Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: bookwrmmom on March 22, 2015, 04:41:49 PM
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I know that most of us are under a tremendous amount of stress. Working more hours, extra jobs, childcare, taking care of EVERYTHING. The magnitude of all that is on some of the shoulders of the LBS is mind blowing at times. Plus add in the fact that many of us are not getting any younger.
I am always exhausted, just flat out damn drained. I know the typical things are work out more, but sometimes that is hard to do when we are working so much. So can we share some tips friends? I am a fan of trying natural things that are not expensive. Things that are healthy, but don't compromise a tight budget. Can we share some ideas to help each other out?
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This is a great idea! I'm exhausted, too!
Mint tea and fresh air are my cheap and easies. I've been getting green tea with mint because green tea is supposed to have xyz health benefits and all.
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For a start, rest. As much as you can. Working out harder does not always work and if one is already exhausted in can lead to burn out.
I don't know if you worked out in a gym. If so, those can be draining. They are indoors, there are often other people around, they are not exactly peaceful. Walking is a good form of exercise and if it can be done in quiet places, all the better.
If you are having troubles sleeping, and if herbal tea (chamomile, melissa) do not work, try some mild anti-anxiety pills. Even those of us who like to use natural things sometimes have to go for meds.
Eat well, drink plenty of water. Consider taking magnesium. Magnesium helps fatigue. Check your GP if you must.
Try to have a relaxed ambient home. If you like to sewing, knitting, crochet try those. They can have a calming effect.
Mediation is helpful for some of us. Currently some of us are doing this meditation challenge: https://chopracentermeditation.com/
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I drink a lot of ice water with lemon I find it refreshing. My doctor recommended Gatorade also since my appetite has been diminished helps with electrolytes. Multi vitamin, vitamin D and calcium supplement. Still struggling with food. I limit myself to 1 cup of coffee a day. Also, I try to keep my sleep routine going. 9pm week nights and 10:30 weekends.
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If food is an issue, home made soup (chicken soup is excellent and not just for when we have a cold), yogurt, a light sandwich, fruit, cheese slice, are some options.
Reducing coffee, or non herbal tea, is indeed a good idea.
Another is trying to stay away from TV and from the news. Or if one does not want to fully give up the news, reading a newspaper is a good option (it can be done online). That will reduce the noise and hysteria people are bombarded with from TV.
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My go to thing after this second BD was CHOCOLATE. ::)
Arizona makes what they call an RX Stress tea (or destress) it has Valerian and some B vitamins. I love hot or cold peppermint tea too. And water... lots of water.
I have a huge fuzzy fleece blanket I can't wait to curl up in bed with. And my cat too. I love to sleep - I cannot meditate. I find it annoying.
I'm taking B12 now. I think they help.
Sleeping and resting is big. A hot shower..Fresh Rosemary rubbed in your palms and then put the sprig in your pillowcase.
It's hard to focus on soothing things but it helps and to be gentle with yourself. Positive self talk. I usually repeat things like "it's going to be ok" when I've had a challenging day and breathe. I also think about the phrase "Pray unceasingly" or "I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me" I'm used to comforting myself. Breathe!!
I love to laugh and find it relives stress almost instantly (once you get to that point)...online the website damnyouautocorrect.com keeps me in stitches and LOL cats I can haz hamburger
ADD A BIG DOSE OF NC for peace of mind.
I recently got a TV but don't watch the news. Usually PBS or The Big Bang Theroy..something light and funny or educational. For the longest time I couldn't take the input. There were a lot of triggers from it also.
Turning..please try one half of something... a sandwich..something... the longer you go without eating the easier it gets.
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I am drained and can't seem to stay out of my bed for long stretches. So I am going to try a few of these. Thanks.
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I'd recommend a once over by a physician or naturopath and get your hormonal levels checked. Thyroid levels TH3 TH4, Estrogen, Progesterone and their precursors and metabolites, DHEA ,Testosterone, Adrenal hormones, Vitamin D.
Meditation did help me. As did Lavender on my pillowcase. I rested whenever I could, put my feet up and closed my eyes on my coffee breaks, napped whenever I could. Limited my caffeine intake. Got lots of touch therapy through massage. I simplified my life, if it didn't add to my life. out it went. I learned to ask for help and say the word " no". I didn't take anything on for a long while, just took care of the basics. I let a lot of things go, that weren't critical to my or my family's well being.
