Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: JustFine&Dandy on October 11, 2010, 06:56:55 PM
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I've read in a few threads how the MLC has affected family pets. I am just curious about others' stories and if the MLC'er was able to reconnect as they progressed.
We have a yellow Labrador Retriever named Biscuit. We bought him five years ago as a birthday gift for our son, but B developed a special bond with H. We always referred to H as B's "Daddy" and H affectionately called B his "Big Baby."
After BD, H seemed to detach from B just like he did with the kids. B mopes around and stays close to me these days. He doesn't seem to get as excited as he used to when his "Daddy" comes home. It really is like B knows he has changed. He may smell the same, but his spirit is different...
B also seems confused about the sleeping arrangements. Many nights he would jump up on our bed and sleep with us. Now, he seems to alternate sleeping near the bed that I'm in with sleeping outside the small extra room where H sleeps.
I think also that B picks up on my sadness and confusion. Sometimes when we go on walks I look at his big brown eyes and I know he understands how I feel. He is such a good, loving creature, and it is sad to know the MLC affects him, too.
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Sharon, We don't have pets so I can't answer from that perspective, but I can share a story with you. Dogs know things. The afternoon before a family member passed away the family dog sat on his lap for 45 minutes. It was unusual for this family member to sit that long, and it was unusual for the dog to be that patient. If only they could talk :'(
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Sharon,
Again, we have cats rather than dogs so it doesn't apply directly, but I agree that dogs know things -- I was at my brother's last summer, and found myself very upset.... it was the dog who came to comfort me, licking my face, etc. You could absolutely tell that he knew.
I'm not even a dog person, so certainly didn't seek him out.
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We have a doggie (no kids yet) and we used to refer to each other to "daddy" and "mommy" as well. Our doggies used to sleep between us (unfortunately a bad habit/these days a good one LOL since I'm alone in bed). When I moved out of our bedroom, she was very confused and used to sleep a couple of hours with me then a couple of hours with H. Prior to MLC, she used to cuddle with H and lick his face for 30+ minutes when he got home. She was "daddy's little girl". Since MLC, she follows me around like a shadow.
H has started reconnecting with her. He is training her again (did a new trick with her) and works on polishing tricks. However, when all this started, sometimes she would wait for several minutes before she'd make her way slowly to the door to great him. Sometimes he petted her and sometimes he didn't. Now, she's more excited to see him again.
and oh yes, she knows when I'm sad (or used to be)...best cuddle partner ever. Since H has been sleeping on the couch, she slept by him once or twice in about 3 months. As soon as I go upstairs, she's usually coming with me unless there's food for her LOL
To answer your question, yes, my H has been reconnecting with her. And he's also smiling more often when he plays with her. Seems to be a good sign.
so both thumbs up ;)
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My husband "chose" our dog from Petfinders.com shortly after his Dad passed away... I took charge of crate training, etc. because we had always been at odds about how to have a pet - husband thought you just got a dog and they stayed outside and if they had an "accident" you rubbed their nose in it, that's how they do it in his family, whereas, I feel a pet should be treated as a family member and live indoors and not outdoors and isolated.
Anyway, the dog is a little high strung (like my husband, LOL!) but never chewed on anything or tore anything up... he's very low maintenance! No visits to the vet other than shots, very easy. Still, my husband just never seemed to bond with him and would occasionally "tease" him in a way that was disturbing to me... he would do things to startle him and then laugh at our dog's distress. I was concerned because that is sociopathic behavior...
NOW when he comes to visit, he is kind to our dog and pets him and is a little bit affectionate and definitely patient if the dog is underfoot (which he always is in this small space!). Our dog is always glad to see him and jumps up with the kids to seek affection when "Daddy" comes home. IF this is an example of a permanent change that comes with MLC, bring on some more! I remember that he cried when he saw his picture on Petfinders and said "that's the one. I want him..." and I had to write an essay proving we would be a good family for him before we were allowed to adopt him. It was a happy day...
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Ha LG this gets more bizare my H was exactly the same with our dog...teasing her because he knew it would upset me..and get me annoyed. He too is now nicer to her (well was last time i let him in Ha) and he even booked her to get cut without me asking.
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When my H left he couldn't get the dogs to behave. They run all over him and continually jump up, something they have never been allowed to do.
If he sends them to their box they stand and stare at him as if they won't bother.
Before BD H was the pack leader now I think they see him as totally subservient to them in the pecking order. Prior to BD he had total control over them.
Recently H has been able to stamp his authority on them again at times i.e when told they went to their box. Interesting that replay is subsiding.
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Hi, we don't have dogs, our family pet is a cat.
Since H moved out last November, she has completely ignored him when he has visited. Normally she would have rubbed round his legs and wait for him to fuss her. Now she just looks at him as if to say 'who are you' and walks away.
In the last couple of weeks I have noticed him stroking her fur and talking to her a little, but what the cat is thinking I have no idea. If only they could talk!!
