Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: UnconditionalLove on May 01, 2016, 12:18:48 PM
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Hey all!
As a LBS who is now divorced is there anyone on this board that has divorced and actually reconnected with the X? It would be great to read these stories. I have seen reconnections with spouses but it's really discouraging when you couldn't actually keep divorce from happening. So, I wanted to see if there were LBS's who's X came looking for them.
Thanks
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Attaching because I'm interested in these stories too.
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Here is my situation. My ex and I were married 29 yrs when we divorced. It has been many, many years. We have 4 children and 3 grandchildren, the oldest grandchild graduates from high school this month.
My ex and I were not at all friendly the first couple of years following divorce, which was unwanted on my part. Long story is there was OW, who he still is with but they have never married, although live together.
Put of necessity, we have had to communicate because of our children, so over time our conversations became more "friendly." OUr oldest son was diagnosed with a mental illness a few years ago and we have had to work together to help him.
At present, we get a long quite well., but couple weeks ago we did have a minor conflict and I didn't hear from him till last week.
He was scheduled to go OOt to visit our daughter and our grandson, and He stopped by unexpectedly, the day before he was to leave, saying he didn't want to go out of town with me possibly being mad at him!!! That was a first!! At the same time, He also suggested that we just send our granddaughter one check and card for graduation and just sign it from Grandma and Grandpa--that he would send me his portion. He and I plus our son have gone out to dinner a few times, at his invitation.
I guess you would call this a couple of examples of reconnection. Not sure what is up with the OW since she did not go with him to see daughter. I also thought he and her would be sending granddaughter a joint gift--she has known our granddaughter since she was quite young.
I don't know if this is what you were wanting, but if I can answer anything specific, I would be glad to.
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I'd like to think so since I'm down to DDay minus 46.
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31andcounting is an example. riverbirch and her H are divorced as well. If you ever visit DontGiveUp's past threads, he talks about his friend and his wife who ended up remarrying. There are also lots of stories from Rejoice Marriage Ministries (the woman and her late husband who started that site were divorced and remarried).
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Thunder and her H are divorced and repaired their relationship, too.
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I'm divorced and with my ex. One heck of a weird story. We divorced before he took off,for financial reasons. He wanted to get his full retirement benefits. We needed money to fix out house and get out of debt. I did Not want to do it but caved. That was March 2012. The only reason I did it was because he said we could get remarried. Hell we didn't even tell our kids!
October 2012 he left me. I think back now and realize he was starting his Mlc. My whole story is on here. He's home now but I don't know where our future is headed. I'm not even putting myself as purple.
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Judge Judy (from TV) divorced her husband and then remarried him. My husband, when he is in a "soft" mood always uses her as an example. He will say things like - "Judge Judy remarried her husband." I try not to find meaning in his statement, but it is an example....
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This is great thanks!
Ready I need to find the site you are talking about. I need some hope. LOL!
Thanks
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My father divorced and remarried my stepmother three different times. There were many years in between each marriage, divorce and remarriage.
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In the light purple/dark purple reconnection threads, there are at least two who were divorced and got back together.
I went through them to see exactly what you are UL, people who got back after divorce.
I am sorry I can't remember who they are, but someone will pop along with the information soon I hope.
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Thanks Savior! I can look them up. I didn't think to do that.
Thanks for sharing Shadoe.
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This is great thanks!
Ready I need to find the site you are talking about. I need some hope. LOL!
Thanks
Here you go! https://www.rejoiceministries.org/
There's a daily email that can be encouraging. I'm not a covenant keeper, but even I like it. ;) She puts out "Saturday Testimonials" every week and sometimes on Thursdays there's a bonus "Lunchtime Testimonials" email with positive standing stories.
I've bought one of Bob's books and found comfort in it about what his mindset was when he was in the "far country". They don't refer to it as MLC, but I think that's what most cases there are.
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Is it possible ?
I absolutely believe it is possible.
Just as at times the MLC person is convinced the marriage certificate is just a piece of paper, the divorce document can be seen as such by some.
