a couple years back to start a restaurant, my a$$ worked two jobs because he wasn't making any money. I spent the first several years of our marriage getting a masters degree to make our lives better. No ambition...
Told me the other day "I'm not sure if there ever was chemistry with us. It was exciting at first because we had some career success and we surpassed all our friends with the stuff we got. Then they started catching up to us and it got boring." And I'm the materialistic one...
"I want to live, not just exist." Don't we all! (I think I saw this one word for word on someone else's post)
My H doesn't talk about the OW because he maintains it is over and leaving "isn't about her, it's about all these problems we have." What problems? "I don't know." If he was comparing her nasty porn star a$$ to me, I would throw up, so I guess mark one in the win column for me.
The first time we spent about 12 days apart and he was "at his mom's", he came back and said "I missed you but it was liberating!" What did you do while gone that was so liberating? "I can't remember." Liberating most likely because he had to lie to one less person for two weeks.
"We go to Panda Express too much for dinner"
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Mine said "You NEVER initiated sex." So not true but...
I replied "In the 28 years that we have been together have I EVER turned you down?"
He screamed in my face...NO, but you never initiated it!!"
Then I got "You never really loved me."
I replied "Why on earth would I have stayed with you all these years if I didn't love you?"
Again he screamed "I have no idea!"
"You'll find someone else within 3 weeks. You don't do well on your own."
It has been 3 years and 3 months now and I'm still on my own and doing pretty good. : )
When I think back on all the ridiculous things he said in the beginning I really have to laugh. He was trying so hard to come up with an excuse for wanting out. No wonder it makes us crazy.
I would occasionally ask him why again was he filing for divorce and his reason was different every time. Like he forgot the last reason so he had to come up with different one.
Wish I had wrote them all down. ;D
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I also have a few gems....
I didn't take care of your love like I should have
I know when ow's gone (she supposedly has a terminal kidney disease, that she was going to die from) that was four years ago, and your with someone who appreciates you I will be alone and I will take what I deserve.. Really, he wanted me to pray for her illness. Well a miracle must have occured because H just came back from her country, guess it was thier second honeymoon...
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OW is always a female version of them....throw in some Mommy traits too!! Later on you will hear that ow is too much like them..."and not in the good ways"
Funny...in H and OW secret FB messages they kept remarking how they were both so much alike, in so many ways...her words: A match made in heaven, written in the stars :P
SSG
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I have a few more to add..
The usual. I was planning on leaving you 6 months ago, 2 weeks ago, 5 years ago 11 years ago. Wtf? I should have gotten him roller blades.
I'm leaving to become a better dad. If he wasn't currently such a pathetic excuse for a father this would be side splittingly funny. Actually, he was leaving to get laid.
You've never supported me (he worked about 4 years out of our 11 yr m). I was breadwinner.
I never got over the fact that you didn't take the baby one afternoon when you got home from work 10 yrs earlier. Followed by "you need to get over your dad's death ( 6 months prior)
I thought we were going to be together for ever. Well we could have until you decided to leave.
I do everything. (Turned on the washer one time in 6 years.)
You are preventing me from joy and happiness said the man with clinical depression who also said he hadn't had a happy day in his life. The kids will love to hear that:)
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Oops. I forgot another. " I hate that you try to save money."
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I thouht you might like this ....well,...you know what I mean.....
Friend of mine. Starting mlc. Female age 45. Married 20 yrs. Speajs openely about it with a h aware if it too:
"I want to go to France, I want that other man in France, I could lose everything but I have to do it, I want excitement, be a free spirit, I am going to leave my h, yeah eff it, I am. I don't want to lose him as a friend though. My mum says he would take me back if I did, because I know it will lead nowhere, it'll go Pete Tongue (she laughs). Oh well, I just have to do it"
Couldn't believe my ears!!!!!!
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I thouht you might like this ....well,...you know what I mean.....
Friend of mine. Starting mlc. Female age 45. Married 20 yrs. Speajs openely about it with a h aware if it too:
"I want to go to France, I want that other man in France, I could lose everything but I have to do it, I want excitement, be a free spirit, I am going to leave my h, yeah eff it, I am. I don't want to lose him as a friend though. My mum says he would take me back if I did, because I know it will lead nowhere, it'll go Pete Tongue (she laughs). Oh well, I just have to do it"
Couldn't believe my ears!!!!!!
That is how exactly they think, bat$h!te crazy.
