Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: MsT on February 21, 2015, 09:47:39 AM
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Hi, I'm sure there's probably been threads on this before, but as I read through your threads I notice more and more things that are very specific and weird that they have in common
Also, I'm kind of bummed today and thought it might help to examine the humorous side of this.
Here's some things:
Tell us it was never going to last because we couldn't agree on paint colors. My bad, I guess.
Buying new clothes. And to a further extent- buying new clothes, bringing them here where they insist they no longer live, hanging them up in the closet they already took their old clothes out of, and then leaving indefinately without their new clothes.
Taking pictures of their feet. I got this from off-white-lily thread. I found a picture the other day on my phone of his feet. ???
Useless home improvement projects. I now have an enclosure for my outside garbage cans. It is full of snow and ice. I can't open it because there is snow and ice in front of it. It has no top and the raccoons can still get in it. It cost around 300$ for the materials to make it. My trash cans are in the garage.
Anyone else?
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Taking pictures of their feet. I got this from off-white-lily thread. I found a picture the other day on my phone of his feet. ???
I wish that someone could make sense of this one - H does it all the time! He also takes pictures of his food. I have seen OW send H pictures of her feet too. So anytime that see H do it, I know that he is talking to OW!
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The whole "watching you outbid corner of their eye" thing....though they swear they do NOT care what you are up to. And they wish you'd just leave them alone too. Lol
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Tell us it was never going to last because we couldn't agree on paint colors. My bad, I guess.
Buying new clothes. And to a further extent- buying new clothes, bringing them here where they insist they no longer live, hanging them up in the closet they already took their old clothes out of, and then leaving indefinately without their new clothes.
Taking pictures of their feet. I got this from off-white-lily thread. I found a picture the other day on my phone of his feet. ???
Useless home improvement projects. I now have an enclosure for my outside garbage cans. It is full of snow and ice. I can't open it because there is snow and ice in front of it. It has no top and the raccoons can still get in it. It cost around 300$ for the materials to make it. My trash cans are in the garage.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: MsT on Today at 09:47:39 AM
Taking pictures of their feet. I got this from off-white-lily thread. I found a picture the other day on my phone of his feet. ???
I wish that someone could make sense of this one - H does it all the time! He also takes pictures of his food. I have seen OW send H pictures of her feet too. So anytime that see H do it, I know that he is talking to OW!
OMG.......that just clicked with me. OW had a picture of her feet as her FB profile picture once ::). The one and only time I saw it was when she was trying to contact D >:( I thought it was odd then but now that you mention it. How very, very odd.
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Omg, one pic the OW sent MLCer was of her dumpy flint stone feet, H never had a foot fetish before!
Couldn't figure that one out.!
Also told me," we were never friends" ??? Huh,funny.i thought that's why we did everything together. How stupid of me ::)
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Those are good ones MsT.!! I thought I was the only one to experience stuff like this.
My H has told me that he is leaving...wouldnt be back...then one day, while I was at work, a whole stack of his sweaters reappeared in our closet. They've never left.
i don't know what he is wearing on his feet these days because he forgot to put on his winter boots the last time he was here. ????
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Someone once posted the MLcer left because the dog was too fat..
The ex once ran into the room freaking out because he heard on the news they were going to get rid of the Easter Bunny..
The "feet" thing has me wondering also. ???
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LOL LOL LOL
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I mean..really?? This guy is 6'4" about 350 lbs freaking out over the Easter Bunny..
He flung himself on the bed once and yelled "MY LIFE IS IN THE TOILET!!"
I said " That would have been fine..But did you HAVE to take us all with you??
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Found on the internet..it's really long but worth the time..
MIDLIFE For Dummies
Welcome to the wonderful world of Mid Life Crisis!! You are about to embark on one of the most perilous journeys you have ever taken. A journey fraught with intrigue and guaranteed to turn you inside out! This book is designed to help you make sure you get the most emotional bang for your buck.
In these pages are the “how to” answers to the questions you have been asking yourself about damaging as many people as you can along the way. Come on and dig in, it’s time to get this roller coaster rolling on down the tracks!!
Chapter 1 – Choosing the Correct Speech
There are 4 basic speeches for you to choose from. They are:
a) I love you but I don’t know if I’m in love with you.
b) I’ve never loved you, and we should never have gotten married.
c) We got married to young. I never knew anything besides you.
d) You tricked me into marrying you, I would never have done it otherwise.
Once you have decided on which speech to give, you need to cause as much anxiety in your spouse as you can before you actually give it. Continue to the next chapter for Lessons in building anxiety.
Chapter 2 – Lessons in Building Anxiety
You will find these lessons to be helpful in causing anxiety in your spouse and others (depending on the level of pain and damage you want to cause), not just prior to giving the speech, but throughout your MLC.
