Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: unbroken on January 24, 2011, 03:14:38 PM
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I just watched the movie Solitary Man with Michael Douglas. Didn't know what to expect. It's a decent movie, all the more interesting because he's in MLC!!!! Wondered if anyone else saw it. And what you think.
It's available on Netflix instant and at my local Redbox.
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I love "Something's Gotta Give" with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton... lot's to love in this one! My husband and I also loved "It's Complicated" when it came out... we went together and laughed at the Alec Baldwin character and the former spouses cheating on OW with each other... little did I know what my husband was up to at the time and that we would cheat on his OW later on in his MLC.... still a fun movie!
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we had also liked Something's gotta give!
However we watched Its complicated together in the throes of this crisis...and still laughed at the same ...the spouses, cheating on the ow...(the ex wife now being the ow)
hugs,
L
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Wasn't "American Beauty" supposed be about mlc? Sorry, I never saw it.
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Shrek Forever After is (believe it or not) about Midlife crisis....even mentioned in the trailers!
Home Alone Four.
Both have helped my kids understand my H's feelings and confusion (and Shrek was quite funny, gotta say).
Enjoy! (Great thread...thanks for starting it)
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Ha! The Shreck was one I watched with D3, not realizing the MLC elements. Cracked both of us up and D made the connection to daddy on her own. We ended up having a bit of a talk durring the movie about people not realizing how special what they have is.
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I avoid movie like that right now but to be honest I was never into "love" movies anyways. I really liked eat pray love with julia roberts. In a way she had a mlc and went to try and find herself. There a few really good lines in the movie.
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So someone mentioned Serious Moonlight with Meg Ryan. I just watched it since it seems I don't really sleep at night anymore. Anyway, I really enjoyed it. I think they did a good job of getting into the mindset of a MLCer. It has an interesting ending. I recommend it.
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I didn't like Eat Pray Love at all.
Something to Talk About Julia Roberts and Dennis Quaid I think may have been a touch of MLC. Sort of on both peoples parts. Infidelity was also involved in the older generation in the movie. REALLY funny most of the way through
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Anyone seen the movie and or suggest getting it and trying to watch it with your spouse? It was just a suggestion from a friend...
Any thoughts??
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I have seen the movie..at first I didn't like it, thought it rather artificial...but after sleeping, I had a different idea...the unconditional love and continuing expression of love by the LBS as well as the concept that firemen "never leave their partners alone in a fire" resonated.
I am doubtful that it would have any effect on your spouse because they don't see that there is anything wrong with them.
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I would watch it for yourself. You can get it on Netflix. It's also available in 12 parts on Youtube.
Don't try to force anything on your spouse (books, articles, moves, counseling, even R talks). In early days it will only do more harm than good.
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I agree. However, I am at a different point and I don't push but I let her know that I am available, I am her to support her and the kids, and I am committed to our marriage.
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I enjoyed watching Fireproof. The idea behind it is great, but we are dealing with so many other aspects when it is MLC. If a simple movie, book, article, or phrase could repair it, we would have come up with it by now. There isn't much we can do until they complete their journey.
The things like marriage counseling, relationship books, couples' retreats, movies, testimonials, etc. that might help a marriage with some normal issues get back on track are often the things that push our MLC'ers away and give them more justification as to why the marriage is over.
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I would recommend maybe watching Fireproof by yourself but agree that your MLC spouse will most likely get absolutely nothing out of it.
I watched it very early on (the movie hype coincided with the time of BD). I recommended my H watch it and he said at one point he had, but it didn't make the tiniest bit of difference as far as I can tell.
Maybe some day we will watch it together . . .
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My wife and I watched it together a few years ago. It's a great movie.....but I wouldn't watch it with an MLCer. They don't seem to like being told how they should feel.
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I have the movie at home but have not watched it. My exh and I purchased it when it came out but never watched it and then I tried to get him to watch it with me after BD but his comment to me at the time was, "why, so I'll feel worse than I already do". So, the movie hasn't even been opened. I'm afraid to watch it alone. I know it will rip me apart. I sat and watched a sweet movie last night about a talking parrot of all things. The movie is "Paulie"............but it was sweet, sad and had a very happy ending but I still cried at the end. I went to bed all broken down again. I prayed for God to work on me and my situation. I just want this madness to end!
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LMMan...
I have seen Paulie....cute movie. Where are you in your journey? I feel the madness too.....some days I think , "OK....I can handle this....I will be ok to be alone"...........the next day new voice in my head and major, major anxiety wells up in me....I look around see things, think of things that remind me of him. Why does this have to be so difficult???? I feel your misery totally
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WhyMe2:
BD Oct. 09, he left Dec. 09 and divorced was final Oct 10. So, it's going on a year and a half since it started. We have little to no contact. No children together. I still have the up and down days and it makes me mad at myself. He did a little "touch-n-go" a week ago. It was weird but I just chalked it up as part of his process. He had a very brief affair with a co- worker. She quit her job when the word got out and he ended it but started a second one with an old high school classmate. We were still married during both his affairs. The second one was just as brief. I don't know what he is doing now or if there is someone else. He told me before Thanksgiving that he wasn't seeing anybody. This MLC SUCKS and I hate what it does to all these marriages and families. I pray for us ALL!
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I seen the movie along with my daughter. she taped it and gave it to her dad. Nothing has been said and that was a long time ago. He is ignoring everything.
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LMMan:
My long story short.....reunited with HS sweeetheart after 20 some years....he was never married...confirmed bachelor 42......we jumped in to quickly (in hindsight) and got married....
He rented his bachelor pad house....and moved into my lifestyle...with teenager son (now 15)....He has had a hard time adjusting ever since. WE are the best of friends and do everything together (I know not healthy)....we do not have financial issues or sexual issues.....he just has told me 5 times in the last 14 months his is just not happy and doesnt really know why. He has come and gone for a day or two....but this time he has been gone since Feb. 19(althought he only took about 2/3 of his clothes, a tv and computer....he left tons of personal important paperwork).....he is moving back to his original house (kicked the renters out) and says he needs some time and space to see what he really wants. Although, he does not want a divorce......says we can have both houses (he says he is just going to buy a couch and matress for the house).....me come over there some and him come to mine some....with some alone time inbetween. He calls or texts everyday....and even come up this past weekend....I cried and he said do not pressure me or ask me any questions....OK.....I will just be his doormat. We did enjoy a bit of time together Sat....but I am just an emotional mess. He is staying at his moms till the renters get ut of his house. I am trying to get on with it and play by his rules.....but it is killing me....I have had to get on anti-depressants and take sleeping pills everynight to sleep. i have lost 15 lbs....I feel like I am going nuts. I bought both books DB and DR....read DR cover to cover.....I am trying to go dim......I do not contact him...he contacts me.....he iniciates seeing eachother.....but honestly it only makes things worse for me. He is very irrational right now.... so sorry to hear about your story as well....
Where has you H been living since you seperated??
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WhyMe2,
My marriage was only 5 years........second marriage for both of us. I believe he perhaps married too quickly after his divorce (hindsight). He moved in my house with me and my son (adult). He knew my son lived with me as he was still in college and working a full time job. He was hardly ever around but when my husband made the speech, "ILYBNILWY" he also made nasty remarks about my children (adult married daughter and son). He blamed me and them for his "unhappiness". He said we all "used" him and he was totally "unappreciated". He attacked the fact that my son still lived with us. He was brutal with all his "monster" attacks. Anyway, he moved out while I was out of town visiting my daughter and left me a note. Cold, huh? About 3 weeks later I discovered all the text messages between him and OW in the phone records........wow! Major slap in the face. He went through some major MLC issues on a fast pace rollercoaster after his affair was revealed. He had even purchased a brand new vehicle for her......yes, we were still married at the time. He's purchased two other vehicles for himself and two motorcycles in about 6 months once he left. He filled his new apartment with brand new furniture.........oh, and purchased all brand new electronics.........all kinds, you name it. I tried with everything I could to stop him from filing and going through with the divorce but he wouldn't have any part of stopping. He said he was "done"........gave and gave and gave until he just couldn't do it any more. Sad thing about everything was he said things that was more about his first wife and not me. I believe he probably got the bad treatment in his first marriage mixed up with our marriage. We were like you.......happy, no financial issues, spent most of our free time together doing everything together, etc. Our marriage wasn't ugly and we never fought. He has even said that we had a good marriage...........so, why did he do this.............MLC, that's why. I just shake my head in disbelief most of the time when I'm thinking about it all. So, to answer your question, he lives in an apartment. He works with some very close friends of mine and they tell me what he's doing but they know it bothers me to know so it's better not knowing. He has been told to leave........find another job..........but he has a Government job and can't really be fired..........not unless he really screws up his work. He has trouble focusing and remembering stuff. They took some of his responsibilities away due to his "mental" status so he doesn't do very much work most of the time. He hardly ever works an entire week.......takes a lot of time off. He rides his motorcycle to "get away" from it all...........takes him away from his problems. Wish I could find something that would do that for me. You hang in there and keep reading and posting. Some things are helpful and some things aren't.......just take what you need and leave the rest.