I know one man who was gone for 10 years, divorced his wife, married OW, and had a child with her. Some 9 years after the birth ex wife found him on her porch one afternoon. He blurted out he didn't know what happened to him, that he thought he lost his mind, but had now found it, that OW was everything wife had said and more, that he woke up one morning, looked over and felt like the wrong woman was in his bed and he filed for divorce within a few days. The man and his ex wife have been together now for over 5 years.
A second example is my ex who now wants to come back.
There is always hope when love remains and both parties are willing.
Good grief, I am sure I don't sound like myself to some, rather Pollyanna-ish. Pardon that Please. :-[
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My parents had friends whose wife had MLC and affair with a neighbor likely resulting in love child. (Not acknowledged by her.) She left the husband and married the neighbor. The husband, totally blindsided, eventually remarried.
Over ten years later, they got back together. Interestingly, the now adult children (three) were furious. I think for all the unnecessary suffering they had put them through.
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Law, I am missing your threads. Can you lead me to what you have been going through lately?
Glad I started this thread. Thanks everyone!
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Hello,
I was wondering if there are any Spouses out there who left/divorced and came to the conclusion
that their marriage wasn't the unhappy life that they had decided it was. If this did happen to you,
what was it that changed your opinion? How did you ask your spouse or ex-spouse if "R" is possible?
How did you show them or how did they show you that they was in to restoring the marriage 200%?
I don't know if there are any leavers/returners out there, but your information would be extremely helpful
to us LBS who are standing.
I hope your marriages happy now and that you continue to love each other and hold each other with
mutual respect.
Thanks,
Speed
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I'm not one of the "happy ending"cases.
I didn't think the relationship was that unhappy.
The ex divorced me.I left then returned a year after the divorce was final.
Biggest mistake I ever made.
After 3 years of NC? I realize now I'm happier and have a lot more peace and freedom than I ever had with him . So much for the 28 years I was with him. I look at it as a waste of my time. I not bitter surprisingly. I just invested in someone who isn't capable of thinking of anyone else but himself.I have forgiven myself for being so very naive.
I consider the realtionship I was in with him abusive.
His MLC was extreme.
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speed racer, I merged your thread into another one on the same subject.
This is the link of board members reconnections/reconciliations. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1872.0
And here is a link with several return stories from non-board members. It is thread number 3 on the matter, you will find links to the previous ones inside each thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5763.0
Thread to the discussion on the return stories (the discussion is done in a different thread): http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3912.0
Board members with light purple icons are reconnected, board members with dark Pepe are reconciled.
Hope this helps.
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I would add that reading Stayed's husband's letter is one of the things what convinced me that MLCers do return
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=483.0
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Onward, thank you so much for saying that.
I think our relationship is being restored...in a sense.
It's different but we both see it in a positive way. At least it seems that way.
Time will tell.
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Ready2T (or anyone who knows this)
Earlier in this thread, you wrote: "If you ever visit DontGiveUp's past threads, he talks about his friend and his wife who ended up remarrying."
How do you search for "DontGiveUp's" past threads, and how do you find that particular thread or a particular persons threads or postings?
I'd love to read the stories, viewpoints, suggestions from other hero spouse members, right now, I just read the titles on the community
board - I guess I just get lucky most of the time when I'm searching.
Thank you all for your continued help and support.
Speed
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I can't remember when his last thread started, but you can find all of his posts here: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?action=profile;u=115;area=showposts;start=0 (they start with the newest and work backward). I did a search under "members", and I wish I had a better way to direct you than that, but that's what worked best for me! :)
It's worth it to read all of his posts, though. Very thoughtful, and he's incredibly gifted in knowing what teaching of RCR's best fits.
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Thanks for the link R2T. It feels like I've been shown the entrance to a goldmine. I love this excerpt from his final post.
As to why I am not a regular poster on this site, there a probably several reasons. First, the forum was never the primary reason I was here. The articles were and are. I'm not the kind that needs "advice" from 10 different people, each with their own slant. I wanted information that I could use to make decisions for myself. The articles did and do that for me.
I was also not here for advice on how to get a divorce or how to treat/interact with my MLCer. Those topics are deeply ingrained in who I am.