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I already knew this, but to hear it from her as well?!!!!
She is my friend though and I love her to bits, I won't judge her for it, it is none of my business.
I posted this for newer members really, as an illustration.
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We have so much in common. ( I said yeah you are both a couple of lying cheating selfish rats, you can sit there and tell each other lies all night, then spend the day looking over your shoulder).
X
Did you really say that? I am rolling on the floor in laughter. Most people never confront MLCers with the truth.
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We have so much in common. ( I said yeah you are both a couple of lying cheating selfish rats, you can sit there and tell each other lies all night, then spend the day looking over your shoulder).
X
Did you really say that? I am rolling on the floor in laughter. Most people never confront MLCers with the truth.
I did. The day of BD, said he thinks he is having a MLC. I looked at him and said you are too old for a MLC. This is what I see: You have a free house to run off to, where your problems are gone, and she finally has someone to take care of the dogs and repair her house. H said yea that is about it. I said you are nothing but a laborer and a prostitute then !
The best was, a month before he moved out, he was telling me some story about what he is going to do, which I knew was a lie. I looked at him so...he said that is the truth. I said H, you haven't told me the truth for the past 17 months. H said, "Well, yea..that is true".
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Long journey, yes I did ! I just couldn't believe I was hearing that crap come out his mouth. I darted him like a pin cushion. :-)
I have to say that when it came to the puppy love stuff I never gave him an inch.
Has telling my mlcer what I really think made any difference, not to him, but to me it has. I would have spontaneously combusted if I had held in everything I had to say.
Sd
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Ok, so my W BD me late Oct.2013, she moved back home late Jan.2014 When she came back, she was snooping through my phone and found out I talked with some close friends about us and went out with her cousin to a club who is a guy. She told me to get my OWN friends to go do things with and to leave her friends alone. She asked "who does that" and told me I have no boundaries :o All coming from a W with an OM since BD :o Can't make this stuff up!
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I said H, you haven't told me the truth for the past 17 months. H said, "Well, yea..that is true".
I'm sorry this is just too much!! At least he's telling you the truth that he's lying...
It's what they DO!
They aren't lying when they are sleeping.
I KNOW AH
You simply cannot make this $h!te up....she's trying to find anything she can on you to make you look as bad as she does. .....Not even close....friends with a cousin? WOW
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Superdog, you are a far braver soul than I am. ;D
If there is one thing my MLCer lives in mortal terror of is the truth...he expects everyone to not hurt his feelings by not pointing out when he lies or avoids responsibility for his children.
From what I have been told he has lied to OW extensively...and he continues to do so. Some people have told me a few of the stories he has told her. The autobiography, accomplishments, and history of our relationship is largely fictional. He hasn't told her that he got the money to buy his red car by threatening me. Not to mention where he spends his time and his money these days.
It is not my job to point out to her the truth. I admit that simple human decency would normally require me to tell her. However since she participated in destroying my family I feel that it is not my responsibility. You would think that since he lied to me and cheated on me with her guidance, she would realize he would also be capable of lying to her and cheating on her. ;)
Word is that he is planning on dumping her once he secures another OW with a home and adequate financial assets to support him.
Karma indeed.
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You would think that since he lied to me and cheated on me with her guidance, she would realize he would also lie to her and cheat on her. ;)
Karma indeed.
And I quote from their secret FB messages:
OW: I am afraid you will lie to me like you did to W
H: No, no, that won't happen. It is different with you"
OW: Wish I could believe that, it scares me.
Which brings me to a webpage I found last year...funny as all hell, to those of us with an OW in the picture. It is a mirror image of what I just put from H and OW.
http://www.heartless-b!tc#es.com/rants/manipulator/special.shtml
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I tried to wake the exmil up a while ago I said "HE WAS LYING TO EVERYBODY!!"
Oh not HER son he's perfect!
And he's still doing it.
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Standing strong I really liked your link. It goes to the core of how MLCers paint themselves as the victim to the OW, and the OW willingly chooses to accept outlandish stories.
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OMG, that link took me to the emotional manipulators and there is my h right there!! I am going to post his photo right next to that whole article.
Just for the record he was this way before mlc too.
Boy was I taken for. Ride. Shame on me !!!!
Sd
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At BD from H and multiple times prior to move. Imagine this said at a frantic, sobbing pace over and over. This crazy, animated script below....