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Strangely enough, it was the loss of a pet that (in part) triggered H's MLC. I had a cat for nearly 20 years. She was already with me when H and I met. In fact, she was skittish of all strangers . . . except H, from the first time she met him. She was a big part of the reason I realized I was supposed to marry him.
She had cancer and passed in June of this year, the night before H returned from his first mysterious "escape" to another country. He called to tell me when to fetch him from the airport and asked how she was. I had to tell him she had passed. He was very, very sad. It felt to both of us like the end of something . . . much more than just the loss of a pet. She was not so much our baby as our very best friend.
H surprised me with two new kittens a month later. I was not ready for new pets . . . but he insisted. Yet he never bonded with the kittens. He deliberately avoided becoming friends with them. It was so odd . . . made me uneasy. When the big BD occurred two months later, I realized that he had been planning to escape for many months, thus he did not want to be close with the kittens.
They are a blessing to me, my little companions. But I look at them and realize that they were like a parting gift from H.
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Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. It's so strange how the MLC'er acts so different to the pets and how receptive pets are to the situation.
We also have a cat that is acting different. She is rather aloof and warms up to only a few people. Before, she always slept downstairs. After BD and after H and I stopped sleeping in the same bed, she started sleeping with me. She always lays on or next to my legs. It's like she knew I was lonely and needed some company...
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Hello,
I have to say that yes, pets know and suffer. We have lost a dog and a cat during the crisis. We lost our black lab on New years eve 09. And I had to put down one of our old house cats, Buddy, in Aug 2010. Tigger is survivng old cat, and he and Buddy walked around the house looking for H when he left in May 09. Tigger, would walk around the house and cry out looking for H at night. It was very sad. I told H that the cats were upset and distressed at him not being here. He asid I could put them in a room or something at night! Bone-head.
And I still have my Samoyed Husky. She is in a kennel outside, but comes in too. H walks right by kennel and doesn't say a word to her. Before crisis he would have went in to get a bone and came back out and given it to her. Now he ignores her. She also had a distressing time when he left. She would listen to vehicles coming down the road and I could tell she was listening for his truck. She knew his truck was coming about a 1\2 mile before he would get here. She would start to bark and get excited. She waited and waited for him to come home. I was really angry about that.
I now have 2 kittens in the house. H did ask me where they came from. And I did see him pet one of them. But that is it.
I have not had the chance so far, to experience H reconnecting with pets nor with me. AS a matter of fact he filed papers in Aug. So kind of interesting, my H moved out after Lab died, and served papers right before I put cat down.
The kittens really don't know him. He is just the strange guy who comes once a week to go on the computer. Lol.
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Like some our pups are our only kids. We have 3. The mom, dad and baby. They were always and are our center piece. Everywhere we go they know our dogs. They are famous!!! Especially at drive throughs.
2 Boys one girl. The daddy dog is a daddy's boy. H can't make a move with him. H would barely go eat dinner out or spend much time away from home because he preferred their company to that of people's for the most part and he always missed them and didn't want them to be alone. They were his NUMBER #1 priority. He always went to so much trouble. Just the best dad. Now he barely comes home. They lay in wait by the front door for an undeterminable arrival time. I noticed in recent weeks they started to give up and are willing to come sit with me more...
Now they don't wait much at all and seem more surprised when he is here. The other night I came home from work and he hadn't even fed them. Because of H's work he leaves early evening and doesn't HAVE to stay away from home that much, and even still didn't find time to take care of them. One of my boys started acting out by peeing places he knows better and would NEVER have done before. It breaks my heart. I told him just because your priorities and schedule has changed theirs hasn't. They have the same needs and expectations as they always did.
The daddy's boy now is turning neurotic. I love them like they were my kids and I will be there for them and protect them the same. Good luck with B
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I love to hear about people's pets. They make for a much better conversation than the antics of our MLC'ers...though they do seem like animals much of the time.
Anyway, after closing my cat up in the recliner earlier this evening and watching him sneeze the pain away, it reminded me how glad I am to have him.
He is not a friendly cat, more like a crotchety old man. You would think he would be friendly since we coaxed him out of the forest with some expensive coldcuts (thanks kids!) three summers ago.
Since then, he never misses his Meow Mix.
He is not much of a looker. He has no tail....possibly from some sort of industrial accident...don't know he has never spoken of it. He has part of his ear missing. He has scars all over his face. He has only one incisor. He has horrible breath. He growls every time you get near him, even if he jumps on you first. He hisses and scratches, but it doesn't stop us from loving him.
He even has a title. His name is Mr. E. The E actually needs no period because it doesn't stand for anything. My D10 (D7 at the time) decided we would name him Mr. E. because it was a "mystery" where he came from. It does prove to be a bit embarrassing from time to time.....like when he goes to the vet and they announce his name. Everyone looks around appearing irritated because their animals are just first name, no fancy title.
Anyway, I just walked by him curled up in a ball....drooling all over the bathroom rug. I don't think anyone would line up to adopt him, but he fits right in.
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We got two new kittens since we moved out of the house. I forgot what that's like WOW!!