I am slowly now doing a little more than that, though not much. I still tire very quickly and don't have a big reserve of energy.
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YES! Thanks so much for the tips! I am so glad the weather is getting warmer and the days longer. I want to start taking my dachshund pup walking. I live in the country, and he is getting a wee bit hefty ;) I usually work my 2nd job 3 nights a week, so I can do this the other 2 nights and weekends. It will do us both some good. I do take an anti anxiety to help me sleep and have had to do this since not long after BD.
I also take multi-vitamins every night, but I def want to try magnesium. I am going to hit Walmart this week and get some. I have heard other friends talk about the benefits of taking it. I may need B12 as well. I have had bariatric surgery so I may be deficient in some vitamins.
I also love hot teas, so am open to all suggestions of those. I pretty much only drink water (w/crystal light pour ins) besides my morning two cups of coffee. I know much of the exhaustion is to be expected. Stress, worry, etc. I don't watch much news, but catch that online. I mostly watch my fave HGTV shows. Crochet is my de-stresser and keeps me relaxed and sane.
Keep coming with the herbal, tea, and vitamin suggestions! I think we can all use them.
Also yes JD,I'm prob need a full work up on blood work too!
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Yep can't wait to walk myself....What a winter...ugh!!!
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Eating well is the first defence. If appetite is low, try soups, protein shakes, smoothies - prioritise protein and fruits and veg. I lost muscle through the MLC diet and still rebuilding now. Any weight lost will not just be fat.
Rest, rest, rest. I still need more sleep than prior MLC, though getting back to normal. If you're tired, rest. Delegate, prioritise. Don't be a hero, ask for help! If people offer, take them up on it. Often people do want to help but don't know what would be of most benefit to you. And yet we don't ask. Exhaustion is your body's way of saying stop, you're working too hard. Simplify your life where possible.
5htp is my go to supplement for sleep. Magnesium and vitamin D are important. I meditate, do yoga, and walk daily with the dog, usually in a park or nature reserve. I also don't watch much telly, especially not the news. I love myself and prioritise what makes me happy and healthy.
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SIMPLIFY is a biggie!! Saying no, setting clear boundaries, and asking for help put me out of my comfort zone.
But I'm learning.
SLOW DOWN WHEN YOU NEED TO.
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Here's my list of things that help me:
Water...take body weight/2 and that number is the amount you should drink in ounces...add on if you drink caffeine. (I am trying not to drink the caffeine, but seem to need it once or twice a week.)
3 magnesium glycinate each night before bed...I sleep like a ROCK!
Homemade magnesium lotion...rubbed on my back, knees & elbows...wake up with no aches. Google the recipe...it's SUPER easy to make.
Coconut oil...use as face lotion...smells so good and makes your skin feel amazing!
Iron...get levels checked first
Sunshine...I try to sit in a sunny spot several times a day.
Vitex...just ordered this to balance hormones so not sure how it will be yet, but so far nothing bad has happened. lol I've only taken them a week.
I am also looking into adding iodine drops to my water, as I have read that can help the hormones also. I don't like to start more than one thing at a time though, so still researching that one.
Waiting for it to be nice outside so we can go hiking and for walks.
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Don't stay up until 2am reading THS like I am tonight.
5 grams of melatonin with a Xanax chaser worked pretty well last night. I take the Xanax every other night so that I don't build up a tolerance to it.
If you wake up during the night just lay there for a while. Sometimes you can fall back to sleep.
Don't marry somebody who will one day have an MLC.
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Vitamin B complex (B12), St Johns Wart, the odd sleeping tablet (when things become unbearable)
When it comes to food I eat what I feel like at the time - I believe my body craves what I need. I also eat when I want - didn't get to hung up on set meal times.
Exercise is a must - but outside where possible. Rug up if weather isn't nice. I live near water and I find it to be soothing. Just sitting looking at the water is my form of meditation.
Every day I look for something naturally beautiful - take the time to appreciate what an amazing world we live in.
