Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Trustandlove on May 24, 2010, 02:00:03 PM
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I think this is the right icon; if it should be something else, perhaps discussion, then please change it!
this is about taking care of yourself -- I do find this process absolutely and totally exhausting. I am considered strong, and generally think that I cope pretty well, but recently I found myself losing my temper in public and behaving in a manner that I would consider completely inacceptable. I of course made my apologies, but still feel awful.
Not that it is an excuse, but clearly I am not coping as well as I thought I was. I certainly do "all the right things", such as getting exercise, eating reasonably well, not drowning my sorrows, making time to rest, but still I find that I am stressed.
But the whole thing is just so draining. Being me, I read a lot, try to work a lot of it out intellectually; I'm sure I'd be better off if I could relax more -- my mother often says "just RELAX". She is of course right, but that's where I get stuck. All the external things (the gym, a massage, etc.) don't turn the brain off.
I struggle with the idea of 'being kind to yourself'. I've done all the GAL stuff -- retrained, have a job I love, have kept the children going, see friends, and so on and so on.... and I do know that this is 'normal'; that part of it is accepting that I am going to feel this way for a while yet....
I do find myself procrastinating on some tasks; I do know what to do about that; but still, this is just so darn tiring. And I don't want to take it out on anyone else again.
Pounding pillows doesn't work for me, btw....
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I also find it draining. The days when H is taking OW out are the worst; I can't eat, and I'm fractious.
I find intellectualizing it helps me. If I can understand the processes, it makes it seem more manageable. I also procrastinate, playing freecell, spending time on this site, doing Iching (good for reflection). But deep down I still have to face myself, my job, kids, and get through the days.
There are a few things that help me at the moment to relax, and gain the energy I need. First is a good therapist. Second, Prozac gives me calm and presence of mind. Third, going to the gym is a focus for getting rid of anxiety/ negative energy (although there was a stage that I didn't have the energy to go). Fourth, friends for laughing, refocussing, support. Fifth, meditation / relaxation exercises (for focussing who we are and where we are going with life). Sixth, writing a journal. This can become creative writing too. Seventh; reading, reading, reading. Eighth; music (but only upbeat music, nothing too mellow). Ninth; going to the movies (again, nothing soppy). Tenth; chocolate (actually, it doesn't really help, but I like it).
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I like to exercise. It burns off the cortisol stress hormone and I find it focuses my mind, gives me energy, and slows me down. I need to slow down, really need to.
I just started taking 5HTP based on the youtube videos I watched with Dr Amen, psychiatrist. I got a book called 5HTP, the natural way to deal with depression, obesity and insomnia, by Michael Murray ND. All things I need, right? I'm on day three and already feeling an effect.
In any case, I know that's not exhaustion, but my depression was manifesting itself as not being able to sleep and feeling exhausted... so maybe something to think about. I think the emotional exhaustion came first and recently I began to realize it had morphed into depression... which is just b/c the exhaustion went on too long without being addressed.
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I have read that the loss of a marriage/spouse brings about the normal process of grieving. I don't know where I am in the stages of grief because I have been too wrapped up in trying to figure out what stage H is in. I have been blessed with the ability to remain a stay-at-home mom throughout this ordeal, and have used that time to read, reflect, journal, pray, etc...
I do find that I sleep a lot though! Or, I would like to. To me it is like a free vacation! I don't know if this is a part of grieving, depression, both or neither. I remain involved in my kids' lives, the community, church, am active with friends, etc... I am definitely not ignoring the need to GAL and it's not like I stay in bed all day, but especially when kids aren't here, I feel drained. To me this is an exhausting process, grieving.
Just wondering what other symptoms of grief and or emotional strain other LBS' are having to address. (And am I the only one that is jealous sometimes of the ability to just "check out" of reality!? Wow. To live life blissfully unaware and unconcerned... I know, they are not truly blissful, but sometimes I do buy his act!)
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Writingmom
The whole process of grieving is emotionally draining. Add to this the fact that we have to deal with all the day to day things for our children, house, contact with H and we get dragged down further.
Being detached definitely helps but I am also chronically tired as I am always having to sort out one problem or another and H is off in Laalaa land.
There are many good books on grief and if you put the word into a search engine lots of info comes up. But it is interesting that we have had a HUGE shock and grieve for the loss of our H and marriage as it was.
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Read my post on this thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6.0
This book might help you with this process.
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I purchased the book on abandonment, but finding that right now I have no desire to read. I was like a sponge at first; absorbing every piece of information I possibly could. Now I feel burned out. We are at one year from bomb drop/monster spewing and I'm finding it difficult to keep it together. The memories of that time have come flooding back without permission. My kids are home from school for the summer also; another trigger to the memories of the days when I stumbled around with no ambition or drive to even get dressed, never mind actually feed or interact with them.
It's bittersweet. We're past the bomb drops. Past the grief for the most part as well as the shock. But now? It feels like I've been working SO hard the last year to move forward and now all of a sudden I feel like I'm right back at the beginning. I know that I'm not, but the anniversary of bomb/monster is not one that I planned to celebrate, that's for sure. It is absolutely like the anniversary of a death. You know it's coming, you know it will affect you, you're just not sure how.
Putting one foot in front of the other, continuing to get out of bed each day...these are not lofty goals if you ask me! There are times when I have more ambition. This is not one of them. I guess we have our own peaks and valleys, even though we're not cycling with them any more.
H told my kids that he wouldn't see them much in June. OW is due soon and lives in another state. It makes me sick. He is welcoming a new baby and turning 40, is still married and is having kids with a married employee. I want to cry but I'm all cried out! I really, truly see no hope. I can read between the lines in other situations and see hope in others' lives, but not mine. It all seems too absurd, the fact that he is having a baby with her. Can't say that I've read that scenario in any book or forum.
Anyway, woe-is-me moments are becoming too familiar again. I need to stop the cycle of self-pity before it goes any further! But definitely will be glad when the anniversaries and the "firsts" are OVER!!!
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It's normal to feel that way. One thing I've found is that we ourselves can only go through this process at our own rate. There is no set time for us to 'feel better'. Like the crisis on the other side, it will take as long as it takes.
For the record, I think you're doing great.
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Thank you! Don't know what I would do without this site. This is such a long, strange journey. It is still so surreal but it's nice that I'm not alone. I look forward to posts one day about life on the other side!
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The problem with grief is that it isn't a linear line we follow.
We may make strides ahead and then something knocks us backwards and we have to regroup and move forward again.
I am sure when the baby arrives your emotions will be all over the place and try and overwhelm you again. But that is normal and part of the grieving process. Almost as if we need to grieve every new twist and turn.
But as we take control of our lives back we will move more towards acceptance and fulfillment whatever the future holds.
You are a strong person writingmom and you will reach the light at the end of the tunnel as we all will.
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I can grieve the lost time, the money spent for a second residence that we don't need and her current affair. I'm just not sure how to grieve the FUTURE damage that we haven't done yet, but that we will do, for the rest of our lives, to our children. For example, we have hundreds of happy family occasions that haven't occurred yet - mother's day, father's day, xmas, valentine's day, birthdays, graduations, vacations, child births, etc. Even if we're all together for these occasions, which would be amazingly functional considering that our marriage seems to be ending, each one will be fraught with shame and confusion.
Another example of future damage is the money we haven't spent yet on a second residence, that we could avoid spending if we just pulled ourselves together and took advantage of some of the great understanding of what goes wrong in marriage (Sue Johnson's book, Hold Me Tight, is great in this regard.)
Most of all, I don't know how to grieve FORWARD our failure to serve as a firewall between the bad emotional habits of our parents and the emotional health of our children. Knowing that we are screwing our children out of the most important legacy we could give them if we chose to do so and that they will have to work out the emotional regulation problems with THEIR spouses since we decided it was just too hard to do is the hardest thing of all. It's like watching a train wreck occur in slow motion, knowing how to stop it and being locked out of the cab by a crazy person who thinks train wrecks are entertaining to watch.
I'm sure that by detaching, etc., I can REDUCE the damage. But I'm not interested in a solution that is LESS BAD for our children. I'm only interested in the solution that is actually GOOD for them.
There is no controversy - children of happily married parents do better, as do the parents. Our children are late stage teenagers, but they need us to show them how to successfully navigate mid-life. We're sort of doing so as individuals, but certainly not as a couple married for the long term. How can anyone not be in love with the person who can give their children the very best, by far, chance at an emotionally healthy life?
So, please help me understand how to grieve FORWARD, for all the damage we haven't even done yet, but are setting about to do, every day for the rest of our lives.
Thank you.
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In my opinion you can only grieve for the potential loss in the future as we don't know what it brings. Therefore if we are not careful we cross bridges we needn't have gone to.
But we do grieve for the loss of the potential future as we see it as we all had plans evolving for our future lives together. My retirement will look very different without my H beside me as we had vague plans about how it would look. But if he's not there someone else maybe.
I think detaching allows us to give our children a better life as we are in a better place to support them. Unfortunately even if our marriages survive some damage will always remain emotionally for our children.
Onmyfeet you are already doing the best for your children by being there for them and an advocate for their emotional wellbeing. Each hurdle in the future will have to be manoeuvred around but your children will see that.
To cope with the future I have to deal with every day, anniversary and special occasion as it comes. That's how I personally survive.
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Our children are late stage teenagers, but they need us to show them how to successfully navigate mid-life. We're sort of doing so as individuals, but certainly not as a couple married for the long term. How can anyone not be in love with the person who can give their children the very best, by far, chance at an emotionally healthy life?
onmyfeet,
This is a good question with not a simple answer. I believe that by standing for you marriage you set the best possible example for your children. My mother was bipolar and my father stood by her for most of my life. When they got to midlife they divorced. At this point I was an adult with children. My father was unable to stop my mother from her desire to divorce. This has made a huge impression on me. I can not control my W, however I can control me and I need to set the best possible example for my adult children. Standing for my marriage under all conditions is what I choose to do!