Some night we get no sleep..well now that we finally are sleeping.
You can't eat, open a cupboard, sweep the floor, put anything on the kitchen table, or go to the bathroom without one of them trying get involved.
I shut one of them in a cupboard the other day and forgot about them until about 1/2 hour later. The apt is small and when I couldn't find him I really didn't remeber shutting him in the cupboard.
Took me a while longer then found him.
You can't open the fridge or the oven without then trying to get in.
Both of them have crinkled edges on thier whiskers because they are too stupid not to get too close to a large candle I burn in a safe place.
Never again..I'll only get cats from now on!
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Wow, Still - such a vivid description; I can picture Mr. E right now with such clarity. I'm glad you have him in your life.
I have 2 cats that I rescued from shelters - a russian blue named Wendel (about 8 yrs old) - he will snuggle you to death! He loves to be held, he nibbles on your nose and snuggles your ear - total sweetheart! He always knows when I am sad and will jump up on my chest while I am sitting on the couch to cheer me up. When I am sick, Wendel will sit at the foot of my bed and not leave until I am up and about.
And, a flame-tip siamese named Sammy - he is friendly, but not as much as Wendel. Sammy is about 4-5 yrs old. Always gets in trouble! Always picks on poor Wendel.
Thanks for starting this thread, Still.
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Both of them have crinkled edges on thier whiskers because they are too stupid not to get too close to a large candle I burn in a safe place.
Oh my goodness, this made me laugh!
When I am sick, Wendel will sit at the foot of my bed and not leave until I am up and about.
If we could just teach our spouses to be as well behaved!
Wendel, what a great name! For some reason, I immediately thought of Harry Potter. It sounds like a name from one of those movies.
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We adopted a pit bull who is the most wonderful dog :). She was running the streets for two years and had probably 2 litters. Then she was at a shelter for a year and really, really sad because she thrives on love, snuggling, and attention (and food!!! LOL). She was even stolen from the pound :'( but the kids brought her back. Then, she was in a foster home with a wonderful foster mom for a year before she stole our hearts a little over two years ago :). We also had a foster pit but he was sick. So we nursed him back to health and then he hot adopted.
My h and I used to volunteer at a pit bull shelter. Unfortunately, I do t have time for it these days. It was the time for my h and I to spend time together, do something good, relax, and have fun (same when we did dog training).
My doggie has been a wonderful companion through all of this. She keeps me warm thesedays and is my snuggle companion. One time I locked her into the pantry where all her food is LOL. Luckily, I've noticed it before it was too late as she loves to eat :)
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Okay, now two of you have shut your pets in cupboards and I folded my cat into the recliner. Are these pets safe? Oh, and that whisker thing....tsk, tsk, tsk. ;)
I used to have this crazy Irish Setter/Black Lab mix. He was a shelter rescue. What a funny dog!
He used to love to catch and eat flies. One day he was having a particularly difficult time catching a fly. It flew through the house and "Sunny" went running behind it. It landed on the bathroom window. Seeing a perfect opportunity, Sunny jump up to get it. He got caught in the horizontal blinds, spun round and round, and crashed out through the window. He wasn't hurt, but he was clearly ashamed of his actions.
I just stood there shaking my head in complete disbelief at what had just happened.
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Still I don't know if I should laugh or cry!
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Don't have a pet but really wanting to get one for the kids.....the labradoodles seem like a kid-friendly breed. I was hoping for christmas...we'll see.
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Still I don't know if I should laugh or cry!
It was definitely funny, Purple.
His fly-catching habit put him in more than one predicament.
Once he caught the giant yellow/black fly....which turned out to taste terrible and left him rubbing his tongue on the ground for about a half hour. Didn't deter him though....he kept right on catchin'
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which turned out to taste terrible and left him rubbing his tongue on the ground
LOL! That just how I picture my H!
I have a houseful of animals, none of which are mine, all of which I have become responsible for (at least the poop pick up part!)
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Ah, LGO, are you speaking of two cats, two ferrets and one big dog named Kita?? :)
The ferrets were something else; one decided it would rub itself against my dog Bandit's doggy pad that last time I visited LGO. :)
I kinda inherited a little baby teacup chihuahua whose name is Bandit; a black, white and tan sweetie; who's almost 6 months old. He was supposed to be my husband's dog, but husband has an allergy to Bandit's puppy fur, so I took him until he becomes an adult and gets his adult coat.
I'm getting attached to the little fellow; he's great company for me out on the road; well behaved; and rides well. :)
I can start the truck, and he'll immediately get in his bed, because he knows something is going to happen.
If he needs to stop, he'll stand up and simply look at me...he knows what "outside" is; he knows what "food" and "hungry" or "thirsty" or even "water" is.
He's very smart and catches on well to what I'm saying to him. Yes, I talk "baby talk" to him;and he just eats it all up. He likes to sit in my lap as much as he can; especially while I'm at the computer.
