Heard this story of hope today….
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/familylife-today/player/love-renewed-mike-and-pam-calvert-362420.html
Hope it helps some of us out there!
Alwayshope
That post is just what I needed today. I wish there was some way for the H to hear it.
Thank You!
I will keep you posted, I promise :)
Wish me luck, lots of it !!
Stillhoping
Just wanted to share some good news.....---------------------------
After 2 1/2 years of him being gone and after 1 year of me completely detaching from his MLC, he told me last weekend, out of the blue, that he's ready to come back home. :o He wants to come home and he loves me.
Nothing else said, yet. I learned so much about detaching and when he asked me if I'd take him back, I waited a minute or two, looked at him and said "Of course, I want you to come home". He held me in his arms the rest of the time he was here and then he went back to his place. He is coming back when his lease is up in 4 weeks.
I know he will need lots of time to spill more, but I am willing to give him time.
He booked us on a cruise to the Caribbean, the day after Christmas, just the two of us. A room with a balcony :o 8)
I don't even really know what to think, yet. I am so far detached, I think I am scared to let my guard down.
Don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces, I'm just so scared to get hurt again.
Wish me luck, ladies. Here it goes......
Hope
BD April 2011
OW found July 11
Thank you ALL, for the good wishes. I will need them :)----------------------
""Was there any sign from him prior to this that he was changing?""
Last year, October, again, out of the blue, I got a text from him saying "Do you want me to come back? How will it ever work?
I replied "It will work, but you have to be ready for it". We texted for almost 2 hours and in the end he said that "she" was the love of his live, but he was done with her. I didn't believe it. My detaching was starting to work, a little.
He became much calmer, much more understanding and caring. I had never seen that in him, or at least in many years.
In January this year, I saw that he had gone back to visit her, on one of his "business trips". She lives out of state. She is an ex wife from 30 years ago and they were only married 1 year. Their marriage was annulled.
Since then, he has been going back about once a month, so I let it go. Never said a word, I just pretty much stopped caring. I started living my life, trying to build a new life, without him.
This summer, I went home, to Germany to visit my family. I had been saving to go home, but when the time came to book my flight, he insisted to pay for it. Got his computer and booked my flight right then, I guess to make sure I wasn't paying for it, myself. I thought that was strange, but again, I let it go.
Again, when I came home, I expected nothing, that was the end of July. I didn't text, I never called, I only answered a text if he texted first. We started going to breakfast on the weekends, but that was it.
Two weeks ago, he said, out of the blue, that he wanted to talk to me the following weekend. I just said ok. That was the end of that conversation.
I had established my own routine at home. Going to work, going to the gym every day. He didn't cross my mind every single minute, anymore, so I felt good.
That weekend came, we went to breakfast on Saturday, he said nothing. He texted me in the evening to go have a drink,he said nothing. He met me the next morning to go to breakfast, he said nothing. Then he told me he was going to a football game that evening. I just said ok, have fun.
That evening, I send him a text saying " You said you wanted to talk to me, but you never did?" He replied "I'm coming over after the game, tonight" He did, sat on the bed and said "So, I was wondering if you want me to come back?" He said "I don't want us to end up like my brother" (who went through MLC and his wife left him and remarried).
I waited a minute or two and then told him "Yes, I want you to come back" He held me in his arms the rest of the evening and told me he was moving back home when his lease is up in 4 weeks. I told him that it will take some time for both of us to get used to this, again, but that I'd give him all the time he needed. It was ok.
He said he didn't want to be a prisoner in this house ::) :o. I said I don't care if you hang out with your buddies, I don't care if you go to football games. I just want you to come home at night and I want you to stop seeing her. He said he was done with her and that he loves me.
That was pretty much all that was said. I learned not to ask too many questions, I learned to let him do this on his time and that this cannot be rushed.
He said I want to take you on a cruise during Christmas Break, just the two of us, he already booked it. We are going to the Cayman Islands :) A room with balcony, so we can enjoy the view :o. So sweet. I wanted to say "Who are you and what did you do to my husband, but I didn't, cause I really don't want the old guy back :)
This is the beginning of a new Beginning, I guess. I will keep my guard up for a while, I know that, cause I will not ever let anyone hurt me like this again. I am a completely new Me and I will never be my old self, again.