Lesson 1 – Monstrification of Your Spouse
This is easy to accomplish. Simply think of only the “bad” things that your spouse has done throughout your entire relationship. Have one of those “angel” spouses? No problem, just remember how bad she always makes you feel. DO NOT under any circumstances remember fondly your spouse, or anything they have done for you. Remember, they are going to be the cause of all of your problems, so it is imperative that you convince your self of this first.
Lesson 2 – Emotional Detachment
This will be very easy to do after accomplishing lesson 1. All you have to do is start reminding yourself that you don’t care about them, what they feel, what they want, or if they hurt. Simple! Every time you remind yourself of this, you will get further and further away from your relationship emotionally. Now, that wasn’t too hard was it? On to lesson 3
Lesson 3 – Mass Confusion and Indecision
This lesson requires a little more thought and attention. You must constantly practice saying “I don’t know” to ANY and ALL questions. That is imperative!! Your spouse (and others) must never know precisely what is going on in-side your head. Also, never let them know where you are going, where you have been, who you were with (this will go hand in hand with the lesson on the Other Person, or OP), or whether or not they can expect you to return home.
Lesson 4 – Lies and Deceit
To get the most damage, and cause the most pain, you must lie and decieve at every opportunity. And to really achieve hall of fame status, you should be very inept at it, so that everyone knows that you are lying, or suspects, but can’t prove it initially. This works very well for the following chapters, OP and Cake Eating.
Chapter 3 – The Other Person (or OP)
Now it is time for you to succumb to temptation. You KNOW all of those other women/men want you! They have been coming on to you for years!! It is time for you to give them their chance at having some of you. Make sure that you leave a very confusing trail for your spouse to follow. One that lets them suspect, but have to dig and sneak (to make them feel worse about themselves) to find the information they need to prove it. Hold out admitting the affair as long as you can, and don’t admit it ever, if you can get away with it.
Chapter 4 – Cake Eating
This chapter is designed to string your spouse along in uncertainty as long as possible, because as long as they have hope, they won’t be able to go out and find their own lives and be fulfilled. Why should they get to do that, while you are so miserable? They shouldn’t!! So, make sure that you are affectionate occasionally (not too often, as this will raise anxiety levels), that you drag your feet about making a decision on the marriage, and that you leave and come back several times (as many as you can get away with).
Chapter 5 – History Revision
It is very important that you revise the life you have lead with your spouse. You must use words like: Always, Ever, Never and All of the Time. Always precede the statement with the terms: you, I, and we. As in “you always nag me” “I never ever (double bonus here) get to do what I want” and “We have to do what you want all of the time”. This will help to make your spouse feel like the way you are behaving is all their fault, and can cause them to feel even worse about themselves than they already did!!
Chapter 6 – It’s All About You!!
Remember this is all about you! What you want and need, RIGHT NOW! You shouldn’t have to wait until you can afford something, just go on out and get it! You deserve a new haircut, new clothes, and some new toys. You’ve worked for it. You would probably look great in that new Convertible, or on that new Harley!! So don’t hesitate! You live in the here and now! So why wait until tomorrow!!
Remember, the word is CRISIS and if you are in one, EVERYONE else should have to ride the Roller coaster with you! It’s no fun taking a ride alone, and you know what they say about misery loving company! Go on out there and get started, so much pain and damage, and so little time!
Chapter 7 – Avoid, Ignore, and Run Away
This chapter is to help you deal with the problems that your spouse will try to cause. We don’t want you to have to “deal” with anything, now do we? You shouldn’t have to “think” about any “issues” right now, except those that concern you “feeling good”. The best way to handle this, is to Avoid, Ignore, and Run Away. Any time someone tries to make you see a more “reasonable” stance on a subject, simply Avoid making a reply… stare out into space, as if you are thinking about something important, and they will become uncomfortable and leave you alone.
If there are responsibilities that need your attention, simply ignore them. You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel like doing. And the best for last is Run Away! This can be accomplished in many different ways. OP’s can help you Run Away from all of these “problems” as well as Alcohol, Drugs, New Sports Cars… etc the list is endless. Of course, you can always just leave… but remember not to let them know where you are going, and if you’ll be back!!
Chapter 8 – MC and Therapists
Your spouse may ask you to go to counseling with her/him. This is only useful to make them feel better. It cannot possibly have anything to you so there is no reason for you to follow-up with anything suggested–it doesn’t matter to you. The only thing you should look for is more reasons (excuses) for avoiding, running and ignoring (see previous chapter).
Chapter 9 – I Don’t Have To if I Don’t Want To and You Can’t Make Me!
Remember that this is about YOU, and what YOU want and how YOU feel!! No one else is important, so don’t let them make you feel as if you have to listen to anything they say. Your spouse will try to help you of course, because they love you. Don’t let them get away with giving you unwanted advice. Let them know in the teenage vernacular, that they can’t make you do anything.