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I've watched the movie probably 20 or 30 times. It's one of my favorites. A couple of Wednesdays ago I was
at Church and as it was letting out I said to myself "I think I'll go home and watch Fireproof". Before I could
grab the DVD I turned on the TV and what do ya suppose was playing on satellite? Yep, "Fireproof".
I said, well God, I guess You'd like me to watch this movie again. And so I did.
Of course it does no good for the MLCer but I think it helps us LBSers.
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The plan for the evening is to watch the movie......maybe it will give me hope!!
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I even bought the "Love Dare" book back then as well...........two copies as a matter of fact. Was going to give one copy to H then but decided against it.........just figured he'd use it on his OW at the time. Go figure. I might watch the movie myself but not until the weekend..........then I might just open up that bottle of wine I've had for about 6 months! ha, ha.
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LMMan:
You go girl..........I tried to watch it last night and could not get the DVD player to work...ughhh
Will see if my son can help me tonight. I have heard of the book.....might pick it up too.
I have to go to Savannah this weekend for a being dedication (Hall of Fame) for my grandfather that died in Oct....as much as I would like to say I am looking forward to going to Savannah and all.....I am dreading it. Today has been rough....anxiety...not sure why.
I told you my H texts or contacts almost everyday.....does all the flip flopping and sending such mixed messages. Well have not really heard from him since Monday. He text Tuesday and I waited over an hour to respond....then said I was out (so not like me at 8:45) and I would text him when I got home.....he responded no big deal, nevermind.....going to bed. Then yesterday nothing from him. He is a big time cake eater.....and I am falling prey to it!!!
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I just watched "How About You" on netflix and would recommend it highly. It is set in a nursing home in Ireland and it touches on those human values that we are all trying to grapple with- has humor and a feel good ending- surprising for a cast of characters in a nursing home:). Treat yourself!
FTT
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I started watching EAT, LOVE, PRAY.......about the first 30minutes...this am....and BAMB!!!! Hit me too, this character is grappling with her live and is totally running away to find herself.
I am starting to watch it in it's entirety right now on , on-demand. Don't know if I will like it, but immediately thought MLC in the first 30 minutes this am.
Funny how art mimics life.....
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I didn't like "Eat, Pray, Love" - probably because it did hit too close to home. It seemed like we were supposed to admire this woman for dumping her husband to strike out and "find herself". SELFISH!! I found myself thinking "thank God they didn't have kids" and had to remind myself it's only a movie. Ha! Anyway, the whole thing annoyed me.
I liked "It's Complicated", but watched it with a friend, not my H. The part that really impacted me though, was when the grown kids were upset at finding out that their divorced parents had been having an "affair". The parents were confused by their reactions and the crying daughter said "we're still trying to recover from the divorce" (that had happened when they were kids). Ugh....knife to heart. :(
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Lost in Translation is a beautiful film and I think Bill Murray's character is having an MLC - the photography is stunning
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Faith-
Exactly that's why I hated Eat pray Love. Selfish Bi*th. Her husband was destroyed!! They didn't give that all the impact it needed to have.
Then she has that one brief relationship with the young guy in Europe. That didn't even count for anything.
THEN the dumb bit*h goes to Bali or wherever and meets that poor guy who's had years to get over his relationship issues and here she is what a year or less into it? And he wants to take a chance with her?? :o She was FAR from finished with her journey- HE was going to be the rebound. You could just see it with the panic she was having on the beach!
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Eat, Pray, Love was a book first, and I believe it was autobiographical about the author. I read the book awhile back but haven't watched the movie yet. Maybe I don't want to.
When I watched the Shrek movie it hit me right between the eyes that even Shrek was having an MLC! I didn't like the movie for that reason. Interestingly, H didn't like the movie either. At least Shrek has a happy ending since he ends up realizing he didn't want to lose his family. :)
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I loved the book, prior to MLC and hated the movie post MLC
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I saw a bit of the movie last night flipping channels and have it set up to record later this week, but the part I saw was Julia Roberts throwing a tantrum about her life and then driving away from her H and maybe I don't want to see it. Maybe I am just a glutton for punishment. :)
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I thought we had an old thread about this, but I couldn't find it, so here's a new one.
Have you seen any films about MLC?
Today I went to see "The Beaver" (Mel Gibson/ Jodie Foster), with H. Mel Gibson's character, Walter, has a break down; first he is depressed, then his wife kicks him out. Next, just as he gets really suicidal, he finds a beaver hand puppet who becomes his alter ego (like an analogy to replay). This beaver is able to do all the things that the old Walter could not, and speaks for him, saying "sometimes you have to make a radical break with the past". After a while, his wife can't take it and leaves him, and I'm not going to tell you the rest in case you want to see it.
H's reaction was funny; he recognised himself in the Mel Gibson character, and understood totally why he had to make a radical break with his past, but not why it didn't work in the end. It sort of showed where H is on his journey!
Good film, I recommend it.
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Don't know if the upcoming movie "Crazy, Stupid, Love" is specific to MLC but the trailer certainly looks that way. Funny thing is I saw the trailer today at the movies with my H & kids and kept wondering if any of the message resonated with him. It was uncomfortable as I wanted to say "see? doesn't the guy look like an idiot and then realizing he'll letting go of the best thing he ever had in his life!"
Definitely want to see the movie when it comes out.
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"American Beauty" and "Eat, Pray, and Lover" are two movies I can think of off the top of my head.
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Re: Eat, Pray, Love...
Ever notice that when Hollywood DOES address an MLC, they glorify it?
And speaking of Miss Roberts' movies, believe me, I didn't find "Runaway Bride" very funny either since I was essentially stood up at the alter many moons ago (not MLC-H...a fiance prior to H).
I hate that. Wah.
I DO though think that Men of A Certain Age is certainly showing the downside of the MLCer or Peter Pan type.
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'Lost in Translation' with Bill Murray and Scarlett Johannsen - one of my all time faves. Directed by Sophia Copella so the camera work is stunning.
A Single Man with Colin Firth is another goodie - it's about a gay guy in the 1950's but is about life and regrets and Julianne Moore plays a wild thing who is growing old....another one worth a look.
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Here's an interesting impressionistic film about acceptance and reconciliation. Not about MLC per se, although SEan Penn's character is coming to terms with the meaning of his life and faith.
It's "The Tree of Life"
Worth watching.
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http://movies.nytimes.com/2005/10/28/movies/28weat.html?scp=9&sq=midlife+crisis+men&st=nyt
Above is another link for a men in midlife crisis movie
Also in movie "All about Steve:" Sandra Bullock's characters Mary says at the end of the movie... "If you love someone, set them free". So true for our mlcers.
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I've mentioned this before somewhere. It isn't strictly a movie about midlife crisis, and not necessarily everyone's cup of tea - but a lot of resonating themes: 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'.
In the movie the woman ( Kate Winslett ) suddenly leaves her relationship and claims no recollection of her former partner. ( sound familiar? )
Friends of the couple have been briefed to help the woman carry out her plan, and not mention it to her partner.
As the movie progresses the man ( Jim Carey in engaging drama mode ) discovers that she had her memories purged by a secret, underground procedure. We've all been in the same shoes as him - confused, and agonized at the loss of his partner he asks for the procedure too, but while undergoing it he fights to hang on to one solid memory ( think detachment ). The movie is really about what happens next ... you can likely guess - but it is well done - thought provoking.
bnw
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In the "First Wives Club" movie, there is a mention of one of the characters' husband is having a mlc.
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I know that I am aging myself.....
An Unmarried Woman
Jill Clayburgh - in a really great performance.
The BD was so accurately portrayed. Came out of nowhere. Husband suddenly crying. He had been having an affair for 1 year. He thought it would end...but found he loved the OW. He told her when they were walking out on the street. She had a look of total amazement and disgust - and walked down the street to a trash can - where she threw up. Yep. Pretty accurate. The writer MUST have experienced something very similar.
It's a late 70's movie. The aftermath was a bit farfetched - but it did show the husband's attempts at touch and go's - where the wife shut him down each time.
Worth watching.
L
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Maybe it's been mentioned before but the movie "Hog Wild" with John Travolta, Tim Allen, etc.
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"Shall We Dance" with Richard Gear. A bit more of a midlife transition, I think, than MLC, but still interestingly relevant.
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Haven't seen the movie but I read that "Larry Crowne" with Tom Hanks and Julie Roberts is somewhat of a Midlife type movie. I think she is "bored" with her husband/life and makes friends with Tom (Larry). Might be a good one to see.
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To the "Shal We Dance" movie, I would add that the original Japanese version is beautifully done. On a different note, the last Shrek movie had MLC all over it.
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You are so right about the Shrek movie. I actually watched it twice and I cried like a baby at the end.
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Gene Simmons Family Jewels.
It is not about MLC, but this season, it shows Gene facing fallout of his narcissistic behaviors, justification & compartmentalisation of such, and foo issues, with his family and therapist. I am not sure how genuine this reality tv is, but it seems to follow those scripts I mentioned. I am finding it interesting.