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I'm just not sure how to grieve the FUTURE damage that we haven't done yet, but that we will do, for the rest of our lives, to our children. For example, we have hundreds of happy family occasions that haven't occurred yet - mother's day, father's day, xmas, valentine's day, birthdays, graduations, vacations, child births, etc.
I deal with the future by looking only one day at a time right now. I was always a huge planner and wanted things carved out way in advance. I have learned to just let things unfold as they will. It helps me to only live in the moment. To make each moment the best I can for myself and my children. One thing this has taught me is that I often got so caught up in the planning of things that I truly lost sight of the value of them. Now, much like an Aerosmith song, "I don't wanna miss a thing."
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Still
You sound very put together. I have always been a planner and I also need to learn how to take things one day at a time.
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You sound very put together. I have always been a planner and I also need to learn how to take things one day at a time.
Thanks, CW.
Actually, I have gradually put myself back together. This remodeled version is much stronger as the glue that binds is made of pure determination. I was a crumpled person not so long ago. I spent hours in bed, cried my eyes to near dehydration, and didn't know how I would ever go on.
It has taken time, a great IC, and new found faith in God that has gotten me to this point. I spent a lot of years trying to please everyone else. I forgot who I was and nearly lost myself completely. My H's MLC put me on a search for answers. In that search, I realized that I hadn't taken care of the one person who needed me most.....ME. Now I do that. I am a better mother, a better friend, a better sister, and ultimately I will be a better wife (when given that opportunity).
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I'm wondering if anyone else has used aromatherapy or other alternative methods to create a better home environment for the times the MLCer is there or just for you.
Here is what I've been doing.
Early in the process, desperation led me to research aromatherapy as a means of dealing with all of the senses. Using smell is subtle but powerful and creates strong memories.
I purchased some lavender oil (to calm), mixed it in a spritzer with distilled water and sprayed our bed linens and room every time he left. I also sprayed it in other places where he spent lots of time. At one point I noticed H sniffing a throw pillow. I've also sprayed a bit in my hair before I dry it. My next purchase will be vanilla oil and/or geranium oil.
From there I've expanded my efforts a bit. Some work colleagues used sage leaves to cleanse their offices. A little research showed me that the belief is that burning sage leaves will cleanse the environment. I used ground sage since I didn't have the leaves. I put some into a candle holder, lit it, blew it out and went from room to room in our house with the smoke slowly billowing. I first did this before his last visit when lots of positives happened.
After the sage leaves, I burned a vanilla scented candle in our bedroom for several hours. I used a lavender scented candle on the main level. Vanilla is calming and reduces stress also.
This last part won't appeal to all, but given my religious background it has meaning to me. On a recent visit to my hometown I went into the church where we were married. Catholic churches always have holy water available for taking. I filled a container. After my sage burning I walked through the house sprinkling the water about. I also spritzed some on our bed. I prayed as I did so. For me, it is a means of blessing our home.
I do know that after I did all of these things last week, I had positive interactions with my H. We both were calm and could talk. I just finished up in preparation for his visit today.
Anyone else?
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I like this, and might try some of your suggestions.
One warning; holy water is susceptible in the spread of MRSA superbug infections because of all the unholy hands that dip into it. I think some churches are switching to dispensers to avoid this.
Sage, lavender.... anything else?
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This last part won't appeal to all, but given my religious background it has meaning to me. On a recent visit to my hometown I went into the church where we were married. Catholic churches always have holy water available for taking. I filled a container. After my sage burning I walked through the house sprinkling the water about. I also spritzed some on our bed. I prayed as I did so. For me, it is a means of blessing our home.
I am not Catholic, but one of my online friends on another forum sent me a small bottle of holy water. I sprayed it all over my house. It gave me a sense of calm.
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A few good links I quickly found. The one I used is a bookmark on my work computer. I'll send it along next time I'm there.
http://www.aworldofaromatherapy.com/essential-oils-atoz.htm
http://www.aromaweb.com/recipes/default.asp
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Yes! Yes! I am so into aromatherapy. It's something that works really well for me and my children. When my mind starts to race it's something I can control in my environment and it helps a lot. I'm not particularly fond of incense because most are scented with fragrance oils and I don't like those but I found these really AWESOME incense that are scented with essential oils. They describe what the scent is used for and how it helps the mind for emotional clarity, cleansing, purifying etc. I'm actually so into them that I'm going to start to create my own incense holders and sell them. I'm dying to do something with my hands and these incense sticks inspired me. THey are really great. Don't know if I can share the name here but if you PM me I can give it to anyone. AROMATHERAPY is a way to bring you into the present.
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yes buggy, I too use essential oils, thus the purchase of one at a time as they can be expensive. I find mine in a local health food co-op. I do have a little burner for the oils that I use sometimes. Right now I'm focusing on oils that create calm, reduce stress, and men find "sexy."
Mermaid--you might also try vanilla oil at first. There is quite a bit of research on vanilla oil. I'm not usually a vanilla scent fan, but it is calming and also one of the sexiest scents around for men. (Talk about Freudian)
I don't specifically recall why I selected geranium, but it was for similar reasons.
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I buy my lavendar oil in bulk. I have used it to spray the linens...but not for awhile....should do that again. I have several essential oils that I keep handy. I make a blend with jojoba oil which I use as massage oil and it is great for my hair, but expensive. I try to have another healing massage blend on hand that has tea tree oil in it. You can also get aloe and make up a blend of aloe and lavendar for use on cuts--refrigerate it.
I've wantedt o get vanilla, but the best is extra expensive for a tinier than normal size vial--normal seems to be about 10mL.
My friend Lingy was told to burn sage in areas of her home. I haven't but will possibly do it at a new place when I move.
I like incense and Sweetheart hates it--he thinks of hippies and that incense is bad. Whatever. I used it more when he was gone and usually specifically during meditations. I bought a high quality incense from the local metaphyiscal store which is alo where I would buy sage.
As for the essential oils, I go to the natural foods store. They even have jojoba oil in bulk which is good because it is expensive.
Buggy,
Definitely let us know what incense you use.
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I burn highly scented candles for myself every day. I get them on sale at Marshall's, Ross Stores or T.J. Maxx. Also, I have a hoard of Tuberose scented candles (my favorite) from Henri Bendel through Bath & Body Works outlets... got about 20 of them on closeout last year. Tuberose is my favorite scent and very heady!
When I know husband is visiting, I burn a Grapefruit scented candle. It smells clean... can't describe it, but it's not sweet. I always have the house clean and fresh crisp sheets on the bed and soft music on the computer so the house seems relaxing and inviting.
So, YES, I use aromatherapy for me every day, BUT, when husband is home, I make it about comfort for him.
In fact, the best aromatherapy I use is the perfume I wore when we first met! It's Chanel COCO and I don't care for it anymore, but I noticed the last time he was here, he did a doubletake when he smelled it on me and nuzzled my neck. I am ruthless in my manipulations!! Trying to bring him back to me and he is about 19 years old right now, so what was I doing at that time? Uh Oh... dressing like Madonna! LOL!! ;D
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I'll let you guys know the name this weekend. Just ran out and need to get some more at the store. Geranium I believe is a scent that is connected to emotions. I also like Clary Sage which I used a lot last year when my H was slipping into replay and away from us. THe house became filled with negative energy. It would sit on top of me. Clary Sage is supposed to be clarifying and help to purify negative energy or emotions.
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Sage sticks sold at 'new age' stores are great for clearing negative energy from your home. I am sure the clerk can help you with the 'how-to' of it. Generally focusing on a prayer asking for positives to replace negative while you walk the perimeter of every room with the smouldering sage stick will do it. Start and end at the front door.
I do not think it is great for making the home smell good. Kinda burnt smell like cheap incense.
I like to simmer cinnamon in water on the stove. Vanilla smells too much like tobacco to me. While I enjoy a good cigar on occasion, I don't like the smell in my house! I love lavendar for relaxation and eucalyptis when I need to focus and get things done.
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Here's the name of the incense I spoke about earlier in the thread. They are hand rolled based upon herbs, flowers and essential oils, no glues so non-toxic, pastes are made from sandal and fragrant woods
True to Nature Incense Sticks
by Auroshikha
My all time FAVORITE is African Violet which the Greeks believed could send one off to sleep. It is heavily floral and so is Rose which is another one of my favorites. African Violet is cooling and can be used for a calming and relaxing effect during times of nervousness or extremes of emotion. I think we could all use a little of that balance! They provide this fun info on the back of each package. These are not your normal incense sticks in that they are not scented with fragrance oils so it's a beautiful smell.
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Thanks for the info Buggy! I am shopping!
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Thought it might be fun (and maybe helpful for each other and newbies) to have a thread where we post tips that have helped us turn the focus onto ourselves and our wellbeing.
My tips are these:
Food: I was saying on synicca's thread, I make a lot of smoothies these days - fun with kids, tasty treat and healthy.
Favourite ingredients include: banana, plain yoghurt, maple syrup/honey, fresh fruit, frozen fruit, canned fruit in juice, different flavoured fruit juices, milk or soya milk - things like fresh blueberries and maple syrup mean you are using superfoods packed with anti- oxidents.
Books: When things fall apart, Pema Chodron anything by her in fact!
Writing: Journal keeping
Spirituality: Meditation and prayer to higher power
Body: yoga http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bofQabiS3C4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bofQabiS3C4) this one is great, even for beginners
reflexology - had a free session a couple of weeks after BD thanks to a friend and it is the first time I slept properly in weeks - for an hour, deeply on my friend's sofa.
General: do new things, go new places, create new memories, create new habits (my kids and i pile into my bed for reading stories mid afternoon on weekends and it is a great bonding experience!) and new routines.
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We have 1 night a week when Dearheart isn't here so we have 'scratchit' for tea. Sometimes interesting results lol
Every second weekend the girls and I go somewhere. To a park usually with sandwiches snacks and drink. Stay for a few hours.
Just little things.