This is important, you must be as childish as possible!! Any truly adult behavior on your part will only convince them that you are listening to what they are saying, and you will have to start back at the beginning. Of course, this technique can be used knowingly to cause more confusion and chaos, just beware of the danger, you don’t actually want to start acting like an adult!!
Chapter 10 – How To Threaten and/or How To Move Out
You threaten to move out for weeks or months but you don’t. (*)You tell your spouse that you got too much on your plate right now to look for a flat but that you will do so in 2 weeks time. After 2 weeks, repeat from (*).
If your wife wants to come too close to you, like entering your bedroom to talk to you, tell her to stay away or you will move out. When she replies that you will move out anyway tell her that you will move out faster if she comes any closer
Chapter 11 – Art of Clinging
The Art of Clinging to the End of the Mattress without falling off the matrimonial bed while still sharing it with your spouse.
Chapter 12 – Advanced Lessons
This is usually reserved for those in more difficult situations, where the LBS has responded not by tossing you out, threatening to leave, or filing for divorce, but instead persists in not only OFFERING to cooperate, but actually MAKING THE CHANGES you said you needed.
“I am tired of living like this/I don’t want to live like this anymore/I am not going to live my life like this?” often is coupled with another advanced tactic, “It’s not you, it’s me”.
This line is most effective AFTER the LBS has jumped through hoops and bent over backwards. It basically confirms that no matter what changes the LBS is willing to make, the incompatibility lies within the MLCer, who has no intention of, or implied desire or ability to, compromise.
Appendix
HOW TO MAKE YOUR SPOUSE THINK SHE IS CRAZY
1. When confronted by the evidence of an EA or PA, become very indignant. Stress that the LBS is obviously just a jealous sob/bi*ch, and you are entitled to “buddies” of the opposite sex.
2. Never, ever answer the question, “Are you okay? Is there something wrong?” with a direct answer that might actually lead to a discussion that might help the marriage. Continue to never talk to spouse, never give her/him a personal compliment or touch of affection and by all means work on the “cling to the edge of the mattress to avoid touching” manoeuvre that is so successful in making your spouse crazy.
3. Always bear in mind that your spouse will expect you to want to at least give them the chance to “fix” the marriage. Since you have already checked out emotionally (of course NEVER tell them that!), you are under no obligation to actually listen to anything they say or acknowledge anything they do. This tactic is also extremely beneficial when they employ the MLC diet. When they lose a massive amount of weight and you are in ear shot of someone who mentions to spouse about the weight loss, say “Are you losing weight? Why don’t you ever tell me things?”
4. Of course one of the most successful ways to drive them crazy may only be used when you have earned the MLC Black Belt. Go to marriage counselling for months, let them pour out their soul to you and the counsellor and let them believe they are actually accomplishing something. Then arrange things so the spouse finds you in your own home with OP. This will accomplish two things: a. She will finally have to understand how lucky you are to have found your “soul mate” and b. She will be doubly betrayed because she thought you were actually working on the marriage.
DON’T LET YOUR SPOUSE GET TOO INDEPENDENT – STATEGIES FOR SUCKING YOUR SPOUSE BACK IN
1. Make negative comments about OP or the chances that the relationship with OP will succeed. HOWEVER, under no circumstances, make any commitment to end the relationship with OP.
2. Make veiled hints about suicide or excessive drinking or drug use. Be erratic and hard to contact.
3. Do random acts of kindness such as yard work or something. That will keep your spouse confused and hopeful.
4. Make vague comments hinting that things might work out between you and your spouse IN THE FUTURE. HOWEVER, under no circumstances take any actions to work anything out.
CUSTODY – Using the Kids To Your Advantage
If you have children, they can be extremely useful for inducing fear and panic in your spouse. Recommended phrases include, “You’re poisoning my kids against me”, “You put that idea into their heads”, and “You need to do [insert pertinent action here] for the sake of the kids’.” Remember, your spouse, being a responsible and loving person, is not only trying to cope with his/her own feelings, but trying to protect the children, and you can use that to your advantage.
Don’t forget to use the fact that if you spend any time with your kids, you should get Extra Credit Bonus Good Parent points from your spouse. It doesn’t matter if you feed them ice cream for breakfast and have them watch “Hellboy” when they asked for “Veggie Tales”, you Just Wanted To Make Them Happy, and since YOU are the best judge of Happiness, that makes you Super Parent.
You can use this opportunity to trash talk your spouse (“Isn’t this more fun than what Mommy/Daddy would let you do?” “Mom/Dad doesn’t know how to relax.”) which of course, will be repeated back to your spouse so you get the benefit of destroying their self-esteem second hand.