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LGO,
You read my mind. I hadn't watched Gene Simmons et al in a long time but recently saw it and was amazed. I too think that his is not so much an MLC but rather a personality trait but gee, how telling was it that all those behaviors are ones so many of us have seen. What rankled me was his sitting there not saying a word as his family told him how they felt. Maybe you could call it good listening skills but it's one of the things I have always found frustrating about my own H. Drives me nuts.
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Crazy, Stupid Love.
Actually a pretty entertaining movie.
There are a few surprises in the film - one, towards the end, that I really didn't expect. I like it when a film surprises me.
The wife - who asks for a divorce and admits an affair in the first few minutes of the film - even contemplates whether or not she is having a Mid Life Crisis. She asks if women even have them (Rebel, Ready, Hobo???).
The couples' babysitter (who has a secret crush on the father) mutters to herself (twice) that the wife is Bat Sh*t Crazy. I have to admit that I laughed out loud in the theatre every time she said that!
It's a comedy.....so the accuracy isn't quite there, of course. During the first year of this cr*p, I'll have to admit I didn't laugh too much. Although, when I re-read my H's latest "letter' to me - I do find myself laughing - as it is so bizzarre - and really ridiculous - in so many ways. It is crazy how they think!
Limitless
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L What about Kramer vs Kramer? Meryl Streep seemed a little Fog Filled didn't she?
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Kramer vs. Kramer? Absolutely!
The film really followed Dustin Hoffman's character and the changes he made through the crisis.
Some of the things Meryl Streep spoke about, when she was on the Witness Stand during the custody hearing was pretty consistent with the idea that her character had an MLC.
In the end - both characters became "more than what they were" - though reconciliation wasn't in the cards.
Really good movie.
L
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I've been watching "family jewels" too and the trips to Israel (his father in the cemetery) and to Amsterdam (the Anne Frank house) had me very emotional. When the show was over I couldn't believe I was watching the same Gene Simmons
show. Even the last episode I watched where he proposes to Shannon was pretty incredible for
the type of show I was used to seeing. It's not MLC but it's been interesting.
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Yes. I saw crazy stupid love. Didn't expect to like it, but it was good. Made me cry, of course.
One of the messages was that you don't give up on your soulmate. Not that I love that term.
Doesn't really go into MLC but the wife does seem conflicted.
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I read 'Eat Pray Love' didn't see the film. I think the main character is a spoilt brat!! She is so self-indulgent, and takes herself off around the world to 'find herself' how could she afford to do that? Something she should have done before she got married I think ... made me think that the young generation today have a better chance, so many of them now take time to discover the world, to travel, to 'find themselves' before they settle down. Does this mean that the next generation won't suffer as much MLC? Or that they won't get married in the first place?
I read somewhere that young women are now less in favour of marriage, but I don't believe everything I read!
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I saw Eat, Pray, Love the two days before my H left. It was a few months after BD.
I hated the film.
Very self indulgent...spoiled.....actually ridiculous.
Of course they made her husband out to be a real odd ball. Then she immediately gets with some OM (younger) - leaves him to "find herself."
I think under even different circumstances (my H not having MLC) - I would have felt the same.
I remember years ago, when Bridges of Madison County came out....I saw it with a neighbor - who coincidentally was having a PA with someone she eventually left her husband for. She loved it. Felt it was so romantic!
I just thought how terrible it was for the Mother to have a fling with someone while her family was away....and have that person be her true love! The character I felt sorry for was her husband. At his deathbed, he acknowledged that he didn't believe he had ever made her truly happy - but confessed that he had loved her so very much......he couldn't let her go. Poor guy!
Romantic - dumb - hollywood movies that romaticize affairs.
Limitless
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I was given the book 'Eat, Pray, Love' two years ago and hated it. I returned it to my colleague and told her I thought the main character was selfish. My comment sparked a bit of a debate and I was the only one who hated it.
The film I liked, and have watched a number of times, is 'Under the Tuscan Sun' with Diane Lane, which is all about a newly divorced and still grieving divorcee. Wonderful scenery, great food, lots of challenges and opportunities, plus new friends who are all part of her learning to find joy in life again. Most of us don't get to up and move away, yet I find this film always makes me believe that good things can be found even in the most difficult of circumstances.
CrazyStuff
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I just watched "It's complicated" again... It's been a while. It's so funny though. I even yelled out "MIDLIFE CRISIS" Still one
of my fav's though. All great actors in the movie. For those of you with kids, It's also a must see again, if you have not seen it
since your BD. I loved the movie the first time I saw it, but this time I saw it in a whole new way... MLC!!!
Same with all the movies you all have mentioned... When I saw them before BD, I would actually think how lucky I was
that I had a great marriage, and that has not happened to me. Now, when I watch them again, I see them in a different light.
And it's not a good light... More like a sad or mad light. Though, some of the movies are still great! And I really do like
watching them, to get some in site on how others handle it, even though it is not real, for them anyway.
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The television show Millionaire Matchmaker had a recent episode where one of the millionairesses and one of the men that might be a match were supposably both in a midlife crisis. She was 45 ish and all over the place in terms of her attention and lots of pie in the sky thinking.
The male potential mlcer (according to Patty) was a guy who want to be the first painter in space (zero gravity).
They were both exhibited strange behavior I have to say...anyways she went on dates that didn't go anywhere and the male mlcer wasn't picked. Was glad that happened!
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I did not like "Eat, Pray, Love" ....even though I watched in many moons after bomb drop, it still hit a nerve.
When they are lying in the bed and he says "I don't want to go to_____" and she says, "I don't want to be married anymore." Ouch!
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I really disliked 'Eat, Pray, Love' too - both the movie and the book.
I thought she was the most self absorbed woman .......... very unappealing.
Hit a raw nerve with me too
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I agree with those who didn't care for Eat Pray Love. I was sick and nearly bedridden a few months after my husband's MLC began. He largely ignored me (prior to MLC, he'd have been fawning over me, making soup and pharmacy visits and fluffing up my pillows for me *sigh*). Anyway, ill as I was he still insisted on taking his hometown trip to see friends and maybe some guilt got to him because a couple days before leaving he'd rent movies for me to watch in the evenings. One of them he chose was Eat Pray Love and I hated it. I thought to myself Wow if H watched this he would probably be booking trips for himself all over the place, since it has worked out so well for this woman. Yes, we all could learn things about ourselves were money and time no object, and could indulge in traveling like she did. But when it comes right down to it, at the end, doesn't it ALWAYS end up as a relationship with some new person being the journey's "reward"? CLICHE!!
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I’ve watched American Beauty and Lost in Translation years before I was aware of what a MLC was. So, at the time, I did not saw them as MLC movies. Now I do.
It's Complicated I’ve saw a while ago. On this one I could recognise the MLC man. I watched it alone and laughed a lot. Would like to see Solitary Man.
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I never saw Eat Pray Love because I don't like JR very much anyway however, I read a review...may have been in "People" or one of those types of magazines. The reviewer was talking about how you kind of felt uncomfortable with what her character did but then you loved her for ultimately being true to herself.
Right then I new it must be garbage.
Actually, I just found this on Wikipedia (note the reference to narcissism):
Maureen Callahan of the New York Post heavily criticized the book, calling it "narcissistic New Age reading," and "the worst in Western fetishization of Eastern thought and culture, assured in its answers to existential dilemmas that have confounded intellects greater than hers." In addition, she was critical of Oprah's focus on the book, as well as Oprah's fans who enjoy the book, asking why her fans are "indulging in this silliness," and why they aren't "clamoring for more weight when it comes to Oprah's female authors
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Yeah I have read some negative reviews of the movie as well. They mostly refer to her as a poor little rich girl, and very whiney. One of the things about the movie I didn't like was when the main character has an imaginary conversation with her ex-husband. She asks him for forgiveness pretty much and of course, he's not even angry or upset by her destruction of their marriage. I thought, hey that's great now go try asking the real guy for forgiveness, and see how smoothly that conversation goes. There is also an earlier scene where she gets up out of bed with her then-husband and goes and cries to God, pouring our her unhappiness to Him. She tells God she will do whatever He tells her to, so I guess God told her to get a divorce or else did not speak at all, making her actions God's fault for not saying in a loud audible voice, "Hey people have much worse on their plates than your temporary dissatisfaction, so suck it up." I think she'd have ignored it.
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Eek...I would hate to smash my television so I guess I won't rent that movie!
GROSS!
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I read the book Eat, Pray, Love pre-MLC, and liked it alright, but saw the film after full blown BD/MLC and hated it. Mostly it just struck too close to home.
I try to avoid films that are actually about MLC, affairs, relationship issues because they just bum me out. I do like to watch films that depict strong independent characters (usually female) that I can identify with. When my brain just won't turn off, I like TV sitcoms because they act as white noise to drown out those repetitive obsessive thoughts.
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Has anyone seen the movie Little Children?
