Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses

Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Rollercoasterider on May 17, 2016, 10:06:35 AM

Title: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on May 17, 2016, 10:06:35 AM: Previous thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4326.0;all

Breathe...
My last thread is only a few posts from the 150 limit and this is a perfect time for a new thread.

No update on my Dad other than to confirm what I said the other day. I called him yesterday and he couldn't even talk to me and this was the first time that has ever happened. He was able answer, but then had to give the phone to my step mother which was good because I wanted to check in and see how she is doing since she is his full time caregiver.

Life goes on and grief and joy come together. We got a call for another baby yesterday. She is drug addicted and we will pick her up from UW hospital tomorrow--that is about a 3 hour drive away, so it will be a trip over the mountains with the toddlers for us. We will get more details tonight--like um, what time to be there which seems kind of important ;) ;) Sissy's Godmother will meet us there to watch the kids while we get instructions regarding the new baby (and she's a recently retired social worker for children's services!
We don't even know the baby's name yet--though she is a girl and I think she was born last week.
There are two men who could be the father--current boyfriend or past boyfriend.
Current boyfriend has been ruled out--so it seems.
Past boyfriend will absolutley take and raise the baby--he is raising the other baby he has with her mother. So we will have her until DNA tests are complete at the shortest--so we have been told for now.
Mom says the Dad is the current boyfriend, but admits she was with both around the time of conception, so really it could be either.

WHEW...what else to say. Um, breathe. I've been running around like a headless chicken to sort things out--my dad, new baby and then my LBS cousin called this morning crying and in a panic because his MLC ex-wife is taking him back to court--he has sole custody of their girls. He's not Standing. She is typical MLC--in the way I say that sometimes the female MLCers can be the worst. It breaks my heart because I love her so--she was an amazing lady and then about 3 years ago BOMB.

Okay, a baby is crying, so gotta go help Chuck
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on May 17, 2016, 04:42:42 PM: Brief update
The baby will not be released tomorrow and we are now being told it could be 2-3 days and that we should hopefully know the night before.
I also learned that she is ~ 5lbs (~2.3 kg) and was born on 10 May.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on May 17, 2016, 06:40:41 PM: I'm sorry to hear that your dad is getting worst. You've said on your previous thread he was on marijuana and other pain killers and none was doing much to help him be pain free. That is so sad and so hard.

The baby is a drug addict? Or is the mother who is a drug addict? Or both? I'm confused on who is the drug addicted.

Your friends and the children are in my thoughts and so is the baby and your family.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: xyzcf on May 17, 2016, 06:44:54 PM: If mom was using drugs during her pregnancy and especially close to her delivery the baby could be addicted and would require treatment. I hope mom was one of the smart ones who stopped using when she found out she was pregnant.

Good luck RCR, you are in my prayers.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on May 17, 2016, 07:08:22 PM: Quote from: xyzcf on May 17, 2016, 06:44:54 PM
If mom was using drugs during her pregnancy and especially close to her delivery the baby could be addicted and would require treatment. I hope mom was one of the smart ones who stopped using when she found out she was pregnant.

I know. That is why I asked. I truly hope the baby has not born addicted. If so, I hope she will be well after treatment.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on May 17, 2016, 08:51:22 PM: The baby's mom is a drug user and her drug use caused the baby to be born addicted. She has been going through withdrawals at the hospital--and she was moved to that hospital which is a major trauma hospital, so it's serious. Though her withdrawals may not be as bad as Fire's were; he was in the hospital longer and before being transferred there he had to be resuscitated. He also had seizures which are on the spectrum for drug babies, but not really that common. He was also transferred by being airlifted, whereas I'm not sure she was--I asked, but the sical worker did not confirm that.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Reallytrying on May 17, 2016, 08:57:32 PM: Such a sad thing that someone else's poor decisions impact a brand new life so dramatically. Hugs to you for caring for these beautiful babies.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Savoir Faire on May 17, 2016, 10:06:55 PM: Good luck with the baby girl RCR, she deserves a good break in her short and difficult life.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on May 18, 2016, 04:42:10 PM: Hope all goes well with the baby.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Ready2Transform on May 18, 2016, 04:43:35 PM: :'( So unfair. Prayers she's able to be stabilized with you guys, soon.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Thunder on May 18, 2016, 05:36:13 PM: My hearts breaks for that baby, RCR.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on May 19, 2016, 04:37:12 PM: Update
The CPS caseworker called today and said we can get her tomorrow. Then she called right back--feeling a bit embarassed ;) and said she talked to the hospital and she has been in a chamber and must be out of it for 48 hours before she can be released and so we cannot get her until Saturday. The caseworker said she's wary of telling us any day since it keeps changing--for me that is just expected, so no problem. Saturday is actually the best for us because Chuck will get three days off and then he has his regular two days off, so 5 days in a row and because my mom and Sissie's Godmother are both available to come watch our three here at our house while Chuck and I travel to pick up the baby.