Highly advanced MLCers may want to start casually using the word Custody, but be very, very careful. While useful for sending your spouse into a state of panic, you certainly do not want to be responsible for a bunch of kids who will seriously cut into your personal fun time. The word Custody should only be used in a casual tone of voice for the most devastating effect.
BUTTON PUSHING
You (the mlcer) know a lot about your spouse. You know what pushes their buttons to get them both upset and/or happy. You have the power, you can do it! So using the kids to upset them is fair game (see section on how to use “custody” to upset them but not take on the “custody”). And if that ever stops working, find something else. Suggestions might include pets, valuables in the home, their appearance, family, career. Nothing is out of your reach since you have put in so many years getting to know your spouse–use what you know.
THE BLAME GAME
By now, you should be aware that all of this MUST be your spouse’s fault, however, your spouse may not understand this completely yet, so you need to start planting the seeds.
There are several ingenious ways to put the blame on your spouse, and we will be exploring them all.
Method 1: The Non-Blame Statement
I’m trying not to blame YOU
This statement implies that you are “not putting the blame on them” but on closer look (which your spouse is guaranteed to be doing) The words actually put all of the blame on the spouse (where of course we know it belongs).
Method 2: The Passive Blame Statement
I don’t think that I can live with you.
My opinion never mattered to you.
I can’t live like this.
We rarely have fun anymore.
I don’t want to live this way anymore.
These are passive statements that don’t actually assign blame to your spouse, but your spouse will definitely get the idea if you use them. They can’t help but see that it MUST be them that makes you feel this way.
Method 3: The Direct Blame Statement
You never listen to me.
You never put creases in my pants.
You use bagged salad.
You never keep the house clean.
You are going to do it your way.
All of these are direct statements of blame. You should mix actual faults with things that don’t really matter to make it more confusing, and make your spouse feel as bad as possible about themselves.
Your spouse has probably already started doing the hard work to look inside his/herself (Yuck, what an awful thought!) and will take on all of the faults you list to try and correct them. This will keep them occupied for awhile, and you can avoid any serious relationship talks while they apologize for and try to fix all of their own faults.
Make sure that you don’t actually accept the apology, that way you can continue to bring the fault up which will slow down their self improvement process. Remember, they are working on becoming better human beings, and you wouldn’t want that to happen to fast, as that would interfere with your ability to string them along.
Note: NEVER ACTUALLY ADMIT TO ANY FAULTS OF YOUR OWN!!!! REMEMBER, YOU DON’T HAVE ANY! YOU ARE THE GOOD ONE, AND HAD THE RIGHT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR, LIE, SPEND MONEY, OR ANY OTHER THING, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE BAD!!!
Let’s not forget “We’re just incompatible – we always were.”
Also, when the LBS starts to make changes, make SURE you find fault with these changes, or point out how it’s “too little, too late”, or wasn’t what you meant AT ALL. If all else fails, put the LBS down for being so willing to change herself for your needs. Also, when the LBS starts to make changes, make SURE you find fault with these changes, or point out how it’s “too little, too late”, or wasn’t what you meant AT ALL.”
How to keep you spouse guessing…be mean one minute threatening divorce, etc then next day be kind and sweet almost the way your spouse remembers you..rinse repeat….
HOW TO CONTINUE THE CRAZINESS ONCE SEPARATION/DIVORCE IS AGREED UPON
1. Even though by now you, dear MLCer, have done everything human possibly to convince your spouse that you do not love him/her and want out, when the time comes to actually file, DON”T DO IT! This is the coup de gras of MLC. Absolutely DO NOT TAKE THE INITIATIVE. This is a most vital and awesome crazy-maker. Holding out will force your by now totally devastated spouse to finally throw up his/her hands and seek legal counsel.
2. Once the LBS has had enough and decides that divorce is in their best interest, you have won HUGE points here. Refusing to be the one to file now puts YOU in the role of victim, bringing you all the attention and pity necessary to allow you to again regain your image of the abused one in all this. Now you can, with absolutely NO guilt, tell everyone the divorce was your LBS’s idea (which of COURSE it was!) and they will assume that:
a. the LBS lost all that weight and obviously has been involved in an affair, and
b. the marriage ended because your LBS spouse is going through a – YES! THE PINNACLE OF CRAZINESS! – Midlife Crisis!!
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OMG - Mid Life Crisis for Dummy's!
There SHOULD be a book.
The lines are all so "canned"
;) Thanks In it - that was a welcome laugh!
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He flung himself on the bed once and yelled "MY LIFE IS IN THE TOILET!!"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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;D ;D ;D ;D Yep and I'm the one being accused of drama...
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Mine looked for just the right vacuum for all the dog hair in his house. Searched for 2 day and read about each one of them. Finally found the right one, expensive but should do the trick.
