Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Returned on October 29, 2015, 09:36:12 PM
-
Hi I have a question for the purple people. How long after bomb drop did your MLCer start to reconnect? How long after bomb drop did they return home?
-
purple people????
-
purple people????
Look at the color of this post, in the subject line.
Hi I have a question for the purple people. How long after bomb drop did your MLCer start to reconnect? How long after bomb drop did they return home?
Why do you want to know?
My guess somewhere from 2-10 years from what I have read.
-
You know this thread is like bait for Purple People Eaters, right? lol
-
It would also be nice to know how well cooked the MLCer was when it happened.
-
You know this thread is like bait for Purple People Eaters, right? lol
God help those who love those boys and like wine! ;)
-
Reconnection? I can't say, it's a process that still goes on today.
Took my MLC'er four years to decide he wanted back in the family home.
-
I'm not purple yet, but it took a solid two years before he said he wanted to try to work things out. By the time he moves back into the home in April it will have been 4 years total since BD.
He is in no way totally finished. He see's some things clearly but he's still foggy and half baked in other areas. I hold my boundaries and am brutally honest in saying what I need to say. He has a LOT of ground to make up but its coming in bits and pieces.
This whole thing has been an exercise in patience!
-
When J decided he wanted to go home it was after 9 years 3 months. Yes that is nine years, not a typo. He is a real Galapagos Turtle. He was as down and out as it was possible to get.
How done was he? Not even a crust on the edge of the pan cooked. He was a big gooey mess.
With ex it was about 3 years. He is not welcome home. At first, he reached out to me through friends, very indirect and covert. Then it was every 6 weeks to two months. Now it is monthly. He is still with the OW so not done hardly at all either.
Best LP
-
Mine made attempts to return many times…the first within weeks of BD,actually.She was one swirling hot mess,I tell ya.
Her true return home came around the two year mark after a rock bottom experience.
Short,by MLC standards,if measuring from BD…but looking back,its easy to see that crisis actually began brewing years before BD.
"You are always a student, never a master. You have to keep moving forward."-Conrad Hall
-
I am not purple yet either, but my H. Proposed reconciliation 5 months after BD. We have been reconnecting ever since March, 2015. He really wanted to come home recently, but I am not in a great hurry. I am not 100 % sure I want him back. After he left I became much stronger and more confident, and I am not sure I want a man like that in my life. He needs to eqrn his right to call himself my H. This being said, he is doing much much better, than a year ago. He still is not cooked, but then in my opinion they were not cooked to start with. His crisis started at least 3 years ago.
-
My husband dropped the bomb in may 2013 . ( he was already having an affair for atleast 2 months) . I can look back and pretty clearly see he was spinning for about 5 years prior to that. Of course, that is in hindsight only. I entered a very very difficult menopause about 5 years ago with extreme anxiety and hot flashes, insomnia .. everything you can suffer with, I got it. I was up during the night and frequently stayed on the couch to not disturb him. He was very very understanding and supported crazy, horribly miserable , unhappy me. He started to " perceive" he could not "make me happy" and this was the beginning of his trip to the land of OZ. There was a quote I recently read . "I feel very safe and secure if I can make you happy. The minute , you are no longer happy, I feel you no longer want me." Sums up what I am beginning to learn in therapy. All childhood based scars. Back to the question.. in august , I kicked him out of our home. I went no contact as I thought I would die to see him. In November , I had a dream about an affair he was having and who it was . ( I swear to god ). I confronted him mid to late November .. face to face. He lied and lied but eventually blurted out that yes indeed he "was having sex with the %$#@!" . He was enraged . I believe it was about 1 week later , he was sobbing on his knees wanting to come home.. I knew about his affair for 1 week . He was been back in the house since December 2013. Fastest crazy-assed assault of my life went from May until Dec 2013. And then the hard part started.. reconstructing a marriage , a life , a family and learning to breathe again.