My Dad
My stepmother said he is hanging in. But I know that it will be most likely that I will now be talking to her and not him--or she will answer whne I call and she will be the one to call me rather than him. The norm is that she doesn't ever seem to answer there phone unless he's not around--it's always been that way--and so I can go months without talking to her.
I think I will call her now after this post to upate her and find out how my Dad is doing today--I call late because the entire household sleeps late and stays up late, so no early or even late morning calls.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on May 19, 2016, 04:48:01 PM: It is good to know the hospital is looking after the baby. Better to have her remain in hospital until she is fully ready for you to pick her up. She is most likely going through withdrawal. Never a nice thing to go through, let alone for a 9 days old.

Can you go see your dad? Or is that something that, for some reason, you not wish to do? Does he live very far away from you?

Your stepmother is mostly likely having to adjust to deal with things she never did before. Calling and updating her is a good idea. Hope your dad is doing as best as possible.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on May 19, 2016, 05:06:53 PM: My Dad doesn't live near me--same state though. It's about a 5 hour drive and we went in March knowing it was our goodbye visit.

The baby is in wothdrawals--or has been. She had to be on morphine and then had to wothdraw from that--I think that is what the caseworker said two days ago. Poor dear, it's been a rough start so far.
We also would be very unlikely to be able to go see my Dad now with a baby that is more fragile than most. I asked my stepmom and she said she and my Dad decided long ago there would be no funeral. :( I wish someone had told me sooner than yesterday. There will be a family get together at some point in the future to scatter his ashes is what she told me. That will be at her convenience--as it should be. But I am sad as my cousin said he would most definitely come to a service and I was excited to be able to see him if I could make it--which was the plan before the new baby, but as foster parents Chuck and I knew already that this might happen and we would not be able to go were there going to be a service.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on May 19, 2016, 05:37:40 PM: What you wrote the casework said makes sense. If a baby is born addicted there are a couple of ways of dealing with the issue. One is to not give any drugs to the baby and see if the baby's body is able to be drug free by itself . The other (or if the baby's body is not capable in a short time) is to give the baby drugs (the drugs, or combination of drugs, depends on what substance, or substances, the mother was addict to) in a decreasing way.

Both methods have withdrawal. But it may be less severe (I'm guessing here, I do not know for sure), if the baby is given some drugs in a decreasing way. Despite is all, she is a lucky baby. Some babies need six months on drugs. She is also lucky because she has you and your family.

I'm sorry you were only told yesterday that there will be no funeral for your dad. Maybe you will be able to attend the family get together.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Trustandlove on May 19, 2016, 10:16:34 PM: I'm also sorry there will be no funeral; I've always felt they were important. I do hope you find a way to replace that for yourself -- that may not be the right phrase, I do hope you know what I mean.

I am keeping the baby in my prayers.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: serenity on May 20, 2016, 01:06:23 AM: Sorry to hear there will be no funeral BUT maybe you can make scattering the ashes the important day?

I didn't go to my MIL funeral but scattered her ashes and with my own mum the funeral was out of my hands so I've now arranged a day where I'm burying my mum and dads ashes together in a beautiful place and I'm going to make that a very special day.

X
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on May 20, 2016, 09:49:18 AM: Baby Update
Nothing really new...so far still on for picking her up tomorrow. But the caseworker did tell me that there is an Aunt and Uncle who will take the baby if the Dad is the current boyfriend; she fully ewxpects they will pass the background check.
The means the likelhood is this baby will only be a foster she soubaby and we will not get to keep her. The you never knows don't help because they don't prepare for what is more probable--of course that could fall through, but at this time it is not expected to fall through. So if the father is the past boyfriend, she will go to him as soon as the results are in and if it is the current boyfriend, they will start the background check and homestudy process for the aunt and uncle once the results are in and she will stay with us until they are cleared.