He bought it a month and a half ago and has not so much as turned it on. It sits in the closet.
::)
Then he searched for a dishwasher, bought just the right one and installed it. His dishes have been piling up in the sink for 3 weeks. Dishwasher empty. :o
My X also collects clothes from sale items to thrift stores and doesn't wear them. I think he has 15 jackets now.
I wonder if this could confusion is from hormones being out of whack. You just can't make this stuff up.
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I still think a couple of my favorites are:
"If we end up divorced, we should get remarried some day for a 'fresh start'".
Or probably the best one yet:
"If we both should end up remarried, we should have an affair with each other". ;D
-T
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T,
You made me laugh. Wow, each remarry and have an affair. Golden.
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Thunder -
The vacuum story made me laugh. Mine went searching for the best of the best vacuum for the cat hair in our house. Bought a $1000+ Meile vacuum. Then left home - without the cats - and took the vacuum with him - leaving me no vacuum at all!
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Airmid,
Afterwards my X went and bought a huge dog that sheds like crazy. The house is COVERED with hair but the vacuum still sits in the closet. Sorry you have no vacuum. ::)
One other thing my X said was...after looking around the house at the huge mess .."who lives like this"? ::) ::)
I guess you do dear.
I really think it is depression. It's like he just can't seem to do anything.
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Thunder -
It's ok for now - I just borrow the vacuum from my neighbor. But the selfishness is amazing.
I called him up when I saw the vacuum missing. "Did you take the vacuum?" I asked.
"Yes, I needed it". He responded.
Pffft!
The best was, he had his eye set on the huge Electrolux super dooper washing machine.
Again an almost $1700 purchase after H had done "research".
He wanted to take is as "he had bought it".
Really? He bought it two years ago before any MLC was on the scene.
Also - he moved into a tiny third floor walk up studio apartment - which I am sure didn't allow washing machines. So where was H most likely taking the washer? I assume to the OW.
He didn't get it though. I changed the locks before he could make another visit to the house.
Ugh - Ugh - Ugh
Why do I think I want this man back?
IDK - I must be crazy.
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My X also collects clothes from sale items to thrift stores and doesn't wear them. I think he has 15 jackets now.
My H has been doing this too! He has more clothes now than he has had his entire life :o He goes to the thrift store and finds name brand stuff and is thrilled that he got them so cheap. Funny thing is that he knows the name brands! He never knew one brand from another, he never cared about brands before.
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Apparently my xp left me because I made him build a fence in the rain 5 years ago. Hmmmmm interesting thing was he had 6 months to build the fence and left it until the last minute plus the fence was for his niece. F@cken crazy a$$$ b@stards!!!
Kia kaha - stay strong
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"If we both should end up remarried, we should have an affair with each other". ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
When my runaway H casually announced during a rare telephone call that he'd met and married OW, he calmly said, "Aren't you going to wish me congratulations!"
:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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"If we both should end up remarried, we should have an affair with each other". ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
When my runaway H casually announced during a rare telephone call that he'd met and married OW, he calmly said, "Aren't you going to wish me congratulations!"
:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
I was going to say mine dropped off a 2lb tub of convenience store pimento cheese spread and it was a super random thing to do, then I read your post and realized that you already won this dubious prize :(
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I found that post when mine first left In it. It's the best description I've ever found and printed it off.
My favorite thing I heard out of his mouth was ' I would always be in his life' Yeah that was the best. Then I met the hag with him and wrote him the goodbye letter. So I guess I was suppose to be ok with his new improved life and be in it as well. Ah nope!
I also got a text from him wishing me Happy Easter,while he was gone. Yes your family was having a happy Easter during this. I was nice though and didn't respond.
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mine dropped off a 2lb tub of convenience store pimento cheese spread and it was a super random thing to do
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
H came once with a UHaul trailer to "get his stuff", and walked out the garage with a fishing rod and tackle box the size of a box of tissues!!!! ;D ;D ::) That reminds me I have to get rid of his things, he's had enough time to get them.
When he first saw us after getting married, he insisted the kids and I look at his wedding ring over and over again and spoke of his soulmate and how they were destined to meet. WTF. Then proceeded to tell kids OW loved them. :o :( Idiot! He was wearing cologne for the first time ever that I knew of and we kept saying, "WHAT'S THAT SMELL?" over and over.
Told him must be nice that he met someone that he can travel with and go off to Vegas with and he said, "Yes, because you wouldn't". ::) Yes because I have to take care of our children and we could never afford it but most of all if we could, Vegas would be the last place I would go.
He sent an email which he said took him a few weeks to finish. It was about 10 lines and written as if by a Martian.
After being away for almost 3 years he voiced how it was unfair that I parent alone ::) and that he didn't understand why S was upset with him. :o ::) ::) :(
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...