Kate Winslet's character has a husband who might be going through midlife crisis, but it doesn't focus on him as much as it does another male character who, in hindsight, does remind me a bit of my own H in MLC. When I watched the movie I did not really get that part of it. Anyway, the guy gets involved in an affair even though as is explained by the narrator he doesn't understand why because he loves his wife and thinks of her as the perfect wife, especially in the looks department. The OW does not even compare to her in his eyes but as the movie put it, is like the answer to a question he can't recall asking.
If you avoid movies that have to do with MLC and affairs you won't want to see this one.
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I just watched one of my favorite movies last night- Jim Henson's Labyrinth. Although it is a fantasy film, not MLC, it sure feels reminiscent of the LBS's journey on a mythic level. So many parallels...and so inspiring. And David Bowie plus Muppets always makes me smile. :)
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There have been two TV series shown over here, which on reflection were about MLC: Life Begins with Caroline Quentin and The Choir Project with Neil Pearson & Sarah Lancashire.
In both the series, the men leave their wives and set up home with younger woman. Reality sets in and the men want to come home. However both woman become stronger, do things that they never did before.
In The Choir Project shows different aspects of MLC - him meeting the OW, leaving his wife and children, setting up home with OW, cracks appearing, him becoming very depressed and missing his old life - his children, wife and home. Her becoming stronger, more a lot more confident, becoming friends with the new vicar, he wants to come home but she tells him she's not sure - she wants to explore her friendship with the new vicar and wants to be sure that she wants her husband back.
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Has anyone seen The Beaver or Crazy, Stupid, Love? The first is a drama the second more of a comedy but both portrait midlife
crisis/depression. Haven't see them yet but would like to.
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Have just watched Solitary Man. Boy, what a portrait of a man in a MLC. Ben, Michael Douglas character is pathetic. A fool full of himself that throws away everything he had.
I’m wondering how a man that was like Daniel, Jesse Eisenberg character, end up being like Ben. My husband was like Daniel, quite different from most adolescent boys. Now he is a version of Ben. Go figure…
Have Eat.Pray.Love , Crazy, Stupid, Love and Beaver to watch.
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Now for something totally different and a bit weird....
On American Dad... a cartoon show. It's a "hot tub" that Stan buys because he is stressed totally out.... substitute "hot tub" for OW or OM and you can see what I mean and he realizes how evil it is...bear with me; it is totally irreverent. It has Cee Lo Green as a host. Watch with caution.
Here's a preview:
http://www.undergroundcharisma.com/american-dad-hot-tub-starring-cee-lo-green-preview/
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Standing, that bit of American Dad is hilarious.
Watched Crazy, Stupid, Love. Light comedy, good for a few laughs. Wife in MLC, husband tries to be a new, more hip man, lots of silly things happen.
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MLC is also knocks on french doors. French movie Qui m'aime me suive tells the story of a 35 years old successful doctor, married to a doctor, perfect friends, with a great life. But he is getting dull, so, he decides to form a rock band, and live his adolescence dream.
Nedless to say everybody around him ends up dragged in his new MLCer life.
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Did I totally miss this somewhere on the Forum? Mrs. Robinson from the movie "The Graduate". OMG, I just watched this movie again and it was glaringly a mlc crisis. I saw the movie in college and remembered well so this is what an affair is..... even Dustin Hoffman's character is all out of sorts... unmoored and unable to find his bearings.... maybe he had an early, early mlc?
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I have watched Fireproof two times. The beginning part where the couple keeps having hostile conversations, and the wife finally says after the husband yells that she just wants out, it felt very real.
I would never want my husband to watch it during MLC. Maybe after. I think he'd probably make some insensitive comments.
I bought the soundtrack and I have listened to two of the songs over and over, "While I'm Waiting", and "Love Is Not A Fight".
I love the lyrics: "Love is not a place To come and go as we please It's a house we enter in then commit to never leave So lock the door behind you Throw away the key We'll work it out together Let it bring us to our knees Love is a shelter in a raging storm Love is peace in the middle of a war And if we try to leave May God send angels to guard the door..."
It has helped me to listen to those lyrics in the times when I've thought, This is too much, and I'm gonna have to to walk away.
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My sister gave me the dvd to watch after H left in Feb 11. When he told me he was leaving again in April 11, I couldn't go to sleep right away as I was too upset. So I watched the movie and it gave me hope. I passed it on to H and said "watch this and let me know what you think of it". He is a movie buff after all. He said he would. A couple of weeks later I asked if he watched it and he just replied "why, is it supposed to fix me?".
Doubt he's ever watched it as he really doesn't want anything or anyone to change his mind at present.
The acting is pretty bad but the message is good and I have had a look at the love dare book. Just not possible to do much of it when your H does not live with you and you have very little contact. It would have been great if I'd had it a year ago but then ebeing in MLC, would anything have changed?? He would still want to run and find some ridiculous reason why he had to leave and hook up with OW.
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I bought the DVD after it first came out but I haven't watched it. I saw a few of the "trailers" online and cried. When my ex H broke down and told me he was unhappy (BD) and I had no idea what was wrong (MLC) with him I suggested that we watch the movie together. His remark was, "why to make me feel even worse than I already do.....make me feel terrible?" So, needless to say, we didn't see the movie. I haven't thought about watching it since going through all this. Oh, well, it is what it is......MLC.
On another note........I understand another good movie just released is "Courageous". Not exactly MLC based but from what I've gathered (haven't seen it)........it's about several different families with men in public service positions (police, firefighters) who go through something that makes them all decide they want to become better men........husbands and fathers. I'd like to know if any of you have seen it and if so, what's your thoughts?
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My H gave the movie 'The railway children' to the kids. I remembered watching the TV series so was keen to watch it with them. They said "Daddy used to watch this' Well he gave them the movie version and at the end S5 looks at me and says "the dad came back". I felt so bad he noticed it. Wonder if H realised what movie he was getting them.
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Hi
I watched Crazy Stupid Love a couple of weeks ago.
H invited me to watch it at the cinema with our 2Ds. He obviously hadn't done his research or I am sure he would have chosen another film for us to watch LOL. We had a few uncomfortable cringeworthy moments, but all in all we settled down and really enjoyed the film.
It is so obviously the wife in MLC, and the husband doing what he can to try to make a new life for himself dating lots of women, but also not wanting to give up on his marriage, sneaking around in the middle of the night to cut the grass and tidy the garden etc.
Enjoyable film and I'm sure many of us here can relate to situation.
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A friend got me the book Eat, Pray, Love thinking it would be a good guide for what I was going through. All I could think was, 'this is the most self-centered, shallow woman I could never imagine being friends with.'
What the author did to her H was atrocious. I read it thinking, WOW, this woman is such a low-quality human being...no amount of meditation can cure narcissism.
If the book was an autobiography of a man who did the same things, he would be laughed at and the subject of much cultural derision. Instead, this selfish woman is celebrated for her 'growth'. Yikes! Major double standard.
The writing was pretty mediocre - not bad, just not that good.
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Never knew what that movie was about, Eat, Pray, Love, but my wife loved it, and I have meant to watch it, now not so much.
I hate the way that people "celebrate" people who follow selfish, narssisitic ways of life like they are some type of hero.
Sorry but have no reason to see my life in ruins as a type of entertainment.
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All I could think was, 'this is the most self-centered, shallow woman I could never imagine being friends with.'
What the author did to her H was atrocious. I read it thinking, WOW, this woman is such a low-quality human being...no amount of meditation can cure narcissism.
If the book was an autobiography of a man who did the same things, he would be laughed at and the subject of much cultural derision. Instead, this selfish woman is celebrated for her 'growth'. Yikes! Major double standard.
I hate the way that people "celebrate" people who follow selfish, narssisitic ways of life like they are some type of hero.
Sorry but have no reason to see my life in ruins as a type of entertainment.
Couldn't agree more!! ;D
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How about The First Wives Club? 8)
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Gotta watch Eat.Prey.Love and see what all the media fuzz about the movie is for. I think sometimes selfish behaviour is taken for living ones life regardless of social constrains. If it is a woman rather than a man she is seen as powerful because she broke the rules.
Can't remember if I've already saw first wifes club...
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The First wives club was good, funny thing is both my wife and I liked it, because it was women, but could apply just as easily to men now, that got revenge against their husbands for leaving their wives when they got older for younger women, something we both detested, apparently me more than her lol
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Saw, Eat.Pray.Love. don’t think she is a such a narcissist or shallow as some of you do. Find the behaviours of the MLCer characters in Solitary Man and Crazy Stupid Love much more destructive and self-centered than the behaviour of the woman in Eat.Pray.Love.
Of course she is thinking of herself, she does not feel well in her present circumstance, she feels empty inside. It is also obvious her marriage is dead and stale. She goes on the big discovery journey but the movie has a happy ending for everybody, herself, her husband, her boyfriend.
It is more an introspective movie than the speed up Solitary Man or the comical Crazy Stupid Love.
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I have a movie to recommend. It's not really about MLc but I, personally, think every women ( and man ) should watch this movie. The name of it is The Stoning of Soraya M. I have to warn you, it is very graphic but I think there are so many lessons in the story. Also, it's a slow-paced film with subtitles ~ could take some patience to watch.