The caseworker said it should take ~3 weeks for DNA results, so should be with us for at least that long.

I'm going to tell this to Chuck when he gets home from work. He is unlikely to take it well--he tends to lean toward denial in wanting more hope and has flat out told me he doesn't give credibility to even what the caseworkers say regarding family that might qualify to take a baby. This makes it more difficult for me and I really need to accept the probability of it. This does not affect my ability to attach and feel like a Mamma at all and sure, it hurts when a baby goes, but while she is here we will be her parents.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on May 21, 2016, 10:16:11 PM: Being Fast
Got baby today--gone 12 hours while Grandmas watched our three at home.
Baby is doing very well.

My Dad died today at 4:20 pm. My stepmom called me at around 8:15 or 8:30 just after we got home. I'm okay, but she's in shock about it. I knew it was going to be today. Sometimes you just know and somehow I did. He is no longer in pain and so I'm doing okay, but as you know it will hit me.

Wearing baby in wrap now and she's finally asleep. Need to get some rest myself now. I may not be around to post much for the next few days, but will check in as I usually do.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: xyzcf on May 21, 2016, 10:31:04 PM: Sorry RCR for your loss :'(
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Ready2Transform on May 21, 2016, 10:43:47 PM: I'm so sorry, RCR. So much transitioning at once. Be kind to yourself as the emotions come. :::hugs:::
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Trustandlove on May 22, 2016, 01:03:39 AM: I'm very, very sorry for your loss -- and I get that you knew it would be today. My prayers are with you, and with the baby.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: OldPilot on May 22, 2016, 03:09:40 PM: Please take care of yourself RCR, the forum will be fine and you need to take care of yourself and your kids.
Don't deny your feelings of grief.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on May 22, 2016, 03:13:03 PM: I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hope the baby is well.

Quote from: OldPilot on May 22, 2016, 03:09:40 PM
Please take care of yourself RCR, the forum will be fine and you need to take care of yourself and your kids.
Don't deny your feelings of grief.

Second OP.

My thoughts are with you and your family.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Reallytrying on May 22, 2016, 03:15:57 PM: So so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Glad you did get the baby and I do hope she will do well.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Savoir Faire on May 22, 2016, 03:29:27 PM: So sorry for the loss of your dear dad RCR.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Thunder on May 22, 2016, 03:30:36 PM: RCR,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad passing. I remember how I felt losing mine. He was a wonderful father and is missed every single day.

Take good care of that little one. You and your family are in my prayers.
Big Hug
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Musica on May 22, 2016, 04:00:34 PM: I'm so sorry , take care. XxX
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on July 27, 2016, 02:00:17 PM: A quick update on Baby--who is doing well.

DNA/Paternity results are in and the father is the current boyfriend--the ex-boyfriend would have gotten Baby outright. The Social Worker was here Monday and said that the Aunt of Dad has filled outher background check paperwork and has admitted to something that should disqualify her. If it is a gray area and she is not disqualified, our Social Worker said she still has other concerns which she will pass on to the home inspectors and licensing team. What this means is that Baby is not likely going to be going to Dad's Aunt and Uncle because even if they pass a background check, they are unlikely to pass a home inspection. That means she will be with us...and her parents are visiting and going through services; they could get her back and if not, we are here for our littlest Adorable.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Thunder on July 27, 2016, 03:10:50 PM: RCR,

I will be praying for you, you're family and little Adorable! :)

Thanks for the update.

{{Big Hugs}}
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on July 27, 2016, 05:08:10 PM: Thank you for the update.

Wish you, your family and little Adorable the best of luck.

Hugs.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on March 22, 2017, 11:36:26 AM: Wow! I did not realize it had been so long since I've posted an update.
Things are really hectic these days... and right now they are tough because the kids have Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease and cannot go out (no school, no church, no home visits...) for at least a week. Two were diagnosed Monday and two had fevers the other day which was how it started and they are now starting to develop the rash. FUN! :o Last night I did get some sleep though, so that was a relief.