When he first saw us after getting married, he insisted the kids and I look at his wedding ring over and over again and spoke of his soulmate and how they were destined to meet. WTF. ...
WTF is right. Guess the wedding vows with you was a "whoopsie"...his "bad". Idiots.
-T
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Yes Idiots. It's too bad that Spok is not here to do a mind meld with them anymore!! ;) ;) :)
Maybe he could have told us what was going on in their mixed-up minds. Farewell Spok!!
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Yep I got that too. I guess I was supposed to adopt the exow.
He once said (post D)
It was OK with him if we all go to the movies together
uhmmmm I'm not sure what planet your living on buddy.
I remember holding the phone away from my ear and looking at it ??? ??? :o :o
Then the idiot actually put her on our car insurance policy..pissed was not the word for it. I found out by going to the ins company over something else and two other vehilcles were listed. I hit the ceiling with that discovery. I called and screamed at him told him I was OFF the policy and hung up on him.
Bizarre doesn't even begin to cover 1st BD. More like a freaking nightmare.
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It was OK with him if we all go to the movies together
;D ;D ;D
Yay, lucky you ::)! I can't imagine a nicer evening!! I hope you went along ;D ;D ;D
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Honest to God who says stuff like this?? There were sooooo many times I just should not have answered the phone it's pathetic.
Yep a B-I-G bucket of popcorn was in order the first time around. Along with a side of straight jacket.. ::)
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I remember holding the phone away from my ear and looking at it
In it, that's about all you can do. Disbelief. Must have been the phone line. He couldn't possibly have said that. LOL
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My H has done some very strange things like taking some motorbike gear that belonged to me without asking and giving them to OW to wear. I nealy fell over backwards one day when I saw OW riding pillion with my H dressed as me. Also H spent ages researching urban chickens, bought 4 of them a new family addition, spent a fortune on a fancy hen house and then left about 4 weeks later gave me the speech leaving them behind for me to take care of (and I hadn't wanted them in the first place).
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Five months after BD, my ex W who was the bread winner decided we needed new phones. We went to Verizon, got shiny new iPhones, signed a two year deal at $160 per month then 6 days later she had me served with divorce papers. Fast forward 14 months post D, she comes over one day and says "my phone has been acting up", "I'm thinking about going in and getting US new phones and a new contract". US?! I wanted to ask why she just doesn't go with OM and get a contract together, but just chuckled to myself instead.She ended our relationship of 27 years, forced the sale of our home, and immediately changed back to her maiden name despite having a nine year old son, BUT wants to share a phone plan that she plans to continue paying in full?
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I am getting my daily chuckles from reading this thread!
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US?? :o :o :o No kidding?? They cannot seem to LET GO for some reason.
The word "we" used to give me hope in an email. Forget that! It didn't exist.
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After my MLC'r left and moved straight into his mom's house, he said he is happier now because he can breathe so much better, that our house makes it difficult for him to breathe, that there is something wrong with the air in our house he said. This from a man who chain smokes 2-3 packs a day. Hmm, perhaps you can breathe better at your mom's house because she is on oxygen and you are not allowed to smoke in her house? Just a thought there Mr. MLC'r... Or another favorite of mine, was, you and I get along like best friends not like a married couple. What??? Ok, so you would rather be with the OW who is NOT your best friend? Isn't that what marriage is, two best friends who get along so well they can have a happy marriage?? Or my personal favorite is, "we have had an amazing 20 years together and now I want a completely different 20 years"... Soooo, you want an un-amazing next 20 years? Ok, off you go then... Or then there's the ever popular, "I don't want to be married. I'm never getting married again. But when I get remarried, I'm going to tell my second wife that you are my first wife and I have to take care of the house and yard. If my second wife can't understand that, then I won't marry her". Nonsense, complete nonsense I tell you. Or then there's the, "I am closing our joint bank account, as I want to take care of my own money from now on". So he closes our joint account. Then he shows up at the house and gives me $600 to pay his truck payment for him. I said, your truck payment is $700. He says, can you throw in the $100? I said no, I don't have it. In actuality I did have it, but I'll be damned if he is going to move his OW in with him and his mom and then want me to handle his bills. So, he says, well, here's $600 pay what bills you can. So I paid my car payment (the car was in his name anyway) and the gas bill for the house. He then leaves for an expensive getaway weekend with his OW. The weekend of our wedding anniversary. He returns from his OW weekend screaming at me cause I did not pay his truck payment, then breaks my nose. At the time this crap was going on, I did not find it funny, but 2 years later here I sit laughing my ass off writing this nonsense. Or many people on the forums favorite, he had his lawyer send a letter to me demanding that I turn over all the extension cords in the house. I may actually frame that one and hang it up, as it is so spectacular. When and if he ever comes out of this crisis and graces my doorstep claiming he does not recall this nonsense, I am going to direct him to the framed picture of his lawyer demanding all the extension cords in the house. I may even title my book, "I demand that you turn over all the extension cords in the house". I feel that will be catchy. I was thoroughly expecting a demand notice for the nails in the walls, but I sadly did not receive it...LOL LOL
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I became friends with the OW's ex-husband. I actually revenge dated him for 2 months but that is another story, LOL. Her ex-husband told me that when he was married to her they were planning on going to a wedding in Michigan, they live in Ohio. They got all dressed up, loaded the car, and as they were backing out of the driveway, a car pulled up and served him with divorce papers. Oddly, they went to the wedding together anyway :o He had to drive 3 hours to Michigan to this wedding knowing that he had just been served divorce papers. Um, yeah, I think my MLCr's OW is just as bat $h!te crazy as he is. Isn't that what they say, that many times the OW is also in MLC? Yeah well they're married to each other now. Good luck with that insanity. As much as I miss the husband I knew, I thank God every day that he vanished and I do not have to mentally deal with this insane drama. You never hear about normal divorces and these antics, you only hear about this kind of craziness from families who have a drug addict family member.