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Yes, food is good - I've started using my bread machine again and exploring new recipes! :P
Getting back involved with something you once did before marriage/kids: for me it's been technical stuff for a local amateur dramatics society and my guitar playing.
More involvement with the kids' sports and school projects.
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Briliant idea S&D!
I have discovered that this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: focus on the things you CAN control. If you don't, you will loose valuable energy and influence on the situation. I know FollowingBliss wrote about this and explained very well how the circle of control works. I cannot find it anymore, but will look again through her forum postings.
Youtube: works very well for me. I have young children. Sometimes I feel I am still operating on "survival mode", doing the things that need to be done and be fully present emotionally around them during the day. When they are in bed, I have the opportunity to read but often I lack the energy to do that or I just like it when somebody talks to me.
I have so many recommendations, but let's start with Stephen R. Covey - Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I have this book already for years, but it got a whole new meaning for me. He explains so well how to shift from co-dependency to interdependency. For real growth and development you need to be open to self-discovery, work inside-out and give our first energies to our own character development. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UPt5fMFxSw is part one.
The podcasts from tara brach, http://www.tarabrach.com/audioarchives2011.html. I think she is a great teacher, she helps me to embrace the present as it is, the good and the bad.
http://www.cloudtownsend.com/ I find their work on boundaries very good. There is a video channel on their site, search for boundaries and the videos will show.
Do something creative. Yesterday I picked up a block of DAS moist modelling Clay and just started working on it. I do it for the process, I will never become the next michelangelo. But I find it frustrating that I have the perfect picture in my head what it should look like, for example a person with wings instead of arms and it ends up to look like a mutulated turtle ... But my mind and emotions are set completely on the modelling.
If you cannot find any inspiration or cannot come up with an idea, you could start by following step-by-step guides. On youtube (hahaha, I told you I cannot live without anymore...) you can find so much! I started with a Mandala, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4Nlz4XMxcs. Worked out really well. A real ego-booster and again a process that consumed me. Kind of creative therapy, fill in the blank spaces with things you like.
Face your adversities. This is a tough one for me. For example, I like to cook and eat, and above all I really like to share a meal with others. But....I don't like to cook for others, organize a dinner or something. I get really stressed, feel insecure about everything. I like to change this. I don't give dinner parties yet, maybe I will never do that. But I manage to have a friend and her children over every other week for dinner and made dinners for other friends a few times. Worked out really well, I managed to do it without major stress and even enjoying it!!
But again: start small
To stay true to yourself, you might have to take some time to (re)discover yourself.
Take the time to explore what goes on inside you. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place!!
Love,
Dragonfly
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Reiki healing helped me a lot in the beginning, it put the focus only on my healing.
Like LG I like thrift shopping, digging through all the junk for the one good find helped me to not think of him.
Writing in a journal help me to get all my feelings out, but after a while I found I was just writing the same thing over and over and over and put it away.
Vit B shots also helped, after a physical, I found out my Vit B was very low (I don't know why) and started to get the shots and boy did it make a different, it lift a sadness and I wasn't so tired anymore.
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check out this website> http://www.eftuniverse.com/ EFT = emotional freedom technique- the premise is that emotional pain causes most of our physical pain. The site teaches, for free, a technique for releasing the pain. Today was the third time I ran across a reference to this technique from three different sources.
Youtube - Adam Ferrara- humor is the best medicine
Cup of tea or cocoa or coffee with a frothy milk topping
Dog in lap - pet therapy- lowers your heart rate
Gardening- literally touching the earth helps
Thinking about taking full breaths
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Thank you FTT, couldn't have come at a better time for me!
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Blowing off the gym to go buy flowers has made me the happiest I have been in months. Also my horseback riding lessons that I started taking again. It's one hour of total concentration that helps me relax my mind because I can't think of anything other than controlling the horse.
Making sure I take my vitamins and antidepressants. I was totally against the AD's, but I make sure I take 2 fish oil capsules with it. It's supposed to make them work better and I think I am feeling the effects far sooner than the 4-6 weeks they said it would take.
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Glad you are feeling better LearningIamok. The Ad's can help to reste the chemical imbalance that occurs when we are thrown into this total chaos.
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Gardening is helping me immensely! I dug two huge patches, put a wood border around it, posts and chicken wire.
I have a strawberry patch, rhubarb, raspberry bushes, black currant bushes, watermelon, canteloupe, squash, pumpkins, corn, onions, lettuce, cabbages, cauliflower, lot of tomatoes, raddishes, green and yellow beans, cucumbers, beets, carrots, brocolli, brussel sprouts, bok choy...I think that's everything.
I don't know who's going to eat it all...but it sure is great growing it and tending it!
I'm also getting into Budhism and it's very interesting, helps let go of the anger and bring back love and compassion for all living beings. The meditation also helps 'control the mind', bring peacefull thoughts and makes you feel really grounded...even when your whole world is falling apart!
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I'd love to claim to be cool, calm and collected about all this ... I'm not ... but this link has helped me immensely:
http://www.wholeliving.com/article/natural-mood-boosters-article (http://www.wholeliving.com/article/natural-mood-boosters-article)
I haven't as yet taken any anti-depressants - nothing against them at all - just have fought with natural boosters until now - lots of exercise, running, swimming, smoothies, diet http://www.vegetarianliving.co.uk/recipes.php?do=overview, yoga, music, sunlight ( don't underestimate the effect of sunlight ).
My sons and I have taken up rock climbing, and we can vouch for that. We grew seeds and planted seedlings this spring too. I agree about the feel of the earth in your hands.
Also, I'm playing a lot more guitar, learning a new language, and developing a new ipad app. Keeps me sane ... I think!
bnw
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Awesome thread! :)
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ooooh...I like this thread.
Time with my dog
Makeup..this was reawakened during my transition to 30 and at the start of my H's MLC...I love playing with it..being creative..it's a way to take care of me and it lifts my spirits I tell ya'...So fun
Reading to my girls and to me :)
Making stir frys for me and the kids and having a fun little treat to go with it..like fortune cookies...or rice candy...or asian fruit flavored gum..Our grocer has a fun ethnic food section
Iced coffees in the summer ( caffeine is my vice..and not good for me..but I CAN'T stop YET...not NOW)
Incense (great ones I find at our grocer that are hand rolled and made with essential oils)...two packs are my weekly treat..come in all scents and they explain the origin of each on the back of the package.
FLOWERS...planting them...smelling them...cutting them..arranging them...just looking at them. Reminder of how fleeting life's beauty is...Zinia's are my favorite hands down..but I've planted a lot others this year like Dahlias, Poppy, snapdragons..begonias and I am going to plant some trailing nursturims (?) for salads they make a salad look BEEEEEEEEEEEUTIFUL
Time in the sun and water.
Such a great thread...can't wait to read more
HUGS
BUGS
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I enjoy reading anything and everything...I am trying to cut back on the MLC, depression and relationship books though.
Being near the water..whether it is sitting on the pier or walking around the harbor. I find being near water calms me. Feel at peace during these moments.
Cooking for others makes me happy. Like to look for new recipes and try them out.
Thrift store shopping..this is one of my guilty pleasures. One man's garbage is another man's treasure. This is so true ;D
Exploring....just getting in the car and driving until something catches my eye and I stop to check it out.
Daydreaming of far off place...would love to travel to a foreign country and see all the sights and try different cuisine.
Learning a foreign language..I have been teaching myself Turkish for the past few years on and off. It can be hard but I so enjoy the sounds and dialects of the words.
Getting a manicure/pedicure. Got a facial a few weeks ago and it was awesome. Just laying there being pampered and relaxing. Letting all the thoughts just leave my mind.
Hanging out with family (in small doses) and friends. Just being me .Chatting about anything and everything that pops in my mind without fear of being judged.
When I am having an awful day -like a code blue-my three C's fix me up-cheetos, coke and chocolate.
These are some of the things I do to take care of me ;D
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Sunshine is a really big one. For me BD happened at the start of a very dark long European winter and wow, I needed my AD's to get through. The sunny springtime has given me a new lease on life!!!
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This is a great thread!
Right after my H left (in the dead of a horrible winter), when I could barely breathe or function, I would come home from work and turn on all the lights just to create brightness. I could not concentrate on TV then, but I would turn on the radio for companionship; talk radio or soothing music. I threw out a plastic plant we had and bought a lush live plant to add some good karma (it's doing quite well!).
I created a shrine to H and one for myself. I know, sounds a bit creepy, but it helped me. For my H I used a recent photo of him, a candle and some holy cards (we are Catholic background) arranged on a table. For me, I hung a happy photo of myself on the wall and surrounded it, bulletin-board style, with all the kind cards and notes of love and support from family and friends.
Other things I have done and continue to do to help myself. Note, no children, so I have more time and funds for me. But hoping some of my ideas can inspire others.
Pray.
Therapy.
Sleep/rest a lot.
Use this website!!!!
Call/e-mail/visit family and friends.
Try to buy flowers on a regular basis.
Light candles (scented and non).
Read about MLC, self-help and just for fun.
Eat my favorite foods.
Took a flower-arranging class.
Took a beading class.
Restorative yoga (amazing).
Aromatherapy.
Manicures.
Gym/exercise.
Daily walks.
"Redecorate" our bedroom a bit to make it more feminine and me (new bedspread, couple of throw pillows, new lamp).
Make some small decorating changes in the rest of our home. Don't want to spend a lot of money, just change the vibe a bit.
Go to movies by myself.
Nature: walk in park/gardens.
Shopping (have to be careful with that one, but flea markets/thrift shops great!)
Have had one facial and two massages in the past 6 mos. Had the facial on a really bad, bad day. Helped a lot.
Went on a weekend trip to beach with two friends. Very restful.
Plans: Organizing/spring cleaning around the house; getting a pet; volunteering; maybe finding a church.
Hope this helps!
Blessings,
BH
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I thought of a thing that calms me ...