So what is going on with me!
Well, the baby is now 10 months old and doing well--other than her case of the rash being severe. She still has parental visits (canceled while she sick), but they are inconsistent and the case plan just changed to a track toward adoption.
The bigger news is that her mother is pregnant and due in mid-May--though she tends to deliver early, so April is a likelihood. That means we will likely have another little adorable (totaling 5 8)) soon. We need a new car to fit them all--the new car we got almost 2 years ago is still not big enough when you add car seats!

In October we found property. We were not really looking, but sometimes we would check out what is out there and we fell in love! It's beautiful and priced right. So we needed to sell our rental. The tenants were out at the beginning of this month, it went on the market less than two weeks ago and within 45 hours we had accepted an offer for a little more than asking--because of what we will pay in closing. BUT now comes the appraisal and inspection and this is an old house... We are probably going to have to take some more off or do things before closing. New roof, maybe some plumbing and electrical updates--we just got an initial inspection report and poor Chuck is sick with anxiety over it. He said he wishes he could go to sleep and wake up in May when it will all be over. But even with what our agent just recommended we are still above our low-end goal... so positive!

We are waiting to make an offer on the property--we could do a contingency, but he has been talking to the developer and yesterday they met with an excavator. Chuck said now that he has let the developer know of our interest he feels confident...though excavation is more than he thought. But maybe not really, because that was if he does everything now and we don't need everything done now. We don't want to start building (other than maybe a shed, garage or outbuildings) for at least 3 years. So all we need is the space leveled (it can then have a few years to settle) and maybe the road cut in--there is a road, but there is an old road adjoining the property which we may be able to get and it has better access. No septic needed yet...

And then there is my project. I have decided it is time to bite the bullet and self-publish The Hero's Spouse. This is a serious project and I want it done professionally--so not some cheap book that costs only a couple thousand dollars. I need professional editing, design and marketing. I have a quote for that at 24K. My thoughts have been that this is great timing since we will have $ coming from the rental sale. I don't want all of it paid from that--10-14. But Chuck's thought is the timing is terrible because that money is for the property and then to go into the bank for later building. My thought is that I could help pay with money earned from sales. His thought is that books are obsolete and no one will buy it. Don't get too mad it him for that (I do that too much already). It's not personal, he has always had a hard time believing in anyone--self-esteem issues projected onto the world.

For the past weeks or maybe couple months I have been researching how to start a Kickstarter Crowdfunding campaign. It's a huge deal. For those of you who don't know, crowdfunding is a way to earn money through pledges. That means when it comes time I will be posting more here and at the blog with links to the campaign. Right now the big challenge is the Kickstarter video--not a requirement, but an absolute necessity. Then I need pledge rewards. Obviously the book in e-book and print format, but what about for higher pledges--book plus what? I have hypnotherapy training and am working on a relaxation/hypnosis audio for another step up in the pledges. Above that I've seen rewards for multiple books, so that may be another tier.

Once I have the funds to pay the publisher, they said it is about a 6 month turn around to market. I don't know how long until though...because I don't know how long it will take me to get the Kickstarter Campaign ready--and then it will run for about 30 days and I am going to ask for 10 - 14K--somewhere in that range, I have to have it finalized when I start and I only get the money if I reach the funding goal. And new baby is going to be addicted...mom is still using. So that could bring some challenges as we don't know what additional special needs he (it's a boy) will have.

WHEW...not sure if I covered everything. But at least that is a start.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Thunder on March 22, 2017, 12:13:07 PM: That all sounds amazing, RCR. The property, the baby and the book!! ;D Lots going on.

I'm sure we will all buy a copy.

I have never heard of anyone getting Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. How do you even get that?
I hope the kids get over it soon. Sounds awful.

Good luck with everything!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Ready2Transform on March 22, 2017, 12:33:05 PM: I work in audio and video production, RCR. If you're interested in checking out some of my work let me know, and we can discuss your needs if you think I'm a fit to help out. :) Would love to see HS become all you dream it to be. Awesome on all of the great blessings that are coming your way!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Savoir Faire on March 22, 2017, 09:02:35 PM: So happy for you that life is entirely normal for you now. Reading your update reminds me I too used to have a life like yours and at the time I didn't realize how precious it was. Enjoy your children as this is the best time of your life, children's laughter is such a gift.