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Another good one was when he said, you need to go out and find someone else. Make sure you find someone who is handy like me though. And when you find someone, then we can all go out on a double date!
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Ha! I love this thread, I could go on and on - and apparently I am! So, the OW divorced her husband as I had mentioned above. So her ex husband meets this stripper who was down on her luck. Chuckle. Chuckle. And he moves the stripper into his house to help her out. So the OW then starts coming over to his house every day because she is jealous of the young beautiful stripper. She then starts lying and telling everyone that the stripper was so taken by her that she wanted to be a lesbian with her. HA! And the funny thing is, my MLCr said to me, yeah my OW is so beautiful that a stripper wanted to be a lesbian with her. He had no idea that I knew the truth. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I feel mentally raped by this nonsense, LOL.
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Ok, so this is not something weird the MLC'r did, but it's funny so I shall drop it here. During this whole mess, I went out to a bar with a friend. I met these two guys sitting on the patio. They were funny and we hit it off as friends. My house is set up like party central so they came over every weekend to hang out. I ended up giving one of them, who had the same first name as my husband, (how bizarre) my husband's clothes. I was going to pitch them, but this guy said he'd wear them, so I gave them to him. So this guy puts on one of the husband's extremely rare Speed Racer tshirts one night and goes out to the bars by himself. WHO is in the bar? My husband! Husband walks up to the guy and says, man I love your shirt, are you a Speed Racer fan? And the guy says yeah, and they proceed to talk about Speed Racer. Next day this guy calls me and tells me the whole story. Can you imagine? There's a guy in a bar, with the same first name as my husband, wearing my husband's clothes, standing there talking to my husband. And husband has NO CLUE it's his shirt. It doesn't get any better than this people. Maybe another catchy title could be, "Hey, are you wearing my shirt?" LOL
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Now that's funny!!
Toysaplenty? He broke your nose and you are still standing?? ???
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Ok, peeps, after reading my posts above and my husband's (X) bizarre antics, and his OW's antics what do you think about this? My husband and I spent 15 years restoring our Victorian home. We gutted the thing down to nothing and restored it to an amazing beauty. So 15 years of husbands life was blood sweat and tears with this house. I got the house in the divorce. Since husband left, even since he married OW, I get slow drive byers at all hours of the day and night. I know this because the outside of the house is covered in cameras. We had them installed to protect the elaborate holiday shows we did on the house. So, tell me, with how wrapped up he was in our home, and all the crazy $h!te he does and says that he does not drive by this house? My new boyfriend says, nope, no way, he's married now, he will not drive by. New boyfriend does not understand MLC. I say, crazy husband is driving by, how could he not? It is typical crazy fare. Then second story bathroom got a leak and came through to the first floor. Insurance company ended up practically remodeling the downstairs because of the leak. The check to the contractors got mailed to my address to give to the contractors. Stupid post office forwarded it to my ex's mom's house cause that is where he has his mail forwarded. The check did not have his name on it, but the mortgage company had mine and the ex's name on the envelope so the post office sent him the check. So, he gets a 40,000 check made out to some contractors he does not know, for his old house. Apparently, he had no clue what the check was for and contacted my insurance agent. So now he knows that major remodeling went on here, that I got $40k worth of brand new stuff. Tell me he is not driving by to see what is going on?... I say he is.