In the UK there is a radio show called 'Desert Island Discs'. The premise of the show is that a famous guest has to imagine that they have been washed up on a desert island and they have to pick their 8 favourite songs, a book and a luxury that will help them when they're cast away.
The songs they pick really provide a framework for them to talk about themselves - their lives, their relationships, what moves them.
It is a great show - what I think I like most about it is when they talk about what they learned from their parents - or those people that influenced them. It helps me to think about myself, and what might matter to my own sons.
Anyway - the BBC has released an archive of these as podcasts. It is a treasure trove - there are a lot of people that are maybe more famous in the UK ( I grew up there ) but there are a good sprinkling of American and international stars there too.
It is very relaxing to listen to - if you want to unwind, or want some calm noise in the background while you cook, or clean, or in the car etc ...
I'm working my way through them ...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/features/desert-island-discs/find-a-castaway
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I'm seeing lot's of posts with 'BUMP' tonight.
Great to get these up where we can easily find them.
Thanks OP.
But I think a new name for Op could be 'MR BUMP' (my kids love reading mr men :))
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I burn highly scented candles for myself every day. I get them on sale at Marshall's, Ross Stores or T.J. Maxx. Also, I have a hoard of Tuberose scented candles (my favorite) from Henri Bendel through Bath & Body Works outlets... got about 20 of them on closeout last year. Tuberose is my favorite scent and very heady!
When I know husband is visiting, I burn a Grapefruit scented candle. It smells clean... can't describe it, but it's not sweet. I always have the house clean and fresh crisp sheets on the bed and soft music on the computer so the house seems relaxing and inviting.
LettingGo, you sound a lot like me in this way! I love prowling Ross and TJ Maxx for candles. My favorite scents are vanilla or dessert type smelling ones. My H also likes the clean smelling candles- I wonder if it is a male preference for certain smells?
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I'm seeing lot's of posts with 'BUMP' tonight.
Great to get these up where we can easily find them.
Thanks OP.
But I think a new name for Op could be 'MR BUMP' (my kids love reading mr men :))
Well we have lots of info on the forum and I thought it would help mix it up a little to bring some of the old stuff up.
I don't want to be the only one looking for topics to merge.
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I find lavender on my pillow helps me sleep better. I know sleeping badly is something that affects many of us.
In the period between BD and H leaving home I tried hard to make home as welcoming and calm as possible with oils and candles etc. Have to say it didn't work! :)
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Well we have lots of info on the forum and I thought it would help mix it up a little to bring some of the old stuff up.
I don't want to be the only one looking for topics to merge.
Thanks OP. (hope the name didn't offend you) Please keep it up. I don't seem to have time to read beyond page 2 and some of these old threads have great info :)
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I use vanilla or apple scented candles in my bedroon and somteimes, vanilla, cinnamon or apple insence sticks.
Also, I have gentle warm dimmed lighs (never use the ceiling lamp), and fabrics or bed linen where yellow is present. Yellow is very calming for me.
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I like the aromatherapy, but more to calm myself than anything. Mint is my favorite right now.
I have posted in other threads before, but for early post bomb drop calming I used a podcast (free) called Meditation Station. Very good exercises that helped me find a few moments calm, even on my worst days. That and a self-hypnosis app for iPhone helped me stop using sleeping pills to go to sleep again.
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Wow this has come at the right time for me...having a bit of an angsty day and read this and remembered before BD when I was trying to get us to connect more I had bought an aromatherapy set, massage oil etc ...H was not having any of it so I shoved it on the top shelf in the wardrobe...just got it out its called serenity and it is a mixture of Geranium,Lavender. Marjorim and Patchouli
I have just put some on and it smells so good, hopefully it will relax me and I will have a good nights sleep....thanks for the bump :)
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I love this - my sister gave me a lavander oil spray for my linen and lavendar candles to help me sleep when she came to stay after BD last year. I still use it. I have cinnamon oil scent in my bedroom cos I love the smell and I burn different incense in the fireplace everynight and it makes the house smell really nice. From time to time I wear vanilla perfume as it calms me down. I really love the sage idea, and the geranium... will have to see if similar is available over here.
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I am burning a vanilla candle right now and drinking a cup of very yummy smelling French tea. Mmmmm. :)
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I don't like the smell of vanilla it makes me feel sick ...but i love Lemon and Ginger tea...it is lovely xxx
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Whatever works for you Hyper...indulge yourself! :)
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We all know, almost as soon as we join this community that GAL is important.
So I thought it would be great if we could post some ideas or ask for advise on checking out new hobbies here. For example, I'm really keen to learn some horse riding skills but don't really know where to start. I don't want to own a horse but just enjoy a trail ride every so often. (one of my little girl dreams)
I'll start by adding a few of my own and also one that Believer posted on another thread.
- Take a walk on a nice trail or walk the dog.
Enjoy a long bath
Join a craft or common interest group. If childcare is an issue, start one in your own home.
Invite people to help you re-do your furniture or de-clutter your home.
Play a board game with your kids.
I completely understand what you mean about it being nice to finally be able to focus on other things..
I'm not sure if you are a crafting person however in addition to reading I have found much peace in crafts. I make cards and scrapbook etc. however this past year I have decided that I wanted to paint. I wanted to do something whimsical and fun. I discovered a mixed media artist Christy Tomlinson online. I have just enrolled in a couple of her online workshops !! which works well for me and helps keep it affordable too. My next workshop will be the one called "She has Three Hearts"
I'm looking forward to it - it will be therapuetic for me to look at who I am and come up with the three different hearts. I have copied the link for anyone who may be interested.
I look at these creative projects as my gift to me.....and the best part you don't have to be an artist to do these ..gotta love that ;D
http://christytomlinson.typepad.com/christytomlinson/she-had-three-hearts-art-journaling-workshop.html
I realize it's not a book recommendation but it does help us grow...does that count ? ;D
Believer
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If you do not have kids and r«living back with your family, enjoy the family.
Make new friends.
Read
Learn to enjoy watching movies and tv series on your own.
Go to the seaside
Dinne at friends house if you can
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Actually, today I was so anxious to have a nice walk in nature somewhere. Alas, there isn't really much nature here in Brooklyn, New York unless I take the train somewhere. I really wish I lived in a more natural environment.
I've tried taking classes in soapmaking, I make jewelry, I sew, I LOVE interior decorating, ...I pretty much love to work with my hands and it makes me feel so good to get to work making things. :) I've tried very hard to turn it into a business so it can help me, in more ways than one, but it just didn't work out. I like to create for myself anyway and although I haven't been able to work on anything new for months, those are a couple of ways I express myself :) And singing :) I love singing and listening to my favorite music.
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Moderate exercise is key.... walks are good for this.
Depending on your sitch, GAL does not have to be real all of the time... if you are a NATURAL homebody, then fake some stuff on Facebook or whatever... if you get an invitation to go out, force yourself to take it, LOL!! You will still have a good time! If you always wanted an independent life, then take a class... join a book club.. whatever! Try "meetup.com" to find a group of like minded people.... I would stay away from singles groups... they are getting together for MIXERS, no matter what they say...
Take a trip... even if it is a LUXURY vacay by yourself... or go on a group tour of europe... whatever... home tour of Savannah... you will enjoy it more than you think... buy yourself a souvenir of your trip... or go visit a girlfriend or take a drive to see the leaves change..... there's LOTS to do to GAL...
I personaly FAKE a lot of GAL... then when I go to a party or "Male REVUE" for a bachelorette party, there are plenty of pics to post.... Meet up with other crazy LBS.....
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"if you get an invitation to go out, force yourself to take it, LOL!! You will still have a good time!"
This is very, very hard for me to do, personally.
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I take classes it encourages ( ok maybe sometimes it forces) me to try different things.
Since BD I have enrolled in:
Breadmaking - by hand ( yummy!!!)
Running team
Graphic Design - working towards my diploma in Arts, Crafts and Design
Quilting
Various sewing classes
Work related courses
Painting classes
Theta Healing
Yoga
I'm pretty sure there will be more :D
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I've been thinking of taking yoga. I also love bike riding but I don't do that often because I don't feel safe on these crazy streets. But... riding around New York City and on bike trails is one of my favorite things to do.
And baking, I like to bake. :) You would think I do all of this stuff on a frequent basis but, no. Most or all of my stuff has been in boxes for the past two years. I feel so unsettled in my surroundings, ever since BD. I don't really have the space or privacy. It's frustrating. Oh, and photography. ;D
Believer, breadmaking sounds like fun!
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StarGazerGirl,
Bread making was fantastic! I learned to make 8 different types, including sourdough and a lavender infused brioche - all seemed to be my favourite though LOL!!
All I can say is I'm glad I run!!!!
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OOOhh. All this stuff is really getting my creative mind going.
Believer - Lavender scones are really yummy.
I've just comne back from the closing down sale at the craft store and spent over $100. That was a GAL activity in itself!
Now I am armed with heaps of gorgeous stuff to enrol in one of the on-line clasess Believer posted. (I'm blaming you Believer!!)
Some ideas I've thought of while reading all the above:
- Bake with your kids (helps them GAL too)
- I'd like to take up/learn running. Need to lose weight again also (gained a bit of what I lost on LBS diet - feel like I'm eating cause of loneliness. Any advice anyone?)
- I'm going to the women's group stuff at church. This week we have a really good speaker. She came a month ago and prayed for me.
- Camping for the first time without H. But it's with a group from church so I'll have heaps of company and help.
- Borrowed the 'Little House on the Prairie' DVD's from my sister and each friday night we have pizza and watch a few episodes. the kids are right into it! :o
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For me free is pretty important lol as I have the kids with me 99%
I am a natural homebody too. Hard to believe my job requires me to be so social lol.
I take the girls to a park every second weekend. We pack a picnic with a bottle of cordial and go for a few hours. We go to a different park each time and have yet to do a repeat. I NEVER realised how many parks there are around. It's only a couple of hours but the girls love it.
Art gallery. It changes every few months and is free.
Different markets. Give the girls a couple of dollars and away they go.