I don't want anyone to tell me there is anything wrong with me. I hate it when people try to tell me I have done something wrong or something is wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with me. I don't want someone to tell me my medication isn't working (it can't work a miracle) and I don't want someone to tell me this is a midlife crisis. I'm perfectly fine. I felt this 6 months ago. I felt this a year ago. I felt this 5 years ago. I felt this for the last 12 years. I'm so sick of people trying to tell me there might be something wrong with me. I'm fine.
Picture of stability :D
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It goes to the core of how MLCers paint themselves as the victim to the OW, and the OW willingly chooses to accept outlandish stories.
I found an email from H to ow saying "Why oh why does this keep following me? I can't handle it." and her reply " I'm so, so sorry."
Bleh. Can you say drama?
And after I told him to look up mid life crisis as I thought he was having one (before I came here) he came back with "Well I can see how you would think I'm having one as it all seems to fit, but I'm not having one." I was like ??? ??? If the shoe fits........... ::)
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D If it looks like a duck and acts like a duck?......
Denial is an amazing thing.... ::)
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And after I told him to look up mid life crisis as I thought he was having one (before I came here) he came back with "Well I can see how you would think I'm having one as it all seems to fit, but I'm not having one." I was like ??? ??? If the shoe fits........... ::)
Denial is an amazing thing.... ::)
Yes denial is an amazing thing.........................
I think that they can't admit that anything is wrong because then they would need to fix it. They don't want to fix it yet; they want to run...................
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There's nothing to fix remember?? There's NOTHING WRONG with them.
So let them run..tell them to sell crazy someplace else.. we're all stocked up here.
(Seriously you simply cannot make this $h!te up..)
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There's nothing to fix remember?? There's NOTHING WRONG with them.
Exactly........................I think they try very hard to convince themselves of this until they just can't do it anymore.
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I don't know if this is script, or not but just for a laugh. At BD my H said of the OW, she took the sword of hate from my hand and let me love again. I said well that sword is sticking out of my back. You are all right you just can't make this crap up. LOL
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You mean like when H told me months before BD that he thought he was having a MLC and when I brought it up after BD he said, 'well I'm glad you told me that! Then I won't have to go back to my therapist! You've CURED ME!' I was like :o you just told me a few weeks ago that you were MLC! and he insisted it wasn't and it was ALL ME!
I'm sure almost everyone here has had that conversation! ::)
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And after I told him to look up mid life crisis as I thought he was having one (before I came here) he came back with "Well I can see how you would think I'm having one as it all seems to fit, but I'm not having one." I was like If the shoe fits...........
Slow Fade - I wrote a letter to my H, about a month after BD, telling him he was having a mid-life crisis, thinking he would finally understand what was wrong with him as he had complained of being "confused", "half-crazy" and "depressed". It was when I knew what MLC was on a technical level but, did not yet fully understand the irrational/crazy-a$$ behavior that comes with it. If you add the words "I see you have put alot of thought into this" in front of your quote, this is exactly, word-for-word, what my H said to me too. Where do they get this stuff? I am always facinated by the fact that they say identical things!
-OWL
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Today's Funny...
After h was a no show on Wednesday night (no call, no text) and then was a no show taking the kids to school this am (no call, no text), I texted him to see if he was planning on taking the kids on Sunday. (He spends 11 hours a week with them-4 in the car ;)) This was the response I received.
"Yup. Same time as last week. I'm solid."
Yes, you are. Solidy bat$h!t
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You mean like when H told me months before BD that he thought he was having a MLC and when I brought it up after BD he said, 'well I'm glad you told me that! Then I won't have to go back to my therapist! You've CURED ME!' I was like :o you just told me a few weeks ago that you were MLC! and he insisted it wasn't and it was ALL ME!
I'm sure almost everyone here has had that conversation! ::)
Pretty much. At BD, my H was sighing and saying, "I don't know, maybe this is my MLC". Then when I brought it up a few weeks later, "That has nothing to do with this!".
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"Yup. Same time as last week. I'm solid."
Yes, you are. Solidy bat$h!t
;D ;D ;D ;D ROTFLMAO!!!
You've CURED ME!'
Again!
;D ;D ;D ROTFLMAO
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That made me laugh too - brilliant!
I sent mine MLC for Dummies (before I found this site, ooops!) he just sat there a day or three later shaking his head saying it's not that, I don't think it's that...
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continued at
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4793.msg304278#msg304278