If he can't do that in the truck; he simply snuggles against my butt just as close as he can get. :)
He has a raccoon toy that is as big as he is; it's funny to watch him carry it across the room; and when he sleeps with me at night, he snuggles against my neck, after checking out my face to see if I'm still breathing. LOL!
Gonna go get him fixed tomorrow; and I dread that; wouldn't want something to happen to the happy little furbaby. :)
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Aww, this made me smile HB. One day soon, I am going to have a dog. Hope all goes well for him tomorrow.
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I have a Samoyed Husky named Maija. She is the sweetest dog, but still behaves as a puppy for some things, like eating paper, especially reciepts.She is an indoor and outdoor dog. Her warm coat makes it hard for her to stay in all the time. But when it gets really cold, she will stay in all night. She is 9.
I also have two kittens. They are 5 months old. Carl and Agnes. They are brother and sister. Yes I know what you mean about them getting into everything. Carl is always getting into the dryer. Scares me half to death when I can't find him and I am doing laundry. They also like to go in the cupboards, but they can get out on their own. They use it as their safe place to hide.
I have an old cat named Tigger. He is huge. He has lost most of his teeth, has horendous breath and drives me crazy. He is getting really thin. He has no teeth to eat crunchy food anymore. He is quite old. I had to put his companion to sleep in Aug. That was hard. We had gotten them when my H turned 40. My H is 53.
Outside I have many cats. Some that are my own, and some that come from a neighboring farm. They decided they like it here and have never left. So there are babies of babies of babies here. many years and generations. I tried to control the amount of cats here, but it just was useless. So I just feed them and provide love and shelter. Nature seems to take care of things for me. But I have also found someplace that will help me with spaying. That will be good. They are getting a new house complete with a porch and deck.
My D25 works for the humane society and has a dog she is trying to get me to take. He is a collie mix and all black. I like him, so I imagine I will end up with him.lol Youngest D is offering him as an early birthday gift.
Tricky kids!
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Hi we have a really old cat called Rosie. We got her the week after we were married so she is about 19 now. She is practically deaf, doesn't have many teeth left so we have to feed her kitten food, and is now suffering from dementia. She practiacally lives upstairs, and when she comes down for something to eat, she forgets her way back up the stairs and howls until someone shows her the way.
When she was a kitten, she tried to walk out of one upstairs window and in through the other, but only one window was open and she couldn't reverse back in. My H and I were sat downstairs watching TV and suddenly the cat fell past the window. We rushed to the front door expecting the worst and Rosie was just sat there looking bemused. I guess that was one of her nine lives she used up that day.
This past year, we have been fostering kittens for a friend of mine who runs a cat rescue charity, until a permanent home could be found for them. We have had about 5 litters up to now, and it was good for the girls to have something to take their mind of their dad for a while.
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I kinda inherited a little baby teacup chihuahua whose name is Bandit;
I'd take bandit anyday! What a cutie!
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I kinda inherited a little baby teacup chihuahua whose name is Bandit;
I'd take bandit anyday! What a cutie!
I loved his picture! :) :)
How long have you had him?
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great thread.
I've got 3 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 rabbit...
Hobie is a black shepherd mix that we adopted from the shelter 9 yrs ago. He was a starved 10 week old puppy with serious food aggression. My first dog as an adult, and boy was he a project. I learned so much about dog training through him. Go figure, last week he bit someone that walked into my house... animal services, homeowners insurance etc all involved, so it required a phone call to the H and someone said, God works in weird ways sometimes. They said, I'm sure God did that to force a conversation... lol.
Callie is my 11 yr old golden retriever that should've been dead last year. She was diagnosed with lymphoma January 09 and with chemo we would get 10 mos at best. July 09 she fell out of remission, her liver was being damaged, so we pulled her off all medications and expected her dead within the month... She's now barking at the window for breakfast right now...
Teva is my crazy 7 year old German Shepherd that we adopted 3 years ago when my chow/golden died. While Teva could never fill the shoes of my chow/golden, she does try. I love her because she helped me through a lot of my race training... she'd easily do a 7 mile run with me any day... :)
Greta is my 7 year old rabbit. We found her at my H's mom's house in Gilbert, AZ. We named her Gilbert until we realized she was a Greta. She was smaller then the palm of my hand hopping around in the field when we picked her up. Then suddenly said, O crap, now that we touched her, we can't put her back because the family won't take her with our scent. So, we bought a cage and she made the 14 hr drive back to California with us. Friendliest rabbit you'll ever find... one that comes when called!
Oscar is my 13 yr old orange tabby. Got him when my H and I were just dating and I was determined to find a gray cat. I was young and didn't know about animal shelters back then and had no idea where people got cats from. Finally found a pet store with 1 cat left and my H looked in and turned to me and said "O, it's orange". I was dissapointed until he pulled him out of the cage and I said "SOLD!"
The animals keep me sane through all of this. They give me a reason to get up in the am. The dogs are great at reading my emotions and licking away my tears... I can't even imagine how my H doesn't even miss any of them...