I write, make jewellery, read, surf the internet for research, make teddies, sew clothes and other things. Try new crafts. I don't do as much as I would like kids keep me busy. But I do what I want.
I tend to cycle between things.
My creativity suffered terribly and it has only been the past few months that it has roared back into life. Lol.
My friends are all married so I tend to be a 5th wheel nowadays they don't mean to but it's reality.
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Shantilly, I can so conent with what you posted.
I love your ideas about the parks. there's heaps in Mlebourne too and about time I explore them along with Art Galleries (will do that on my own)
I LOVE markets and it's been ages.
Wow,
Too much to schedule now. GAL here I come!!!!!!!!
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I have also found that charity work is great ... helps others and is good for getting out and for self-esteem. Also just connect with people you meet who you may not even know ... in a shop for example smile, say hi and chat to people, try to make their day a little better, this will also make you feel good.
Stargazer ... do you know Prospect Park in Brooklyn? I visited a friend who lives near there last year, its a great place to walk or cycle, and it must be so beautiful at this time of year.
Getting fresh air and exercise is important for well-being. If you are angry too exercise calms you down, makes you feel good.
Another good thing to do .... eat chocolate!! (in moderation of course!) lol!
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SP,
I'm OK with you blaming me ;D I can take that kind of blame!! Please send me an email sharing one of your creations once you've completed it I would really love to see !
I hear you about eating out of loneliness and gaining a few pounds! My therapist suggested that I consider "eating mindfully" and I have found that has helped although I do still have my episodes. There is a book called "The Mindful Way through Depression" by Mark Williams , John Teasdale, Zindel Segal & Jon Kabat- Zinn that speaks a little about it as well there is info on the internet.
The running really helps with eating too because you feel so good afterwards that you don't want to eat as much. I'm not sure if you have the "Running Room" where you live that's how I learned to run. You can register in the classes or sign up for the online training. You run 3x a week with them 2 of which are free!
If you can fit it in try yoga. I think it is incredible. It was something that I always wanted to do so I went to a class. I do the hot yoga which is really nice. I find it clears out all the toxins ...yes even crazy MLCer toxic spew !!! not to mention my complexion is the best it has ever been whoo hoo another plus for me!!
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I have been wanting to get into running for sometime now...but I have the kids with me most of the time as well.
Any advice on how to get started cause yes, I am eating more now than before and the weight I lost on my MLC diet is starting to come back- yikes!!!
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My H left a month before Christmas. One of the most cathartic things that I did was book a hotel room for New Years Eve. I took my diaries and spent New Years Eve on my own in a hotel - I went into the city, bought myself a cocktail, toasted myself (to my new life) and dinner, I went to watch the fireworks at midnight and then went back to my hotel room and slept properly for the first time in a long time. No children, not in a shared marital bed, it was the first time I had a sense that I might be alright. I am planning to try to go away somewhere this New Year too.
It may sound sad, but actually I found it liberating to just be able to do things exactly the way that I want.
xxx
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S & D,
That sounded really great!
Last New Year's Eve I went to bed early.....didn't even stay up for the new year.
This year will be different.
I highly recommend making a plan to be with family and friends - or even just yourself. But, give yourself a treat.
Hugs,
L
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All I know for sure about getting a life is that I am not getting one by being online so much, lol! But there's just so much info at every turn. It's overwhelming. Sometimes, you just have to take the info that you do have and just walk away and apply what you've learned to your life to the best of your capability. :)
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My H left a month before Christmas. One of the most cathartic things that I did was book a hotel room for New Years Eve. I took my diaries and spent New Years Eve on my own in a hotel - I went into the city, bought myself a cocktail, toasted myself (to my new life) and dinner, I went to watch the fireworks at midnight and then went back to my hotel room and slept properly for the first time in a long time. No children, not in a shared marital bed, it was the first time I had a sense that I might be alright. I am planning to try to go away somewhere this New Year too.
It may sound sad, but actually I found it liberating to just be able to do things exactly the way that I want.
You know of the surface of that... it sounded sad... but then I was just recalling that the weekend before last is thanksgiving here in Canada and I went the entire weekend by my self at my brothers cottage 2-1/2 hours from here. Thanksgiving traditionally a really family time of year around our place. On the flip side... I knew the parents in law would be over and so kids would be fed.
An interesting aside... I just heard today that Thanks giving morning... my wife went to work for a couple of hours... apparently she didnt actually go to work :/
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" just heard today that Thanks giving morning... my wife went to work for a couple of hours... apparently she didnt actually go to work :/"
It's especially hard to hear those details after some time has passed. You then worry about all of the minutes in between when it ( the new information ) happened and when you found out and wonder exactly what was true or false.
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It's Friday here so the weekend is getting closer! Time for some GAL activities.
Tomorrow my sister is coming over to help me de-clutter. She loves doing tht sort of stuff.
I hope to have a nice clean home by the end of the day :) More room for my GAL craft activities.
Tonight we have the school BBQ and another tomorrow night for D2's mainly music group.
Yey. No cooking for 2 night's in a row!
Please keep posting your ideas everyone. I'm sure there's more out there ;)
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It sounds so goofy but that's what I'm doing this weekend....organizing the house! No kids so I can get rid of things they probably won't miss...LOL!
Is that pathetic for GALing- I do love organizing and there is more room in the house with most of H's stuff gone.
Yay weekend!!
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I think if you get a nice spacious house out of it which facilitates GALing then why would it be goofy. :)
I too look forward to getting all of H's stuff out of the house and into ONE shed so we can store our stuff in another. Just have to get the key off him ::) He still thinks he 'owns' that one.
Enjoy your weekend Crazy!
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Still...me too!
H thinks he can still come and go as he pleases in my house (still the matrimonial home- but he calls it MY house)
so hand over the key BUSTER!!
Thanks Still...it will be a quiet weekend- H has the kids :(
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#? ~ Making original and interesting Halloween costumes! I'm 34 and I still love to dress up but it can only be something I make completely by myself:)
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I'm surprised I haven't seen this thread until now. The year after BD I bought so many EO's ~ Sandalwood, Vetiver, orange, camomile, lemon, patchouli, frankincense, lavender, tea tree, Saint John's Wart ( and some more ). I love all of them except for the Saint John's Wart ~ It's very stinky! Vetiver & Lavender are my favorite. I was pretty obsessed with buying them too but I had to stop because they are way too expensive.
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One of my favorite websites for fabulous hand blended high quality oils and scents:
http://www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com/welcome.html
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These are all so great! I don't know how much new I have to add...
One thing that is really nice to do is to go visit someone who you know will be happy to see you and will really appreciate it. I just went and saw a friend earlier this week who had major surgery and just got home from the hospital.
Major bonuses:
1. It made her feel happy and cared about, and gave her a distraction.
2. It made me feel happy to be with someone who WANTED to see me, and was a distraction for me.
3. It made me very grateful for all that I DO have right now, most especially my health.
I also went and visited my grandpa last week. Jeez, why don't I do that more often? He is such a cool guy, I don't know how much longer he'll be around, and again, he was so happy and grateful for just a short visit. Why have I been wasting so much time chasing after my MLCer when I could have been spending more time with him instead?
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These are all so great! I don't know how much new I have to add...
One thing that is really nice to do is to go visit someone who you know will be happy to see you and will really appreciate it. I just went and saw a friend earlier this week who had major surgery and just got home from the hospital.
Major bonuses:
1. It made her feel happy and cared about, and gave her a distraction.
2. It made me feel happy to be with someone who WANTED to see me, and was a distraction for me.
3. It made me very grateful for all that I DO have right now, most especially my health.
I also went and visited my grandpa last week. Jeez, why don't I do that more often? He is such a cool guy, I don't know how much longer he'll be around, and again, he was so happy and grateful for just a short visit. Why have I been wasting so much time chasing after my MLCer when I could have been spending more time with him instead?
I love it! This resonates with me because, although I'm currently living at home with Mom & Dad, we're always separated doing our own thing around the house. I think I will shut the computer down for now and spend some time with them. ( I love my parents ). Best suggestion, by far. ;)
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I just called my grandpa. I sure do love him. I need to do that more often, for real. Now we are both a little happier after that call. :)
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Great idea Warrior and Stargazer.................develop and nuture and enjoy the relationships we DO have with the people who DO want to spend time with us.!!
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Yes it is so important to keep our relationships going and work at all of them .... besides the one with the MLCer (which should be shelved for now!) WP grandparents are great, I don't have any anymore, and no parents either. I loved my Gran she's the only one I knew of that generation really and she was so wise. I really miss her, and my parents too, don't know what they'd make of this MLC stuff ... they didn't recognise it in their day, they were much more pragmatic and ... well who knows really ... they just seemed to get on with life and enjoy it ... maybe the war years made them more grateful for everything they had.
Visiting people is a great thing to do ... but beware of talking about MLC!!
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Sp, what a great thread!
Ok, a few things I've done:
- cooking (instead of burning)..don't ask, it's a looong story ;)
- walking, running, swimming (which I'm cr@p at, but not drowned so far)
- writing poety/stories (admittedly, one poem has been extremely cathartic as the sarcasm oozes from it ;D)
- Just joined local amdram class
Actually, this forum. I have freedom to share and to receive feedback here so it has been vital in my healing...and I'm even going to get to make some of my 'virtual' buddies, real!!!!!
Sil x
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When everything was normal... I could not imagine having to work all day and then deal with dinner like a lot of people have to do... Feeding 8 has it's own special challanges... Anway I have been having a blast cooking.. I love to cook and BBQ. Tonight I made sweet and sour meat loaf mashed potatoes.. turns out its the kids new favorite thing. Made with a big stinking helping of mashed potatoes... when there are 8 there are always lots of potatoes ;)
Here is the recipe http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/sweet-and-sour-meatloaf/detail.aspx
And well because I am a man... I screw around with the recipe... into the actual meatloaf part instead of salt and pepper I use montreal steak spice... and werchestershire sauce. Gives a little more kick.. and add as much finely chopped onion as I can get away with as well as green pepper... makes it a bit tastier... and I swap out the sugar with honey... cus well they dont call it white death for nothing... My theory is if one onion is good... three is better ;)
Tomorrow... the biggest a$$ pot of spaghetti (http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&hs=TM4&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&sa=X&ei=mPihTr2qHsXi0QH4vNiLBQ&ved=0CCQQvwUoAQ&q=spaghetti&spell=1) you could imagine it will probably end up to be 3 meals when I am done...
