Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Ready2Transform on March 13, 2016, 02:40:40 PM
-
I'm curious about the career paths our MLCers have taken. There seems to be a high level of long term professionals and/or entrepreneurs in our ranks, but it would be interesting to see if that's just an impression or if there's a pattern. Pick as many options as fits your situation.
-
Mr J has a stable MLC job. It is not the same job he had pre-MLC. It is something connected with DJing gear. He also has is DJ sets, even if these have been reducing.
So, he had a stable job, now has another. I think in terms of work Mr J did not lost stability. What he lost was a good job, with career opportunities. His crisis self seem to prefer the new job. His crisis also put our joint project on hold.
-
The ex had a secure state position for 8 years. Lost it due to choking his supervisor.
-
Holy crap In it! Seems choking is his go to form of aggression. He is a dangerous man and I am so glad you are far away from that now!
-
Thanks bookwrmmom....me too.
Yep. I just totally dismissed his unacceptable behavior throughout the years. He had been physical with me more than once. After I ended up at the emergency room when I was trying to leave him ( in 2013) I decided that was it.
That incident with the supervisor happened nine years ago and he has not had a job since. They would not give him a reference. All they would do is confirm that he worked there if he ever decided to grow up and get a job.
-
I have option Z. Lost a stable job, wanted to go entrepreneur, got a stable job, then also actually went entrepreneur. And he spends his life in Starbucks. Looking pretty pathetic on the few times I've seen him in there.
-
My wife was head/cook supervisor at one of our two schools. She's been demoted since BD to a cafeteria position. She told me Friday when she was here that she had been demoted. I've known it for months. She said it happened because the principal didn't like her. This is the same principal who used to come to our house to pick up GD14 and take her to dinner with them and their granddaughter.
I think it's possible the principal doesn't like the company she keeps. The alienator also works at the school. According to my daughter and others the administration there hates him but he got himself elected union president so he's untouchable. I've been told that he's been demoted twice. Probably wasn't his fault either time. A'hole.
-
My H had a high level,stable, secure government job as a senior manager for our state's ambulance service, having climbed the corporate ladder from an on-road paramedic. He is still there, there's been a job change which I suspect was a sideways move. But he is still in that stable secure high level employment. OW was and still his his secretary. MLC doesn't seem to have affected his work in any way.
-
My xH has had his own CPA practice since 1985. Our D32 now works with him and is in a position to take it over if he ever retires. I doubt he will retire. EVER.
-
My H has maintained the same career since college. He has worked at the same place for 11 years now. His job is one that tends to be satisfying and fulfilling for most in the same field, but it sure became his "enemy" even probably at least three years pre-BD. Leading up to BD and until a couple of years ago, he was constantly threatening to leave, not go back, quit the next day, etc. I was also afraid he might not be able to be successful enough to keep the job.
Then somehow, it has slowly turned around so it is no longer the enemy. He started to express hope for his job again. Now, he is back at it with pre-MLC energy. Wish that same energy would return regarding our marriage. >:(
-
My situation seems to be similar to OffRoad's -- had stable job, lost it, got another one, left to be entrepreneur, all ventures have gone south. I know he feels despair about that, have no idea what idea he is working on now; has a number of times said he wants to get a stable job again, but that hasn't happened, not sure if due to lack of effort or circumstances, probably a combination. I know he travels around a lot, possibly to distract himself.
Has also said that he doesn't think he has the energy for the type of job he had before (very high pressure, long hours), however has also said that he has no idea what he would want to do even in an ideal world, if earning weren't an issue.
-
I should probably add that job dissatisfaction preceded BD -- he left a good job for a supposedly better one, and BD was the day before he started the new one, which was supposed to be the great thing. In the months preceding it he was saying how much he just didn't want to be at the former job, and that when he announced he was leaving his boss said that he was making a huge mistake, but he was determined. He did say even then that he was bored, that he wanted something new.
When he lost that job and was looking for a new one he also talked a lot about how it was all so boring.
I have a feeling he lost those jobs due to inattention, can never be sure in his field.
-
Mine has a high paying job at a warehouse. He turned into a work-a-holic and of course the company loves it. Many recommendations. He has had this job for over 20 years and they've tried to promote him many times but he doesn't want the added stress. It would mean customer service and having social anxiety he wants nothing to do with it.
He likes working alone, doing his job and walking out the door at the end of the day with no worries.
Perfect for a socially anxious, introverted person. :)
-
Mine has stayed in the same job but leading up to BD he was showing a lot of anger at work and fell out with a lady who he got on really well with . He actually lost it with her in the office and refused to deal with her . I remember being really shocked when he told me .
One day about 4 months prior to BD he came home and said he was struggling with the responsibility of the job , he was a Director . We talked and I said if you want to leave then leave we will cope with whatever you decide . He seemed to settle down again and then said nothing else until he came home a month later and said he had told his boss he could not longer support her when she was making decisions he did not agree with and he had resigned from the board of directors .
I was quite shocked because he had not said a word to me about it and up until that point we talked about things like that .
At the time he was also a Parish Counselor and he was getting increasingly angry about issues and would come home from meetings so angry , one night he came home and took his anger out on me . We talked and I suggested he step back and delegate a bit , the next day he promptly resigned from the Parish Counsel and refused to discuss it with anyone . He did not give them any notice he just old them not to contact he anymore .
They were as shocked as I was .
-
Career 1 was a Marine Corps officer. His forced retirement was the biggest trigger for his crisis. Now (and this will shock anyone who follows me) he is an analyst for the preeminent aviation magazine worldwide. I have no idea what he does besides travel a lot: he tool that job a few weeks before he moved out.
-
Mine has had the same job for 18 years. He used to complain about it a lot, but has never done anything about it. He claims he'll never leave unless they fire him. For a while, I think he did everything in his power to GET fired, but he is still there.
Oddly enough, he hasn't mentioned his job at all for a long time, but last time I talked to him a couple weeks ago, he was back to complaining again. This time I told him that he'll "put up with it until he doesn't want to put up with it anymore." The man has had mostly the same complaints for years! I've run out of things to say to his complaining.
I actually wish he'd find a different job because they have him stuck in a spot where nobody else wants to do what he does, so he can't train someone else in order to get out of that area. I can see why he's frustrated with his job, but I can't see why he'd want to stay until they fire him. It is most definitely a self-esteem issue because he thinks he would have to take a pay cut and start out at the bottom again, when he's excellent at what he does and could very likely demand top dollar for his experience.
-
Mine has (had) a great job in charge of many people, worked there for 10 years. After a year BD he went on disability for reasons unknown to me. I'm thinking he couldn't do the job and wasn't showing up to work. He's got a few more months for them to hold his job. I'm not sure if he'll go back or if he'll run out of time before he gets stable. I hope for his sake he can get back on track.