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We have a foster minature schnauser named Delilah. She belongs to our friend that is living in Europe temp. for work, so she spends a great deal of time bouncing around. She used to hate children, but my girls have converted her. I think it was all the long runs on the beach and extra treats they gave her! Nothing like a little bribery. She's been away visiting someone else for two months so the girls have agreed to foster another little doggie, Louie. He's minature schnauser, yorkie mix. Very cute. He's coming for his first visit this weekend!
We also have a Russian Desert Tortoise named Victoria. She's pretty quiet. Likes to eat fresh strawberries from the garden and play in the grass.
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I have 5 dogs all who live in the house. We actually joke that they let us live here. And when we let them in after doing their business outside we have to count because they come in so fast it's just a blur of multi-colored fur. All different sizes and breeds. Actually my H had a bad habit of bringing a dog home without consulting me about it first. If he was 2 hours late from coming home for work I would always say "uh-oh, he must be at the pound" and sure enough a dog would fly out of his truck. I wonder if way back then he was trying to find something to make him feel good. So now I'm left with all these animals to tend. UGH !!
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2 cats
3 dogs
Guinea pigs
Finches
Parrots
Chickens
2 bearded dragons
Used to have 2 snakes
And no I don't live on acreage wish i did then horses and goats would be added
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I have two awesome adopted black lab mixes..Marley and Baxter.
They have loved me unconditionally and I would have been lost without them.
They know immediately when I am sad and comfort me.
They have been the warm bodies that snuggle with me at night.
They act super silly and make me laugh out loud.
They have been my hiking buddies.
Baxter is very much like his daddy....extremely smart and moody at times. He had been abused by his previous owners..so sad..he still has trust issues 8 years later...
Marley came to us after she was found pregnant on the streets. Her pups had to be aborted and she almost died. We got her shortly after I had had multiple miscarriages...my mother in law took her picture to a pet pyschic who knew nothing...the psychic asked if Marley had puppies and MIL said I think, but lost them, then she asked if I had fertility issues. MIL said yes. The psychic said Marley chose me because she knew what it was like to lose her babies and we could be there for each other. She also said Marley missed her pups. Marley and I have a very special bond needless to say.
They were surely put into my/our life for a reason.
All this and they ask for almost nothing in return....what a blessing.
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The psychic said Marley chose me because she knew what it was like to lose her babies and we could be there for each other. She also said Marley missed her pups. Marley and I have a very special bond needless to say.
How incredibly sweet!
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I like this thread, nothing heavy for a change!
We have three dogs: Paulie is a 12yr old Red Setter/Springer Spaniel cross and a real old dame! She can still sprint when she wants to but is such a pet everyone loves her. Louis Fitzpatrick is a 4yr old Cairn Terrier with notions about himself, hence the name (one of my sisters refers to him as Lord Fitzpatrick because he just looks so regal). He is also the Houdini of the pack and I have spent sleepless nights waiting for him to come home! Last dog addition is Rocco a 2yr old Yorkshire terrier - he is a complete and utter but lovable nightmare. He is a real indoor dog and is completely spoiled. The other two are outdoor dogs who usually only get to come in at night! I love dogs, always had one or two in my family home and a family just isn't a family to me if there isn't a dog. Louis and Rocco were rescued dogs. They are all a lot of work though and I do appreciate H did most of that so I think I'll stick with three for now. We had thought about a fourth earlier in the year. We are on an acre site and it could absorb another one if I had the time. Maybe next year when I am feeling less overwhelmed.
We also have a rabbit - Mel (actually Hs pet) and a snake - Beau (D20's pet - though she barely looks at him these days!). I can take or leave the rabbit and snake but as I am now fully responsible for their existance I must admit I do find myself talking to them. I just hate to see any animal caged in. So I mostly sympathise with them.
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Bumping this thread up in honor of XYZ's new doggie!
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Yay, x joined us!!!
I haven't seen my doggie for two weeks and I miss her. Bitter sweet, have to say bye to my brother and hello to my doggie. She was with my h for two weeks.
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Thanks Still..so I got my laptop, my dog.. all that's left are the cowboy boots and the return of someone I miss oh so much. Interestingly, this dog snores just like he did. She looks like my other lab but is so bright and wise and yet sad.
The poor thing is rather plump but she loves chasing balls. Unlike my previous two labs who ate their food in less than 10 seconds..I need to hand feed her right now. She has a very gentle mouth.
Going for walks with her in the last 2 days and having her with me in this big house...oh my, I am so glad. She will help me I know, no matter what the future holds.
My H used to tell me in Hong Kong (because I did not like living there) why don't I go home, get a job (because I have always loved working) and a dog? He said that to me several times when I thought all was well with us......
I do not want him to know I have Kaci..he shares nothing of his life with me so I don't want to share any of my life with him...plus, I don't want him thinking that life is just honkey dorey for me now that he's discarded me..oh when will I ever learn!
You'll be hearing more stories of my Kaci, you'll proably get quite fed up with hearing about her..but hey, I really have no one else here other than the friends I've made in the last 15 months..so you'll just have to listen I guess. Love to all
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Losing an animal is so painful. I am sorry. They never judge us and are always happy to see us.