That other then that... start packing stuff up for winter in the yard...
Me.
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Oh and please note... one of the recommendations in the reviews is to double the recipe for the sauce... I agree 100% its amazing on mashed potatoes or rice :/
Me
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Hey Ziggee,
Wow, you are doing a super job cooking for eight! I bet you'd have more great cooking ideas for us LBS'ers. I only have 5 to cook for.
I also make a huge pot of spaghetti sauce and freeze half so on my working days I just have to heat up and cook pasta.
The kids love helping with grating or chopping vege's and I'm grateful for their help!
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Hey Ziggee,
Wow, you are doing a super job cooking for eight! I bet you'd have more great cooking ideas for us LBS'ers. I only have 5 to cook for.
I also make a huge pot of spaghetti sauce and freeze half so on my working days I just have to heat up and cook pasta.
The kids love helping with grating or chopping vege's and I'm grateful for their help!
Not a big fan of the recipe... the kids always ask me... can you make that again? And I have to say... ummm no probably not... I dont know what I put in that....
I am so lucky.... my kids eat pretty much anything I put in front of them... drives me nuts other kids who wont eat anything less bland then a hot dog.. :/ When you have 8 people to feed... no specialized menus going on...
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Ok so over 4lbs of ground beef... GONE... 7-1/2 lbs of mashed potatoes (different LBS ;)) 2 lbs of green beans... gone.. made a pot 2 foot dia by two foot deep of spaghetti sauce... then decided to use same said pan to make a pot of home made chicken soup... both music AND cooking are therapy ;) Been cooking like a mad man all day it has been so much fun... Small minds are easily amused I guess.
Me
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#? ~ Learn to play an instrument! ;D I've always wanted to learn to play guitar.
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#? ~ Learn to play an instrument! ;D I've always wanted to learn to play guitar.
A friend of mine did that... decided he would swap 1/2 per day of video games for learning to play the guitar... 2 years later... he is really good.
An other friend of mine... decided to learn to play drums... now he is really good 10 years later plays in a number of bands
Last friend at 43 deiced to take guitar lessons... has been for two yeas... can't play to save his life... but it gives him such joy :)
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#? ~ Learn to play an instrument! ;D I've always wanted to learn to play guitar.
A friend of mine did that... decided he would swap 1/2 per day of video games for learning to play the guitar... 2 years later... he is really good.
An other friend of mine... decided to learn to play drums... now he is really good 10 years later plays in a number of bands
Last friend at 43 deiced to take guitar lessons... has been for two yeas... can't play to save his life... but it gives him such joy :)
I would probably end up like your last friend; horrible at it but happy just to play. ;D
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For some of my "get a life" (GAL) activities I:
...decorated my house, my way!
...went to that bookstore I always wanted to go to and couldn't
...took classes at the yoga studio down the block (always wanted to try that)
...went to a women's recovery group (made lots of lady friends that way!)
...once-a-week went out with ladies from the group (but if asked, I just said "I had plans to go out" and didn't specify with whom!)
...watched some movies I had always wanted to see (like those oldies he would never watch)
...actually volunteered! Volunteering is SO IMPORTANT because at times I'd feel so depressed or lonely, but working at the homeless shelter and at the nursing home put some stuff into PERSPECTIVE! I didn't have it so bad at all!
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Take a few days for yourself, on your own, on a secluded place. Did that this past few days and it was great. Sleep, walk, read, watch movies. Sleep some more. So peaceful :)
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(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v208/SparklerGirl/306886_2406716533061_1405606936_32855640_1928819128_n.jpg)
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When you want to smile, just stand up, turn on the radio and dance! Don't worry you don't have to dance alone just dance with the rest of the world: ;D
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap080722.html
(let video load first)
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So I decided to do something I always wanted to do for H, but never did. I never spent money on myself since there was always some other thing that seemed more important. It's funny that now with half our former household income, I feel like I have more money. And I am anonymous here, so I can say stuff I could only tell a couple friends! I have some ugly spider veins I started getting when I was 14 and though the rest of me has aged pretty well (I even get carded now and then!) my legs made me look like I was 50, so I decided to have them lasered, but right before I made the appointment, I WON a treament. So, I decided to pay for laser hair removal instead. After losing weight on the divorce diet, upgrading my wardrobe with the new job, and now my legs look young again and I am mostly hairless, I FEEL awesome. I never admitted how bad my legs made me feel to anyone but H, but it was so much worse than I thought and now when summer comes again, I'll be able to wear shorts and short skirts and sleeveless shirts and feel really good! Anyway, it really isn't GAL, but I am so happy about it, I had to tell someone!!! Love and light, Lisa
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Congratulations Lisa!
I think it is GAL. You'll feel so great about yourself.
Enjoy short shopping!
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That's wonderful Lisa! I enjoyed reading that! It is getting a life because you embraced happiness.:)
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Awesome Lisa. Good for you. That must feel great! :D
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LL,
What a result!!!
Sil x
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#? This is the best facial I've ever tried ~ Aztec Indian Healing Clay (http://www.amazon.com/Aztec-Secret-Indian-Healing-Clay/dp/B0014P8L9W). The small ( 1 lb. ) lasts for a very long time and a little bit goes a long way. You can mix it with a little bit of milk or plain yogurt and it works great. I love it and it's very calming but it's very powerful! You'll definitely feel it working! :o
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I think many of us do these things but it's nice to have a list
http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/10/100-things-to-do-when-the-worst-happens/
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Nice list Dandy!
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Going to a Zumba class tonight...I hear it's a good workout and releasing stress!!
I have never been but thought I would try, anyone done this before??
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I've never tried Zumba but, gosh, it must be something awesome because I keep hearing about it everywhere! I hope you have fun in the class!
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Sounds fun- a good workout always makes me feel better!
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Star & WP- I hope it's as much fun as I have heard...will let you know.
LOL
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Zumba is a blast!
It really works out the mid section of your body. It does not make me sweat though. I have a friend who teaches aquatic Zumba and she loves it.
Zumba is really great if you like dancing. It gets you moving to the beat, gets your feet and tummy moving, and it is really fun if you are doing it with people you can laugh at yourself with. We do it after work and really love to make fun of ourselves :)
Summer
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Old - I have rediscovered writing. I am writing poetry and stories again. At first it was cathartic, but now my topics are varied. I lose myself in the words - some people do this with painting or sculpture or sport. I love playing with words.
Continued - cooking (not everyday dinner menus for post school and work, but making something new/different on a weekend.
New - Yoga, I started in the early months post BD and I try to do it regularly. I go to a class from time to time, but I usually practice at home.
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Old - Also rediscovered writing poetry after BD. Long walks. Reading. Movies (let aside for months after BDbut retaken ).
Continued - Cooking, when I'm in the mood.
New - Photography (right after BD), Yoga (i'm lasier that Stand and only do it from time to time, at home).
Abandoned - Collages (maybe one day I'll get back to them) and swimming.
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I do oil paintings. I started that about 14 yrs ago and am not half bad and have sold some. ;D
I have rediscovered horseback riding. I am going to learn to jump this time around. It has been my saving grace because for one solid hour all I can think about is what I am doing on that horse.
I gave up the gym because I didn't want to be there with H and Spin ow. I hope to find a new gym and keep working out. I do enjoy it.
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I probably dont need to post here... because well it's all I have been talking about...
Newish... Cooking... (not baking) I have always been a pretty good cook, but now I have to cook for a big family everyday... I figure I might as well make the best of it. I have been cooking not only things I have never had before, but sound good, but meals my mother used to make as a kid traditional ethnic Dutch food.
Reading.... I have been reading a lot... oddly not so much the last 3 or 4 weeks... and that I think I have just been spending my time core dumping in the forums here instead.
Photography -- always... just seeking new subjects... historically all soccer (the kids) and concerts... recently have expanded to head out to a big field near the house where the polo club plays polo on their horses every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday afternoon. I am thinking of Talking to one of two of them that I know do a fairly high level of competitive jumping if I can try shoot that. In fact when I am done this thread... I am going to send that e-mail ;)
Not so much a hobby -- but in the next couple of weeks I hope to get back to finishing off the basement... a bedroom and a nice sized rec room.
Z.
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Photography -- always... just seeking new subjects... historically all soccer (the kids) and concerts... recently have expanded to head out to a big field near the house where the polo club plays polo on their horses every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday afternoon. I am thinking of Talking to one of two of them that I know do a fairly high level of competitive jumping if I can try shoot that. In fact when I am done this thread... I am going to send that e-mail ;)
Z.
Haaa done and setup... I get to go out right on the field and take pictures of jumpers...
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Baking is separated from cooking?...In that case, need to add baking. Love that. Was always baking when still with husband.
Reading is like you ziggee, lately more forum than reading. No worries, we need to talk with people that get us.
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Baking is separated from cooking?...In that case, need to add baking. Love that. Was always baking when still with husband.
Reading is like you ziggee, lately more forum than reading. No worries, we need to talk with people that get us.
Baking is VERY different... cooking... you can mess with the recipe big time. Baking is to a very large part a class in chemistry... the ratios and what not are critical to success... I dont like following the recipe... I use it as a guide.. bad things happen in baking if you do that.
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Baking is separated from cooking?...In that case, need to add baking. Love that. Was always baking when still with husband.
Reading is like you ziggee, lately more forum than reading. No worries, we need to talk with people that get us.