On a different note, I loved Blue Valentine because the story resonated with me and the cinematography is just beautiful. The acting / actors were great, too. And... War of the Roses, also with Michael Douglas, is pretty funny. I don't recall specifically if these deal with mlc but I think they had some related elements.
I, also, really did not enjoy Eat, Pray, Love. ( it was horrible ~ I think I fell asleep in the theater a little ). For some reason, Julia Roberts is no longer one of my favorite actresses. She was great when she was younger but now, I don't know :-X . I guess that's why I didn't enjoy it.
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Star, thanks for the recommendations.
Will pass The Stoning Of Soraya. I know how things are in Iran and what they do, just can't watch that sort of stuff. At least not for know.
Gonna check Blue Valentine. Love The War of The Roses. Not MLC related and on a more romantic note, I recommend Bright Star, the love story between Keats and is beloved.
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I completely understand AnneJ. I was a worried about mentioning it here not just because it really doesn't have anything to do with mlc ( although it does tell the story of a LBS ) but it is so graphic and difficult to to watch. On the other hand, I decided to just mention it because I recall thinking to myself after viewing it "this is a powerful movie and everyone should know about it, if they don't already". For me, watching it gave me strength and made me proud to be a free women with a voice and it especially gave me a sense of perspective when I was really down & out, thinking about him and how he hurt me.
I've seen so many movies but I don't remember many that deal with the topic of mlc. It's wracking my brain.
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No need to worry mentioned The Stoning of Soraya here, Star. Yep, everyone should know about the movie. Or, at least, how things are for women in Iran, Saudi, Iemen and in many other parts of the world (see the BAli woman in Eat.Pray.Love).
I live in southern europe, northern africa is not far from here. It is not like in middle east but women's lives over there are not always nice. Even in southern or east Europe women can have it though.
The thread is not just for MLC movies. I'm an eager book reader (not MLC books) and a bigger eager movie watcher. Just had let both those things on hold for a while since husband's MLC beging. Now I'm catching up my normal rhythm. Meaning, a lot of movies (for all over the world) and books. :)
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I found one, on topic, that looks interesting :) . Features Ben Stiller ( Love Him! ) http://www.reuters.com/article/2010/02/14/us-berlin-stiller-idUSTRE61D1E420100214
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Yep, that one looks interesting. Not a big Ben Stiller fan but will watch the movie.
Saw The Beever tonight. Thought it was with Michael Douglas, like Solitary Man, but it is with Mel Gibson. If someone knows a thing or two about MLC is Gibson.
Not sure if I liked or disliked the movie. Upseting may be the right word. Like in Solitary Man it becomes very unconfortable to watch these man loosing it. In The Beever, such as in Eat.Pray.Love, the marriage already seems pretty dead and stale.
There is a sentence from the movie that fits my husband behaviour "People love a train wreck when is not happening to them.".
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Yeah, I'm interested to see how the mlc plays out in the film. If not for that, I probably wouldn't watch it even if Ben Stiller's in it.
Also, Sideways... I remember that being an o.k. movie.
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Has anybody watched the Sandra Bullock movie "Hope Floats"?
I have always felt like it's too bad we don't get to see some sort of an epilogue, like one maybe two years later when Sandra's character's H finally sees through the OW and will come running to see if it is too late to get his wife and daughter back. It broke my heart when Sandra's telling her mother the things that she misses about her H, the way he'd make her feel so safe and I'm thinking Wow this scene sure sounds familiar to me. The way she can't get herself together at first, I'm thinking Been there too! And what her H says to their daughter, that he can't take her with him because he and OW need time to themselves right now, "to try and make a go of it." Hey if it's "true love" ::) what would it matter for your daughter to be there or not? You already KNOW it isn't the REAL thing!
I don't know about anyone else but I just wanted to smack him.
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"Has anybody watched the Sandra Bullock movie "Hope Floats?"
I've seen it. Great movie! It was very easy for me to relate as well.
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OK, so it's not a film, but a video of a 51 year old guy and 16 year old wife. Could it be, could it be, mlc?
http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/topvideos/2011/10/24/ac-ridiculist-courtney-stodden.cnn#/video/us/2011/10/25/ac-ridiculist-mcrib-mania-is-back.cnn
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You will meet a tall dark stranger. Woody Allen. All about mlc. Very good. Sorry I haven't properly introdced myself. I havent had the energy to write my story but i will. just wanted to add my movie. Its really good.
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Submarine. The wife, if she is not in MLC then I don't know what is she on...The movie is about the son but the mum behaviour is very much MLC.
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Hi everyone,
I'm not sure if I posted this in the right place. So please forgive me if I didn't.
I watch a movie called The Beaver with Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster. The reason I am posting it here is it is the best movie so far that I have watched concerning MLC. They never really call it MLC .
The reason I decided to watch this movie is my H said a few weeks ago that he had seen it and it is exactly how he feels. He saw himself in this movie.
As I sat and watched it I cried as to see this from their, the MLC'er point is very different. I have always thought or visioned that he was very depressed but to see it was so eye opening.
The Beaver in this movie to me represented any feel good, hide behind behavior that the MLC'er has. Such as the addiction to OW, drugs, alcohol etc..
There is also a part in this movie that really hit me. Him and his wife are in a resturant. She was pressuring him about their relationship and who he is. You can see him regressing back into the tunnel. He does what any MLC'er would do up the antidote to feel better. So eye opening!
He goes public and what he says abt his family is so MLC and so by the book (script as you all say here) that I promise you your jaw will drop!
The end to me showed how difficult it is for them to just stop their behavior. How they can be convinced that their life is only better because of their feel good antidotes. How hard it is for them to stop it and that when they hit bottom for the final time they fight to be free from the grasps of their MLC.
The movie does show how hurt his wife is, maybe could of shown a little more real life falling apart as most would in real life. She does show it more in the restaurant scene.
The hard part is watching the teenage son and how hard it is on him. I saw both of my daughters behavior in him. The younger one is much more accepting but does show some sadness.
Wish I was good at writing movie reviews but not so much. I can only promise you if you watch this movie you too will have an eye opening experience.
If any of you have already seen this movie please let me know your thoughts.
I have tried not to give away to much of the movie and the out come. You will have to watch it and see for yourself what happens.
I rented it on amazon.com for 3.99 and watched it on my monitor. I am now going to buy it in the store and watch it again with my girls.
Thanks every one have a Great day!
Little Debbie
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Thanks for the recommendation. I have it queued up on Netflix, but was debating whether to actually watch it or not. Now I will.
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Great let me know what you think.
I will be out of town until Tuesday morning.
I will get on here as soon as I can when I get back.
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I watched it a few weeks back. I found it to be a very disturbing, dark movie.
It was like watching a train wreck. I saw what you saw, I heard what you heard.
My heart hurt for the wife and the kids. I felt like just slapping him to make him
snap out of it. I think it shows something beyond MLC to the point of total and
complete breakdown emotionally. I don't think I'd watch it with kids, although I
did watch it with my 18yo.
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Rebel, that is what keeps me from watching it. I don't know if I can emotionally handle it right now.
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Interesting that Mel is playing the lead in this movie - he would have to be a man who has had a MLC.
I wonder if part of his healing is to get this out to the world - so maybe they may judge him less harshly??
Haven't watched it yet, but will steel myself to .......
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I've seen the movie (OP maybe you can merge this thread with the one about MLC movies...). Found it ok. Also seen Solitary Man that i thought was quite good. Its with Michael and Susan Sarandon. These two movies show two men in MLC, in two different periods of their life. In Beaver the man is still pretty much married, in Solitary Man he is already divorced. We get to see what sets the man into the crisis and him hitting rock botton.
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I've seen the movie (OP maybe you can merge this thread with the one about MLC movies...).
There were three threads about this that I have now put together here.
Thanks AnneJ
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I have been reviewing documentaries. Perhaps you can locate them on YouTube or maybe Netflix or streaming videos. They aren't necessarily and specifically about mlc but:
Love and Cheating - a reference to the midlife crisis is mentioned
Secret to Love - talks about the realistic periods/types of love in a marriage.
Secret to Love talked about infatuation versus mature love. Love that takes you through the good times and the bad. There is a reference to some people thinking that love should be the same type of love when you first meet someone and that should be the same through you whole lifetime together and how that is unrealistic in the real world.
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I watched it a few weeks back. I found it to be a very disturbing, dark movie.
It was like watching a train wreck. I saw what you saw, I heard what you heard.
My heart hurt for the wife and the kids. I felt like just slapping him to make him
snap out of it. I think it shows something beyond MLC to the point of total and
complete breakdown emotionally. I don't think I'd watch it with kids, although I
did watch it with my 18yo.
Hi Rebel Yell,
It was only disturbing to me because of how real it showed what depression can do to a person.
My heart hurt for the wife and kids too. I looked at it tho as a mental illness that crept up on this man so I felt bad for him in a different way. Slapping him would of done no good.
The experience that I have been thru in the last 2 /1/2 years with my MLC H has been a complete emotional breakdown. To me that is not beyond MLC but, is MLC. Just my opinion thru my experiences.