Kia Kaha - Stay Strong
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Thanks so much everyone! I think these tips are awesome for those of us that have been at this a while, but more importantly for the newbies too. I almost got VERY sick in the days after BD (likely the same for my of us). I know am prob eating a bit too much junk, and not enough protein. That is not a good habit for me to continue. It has been difficult on the days I work 14 hours because when I get home at 10 pm I want something, but not anything I have to work for. Plus it is not good to eat that late at night. I am not gaining weight, but haven't lost the 7-8 pounds I wanted to loose from the holidays & first of the year.
So many great ideas and I cannot wait to start using some of them!
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I find that I have now become more able to say NO to things I don t want to do. After BD, I needed to prioritize. I didn't accept responsibilities or duties from family, extended family or friends that I could not handle. Or just did not feel like doing.
It was hard at first because I had become the " she'll take care of it" person. I allowed this to happen. Now I find it liberating to say " Sorry, I need to do XX . How about ( a time more suited to my activities ) " also I have cut down on multi-tasking which left me distracted and having a constant heightened tension. One task at a time gave me a sense of accomplishment and feel less exhausted when trying to tackle the next thing.
This has allowed me to find the "me-time" needed to stare into space, listen to music and being mentally more relaxed. That in turn helped me become more ohysically relaxed. I hadn't realized how close to my ears my shoulders had become. LOL!
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Piction, does St John's Wart really work? My H bought some (he doesn't know I know) and some other kind of mood calming over the counter pill and I'm not sure but I THINK my X is better. His depression seems to be better. Not sure it's from the pills or not. I never believed in those mood altering pills.
MyBrain, you made me laugh! Don't marry someone who will one day have MLC. LOL!!! Too funny.
I guess what worked the best for me was walking outside every day. Vitamin B12 and D.
AND... a whole lot of time.
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Hey Thunder - I found the compo of Vitamin B and St Johns Wart worked well. My Dr told me that Prozac was St Johns Wart with chemicals added to it. She said that it worked well for people that were depressed but their depression wasn't clinical. But I did wonder how much of it was a placebo "effect".
I was so desperate post BD - that I would have tried anything ::)
The other thing that I think worked almost better than anything was weekly massages - soothing for both body and mind!
But you are so right - time has been the best cure for exhaustion. It still amazes me what our mind and body can tolerate and sustain. All kinds of crazzzzzy!
Kia Kaha - Stay Strong
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So yesterday I went and bought Magnesium Citrate, B12, and calcium. I should have been taking calcium all along since my surgery, but I slacked off. Same with the B12. Magnesium is a new one that I have had others recommend, and some that I know that use it. I took two yesterday since I bought them midday (calls for 3 a day with each meal). I slept really well last night. I am not sure that taking a small amount of these had a thing to do with it or that I was just tired. Doesn't matter though because it was a good sleep. I will keep everyone posted on how it goes adding theses to my daily vitamin regimen.
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Check the instructions. Usually magnesium is best absorbed is taken a few hours apart from calcium.
Since I've been taking my magnesium pidolate on a slightly higher dosage I have been sleeping better. But I may buy some magnesium pills to alternate with it.
Regarding the food. You work many hours, you need to eat, even if it is late at night. Would it be possible for you to prepare some food when you have the time, then freeze it in separate portions to eat when you arrive?
Some types of food don't even need to be freezed, they last a while in the refrigerator. And you can do a big pot of soup and keep it in the refrigerator. Or freeze part in portions.
POAS, I'm going to google that magnesium lotion recipe.
Seekingpatience, a few years ago one task of a time become my default mode. I really do not care if people want me to do a million things at a time, or want me to be here, there and everywhere. Me first is my rule.
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MyBrain, that really cracked me up about not marrying MLC'er... I swear I spit my beer out at the screen! Yes, my does of what chills out my nerves and helps me eat.
Speaking of eating.. Lately I stay hungry all the freaking time! Lost almost 50lbs on LBS diet and have gained back about 10. (size 00), which is not a good look. What's up with staying hungry? I do not work out at present, but do alot of working out in yard.
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What's up with staying hungry? I do not work out at present, but do alot of working out in yard.
Probably anxiety and/or stress. It can make one very, very hungry. And all we eat is devoured by the anxiety/stress. For some anxiety/stress cause constant hunger and no weight gain, often weight loss.
MyBrain, since pretty much everyone seems to be either a MLCer or a LBS, the chances of not marry someone who is going to have a MLC are slim. Or maybe 50/50?