Looking forward to the book RCR, are we all in it? I bet we all think we are ;)
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on March 25, 2017, 12:49:03 PM: Quote from: Thunder on March 22, 2017, 12:13:07 PM
I have never heard of anyone getting Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. How do you even get that?
I hope the kids get over it soon. Sounds awful.[/quote

It's a relatively common childhood illness and it is apparently going around the county right now. Adults are unlikely to get it because we typically have been exposed and have immunity...
BUT apparently Chuck did not have immunity because he has it and an adult male sick at home is... let's just say high maintenance.
He came home from work early on Thursday with the fever. He now has a rash on his feet--so walking is difficult and it may be going down his throat because eating is a huge challenge.

I can't even go shopping because I can't take the kids out and he is not well enough to be a caregiver. Fortunately we shouldn't need milk until Monday and I can go out then or maybe tomorrow if he's a bit better. The kids are doing fine, but still contagious since they have rashes, so the period of feeling sick doesn't last as long as the quarantine period.

I am so looking forward to walking to the mailbox in a few hours--it's at the end of the block and those 2 minutes will be my time out!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on April 27, 2017, 02:08:00 PM: Just got the call 3 minutes ago...so I've told my Mom and no one you guys! :D
Baby boy was born yesterday. He was flown out--not the opposite direction of the other two that were flown out at birth, so is his situation not as bad--why not flow over the mountains...but either way he is 3 hours away, so still serious. But the caseworker has no other info other than that he had to be flown out. She also knows he has no name yet and is 5lbs.
We picked up his sister at 11 days, so we will likely pick him up in less than two weeks and it could be sooner than she was if he is doing better than she was.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Never say never on April 27, 2017, 03:26:37 PM: CONGRATULATIONS, RCR!!! How awesome is that. One thing ... How in the HECK do you keep up with your schedule? You are absolutely amazing.

I can't wait to buy a copy of the book to add to my library!!! I will be honored.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Savoir Faire on April 27, 2017, 09:57:22 PM: Congratulations RCR, will you get to name him?
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: hopeandfaith on April 27, 2017, 10:36:12 PM: Soo exciting. Another little precious human that needs your boundless love. Look forward to hearing more x
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: HopeFaithLove on April 28, 2017, 08:10:24 PM: Congratulations on the new baby! Hopefully he will be in your arms soon. I am excited to hear about the book. I don't know how these things work, but is kindle an option? I read most of my books on kindle now.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on May 02, 2017, 11:29:27 PM: Quickly because I need to get to sleep.
Leaving tomorrow morning for the hospital to bring Baby Boy home. He's doing well, but is just under 5lbs, so pretty little.
Rental home sale finally closed today--after filing a few extensions when it did not close on time.
Property offer accepted and should close within a few days.
Sapphire, our most beautiful German Shepherd is no longer hurting and can run and jump with all her friends in heaven--we took her in yesterday. :-[
A lot for a span of a few days.

I have blocked off this month on my coaching schedule, but have not yet put up the explanation, as that will take a little longer since I have to change that in a different place.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Thunder on May 03, 2017, 04:49:54 AM: RCR,

I'm so sorry about your dog. I know how that hurts, but its easier when they are in pain. You did the loving thing.

The rest of your update is WONDERFUL!

My 3rd baby only weighed 4 lbs 11oz. I was almost afraid to change his diaper for fear of breaking him.
They usually gain weight pretty fast.

Congratulations on the baby and the house!! Good stuff. :)
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on June 28, 2017, 08:40:31 PM: GREAT NEWS!!!!

BABY GIRL--13.5 Months (new baby's sister) is now legally free as of today and we can begin adoption process for her. Because of the case history, the process for new baby--Little Man--will be put on a super fast track: our case worker said they can file for termination of parental rights after 90 days rather than waiting a year. Now that is not 90 days from birth, but 90 days from when dependency began. Yes, he was taken into care at birth, but there is a period called Shelter Care before official dependency. In his case dependency started around June 8th and he was born on 26 April.