Yes I agree it is probably to deep for young children. My D's are 23 and 17 (18 come Jan) so I will be watching it again with them.
Thank you so much for your opinion on this movie I appreciate it.
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My experience of my H's MLC, also included a complete emotional breakdown.
I can imagine that this would vary from person to person.
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was at a friends and this film came on worth a watch
http://www.tnt.tv/dramalounge/article/?oid=26964
Rob Lowe Lives His Own Perfect Day
TNT original explores true meaning of success
by David Martindale
about the author >>
Neither a Princess nor 'Dirty Harriet'
Kathryn Morris knows her Cold Case character well.
NBA All-Star Game
The moves, more than the victory, are what's remembered.
Julie Andrews Honored by SAG
Actress showed royal potential at an early age
Rob Lowe Lives His Own Perfect Day
TNT original explores true meaning of success
In A Perfect Day, a TNT original movie, Rob Lowe plays a novelist who lets overnight success get the better of him. He enjoys the money that comes from writing a bestseller, of course. But the real high for Robert Harlan, Lowe's character, is having an adoring public. He becomes addicted to fame. And as is often the case with addictions, he changes. A dark, ugly side emerges. A devoted family man transforms into a self-centered, thoughtless human being. "The journey that my character goes on," Lowe says, "is sort of unpleasant."
Lowe can relate. He remembers undergoing a similar metamorphosis. He was 15 and costarring in his first TV series, a sitcom called A New Kind of Family. Teenage girls in the studio audience couldn't get enough of him that evening. "I came out for my first curtain call," Lowe recalls, "and I was probably enjoying it a little too much." Afterwards, Eileen Brennan, the sitcom's leading lady, brought him back to earth with a few choice words. "And she made certain that, from that night on, there was nobody under the age of 15 in the audience!"
Lowe, the former "Brat Pack" actor and West Wing cast member, is now in his third decade of showbiz stardom. He has survived -– thrived, even –- because he sorted out his priorities. "What would it mean if you only had one day to live?" he says. "What would you want to do? All the extraneous stuff [such as fame and fortune] is just crap. What you would care about is that you'd want more time. And you'd want to use that time to be with the people you love."
Lowe's character in A Perfect Day (which premieres at 8 p.m. ET on Monday, Dec. 18) eventually reestablishes the same priorities after taking his ego-trip detour. The lesson is by no means unique to this film. "But when done in a fun way and a really interesting way," Lowe notes, "I think it works every time."
Lowe, who this season has a recurring role as a Republican senator in ABC's Brothers & Sisters, is also a sucker for heartfelt Christmas stories. That's another reason he was drawn to A Perfect Day, which plays out with the holiday season as a backdrop. Lowe's annual yuletide viewing favorites include It's a Wonderful Life ("the granddaddy of all of them") and A Charlie Brown Christmas ("with that little tree"). If A Perfect Day eventually rates repeat screenings in the same way as those other classics, he'll be thrilled. "I think, when you deal with universal themes, you certainly have a chance at that."
In the movie, Robert Harlan literally must decide how and with whom he wants to spend the last day of his life. In Lowe's case, it's been purely theoretical so far. But his choice, he says, would be to spend his last day -– and all of the days he'll get between now and then –- cherishing life with his wife and two sons. Already in an upbeat mood for this interview, he brightens even more when the discussion turns to sons Matthew, age 13, and John, 11.
It has occurred to Lowe, by the way, that they're almost the same age he was when he began his Hollywood acting career. If he has his druthers, though, they won't follow him into the family business. "They're both particularly good at helping me run my lines, for whatever that's worth," he says. "One is so good at it that the other day my wife and I had to have a talk about, 'Maybe we shouldn't have him helping you with your lines any more.' Because I think we're just aiding and abetting the delinquency of a minor." That was just a joke, mind you. "Not that I have anything against actors," Lowe continues. "Acting's been great for me. But for my kids, I'm sort of hoping for Supreme Court Justices!" And you can bet he'll be there on the day they're sworn in.
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The Vow -
It seems that I "see" MLC in just about any and every relationship film that I watch. I know that this is due to the situation that I am in.....as it is on my mind more than I like it to be. ;)
Anyway - if you don't want to be "spoiled" on the plot of the new film "The Vow" - quit reading.....NOW.
Carriage returns to keep you from reading on.....
Anyway - the film is about a married woman, who through tramatic brain trauma, "forgets" her life with her husband of 5 years. She wakes up in the hospital and completely forgets who he is, that she is married to him, that they ever met....etc. The last thing she remembers is 6 years before - when she was engaged to another man. During the time, before she met her husband, she had become estranged from her family, she broke off her engagement, quit law school, and moved away to the city - to a new life. She meets her husband, marries and lives happily for 5+ years.
Then....an accident....that takes her memories of the past 6 years. All she can remember is being with her family, going to law school and being engaged to someone else. Her husband is a stranger. Someone she doesn't know...can't remember....doesn't love.
The parallels between this story and MLC really hit me! Talk about an identify crisis! She had no idea who she was.....how she got there.
So, she retreats - back to the previous time and re-traces those same steps. Goes back to her "old" life - re-enters law school, gets back with her family - seems to go back to her old finance. She and her husband divorce. It is through re-living these same steps - she finds out who she is and what she wants out of life - even though she never regains the memory of meeting and marrying her husband.
The film ends with the wife (now ex-wife) back in the city, back to being an artist (having quit law school - again), breaks it off (again) with her old fiance and searching out her (ex) husband. The two decide, rather than go to an old place that they went to previously - to try somewhere new - and begin a new relationship.
And, the husband? Well, the film pretty much showed that there was not a whole lot he could do about the situation. He loved his wife......un-conditionally. He missed her. He wanted her in his life. But, she had to figure out who she was. He could not force himself on her....date her and re-woo her......complain or be angry with her. He just let her be. He was sad....but his only wish was for her to be happy....and, if that was without him...then that is how it had to be. I couldn't help but feel so sorry for him. He loved her so much! But, she wasn't the same person anymore - he could see that. At the end of the film - she was a "new" person - a bit of the old, a bit of the new - her core personality was there......but she was different as well.
A bit like MLC - at least, for me. Of course, they didn't have any children.....I think the story would have been quite a bit different had children been in the mix.......Apparently, this film was inspired by true events. At the end of the film - they showed a photo of the couple with their two children (born after the incident). She never regained her memory....but they were able to re-build.....
Sorry, if I ruined the film for you.....
L
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The most accurate MLC depiction I have ever seen on film is the BBC mini-series "The Six Wives of Henry the 8th."
Whoever wrote this series had MLC on the brain. It is a MUST watch - it IS amazing, you will say OMG this is the most classic MLC ever.
Just to get you interested: Henry the 8th is a normal loving husband & father for 18 years to wife Catherine of Aragon and their daughter. He is a devout man who loves him family. Then WHAMMO, midlife hits and suddenly he wants to do it over with a younger woman and male heir. But how will he get rid of his first wife? No, he didn't chop her head off...he did worse.
LBSs much watch this to see how Catherine of Aragon responded...she was the ultimate stander. Your heart will break for her (the scene where he sends a servant to demand that she give the family christening gown to the OW is heart wrenching).
WATCH THIS MOVIE...it is six episodes, but the MLC resolves in the first three. And its a true story. Lets all be thankful that our MLCers don't have the power that the king of England had - he wielded total destruction and he became a sick & lonely old man full of bitterness and unrealized dreams.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066714/
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I just had to re-visit this thread.
I have recently begun watching The Tudors on BBC America. All I can say is, "WOW." This is my H. A few months after BD, he still didn't seem to know what it was that was making him so unhappy, and he came up with a number of things. Some of you might recall me posting about how my H made a point of bringing up my cat pajamas. Yep... he was totally grasping at straws.
Then a friend he had not seen in over a year called up, going through a separation, and my H invited himself over to his place, where he renewed his connection with him and his two young children. And that my fellow LBS was all she wrote. It was love.
My H (Henry VIII) has decided he must have a male heir no matter the cost. I (Catherine of Aragon) am dumbfounded at how he is able to completely disregard the life, love and happiness that we have shared over so many years together. It is AWFUL.
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Had never though of Henry VIII has a man in MLC. Having a male hair was a need of the time and if there was not one it was not uncommon to put aside a wife. At the time the thought of a woman as Queen of England was unthinkable. The irony is that, of course in the end a woman become Queen of England: Elisabeth I. Catherine was the widow of Henry’s brother, she should had never married Henry. But the Catholic Church allowed for it. I’m not certain Catherine stand for love, more because she was a Catholic and because being Queen was of great importance to her, I think. Both her marriages were for political reasons, not love. But Henry comes out of it all as a fool. Putting aside wives, beheading wives, and, no make hair survives. He messed up his and many other lives for nothing. Except for coming up with the Church of England.
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Just saw a movie about a marital relationship with Meryl Strep and Tommy Lee Jones. Did anyone else see it and feel that the male character exhibited signs of MLC? Dealing w my H MLC has made me see realtionships in a new light.