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In It: I don't know if I am standing. I mean, I have a new boyfriend. We are engaged now. The dude is truly perfect for me. I still love my ex-husband. He was so flipping good to me in our marriage and we had a really great marriage. Once I love someone, I always love them. That is just how I am. How can I stand when he married OW and I am now engaged? Dude, he broke my nose, landed me in a mental hospital for 3 days, turned his whole family against me, financially destroyed me, stole from me, kicked our dogs, moved his OW in his mom's house while we were still married, drug me through a 9 hour court case over the nose breaking claiming I broke my own nose to frame him, yada yada yada. How do you stand after that??? $h!te, I'm lucky to be crawling, lol. I love the man he was, and I am pretty much just trying to move on with a new life as best I can.
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WOW you've been through it that's for sure :o :o :o
Work on LETTING GO of whatever that fantasy was and read about healing from narcissistic abuse. You new guy deserves to have your emotional self. Don't hang on to the smoke and mirrors that was your ex.
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In It, thank you. I agree totally with you. I plan on marrying Mr New Guy. I have let go of X. I will always love what he was to me, but I know he is no more. The hardest thing for me is the abuse I endured. I find myself asking myself all the time, "did that really happen", did this other thing really happen"? I have a hard time fathoming that anyone on the planet would do those things to me. Murder, robbery, rape, yeah we could all be victims of that sometime, but the insanity I endured, I have a hard time dealing with it. I wrote in another thread, my favorite astrologer said, honey, this is not over by a long shot. As soon as you are completely stabilized and happy, Mr Crazy is coming back on the scene. $h!te, I better hide the extension cords. Sorry to sabotage this thread, I am done blabbering... :-X
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Toys, I thought I had a funny MLCer but you have me beat by a mile.
Yes, in the middle of it I would often just kind of flinch with a "that's weird" but as time goes by and we can put together the nonsense and laugh. More proof that there was not a damn thing we could have done to prevent them from leaving.
My husband has done more MLC textbook changes, hair, clothes, young girl, etc. but the strangest thing I would guess would be he started talking in a fake English accent, not all the time, just when he is around his band friends. It's just bizarre.
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OK Toys -
I am used to telling MCler stories and winning the "weirdest story ever award" but you have me beat by a long shot with the lawyer's letter demanding the extension cords. OMG I was LMAO.
Thanks for the morning chuckle.
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The divorce was uncontested. As we sat in the lawyers office and the lawyer asked him what grounds he had this look came over his face like :o :o :o :o
What you didn't know you had to have grounds to get a divorce? You don't just walk in say you want a divorce and they GIVE one to you.
So I sat there and helped him think enough of them up so he could file. ;D ;D ;D
They were the ones I would have used if I was divorcing him!
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Well, I didn't understand MLC so like a dummy I filed. To make it easier I filed under unreconcilable differences. I'm not sure what he told his lawyer but the hearing before the official divorce she said at a meeting with all of us there, "Well, for unreconcilable differences you have to prove you did everything you could to reconcile your marriage". I said, "we didn't do one thing, not one, he just ran away and stopped talking to me". I added that I refused to lie on the stand so now we are stuck.
He turned red as a beet and wouldn't look up.
My lawyer came up with a compromise and I agreed to say we could not reconcile that day.
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I sought out this discussion bc I saw this a couple of weeks ago and read some then. The pics of feet really made me laugh. I have not experienced that one. I have to put on here the recent text that my husband sent me that I think fits on this discussion.
Background to text: BD was Dec. 2013. H quit talking to me May 2014 but lived at home same bed until 2 1/2 weeks ago. He left on Valentines for his moms. He told me just this past Monday that he has found a place just down the road from moms to rent. I told him thanks for telling me. I texted latter that we really needed to look at our finances. So yesterday he sent me a long text explaining what bills we could cancel to be able to afford his new place. I texted "Thanks"
So last night he sends another text "So do you approve the financial plan that I sent you?"
BIZARRE!! who asks their wife to approve them moving out financially?
I jokingly told my friend that the next text I was going to get was "So do you approve me taking out my secretary on a date?"
You can't make this stuff up!!!
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Great thread....brings a smile to my face through all the mess.....the feet thing is weird.....my h's ow is always posting photos of feet.....hers and her kids feet on beach.....hers and h feet in rollerblades.....just weird......there must be a connection with feet and bat$h!te crazy!!!!!
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At the beginning of all this, he was doing his benefit plan online and asked me if d2 needed dental. I said 'yeah, she has cavities and I need to get her in as soon as possible.'
Shortly after the 1st of the year I left a message asking about her info. A week later I asked by text. Another week or so, I asked by e-mail. I asked him face to face about a week later. He ignored me. every. single. time.
I took her to the dentist, they were able to bill the insurance by looking it up through his ssn. Later I told him she would need general anesthesia for the because she needs almost all her top teeth filled and is also a 2 year old maniac, did he want me to schedule it on a day he could be there?
He gave me grumpy confused forhead scrunch face and snarled "She doesn't have dental insurance."
Sometimes I forget how batdang crazy he is and try to talk to him.
My bad.