Little Man is doing relatively well. I say relatively because he has started to have some tummy upset issues the last few weeks and the on-call physician said it sounds like the first signs of reflux. I hope not!!! That is what one of our other boys had and it was bad--he developed torticollis which is a condition where the neck muscles contract and causes the head to twist--he liked to tilt his head so it was almost at a right angle which was pretty freaky. He was in therapy for a year and his therapist said he was the worst case she's ever seen; though he's fine now...whew. But Little Man has been having trouble after eating with his burps and he's been spitting up a lot, where before he hardly ever spit-up and now his spit-ups are big clean-ups for clothing carpeting and furniture. There was also an incident at a party a few weeks ago which involved a projectile BM to my face...yes you probably read that right--his poop went flying and landed on my face and we were at a party. I laughed; so I know it must be love. But there have been a few nights where he has kept me up and the other kids have been up too...and they seem to be up more now and maybe that's just because of the noise, so they are keeping me up and so there have been a few days where I just had to tell Chuck that I had to have a long nap once he got home.

So Little Man's next well-baby check up is next week and I will talk to his doctor about his tummy issues then. IT is definitely not as bad as our other little guy was, so that is a relief, but the on-call pediatrician said this is when it starts...UGH Little Man is getting lots of comforting snuggles.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Thunder on June 28, 2017, 09:28:34 PM: RCR,

I so admire all the love, and care, you two give these little ones.

God bless you and your growing family.

Give Little Man an extra hug from me. ;D
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on March 30, 2018, 01:50:34 PM: It's been awhile since I posted an update...

Little Lady is almost 2 years old and her adoption is in process. There is only one caseworker who does adoptions and for the past hyear they have had a record number, so she has been overworked and adoptions are taking longer right now...they just advertised for someone to help her.
Little Man is 11 months--he and Little Lady are bio-siblings--is not yet in adoption process, but the termination of parental rights was officially filed last week--the filing paperwork was started the last week of January, so it took just that long to make it through to being officially filed with the court. We should receive the first trial date in the next week or so.
We have told our adoption caseworker that she can place other cases ahead of Little Lady of they will let her since then we might be able to have them both be adopted at the same time. Their parents failed to show up to the first trial (which was not really a trial but a court appointment for setting the date of the trial several months out). Failure to show was an automatic default to termination, which is why her termination came so quickly. They could do the same for Little Man, I am not expecting, but I do know that since it's happened it is a distinct possibility in this case.

Little Man has had a cold. It hasn't been bad, but the breathing struggles remained even when the other symptoms seemed to be gone--though they are now back. So we have been to the doctor several times and he has been put on two different inhaler medications. This week she finally said his chest sounded clear--even though his cold his back--but to keep the inhalers on hand and use as needed.

We are starting to have some behavioral issues with our oldest daughter who is now 5--her issues are mostly at school, though we see some of the same things at home I think they are a bigger problem in the school setting...and with her bio-brother who is our younger 5-year old. These two are the only ones not born addicted! He is showing some extreme defiance and lashing out by kicking or scratching--fortunately usually at air right now, but if we don't do something to get some help I do expect this will escalate. I put in a call to Children's Home Society for counseling--as kids adopted from foster care they qualify for services. I left a message and am just waiting to hear back.

I get to go to a foster and adoptive mom retreat! It's not until October, but I am so looking forward to it. I saw it last year, but not soon enough to plan and register to attend. At least I was able to impress upon Chuck my need for retreat as I at that time was feeling exhausted. I am getting there again as things have been tough since the change to daylight savings. The babies now wake during the 10:00 hour just before I want to get in bed--this means I don't get to go to bed as it is often both Little Lady and Little Man--a few minutes apart. I am often not in bed until midnight and so I've been pushing my wake up from 6:00 to 6:30 and this then puts me 30 minutes behind in the mornings--well of course it does.

But just thinking about it all makes me tingle with joy. They are so much fun--hard work and (unfortunately) laundry are just part of the life.

We bought property last year and are have a 3-year plan for building--based on when we have enough in our savings. For Christmas we bought the kids a battery operated jeep that seats two and recently took them up to the property on a Sunday and let them drive all over. It was a blast! Little Lady got to be a permanent passenger--she will be 2 in May--because she's not big enough to drive and the others argued over who drove and who rode. No one argued though once we put Little Lady in the seat and each got to drive her around--she had the biggest and cutest grin stuck on her face. Our oldest four-year-old seems to be the most skilled--at jeep driving, bike riding...anything requiring athleticism or coordination. But he can be a backseat (or next to the car) driver, shouting orders to the others how and what to do...it's pretty hilarious when they aren't annoyed by it.