I was thinking about Don Quixote the other day. His delusion, his relationship with Dulcinea...possible MLC?
I thought it might be fun to see if anybody has had similar thoughts about any books, plays or movies they have seen?
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I'll say it first - any talk about "Eat, Pray, Love" is banned.
Now, I did pick up the ultimate MLC movie the other day and it's "City Slickers" with Billy Crystal. Three 9-5ers decide they want to be cowboys at 45 and go out west and leave their families for a time. Jack Palance helps to show them that the life they left was perfect for them and they go home happy. One of my favorite comedies and W and I saw it and it's sequel together. Highly recommended!
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"Crazy Stupid Love" is on the list. That opening set of scenes where Steve Carrell is BD'ed and jumps out of the car hits wayyyy too close to home!
And of course, all of the Star Trek movies, since MLC'ers are from outer space! ;D ;D ;D
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I think we had a thread about this awhile back. Shrek 3 and American Beauty smack of MLC.
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Yes, maybe Old Pilot can combine threads.
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If you´re okay with foreign films: El hijo de la novia is a CLASSIC mlc but with a happier ending than what might be expected.
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I don't have one about MLC to recommend but I saw one over the weekend any LBS struggling with unforgiveness should see.
"To End All Wars"
In a nutshell, it is about prisoners of war trying to survive a labor camp. The conditions are horrendous, as you might imagine, and the treatment is cruel and brutal. But there's one character in particular who inexplicably seems able to rise above it all; I won't give spoilers because I really want you to check this movie out if you ever have the chance. I will just say that there's a crossroads moment, if you want to call it that, where the prisoners must decide if they want to let it go and forgive, or begin a conspiracy towards retaliation. Of course the camp is divided on the matter and two separate factions emerge. I have to say, it's just a beautiful movie (though extremely difficult to watch at times) with the message that Yes, you CAN forgive ANYTHING!!
:)
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Don't remember if anyone had mentioned it before. Closer by Mike Nichols, with Jude Law, Julia Roberts, Clive Owen and Natalie Portman. I'm not sure if it is about MLC or just affairs and their consequences but it is pretty good. And it revolves around the illusion, deceitfulness and lies that surround these sort of situations.
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American Beauty is a definite but I don't like how it ended.. Very sad.. And Crazy Stupid Love.. I am dying to see new Meryl Streep- Tommy Lee Jones movie..
It's Complicated was hilarious.. especially part where they are in bedroom and Alec Baldwin hiding behind lap top... LMAO... I gotta see it again..
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The tv series Homeland http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1796960/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1796960/). It is not about MLC but Carrie, the lead female character and CIA agent, is bipolar. Her disease is showed without filters on the show. Think some of us could see our MLCers in her. Especially during all the time she keeps a front from everyone at work. She is fine when on meds but totally looses it if she forgets to takes, or runs out of, them. Was very surprised to see a bipolar character portrait the way she is. Very well done, in my opinion. Season 2 started last weekend (September 30). It is worthy to watch series 1 in a row and catch up with series 2.
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I don't know if anyone has ever mentioned it, but "Breaking Bad" is as MLC as you can get (without the affair - at least as far as I have seen).
Thanks to the wonders of Netflix - my D22 and I started watching it. We are more than 1/2 through the 2nd season.
The protagonist is a brilliant, but otherwise underachieving Science teacher - who, for some reason, also worked at a carwash!!!???!!! He is very meek and seemingly taken advantage of and/or for granted by everyone in his life. His wife is pregnant with an unplanned child. They have a high school aged son with disabilities. At the onset of the show - he is pretty much given a death sentence - as he is diagnosed with lung cancer. He keeps this information to himself, by the way. There is so much that he keeps to himself, in this show. In order to provide for his family - he starts cooking chrystal meth with one of his ex-students. He later begins to feel alive again - through the excitement, danger, and wealth of being a drug dealer. I know...not so MLC - but stick with me on this one.
He disappears for hours/days at a time....never telling his wife where he is going or what he is doing. His lies are so bad....she knows something is going on. But, he won't tell her. He won't let her in. He is forced, finally, to admit he is ill - in order to ease her suspicions...as that truth is "easier" to share than the other secret life he lives.
This man lies...lies....lies...and then lies some more. What I found interesting is my D22's take on the whole thing. My D feels that the wife is a real b&tch and really dislikes the character. I have stated that the wife is so upset and sick of the lies.....that she cannot trust or believe her spouse....and it is driving her to do many of the things that she does. But, my D doesn't see it, at all. My D thinks that I just no longer like men!
Granted the main character is the protagonist. And, the show focuses on HIS story...and HIS motives. I guess, being from where I've been - his constant lies about EVERYTHING really bother me....a lot!
The show is very well done....very intense...and violent, of course. Worth watching.
limitless
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Groundhog Day.
Bill Murray's character is stuck in time until he grows up. At first, he is confused and, then, he (erroneously) deduces that there are no consequences for his behavior and goes on a party spree. Only after he truly begins to empathize with the world and grows as a person is he allowed to continue forward in his life.
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Doc,
I never thought about Groundhog Day in the terms of MLC...but you are so correct!
Destined to repeat the same day over and over and over and over...until he grew up.
Love that film!
L
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Think in Breaking Bad the motive, at least the initial one, is not to abandon the family but make sure when he dies the family will be all right money wise. He was diagnosed with cancer, he does not have a good job. Cooking meth will give loads of money.
Of course he lies, he become a drug dealer. He is going to die and wants to keep is image clean as far as his family is concerned. I get him. Some people don’t like to tell they have a terminal illness, not event to the spouse. And of course he lies about his disappearances.
In Breaking Bad I only see a guy that was caught by surprise with bad news and is trying to leave is family well off when he dies and sees no point in tell them what he has choose to do. Given what he has choose to do of course he lies. It is understandable. It may bother you Limitless, but I think it makes sense that he lies and behaves the way he does.
Never seen Groundhog Day.
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I don't know if anyone has ever mentioned it, but "Breaking Bad" is as MLC as you can get (without the affair - at least as far as I have seen).
I must talk to my S18 about this. According to my H, S18 recommended that he watch it, and my H has since said to me that it has helped him make sense of things with the boys. Something about the lack of trust between the protagonist and his son? The son is willing to have a relationship, but the trust isn't there?
I haven't seen it myself, just passing on what my MLCer 'saw'. I find it amazing that my H has these insights, but just carries right on as before.
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I didn't see About Schmidt mentioned. I am not sure it's about MLC or depression so much as a man having to work through his long-term alianation from his wife and his estrangement from his daughter for her wedding. During the film, his wife dies of a brain clot and his daughter reprimands him for how he treated her mom/his wife. This sets the pattern for self reflection and I would say running away from his life as he prepares for his daughter's wedding.
As far as the movie industry, in general, and movies like Eat, pray, Love, I have always hated movies where selfishness is encouraged and rewarded as some sort of romantic or 'strong' thing to do. I also hate movies with double standards like those where you reward a female for doing something that you would totally be disgusted if a guy did it.
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My h was watching a movie last year, on the french channel but I don't know if it was french. The wife is wearing a red coat or jacket [a recurring image]. Anyway the man has an affair...can't remember how that comes out. Subsequently his wife dies & I don't know if he realizes that she was always the one or something like that.
Anyway my h remarked, with one foot out the door at the time, that the h still loves his wife. Typically weird mlc observation. :o ::)
Does anyone know what this movie was called? Could be french or not. I think the wife was blonde & looked like Miranda Richardson...or not--my memory is shot. With all that happened after, him leaving etc., I would be interested to see it.
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CJ, is there a French movie that doesn't involve the angst of an affair? I remember the last French film my sister and I watched, the man was in a lounge chair dying with his mistress on one side and his wife on he other. Talk about a MLC fantasy!!! I do not know the movie you are talking about but will check w my son who sees just about any foreign or offbeat film that comes out.
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This is not a movie:
Family Guy - Lois has a midlife crisis and Peter and the children react to her "transformed" self and persona.
House - husband leaves wife and has a girlfriend. He goes to the hospital. Original wife and children rally to his side. He believes he is dying.
Patient learns that he is going to live and returns to the girlfriend. Not sure if it is MLC, but wife is wonderful when you really need support but girlfriend is the partner of choice when you think you are going to survive and lives more years. Hmmmm.
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House - husband leaves wife and has a girlfriend. He goes to the hospital. Original wife and children rally to his side. He believes he is dying.
Patient learns that he is going to live and returns to the girlfriend. Not sure if it is MLC, but wife is wonderful when you really need support but girlfriend is the partner of choice when you think you are going to survive and lives more years. Hmmmm.
I remember that episode! Isn't that the one where they patient was a "friend" of Wilson's? And, duped Wilson into donating an organ, too?
I don't think it was so much of a MLC - as the patient was extremely Narcissistic. It made complete "sense" to him to go back to his wife and child, if he were going to die. The wife was so nurturing. It was what HE needed. But, once he was going to survive...the new young love interest was more fitting to his needs.
What a jerk that guy was!