Baking is VERY different... cooking... you can mess with the recipe big time. Baking is to a very large part a class in chemistry... the ratios and what not are critical to success... I dont like following the recipe... I use it as a guide.. bad things happen in baking if you do that.
ziggee...how awful...I guessed your answer. It ahd to involve chemistry, ratios ... ::) ::) ::) no equations or square roots? :P
yes, baking needs following the recipe. In other thing one can go a little way from the manual. of course, sometimes, my baking does not go so well. In fact, it has not go so well since I move back home. Liked baking for I and husband. Guess I miss that part and the baking does not turn out so well... :(
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Old - I guess.........been doing it now for about 4 1/2 years. Quilting.......lost interest right after BD and especially after reading a text message my exH sent to his OW at the time......called me a "middle-aged quilting hen". That really hurt. He is the one who encouraged me and supported me in my quilting interest. Words do hurt terribly. I've been trying for the past year now to get back into the quilting. I truly enjoy it. I have 2 friends who also quilt and we do things together. Having them certainly has helped me a lot.
New - Zumba.........very slow at getting "into" it but I'm already prepared with DVD's. Just got to put forth the effort and start a daily or weekly routine.
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Oh! Good topic!
Old: Count another in on writing. Wrote here and there my whole life but nothing long, or very serious. But then, MLC came along and voila...I wrote and self published my first book while H was in deep replay. 41000 words, a children's chapter book...and it only took a few months. Just flowed out of me...quite remarkable experience. It is my biggest accomplishment ever and I swear that it was a gift from God to help my self esteem.
Continuing: A second book in the series!
New: Decoupage craft projects. Lots of fun and artsy. Started shortly after BD.
Why: Anything to busy one's mind and even hands...and remind myself I have my own interests.
Interestingly, one of my interests prior to BD was politics. I wrote lots of letters to the editor and read constantly. No more. I couldn't take the strife, the stress, and the lying and cheating politicians.
LMM....ouch, I'm so sorry that was said to you. Strange thing is, when I would be working on the decoupage, I got this sense that my H had disdain for it....or...me...due to doing crafts. I'll bet he thought the same thing as your husband...how insulting. So I'm delighted you got back to it...I totally envy quilters...I don't have the skill or the patience but I think it is a marvelous, fabulous thing....
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ziggee...how awful...I guessed your answer. It ahd to involve chemistry, ratios ... ::) ::) ::) no equations or square roots? :P
No... but there could be some Pi which in North America is pronounced Pie but the rest of the world pronounces it Pee
Just incase anyone is scratching their heads over there in Europe ;)
Z
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Just to add a ‘man’ hobby to the list.
I’ve been involved for 25 years+ with classic motorcycle racing. I haven’t raced for quite a few years myself; I’ve kind of moved more into the mechanical side of things, building and fixing the bikes. I have a collection of 1960’s race bikes, most are in the process of being restored.
I’ve not touched the bikes for 5 years, since I moved to France, but now I have plenty of ‘me’ time, it’s probably an opportunity to get the spanners out again. I have found it very therapeutic in the past and now would make a nice change from house renovations.
I have built a nice little workshop in the ground floor of the barn, so I can lock myself away and immerse myself in the joy’s of ‘playing with bikes’.
I suppose I can now play there without interruptions or someone asking me what I’m doing etc. so maybe there are some benefits to being a LBS……….
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ziggee...how awful...I guessed your answer. It ahd to involve chemistry, ratios ... ::) ::) ::) no equations or square roots? :P
No... but there could be some Pi which in North America is pronounced Pie but the rest of the world pronounces it Pee
Just incase anyone is scratching their heads over there in Europe ;)
Z
;D ;D ;D ;D so, Pi is pie over there. excelent! ;D ;D
Mechanics and fixing classic motorbikes is quite cool, Casey. :)
Are you sure you really would not like a small, litlle, tiny, wee interuption, and someone asking you what you're doing?... ::)
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AnneJ,
Give me a break here…..
I’m trying to talk myself into the good sides of being a LBS; sure my ideal interruption would be Michelle Pfeiffer wearing nothing but a fur coat ;D ;D ;D ….but that’s about as likely to happen as my wife coming back, so………….back to concentration on the bikes :( :( :(.
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AnneJ,
Give me a break here…..
I’m trying to talk myself into the good sides of being a LBS; sure my ideal interruption would be Michelle Pfeiffer wearing nothing but a fur coat ;D ;D ;D ….but that’s about as likely to happen as my wife coming back, so………….back to concentration on the bikes :( :( :(.
;D ;D ;D ;D now, now, you already know the good sides of being a LBS, concentrating on the bikes while thinking of the perfect interruption, Michelle Pfeifferr wearing nothing but a fur coat! You could have it sooooooooo much worst! ;D ;D ;D ;D
We really need to laugh a bit in the middle of all this mess. Otherwise think we just go nuts as well.
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Had never heard of zumba before. Now it is here and in the hobbies thread...gotta cech that out. Sounds fun!
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Yeah, just noticed there is a lot of overlap between the two threads. Don't hobbies count as part of GAL?
Edit to add just merged the two threads. Makes it easier to find all the great ideas in one place! ;)
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Bump for LC. :)
Aww, thanks WP! ;)
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Was thinking exactly the same, WP. Things overlap and GAL & Hobbies count as the same thing.
Dandy, loved that link you've posted, http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/10/100-things-to-do-when-the-worst-happens/ the blog is just great and so charming. full of lovely things. :)
And now I know that there is such thing as Wedding Wellies ;D
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I would like to address the aspect of insecurity. I am sure that there are many on this forum who feel that since BD many insecurities have arisen. I for one felt I dealt with many insecurties over the years but with such a blow it is hard NOT to feel a little insecure at times. Also if you had issues before BD then these probably have become exasperated. It is good to be aware of this and work on this so that you may feel more confident about who you are. Also on the otherside there are our MLCers who are also going through extreme bouts of insecurity and no doubt many have ended up in MLC as part and parcel of this issue. So basically I thought it would be good to talk about insecurity in general and below I have found a source which I feel generally deals with this issue:
One of the greatest challenges we face in our lifetimes is becoming comfortable in our own skin. A person who is secure with himself is much more likely to achieve success, have meaningful relationships, and be respected by others.
A person who is insecure finds difficulty in many aspects of life. Since most people are insecure, a person who is secure has power and influence over others; even if they are not otherwise powerful.
Coming to terms with who you are is the first step in obtaining happiness in life. The sooner you realize that happiness is something that you decide internally, and not something that you get from people or posessions; the sooner you will be able to create your own destiny.
A Lifelong Process
Everyone has some form of insecurity. It’s almost impossible to be 100% free of doubt. There have only been a handful of people throughout history who have obtained this level of confidence, and most of them have gone on to be great spiritual leaders. Now, we look up to them as role-models.
Confidence is usually a gradual process. It often comes with age and wisdom (although some people never find it). Those who work on themselves and gain confidence early on will have a much easier time navigating the challenges of life.
Insecurity is Destructive
Even though none of us are perfect; it’s easy to spot those of us who are overly insecure. Extreme insecurity is usually marked by an obsession with gaining the approval of other people. This level of self-doubt is extremely destructive to a person’s life and is often the root of almost all their problems.
More specifically, secure people find validation from within; while insecure people attempt to find validation from sources outside themselves. This external search for security manifests itself in two major ways:
1. A person becomes overly selfish. While both sexes engage in this sort of insecurity, men are slightly more likely to choose this route. A selfish person attempts to find security by surrounding himself with possessions, accolades, and attention.
2. A person becomes overly accomodating. Once again, this form of insecurity is common in both sexes, but women are slightly more likely to choose it as their primary mode of compensation. An overly accommodating person attempts to gain the approval of other people by bending over backwards for them.
A Matter of Energy
I read one of the most eloquent explanations of why people behave the way they do in a book called The Celestine Prophesy by James Redfield. It’s a fictional adventure that tries to explain a few things about reality. The basic gist of the book is that we are all connected by an energy.
I read The Celestine Prophesy over ten years ago, and back then most people saw it as a little hokey. Today, the idea that energy connects us all is becoming mainstream, especially with the advancement of quantum physics and the cultural phenomenon The Secret.
Here’s the basic idea:
People need emotional energy like they need air. Scientists have found that infants respond dramatically to human touch, and will almost “starve” without it. Quality relationships have been found to be a better indicator of good health than smoking status, weight, or genetics. Even though we can’t quantify it, this emotional energy is a very real and important part of our lives.
As children, we get our emotional energy from our parents; just like we get food, water, and shelter. Just as food provides nourishment for our bodies, emotional energy nourishes our souls; giving us confidence and security.
A person has made a successful transition to adulthood when she has learned to provide food, water, and shelter for herself. By the same token, she hasn’t fully matured until she has also learned to provide emotional energy for herself.
Many people never learn to produce their own emotional energy and continue to seek it from other people, even into adulthood. When they are around others, they draw energy from those around them to fill their void. This burden of energy fatigues the people around them and causes conflict.
Conversely, a person who has learned to create their own energy is free to give the excess to other people.
Signs of Insecurity
Here are some common signs that indicate insecurity:
Defensiveness
Insecure people tend to be very sensitive to critique and respond with defensiveness. They aren’t comfortable enough with themselves to accept that they might be flawed.
A secure person can handle criticism. They’re open to hearing about ways they might improve. If they disagree with the criticism, they don’t try to argue because they’re happy with who they are.
They’re comfortable enough to be themselves, even if other people don’t like it. They realize that they can’t please everyone.
Can’t Enjoy Silence
Some insecure people just can’t deal with silence. They fill every void with meaningless chatter, almost to avoid having to reflect on themselves. The unfortunate consequence is the annoyance of everyone around them, who secretly look for an escape.
A secure person can tolerate, and often enjoys silence. If they are with someone else, they have the ability to let someone else talk without having to interject their own perspective.
Excessive Joking
Another coping mechanism for insecurity is constant joking. While a sense of humor is almost necessary for emotional health, the excessive joker doesn’t seem to know the limits of appropriateness. (Think Michael Scott on “The Office.”)