Next year we will have 2 in all-day school--kindergarten and 1st grade. I can't wait. Though I doubt we will have the luxury of the special ed bus which now arrives at our doorstep to pick up and drop off our oldest--she may have some spatial problem as she had trouble finding her way places and the first week of school wound up in the parking lot which is why she now rides the special ed bus. She also has speech problems and so when lost others had trouble understanding her. We have to walk around the block to the regular bus stop and it arrives much earlier, but at least they get to eat breakfast at school.

Easter is almost here and new dresses and suits and ties are all ready to go for the day--one of the boys got rather upset that he didn;t get to wear his suit and tie yesterday--I'm behind on laundry this week after Little Lady got sick over a lot of bedding and would not have had time to get his outfit washed had he worn it...but how cute that he wants to dress up. I hope he is that excited and willing come Sunday and does not instead want to wear spiderman which is the usual favorite for both 4-year olds.

Life is hectic and wonderful here, God Bless
RCR
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Mitzpah on March 30, 2018, 03:51:48 PM: RCR,

It's great to read about your adventures! I am glad this part of parenting is over for me...it is exhausting ;)

God bless you both! Happy Easter!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Savoir Faire on March 30, 2018, 04:09:44 PM: Life is sounding pretty normal RCR, I remember those 'young children' days very well. They are the happiest memories when you get older, so enjoy!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Thunder on March 30, 2018, 04:10:47 PM: Hope you all have a wonderful, blessed Easter, RCR.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on March 30, 2018, 05:52:14 PM: Thank you for the update, RCR.

Happy Easter.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on August 10, 2018, 02:41:03 PM: Quick update...
I have not even posted this on FB so I guess this is the first public announcement!

We have an adoption date!!!!!
[/glow]

Little Lady and her bio brother--Little Man--will become ours forever on National Adoption Day which is 17 November the Saturday before Thanksgiving. We requested National Adoption Day because it is such a fun event. They get adopted on a stage and it is open to the public.

Little Man has just figured out how to take a few steps. I posted a FB video of him walking between the couches on 24 July, but he did not realize he could keep doing it. This week he seems to be trying more and I think he may be fully toddling in a week or so. He is also starting to understand the difference between kissing and biting. His sister knows the difference, but apparently has decided she likes biting...him, so we are working on that.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: megogirl on August 10, 2018, 03:00:56 PM: RCR!! That is wonderful!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

FYI, you are my personal rock star. Your writing is nothing short of brilliant. I've actually printed out all the chapters of THS and created a binder of them. I've read it over and over and still look at sometimes. It inspires me continue Standing, even though I feel like an idiot at times, I feel like God led me to you/your writings.

Thank you for continuing to do God's work every day!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Mitzpah on August 10, 2018, 03:21:36 PM: Congratulations!!

May God bless you both in this true ministry as parents!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Seahorse on August 10, 2018, 08:02:30 PM: RCR! Congratulations to you all! What a blessing for you and for the babies.
Thank you for all your guidance and inspiration throughout your posts and by continuing to keep the forum and site running.

I’m sure November can’t come soon enough!
Hugs
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on August 10, 2018, 09:57:21 PM: Congratulations! :)
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on August 11, 2018, 10:47:47 AM: Oh, one cool thing I should add...
We got the battery operated jeep for the kids at Christmas as I mentioned above. Our church youth had spent 2 years raising funds for this Summer's national youth gathering. They had a ton of fundraisers and one of the final ones was a mini (children's) Tesla. It showed up in the narthex one Sunday and the kids were totally excited. I bought ONE $5.00 raffle ticket and told them that just because I bought a ticket, it did not mean the car belonged to them.
They may never believe me again when I say that...so you know what is coming!
But after that first Sunday they were so good, they did not pay the car any attention.
The drawing was on 17 June just before Church services. We were all in the front row when they drew our ticket. I just about fell off my seat. The congregation went wild--they were the only kids there that day and they are the only ones who are there consistently. The retired pastor who I think purchased it for the raffle later told me he and his wife had their hopes that we would get it!
The kids immediately understood that the car was now their's and after services they were driving it around church--to everyone's support and delight.