To put her picture here go to your profile, then forum profile and then you can uplaod a picture if you have one saved somewhere on your computer.
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Loveisntweakness
Love the pictures of your cat.
She looks so much like ours. She is called Rosie and she is 19years old, we got her the week after we were married. Like the proverbial creaking gate, she looks as though she will go on for ever. She is now deaf, can't see too well, her fur is all knotted and forgets where she is in the house sometimes, waking us up in the night howling. Bless her. She has had a good life and spends her time lay on a big cushion near the radiator. We can't imagine her not being with us, the girls adore her.
It is very sad to lose a pet. They are such a big part of our families.
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I have posted about my sons turtle, and the filter problems that were made up by my wife.
Also she has refused to buy him any food, so I bought some and put it in her room, since she shares it with the turtle.
I think she is feeding him now. I hope.....
Anyone else have pets that hasn't posted here?
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When husband left we dicided that we would not separate the cats (we had two). While I was still in our flat they were with me and husband would come and see them whenever he wanted. He had worked out of town for lenthi periods so they did not notice anything strange.
When I left I could not bring them with me. Husband had them with him, and moved them around from one rented room to another rented room. Until OW2 come along and NC, I know the acts did not like living in the rented rooms. The rooms where in flats with more people, some that also have pets. Our cats had to be confined to husband room. My cat, the female, would be very upseted and ours, the male, would hide all the time under the bed.
The only I’ve heard about our pets since OW2 come along was when my cat was doing. Husband text me to tell that she was ill and may not make it. She did not. I never saw our pets since I move back home. Of course I will never see my cat again because she is dead. OW2 has a female cat that is just like mine, so, when my died she took her cat to the house where she lives with husband. To husband it look likes he still have both our cats. OW2 knew my cat, so she knew hers was just like mine. How do I know this? SIL Facebook.
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My partner and I have had 2 perts together. The first one was a newfoundland who he loved. He would talk about her to everyone.
Our current dog is a 12 year old St. Bernard who we adopted from the St. Bernard rescue organization. We adopted her the Saturday after 9/11. She is a wonderful, sweet, funny girl. She absolutely loved my partner and he loved her. He again told everyone about her. He had a professional photo taken of her at Christmas time to give me as a present. Got her while I was at work, took her to the photographer's and when I got home from work I was none the wiser. Had the package wrapped beautifully on Christmas day. Card said to Brokenhearted, the best mom a dog could have, signed my dogs name. This is an example of my sweet partner, before he decided he has always been unhappy with me.
We had stories of this dog together. The second day we had her we were sitting on the porch with her. She had a leash on but I had put it down as we were both right next to her. My dad came over, the dog got spooked and took off running down the street, with my dad, partner and I in pursuit.
I forgot to mention that at the end of my street is a park which borders the Erie Canal. When we got to the park we couldn't find our dog. Then we heard my dad yeLling "she's in the canal!"
She had run right through the park, over the edge into the canal!
I thought she was going to drown, one day after getting her. Luckily there were some other men in the park and my partner and these men formed a human chain to pull her up over the side of the canal, not an easy task.
The rescue of the St. Bernard became a story my partner shared with his friends and those he worked with.
When we ate she would poke her head under my partner's arm hoping for a treat.
My dog is now blind and elderly and one of the saddest sights I saw was me eating alone at the table and our dog sitting next to my partners chair waiting for her handout. My dog does miss him. When he was first gone she really moped around. Early on he stopped a couple of times to drop something off and it was like she perked up for days, her tail wagging, eating more. At first she wouldn't eat which is a red flag for a St. Bernard!
It is hard for me to know that he shows very little interest in her now. Will drop her medicine off when I am not here. Will say on the rare times we text that he will come see her but he doesn't.
My quandry now is that it is getting time for a decision about this sweet dog as she becomes more lame. I don't know what to do about my partner. Should I ask him to be with us if she is put to sleep. Will this send him deeper into depression. I also feel it will push him further away as right now she is our only contact. We do not have children.
Hugs and blessings
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We have a Basset Hound and a Golden Retriever. They are my dogs and my children's dogs. H did not mind having them, but really did not take care of them or pay much attention to them. Now, he pretty much ignores them altogether. They are my angels from heaven. In the darkest nights of this MLC and my cancer diagnosis/treatment, Sullivan and Madison never left my side. Both sleep in my room every night and I love them both so much.
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Just wanted to thank everyone for sharing their pet stories. When I got up today I made a point of reading this thread. It was the perfect start to my day. The stories were heartwarming and several made me laugh out loud, something that has been missing for quite a while.
So I just wanted to recommend these stories our devoted pets, always happy just to be with us. Hoping to read more stories about our furry little angels.