We shall see. I am very happy and excited, but also a very scared....
Thank you to everyone. I wish you all the same outcome. I think of all of you, and I hope that one day, all you guys will have a happy ending.
Bless you!
Hope
he said that "she" was the love of his live, but he was done with her. I didn't believe it. My detaching was starting to work, a little.regarding: "I didn't believe it."
That is so wonderful to hear Bestfriends.http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1756.msg106009#msg106009
Are you able to share a link to WarriorPriestess' post that you read and felt was so helpful to you?
May things continue to go very well for both you and your husband.
Beautiful heart~thank you for sharing that! :):):)
31andcounting
BH, thank you for that; the one slightly confusing thing is that we often use "S" here to mean son -- so at first I was confused when you said your S was a tough girl!
I'm glad things are good for them!
Hi bh it's a great story, very heart warming. It was a short time wasn't it? 1.5 years seems quick compared to many stories here. My brother had a mlc and was a clinging boomerang, three kids and my sil carried on just as we say here. I thought she was crazy at the time, letting her h come home every week but after four years he moved back in full time, gave up his flat and they are happy family again. Still ups and down but I think some growing up was done. My brother drank a lot and lived high energy replay antics.
Thank you BH and toughtimes both stories are great and it helps to understand the actions of someone who lived it and survived.
I am so confused. Unconditional love like what. I don't even speak to h. Then I hear men say they realized when they knew they had lost the wife. I guess from NC and detachment. I feel like I had tried everything, maybe at wrong times who knows. right now I feel hurt but really don't feel the wanting him back. I am thinking moving on looks good don't know how I can get over any of this not that he ever asked. Posting newest update on my thread.
I am so confused. Unconditional love like what. I don't even speak to h. Then I hear men say they realized when they knew they had lost the wife. I guess from NC and detachment. I feel like I had tried everything, maybe at wrong times who knows. right now I feel hurt but really don't feel the wanting him back. I am thinking moving on looks good don't know how I can get over any of this not that he ever asked. Posting newest update on my thread.Disneyme...my husband has also never said anything I would like to hear, or that he is sorry, or that he is not happy....nothing. But I know everytime I see him he is miserable and I know the man that walks into this house is not the man I fell in love with and married . It is very hard at times, to be strong and think one day he will wake up and say 'I missed you and want to come back'. I have not read your story so don't know how long your H has been gone. But I have read enough on this forum to know that it can take quite awhile and we must learn to put them 'aside' for the time being and get on with our lives.
I think that the only way you can get over any of this is to forgive and let go of the anger. For me I have been very conscious that this isn't the person I knew and I really don't need to punish him he is living a nightmare. All I can do is be aware of my actions, my behaviors and be the best I can be.
I have come to the same conclusion. I am no longer angry and I look upon him as a sick man, and therefore it is unjust to be harsh as he is not behaving as he should normally, so I am modifying how I am in accordance.
Her parent never divorced, but her Dad was with the OW for 14 years.
14 years!
I too understand her reluctance. I suppose after that long it is like any new relationship but with the shared bond of a family and a previous life together.
For many people outside of the MLC world, 1-2 years is too long, let alone 14 years. It is all a matter of perspective. All I know is this, there are no absolutes in this life. Many people say that if someone cheated on them, they would dump them in a second. Well, we have that going on in our situations and many of us haven't, the reason is, you never know what you will do, until you are faced with that dilemma. We can conjecture all we want to, but it is only when reality steps in, do we have to make that difficult decision.
My mom told me yesterday that H is never coming back and, even though I know she is probably right, it hurt so much. Why? I sometimes feel that hope helps us go on.... So so sad. Life is so short, I'm not sure it's worth standing past 2 years?
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l get your point AS and the encouragement for your sitch and all but l feel like slapping that women with a dead fish to on the other hand.hawk,
l mean so her kids grew up without a father and she spent the rest of her life alone - great .
She should have used her brains, made him squirm a bit and then taken him back if he was genuine, put her family back together.