It feels good when everyone laughs at your joke, and an insecure person craves this sort of attention. The unfortunate consequence is an uncomfortable environment and an insensitivity to others.
Jokes are almost always more funny when they are well-timed and delivered by a person of confidence. Security gives you the ability to be sensitive of others; knowing what they would consider funny and what they would consider offensive.
Self-Promoting
Insecure people tend to talk about themselves constantly, as if they feel like they have to prove themselves. Self-promotion is paramount to over-compensation for doubt.
A confident person doesn’t need to promote himself. His qualities are displayed naturally by the way he lives his life. Besides, he doesn’t need validation from anyone anyway.
Bullying
Insecure people feel threatened by others, and one way to cope with this is to try and squash them. The most threatening person of all to an insecure person is a secure person, because they can sense their power.
Overly Authoritative
Insecure people in positions of power tend to compensate for their lack of confidence by taking out their frustrations on their subordinates. They might issue unfair punishments or orders as a way to prove their authority.
I once had a boss who took joy in screaming at his employees, even for minor offenses. Once, I overheard him speaking to another manager about picking someone to fire for the fun of it. This kind of excessive authoritativeness is an obvious over-compensation for insecurity.
Overly Competitive
Competitiveness is part of a healthy emotional makeup, but over-competitiveness is a sign of a problem. Someone who can’t take losing by making a big emotional display lacks confidence.
A person who is secure with himself wins or loses with grace. Grace has a lot to do with respecting your opponent, and you can only do that if you are first comfortable with yourself.
Materialistic
A very dangerous coping mechanism for insecurity is buying things you can’t afford just to show off. We can all think of people with huge TV’s, fast cars, and every toy known to man; even though they don’t make much money. People like this tend to run up their credit cards and get themselves into big trouble.
A secure person doesn’t need to show off. He doesn’t care what other people think about his possessions.
Insecurity in Relationships
Insecurity tends to be amplified in relationships. In this situation, there is a constant struggle for control and energy.
Interestingly enough, people tend to be attracted to other people at the same level of security. Insecure people tend to find other insecure people to date, and secure people tend to date other secure people.
A healthy relationship is made up of two secure people who create their own emotional energy and give to their partner. An unhealthy relationship is made up of two insecure people who take emotional energy from their partner.
Men
Here are some characteristics of insecure men in relationships:
Irrationally Jealous
An insecure man is constantly worried about his girlfriend leaving him, and is extremely jealous. This manifests itself in constant questioning, mistrust, and altercations with other men.
A man who is secure with himself and his relationship is able to trust his partner. He can do so because he doesn’t depend on her for his well-being. He knows that he will be okay no matter what happens. If she betrays his trust, he is fully capable of either forgiving her, or leaving her to start over.
Abusive
Abuse is where insecurity in a relationship becomes extremely destructive. Men become abusive out of the need to control their partner. Instead of loving them for who they are, they try to force them into someone else.
A man who is secure with himself is never abusive.
Women
Here are a few signs of insecurity for women in relationships:
Stays in Abusive Relationships
Remember how insecure people tend to be attracted to each other? Unfortunately, this means that abusive men end up with women who take the abuse.
Have you ever known a woman who has had a string of abusive boyfriends? She ends up falling for one after the other. She has so little confidence that she is convinced that it’s her fault.
A secure woman isn’t afraid of leaving an abusive man. She knows that she doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment. She creates her own emotional energy and therefore she will be fine on her own.
Overly Sexual
Sexuality is a very powerful force, as evidenced by the amount of sexual images in our media. Men especially are strongly influenced by attractive women. Some women learn that they can get a lot of attention from men by flaunting their sexuality.
An insecure woman who is seeking constant validation from others relies on her sexuality as a crutch. It becomes her main source of emotional energy and begins to define her.
A secure woman doesn’t need constant validation. She is confident enough to define herself in many dimensions; not just one.
Work on Yourself
A common thread in much of the success literature that I have read is the necessity of becoming independent before entering into relationships. If I had to recommend one book to help someone become more secure with themselves, I would recommend The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.
He talks about achieving private victory before you achieving public victory. He talks about the process of going from dependence to independence to interdependence.
Insecurity can be highly destructive, especially if you don’t understand it. Many insecure people find scapegoats for their problems, never realizing that they are causing the problems themselves.
The beginning of security is learning to laugh at yourself, realizing that no one is perfect.
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Holy jumping cat fish.. that was long... all I can say... is I am secure in my insecurities... and I know that might sound like a joke... but it is not... I am very secure in my insecurities. I am comfortable talking about my insecurities...
Z.
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Okay Ziggee, you can ignore my post then...........only for those who need a good read ;)
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Okay Ziggee, you can ignore my post then...........only for those who need a good read ;)
I didnt say it wasnt good... are you feeling insecure? ;)
Z.
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Now then Zig........you have to stop reading my mind!!!!!!!! :o
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I love that post Dandy. Thanks for sharing! :)
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Believe it or not, I think I want to start preparing myself to run the next ING marathon that takes place in New York every year in November. I figure if I write it down, it's a little step closer, to actually doing it. I'm not a runner, though ::) but I can try. :)
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Believe it or not, I think I want to start preparing myself to run the next ING marathon that takes place in New York every year in November. I figure if I write it down, it's a little step closer, to actually doing it. I'm not a runner, though ::) but I can try. :)
If you run... who is going to take pictures? I will tell you what... I will take pictures... but someone else has to drive... cus I am not dumb enough to drive in NY :)
Z.
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Believe it or not, I think I want to start preparing myself to run the next ING marathon that takes place in New York every year in November. I figure if I write it down, it's a little step closer, to actually doing it. I'm not a runner, though ::) but I can try. :)
If you run... who is going to take pictures? I will tell you what... I will take pictures... but someone else has to drive... cus I am not dumb enough to drive in NY :)
Z.
I can get one of those fancy stabilizer lenses or something. I'm sure I'll be stopping at every ten feet anyway. ;D
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Believe it or not, I think I want to start preparing myself to run the next ING marathon that takes place in New York every year in November. I figure if I write it down, it's a little step closer, to actually doing it. I'm not a runner, though ::) but I can try. :)
If you run... who is going to take pictures? I will tell you what... I will take pictures... but someone else has to drive... cus I am not dumb enough to drive in NY :)
Z.
I can get one of those fancy stabilizer lenses or something. I'm sure I'll be stopping at every ten feet anyway. ;D
Oh I am thinking helmetcam!!!!! We can broadcast it live on the Internet!!! :) We have the technology... we CAN build it!!! :)
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Way awesome SG! :D
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Oh I am thinking helmetcam!!!!! We can broadcast it live on the Internet!!! We have the technology... we CAN build it!!!
Oh, absolutely a helmet cam... so when I pass out, it will still be taking shots, lol, of the runners that pass me by. ;D ;D
Thanks Warrior! I've been thinking about it since I went to that last one. Anyone can do it... that means... so can I. :D
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WOW what an awesome goal SG.
I had a similar goal, which I accomplished in running my first 5K. Did it and still know I hate running! LOL
H loves it so it can be his hobby.
Wow, I can't imagine running that far. Awesome goal.
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WOW what an awesome goal SG.
I had a similar goal, which I accomplished in running my first 5K. Did it and still know I hate running! LOL
H loves it so it can be his hobby.
Wow, I can't imagine running that far. Awesome goal.
Thanks Sassy! :) I know it sounds so ambitious of me. The thing is, my Father & sister go to this event every single year ( as spectators - it's their thing ) and I went with them for the past two years to take photos. It's very inspiring. :D
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SGG I saw the London Marathon last April, and determined to do it next year!! Its April 22nd and I have my entry ... I did a marathon before ... a long time ago (decades!!) but it is an awesome goal and an awesome thing to do ... believe me its really tough, but when you watch the event, you realise that anyone can do it, you just have to put the hours in training, and be determined to do it!
I'm sure you could do it SGG!! I would love to do one in New York ... I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn, I visited her twice last year, I love New York!! :) But I guess London is OK too! xxxx
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This thread is great !
my GAL has been good, I'm studying so work on that, I'm a musician so work on that. I've take up new opportunities to develop my life in MY way. I'm enjoying my space very much and enjoying organising the house and evenings in with my girls.
Through this forum I have come across this thread
http://www.fluentself.com/
and love it because it isn't about relationships it is about self. working on your stuff stuff and it is only about self focus.
I see a Kinesiologist and have had IC (free 6 sessions) through my GP. It all helps. and my friends are wonderful as is my family. I feel blessed,
the more open I am about my life and future the more doors have opened and that's good.
I'm feeling ok at the moment and still standing for now.
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SGG I saw the London Marathon last April, and determined to do it next year!! Its April 22nd and I have my entry ... I did a marathon before ... a long time ago (decades!!) but it is an awesome goal and an awesome thing to do ... believe me its really tough, but when you watch the event, you realise that anyone can do it, you just have to put the hours in training, and be determined to do it!
I'm sure you could do it SGG!! I would love to do one in New York ... I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn, I visited her twice last year, I love New York!! :) But I guess London is OK too! xxxx
Thanks for the encouragement, Ipxpe! :D I guess that's why your thread title says: "I'm running a marathon... ". I must have missed you actually mentioning that you plan on running one in your thread. ;)
I love that it's a very introvert-friendly activity while at the same time, it's connecting with the masses to achieve something great. I could just put my head phones on and go for it. ;D
Thanks for the site link, Missy. It looks interesting!
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I finally started painting the house last night while the 2 little ones were out with H. Got the first coat on the toilet room.
While we were away last week for holidays I also organised horse rides for the kids and I on the last day before going home. It was great. So, 2 GAL activities on my list started! YAY!!
And this weekend end D3 and S6 and I will visit a friend in the country. Something I haven't done for many years. My older 2 are also enjoying their time in Perth for the holidays.
new thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4073.0