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When my husband went into monster right after BD back in March, he was angry w/ me, his job, our home, our town and even our two cats Erin and Buford. They have always enjoyed coming over to him when he would be sitting in his recliner or lying on the sofa, but he would stop them as they'd head his way by telling them to get away. He did this for months. I even took them over to my brother's for a week to give my H a break from them. My H thought I was crazy for doing so but he was being such a jerk toward them I was afraid I'd unzip the lips and tell him off. Then Erin had to be put down end of July (vet found intestinal mass) and my H briefly acted all heartbroken about it. My H talked about getting a dog but then recanted, saying, "I don't know what is gonna happen w/ us." Now he is talking about getting another cat. I've said not yet and he seems to be wondering why I feel that way. :o I'm telling you that MLC fog is some superheavy fog.
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We have 3 dogs. All from a rescue shelter. The first dog we adopted was a puppy mill dog. She was severely abused, no social skills, she only has one eye due to her getting cherry eye. She also got lost and while lost got caught up in barbed wire that tore up her skin. When she was finally found, her skin was filled with maggots ( sorry to be graphic.)And she required a skin graft. When we saw her, we knew we has to have her. She was his princess. So much that truth be told, I was even jealous at times of the attention he gave her. Fast forward to now..... he has not even asked about her. He took one of our dogs with him a while ago, the one that he used to laugh at me if he snapped at me or bit me. Our third dog... he does not act as if he exists.
We adopted these dogs together... then he up and leaves. I take care of the two left behind and they are my babies.... I'd be lost without them.
He treats them like he treats our kids... non existing.
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I'm sorry for those of you who lost your pets by natural causes or if your MLCer took them. Reading this thread has been so interesting though.
I know some people don't like to hear this but for a long time now, I've preferred animals to people...or maybe I should say I just admire them more. Never did I feel this more acutely than when the one person I trusted in life, the one person who was as loyal as could be, and who protected me in every way, turned on me.
I knew that my doggie would never do that unless she had a brain injury or dementia. That is the difference and that is why I prefer animals to people. I think I always will.
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Bon, I feel the same way about animals. Once again your West Coast twin. ;)
One of the things I love most about H was how kind and gentle he has always been with animals. Even throughout MLC he has taken good care of our pets. Right now he has two cats at his place, and I have two cats and a turtle at mine.
Funny insight into MLC brain: When at his most stressed and moody H has complained to me in all seriousness about how "needy" his cats are. That's when I realized that it really was HIS head trip, it wasn't anything caused by me. Cats? Too needy? LOL. It still makes me laugh. ::)
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Oh wow WP! I had forgotten something until you mentioned your cat's "neediness" (oh brother).
When H was peaking, he was whining one day and I asked what was wrong (as if I didn't know) and he said something about me and then doggie...it went something like "well, doggie is....."
And I could tell that he was starting a trip down the path of all the things that were wrong with everyone but him....but that had never included doggie before, it was usually reserved for me.....
So I just freaked out. Right then. I started screaming at him and I said something to the effect of "Oh my God, now you're going to start picking on doggie too? What, did you run out of things to loathe about me and so now all you have left is an innocent dog who does nothing but adore you? You've got a big problem honey and despite what you might think, the problem is not me or doggie.....think about it".
I think that struck a chord that day. No further slams were made on doggie's personality or anything else about her.
Geesh..unreal...
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I have pets too!
Dogs have always been a very important part of my life, a love that I shared with my h.
before we had children and were building our first house, he gave me my first Rottie, unfortunately he escaped and was hit by a bus. Soon after that h. bought another Rottweiler pup for me, this dog was a real star and was devoted to me, we got a female to accompany him and we had two litters of puppies from them.
When we moved to the house we live in now, they came with us and ended up dying of old age, we got yet another female rottie before the old male died and I still have her. Over the years we have had a variety of strays and inherited odd dogs. At the moment, I house two rottweiler elderly ladies and two Labs (the younger one is the daughter of the first - she got out and mated with an unknown 'bounder').
H. has no interest in the dogs now, he says we should never have had so many dogs ( I agree, except he forgets that he was the one to accept them, giving into the kids). He only, reluctantly, pays for their food.
We are overrun with fleas and ticks, inside and outside the house and it drives me scatty! Fleas are very hard to get rid of, not to mention expensive! H. blames me for the fleas!
I feel the dogs are very much affected by h. leaving home, they adore him and would do anything for him. I love my dogs, but I am so frustrated with the fleas and the constant fighting among them that I end up not dedicating much time to them.
The oldest Rottie is in a sorry state, covered in flea induced sores, very thin and quite obviously on her last legs, she has an eye 'affliction' that needs prescription drops to keep the constant formation of a purulent 'sleepy wax' at bay.
The adopted Rottie is sad - she really loved my h. and she stays by herself in the garage (highly infested by the fleas) most of the time (the place he liked to be) - she has gotten thinner too.
The Lab is always fighting all the others - I woke up this morning to see she had sustained another bite to her nose - it was swollen, spoiling her otherwise beautiful face, but I know she is the one who causes the fights...
The youngest Lab (she is two today!) is just covered in fleas and it makes me despair when I see her scratching...