L
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Recently I re-watched the movie The Family Man, starring Nicolas Cage. I heard a ton of "script" in the dialogue. For anybody who hasn't seen it he's a financial guy living it up as a carefree bachelor. He ends up being "magically transformed" into this middle-class married father of two so he can "learn a lesson." His best friend sympathizes and says something like "All of a sudden every lingerie ad shows you the life you'll never have." His little girl thinks he's an alien ("He's still learning our ways."). He goes around saying things like how he's not this person and this isn't his life or the life he wanted, lamenting the fact his former life was wiped out, so it means things like his trip to Europe never happened. If nothing else I recommend it as a Christmas movie because it has the "It's a Wonderful Life" feel, and it takes place at Christmastime. You may hear B.S. in it you've heard from your own MLCer.
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Watching "The Women" on E. Meg Ryan plays a woman who's husband leaves her for an OW. She asks herself the question we all ask here, "what do I want?". She finds herself and as a result is able to repair many of her relationships. At the end her H indicates he wants her back.
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Couldn't sleep for the last few nights so went a little over the top and did a MLC and BPD movie marathon:
MLC and infidelity:
Hope Floats (from the perspective of LBS)
Then she found me (two LBSers find each other)
Borderline personality disorder:
Young Adult
Fatal Attraction
Others that I might rent when I can afford to:
Black Swan
Chloe
Girl interrupted
Can anyone add a few to these lists?
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Actually I would add
melancholia (by lars von trier)
As a wonderful story of a jungian midlife identity crisis
Highly recommended
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Hi UP, I have a few to add to your list most you can find on Netflix...
Never Forever
Take This Waltz
Seducing Charlie Barker
No Looking Back
Helen (the one with Ashley Judd) BPD
and a classic original of Fatal Attraction "Play Misty for Me"
They all have MLC or depression of some sort but the movie "Take this Waltz" TOTALLY SUMS IT UP!!!
Happy New Year Everyone....
Truly :)
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Actually I would add
melancholia (by lars von trier)
As a wonderful story of a jungian midlife identity crisis
Highly recommended
That's interesting UP. Months ago my H mentioned to me that he had seen this film. He didn't articulate much about it, but went out of his way to tell me, looked a bit shifty, and then simply said it was .......... ugggggh!
I had no idea about the storyline, but I wonder if something hit a raw nerve with him?
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Wow! Truly!
Seducing Charlie Barker is pretty spot on with that psycho BPD other woman, etc. Working my way thru your list! Thanks.
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The Virgin Suicides
The Piano Teacher
Oslo, 31 August
These are for depression or mental health conditions.
The Beaver and Solitary Man for MLC.
ps, we have another thread on movie & mlc so maybe they can be merged?...
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American Beauty
Unfaithful
Inception (I only say that half jokingly - the surrealness isn't unlike their delusions, plus the underlying story of the marriage destroyed)
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Just discovered Netflix, thanks. I really feel like watching movies this month so will check out some of these.
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I didn't think to look for another thread!oops! Can someone merge them, please?
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Now they're merged got to watch shrek 4 or whichever number?? Moominpapa also has a midlife crisis! Doesn't involve infidelity or abandonment but does involve a need for papa to have adventure in his life before its too late! Moominmama goes with it and they get through! It's quite funny.
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Doesn't involve infidelity or abandonment but does involve a need for papa to have adventure in his life before its too late! Moominmama goes with it and they get through! It's quite funny.
That is the best way, both going on the adventure together. :)
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Doesn't involve infidelity or abandonment but does involve a need for papa to have adventure in his life before its too late! Moominmama goes with it and they get through! It's quite funny.
That is the best way, both going on the adventure together. :)
I know, I suggested this to H, I said I wanted us to face this together that we can see this as an adventure and I wanted to hold his hand through this, through the therapy he was going to have and was scared of. He replied "why on earth would I want someone like you holding my hand? I want to fix my life and follow through my changes but not with you."
If only I had married moominpapa's long lost brother or better still, my favourite man in the world, Snuffkin ... we could have roamed freely together and not engaged with Western cares for status, money, success and ego boosting praise! Funnily enough I thought my H was my Snuffkin but it seems not! :(
That is the best way, both going on the adventure together. :)
Did I read that some MLCers have suggested their mistresses move in with them? That would their idea of both going on the adventure! :o :o :o
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Silver Linings Playbook http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1045658/. Not about MLC but about bipolarity. Pat, the main character has been on a psychiatric hospital. He had a bipolar episode, got violent, end up in medical care. Like the therapist he goes to see after coming out of the hospital says: “One incident can change a lifetime”. Pat has lost everything: house, wife, friends and is trying to get is life back but things get a little strange. The movie was nominated for the Golden Globes and is nominated for the Oscars.
Some parts of the movie may is a very tough movie for a LBS to watch, especially for newbies and those early on the journey. There a lot of issues in the movie that can be triggers for us. For a good part of the movie the characters are quite insane, messed up and manic but in the end it all ends well.
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It may not be a movie, but there was a recent reairing of "Happy Days". Mr. C turns 45 and it wants to run away to
Tahiti. He can't get an airline ticket but seems to recognize that he is in some type of crisis mode or at least admits
that something is a little "off" with himself.
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One more - again not a movie - Oprah has a segment called Where are they Now?
Wife left husband with two children boy 4 and girl 8. She disappeared for 7 years after h divorced her for having affair. Oprah found her in jail contempt not paying child support (I hope I got that right?). She wanted to make amends with children. Children
were devastated (yes no longer with OM she ran off with) from the divorce and that the mother left the children. Boy now 11 can't face the mother. The girl now 16 told her mother that she helped raise her younger brother. Mother says she wants to be in the children's lives, sounds like rewriting some history perhaps about the events that transpired (not sure). Mother gets out of jail.
Months later Oprah follows up again. Mother still hasn't made plans to see her children. So sad. Could this be mlc?
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I remember seeing that one! It was similar to what Vanishers do, but she was actually very young when she left her family (I think she'd become a mother as a teen, and was just in her early 20's when she left). That's the only thing that would make me doubt it was MLC.
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Watched Take this Waltz last night and thought it was pretty spot-one, especially in its treatment of the development of the EA. Except in my case, it only took H 2 days from meeting OW1 to decide to "go for it."
The one thing that didn't ring true for me is that Michelle Williams' character genuinely seemed conflicted and upset about leaving her H, and again when she sees H at the end. In my case, I don't see any conflictedness or any other emotion about my H leaving - he KNOWS he's made the right choice.
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Interesting, IANTE
Yes, the development of the EA was very much like the development of my EA. It was creepy how much it reminded me of my own affair. Except that the artist OM was so much more of a "good guy" than my OM. Unless an artist who doesnt show his work to anyone and pulls a rickshaw instead is an affair down from a publishing chef? My OM was an out of work writer, isolated, who had confidence in his work, but no drive toward getting it out there. Something about the isolated artist thing struck a chord with me...so that I could wallow in my own insecurities with him.
I see her split-self affair as fitting the MLC paradigm except that they are both so young...late 20's.
And then the coming out of it briefly and wanting perhaps to come back to H at the end seemed to fit the MLC story to me as well, only the spouse was keeping up a wall, a boundary. I saw that kind of shallow remorse in my H at the tail end of his affair. He still has not come home but he has ended his affair.
I think my transition had all the earmarks of a MLC on the surface, but I had no desire to separate or abandon. So even though I do see myself in this movie, I don't know that supports it being a true representation of MLC.
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I saw it too and i luhuvvv the way they play out the entire affair R on the dance floor from beginning (fantasy and fun) to the reality(comfort and boredom). Also, I also appreciated that H and W had a good R....I like the way the movie portrays this...I believe they make it very clear it was all about her.
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I commented to D during the H/W interaction scenes about how the wife was looking to the husband to be her sole source of happiness, which of course he couldn't be. She pinned how she felt to his reactions, particularly rejection, which she magnified. And how a "normal" relationship - fixing dinner, watching tv - wasn't enough excitement for her. They did do a good job showing that the couple had a pretty normal marriage - loving but not perfect in the way that MLCers seem to crave.
I remember reading up the thread that someone's favorite quote was when the SIL said, "Even what is new eventually becomes old." Buggy31, I agree that the movie did a good job of showing how eventually the wife falls into the same domestic patterns with OM.
My H's catch phrase right now is "have fun." Nothing's worth doing if he's not "having fun." Why watch a movie on the sofa with your family when you could have the fun and excitement of texting a 20-year-old?
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Really making me think, IANTE,
Other well written moments: when the wife reacts strongly as if wounded to the OM drawing a picture of her as a split self: her and her shadow. And what kind of person is so afraid of bring afraid that they request a wheelchair to get to the airport gate?
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Need to watch some of these movies but I'm always so tired once I've got the kids into bed and the house cleared up!
Will make an effort, I like chatting about books and films.
Do we have a thread discussing books do you know?
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http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=100.0
Or are we talking about fiction books?
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Need to watch some of these movies but I'm always so tired once I've got the kids into bed and the house cleared up!
Will make an effort, I like chatting about books and films.
Do we have a thread discussing books do you know?
Yes: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1971.0