Does anyone else have this kind of experience? h. leaving and dogs/pets having problems?
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Hi Mitzpah,
Oh gee. I'm sorry to hear the doggies are in such a state. These MLCers just have no idea the chaos they cause, do they?
I was wondering if you've tried homeopathic remedies for them? I know some people say some of these remedies work but I don't have them at hand. We use Advantix to keep fleas at bay but I'm not sure that helps when they already have them. As for the dogs being sad, or confused enough to fight, that just breaks my heart.
I'll keep you all in my prayers...
Hugs,
Bon
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Oh Mitzpah, I feel for you. It is overwhelming when we realize the person we trusted most has left us, our families, our children and even our pets. My partner and I got our St. Bernard from a rescue group. He loved that dog, talked about her all the time, rubbed her belly, bought her special treats even rode through Mcdonald's for a cheeseburger for her. Now he shows no interest in her even though she is old and lame. I do believe she misses him also.
I am so sorry about your dogs. I wanted to say that fleas can get out of hand quickly and cause many illnesses besides just itching. I am concerned that you said they are so thin and have sores. Is it possible to move them somewhere for a couple of days and set off flea bombs in both the house and garage and have them treated. If not I believe they will get sicker. I know vets are expensive but if you call your local animal shelter and explain the situation they may be able to guide you on what to do. Fleas multiply rapidly if left untreated. Will also bite humans. The dogs are definitely not doing good if they have fleas you can see and open sores. I know it is all just too much sometimes. Is there someone close by who could help with the flea bombs and treating the dogs. I work with rescue dogs and know how out of hand it can get. Also can the dog/dogs that are fighting be separated especially if they are getting wounded. Not sure where you live but if you were anywhere by me I would be glad to help.
Right now I have a blind, deaf lame St Bernard and a 70 pound newfie puppy. I wish my partner were her to help. But that just isn't going to happen. So for now my furry buddies are depending on me to make them comfortable and happy
There are so many good souls on this site I am sure that if a LBS lived near you they would be willing
to help. I know how it is when you feel like you just can't do one more thing but our families and pets count on us so we march on.
If I were closer I would be happy to help with the poochie flea problem and give you a break
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Thank you for your kind answers. The fleas really are a monstrous problem, I have hired someone to come and professionally de-flea the place as of today. These critters are really out of hand, My daughter and I are covered in bites too!
BH, I live in Brazil, so I don't have any LBS I know of near me, although I am sure they exist!
This treatment should take three weeks and I am going to 'sell' part of my vacations in order to pay for it.
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We have 2 dogs, 1 cat, 20 chickens and some ducks which come and go! Since H left I take responsibility for all the animals, feeding them walking them etc etc. He used to do most of that. A couple of years before he left he started getting really impatient with the animals, especially the youngest dog ... who used to bark and dig holes (he's a dog right!) He shouted at the animals, and my D's sometimes saw him treating them badly. He took out his anger and frustration on them. It wasn't fair at all, the poor animals didn't know why.
Just recently he's said ... that dog isn't so bad after all ... about the younger dog. Actually he's a lovely dog with a wonderful gentle soul, he still digs holes, but as I said to H ... he's only having fun!!
So sorry to hear about your problem with the fleas etc Mitz ... hope the treatment sorts it out for them. xxxx
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Bumping for the pet lovers who haven't seen this yet. ;)
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And a great reminder why in most cases, I prefer pets to peeps....
Anonymous... ;D
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I was at a Theta Healing course the other weekend. One topic we discussed was about the energy field surrounding our pets. It was interesting to learn that they truly respond to what is happening in their owner's lives. There were cases where the pets took on the pain and hurt the family was experiencing in an attempt to give back to them all of the love they had been given and to give the family some peace.
Really quite emotional when you think about it.
I went home and gave my kitty and pup the biggest hugs...coincidently our kitty is unwell and has been since h left.. ???
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A good friend of mine recently had bladder cancer. Just previously to her symptoms starting, her cat had the same symptoms and eventually died from them. She is convinced that he took it on energetically for her as long as he could. Animals are amazing. There is so much more to them than science acknowledges, both personally and spiritually as thinking loving beings in their own right.
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Bumping this thread and making an addition..
I have one dog at home. He is my best friend. His name is Chase and he just received his Service Dog Certificate.
At BD, h started pulling away from him. H would come home and Chase would go up to him to be petted and h would yell at him to go away. Finally one night I had enough of that and told him to not take anything out on my dog.
Chase sleeps with us (he weights 90 lbs), and when he knows that Im upset with my h, he gets inbetween us and pushes my h with his big ole paws. I hear my h telling him to stop but he just keeps pushing until h is hanging on the edge of the bed. I just lay there smiling :)
He has been the one stable thing out of all this. He knows my feelings and thoughts.
Lately h has been connecting with him. Sometimes Chase will grace him with his company and other times he makes my h work for it. It really is funny to see him work h. Karma is a @itch. He is sooooo smart and loyal.
He's the best....................
C