They now have TWO battery operated vehicles. It's good I convinced Chuck to return the tractor he had bought for them at Christmas (before Christmas)--he bought that AND the jeep.

Here is Little Lady giving you her winning smile.

(https://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/June-19-2018-Peyton-and-New-Tesla-10-rdcd.jpg)
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: LearningIamOk on August 11, 2018, 11:11:43 AM: Congratulations on the adoption date! AND for winning the car!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Seahorse on August 11, 2018, 11:17:02 AM: Precious picture and story! :)
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: rosetintedglasses on August 11, 2018, 04:43:08 PM: Great news all round!

Thanks so much for setting up and maintaining this website. It’s life changing. Truly.

Rose 🌹
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: hopeandfaith on August 12, 2018, 07:55:23 PM: Such a heart warming post and such a gorgeous picture. Little lady is rocking that red racer. Such good news about the adoption date too. Sounds like there is a lot of chaos and fun in your house!!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: serenity on August 12, 2018, 09:38:44 PM: She just looks adorable in that car. Amazing that you won it!!

Thank you for all you do RCR

I honestly don’t know where you find the time or energy with all your brood!

X
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Savoir Faire on August 21, 2018, 01:27:23 AM: How happy she looks in her car!! Love the matching bow in her hair. She is obviously a very happy child due to the love her parents give her.

Thanks for sharing RCR, great to see how wonderful life after MLC can be.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on November 14, 2018, 10:25:40 PM: Adoption Day is this Saturday!
Chuck has spent 15-20 hours scrubbing the artwork off of the walls and we will be having a house part this Friday night and another Saturday afternoon after the ceremony. Sunday will be their baptism.
I am super tired from getting the house ready and we have one more day to go until people start arriving. I am so excited!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Savoir Faire on November 15, 2018, 12:09:39 AM: Have a wonderful weekend with your husband and gorgeous children.

So happy to hear what life can be like after MLC. Enjoy!!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Milly on November 15, 2018, 12:16:27 AM: RCR, congratulations and have the most wonderful weekend!! You deserve all the happiness that is coming to you. We couldn't have made it without you, you really, truly saved our lives. THANK YOU!!!!

I wish your site could be translated into other languages. I have a Spanish friend just at the beginning of this mess who cannot read English. I bet she's not the only one.

Try to have a little rest before the event so that you can truly enjoy it!
Much love and big hugs to your little family.
Milly
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Anjae on November 15, 2018, 12:29:22 AM: Wonderful news. Congratulations, RCR.

Have a great weekend.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: serenity on November 15, 2018, 04:51:09 AM: Wishing you nothing but the best of luck and every happiness with all your family plans.

Sounds like a wonderful (if not exhausting) weekend ahead

Hugs

X
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: CanLetGo on November 15, 2018, 05:55:04 AM: Congratulations, you deserve all the happiness coming your way, enjoy the special celebrations this weekend x
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Seahorse on November 18, 2018, 06:31:50 AM: RCR:

Thinking of you today,
I am sure that the baptism will be so beautiful and touching.
Enjoy the celebrations.
You deserve it.

Thank you for all you do for everyone.
Your family is fortunate.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Never say never on November 18, 2018, 06:43:29 AM: RCR, ditto everything Sea just said.

Congratulations!
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Jay78 on November 18, 2018, 04:35:32 PM: 🙏🙏🙏

Love love picture.

Following along
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: megogirl on November 18, 2018, 04:52:16 PM: So happy for you & Chuck, RCR. God bless you, and your entire brood.

Just know that if you've single-handedly saved even ONE marriage - although, I would bet it's more than that - all of your efforts have been well worth it!

So, thank you. I'm (still) praying.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: megogirl on November 18, 2018, 06:40:56 PM: P.s. "Standing may be the hardest thing you ever do."

Holy Sh!!t - you were not kidding. xo
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on November 19, 2019, 01:44:12 PM: Just a quick post to check in and update…
Wow just saw the date on my last update...a year ago for the adoption. I did not realize it had been that long.

My Father-in-Law was recently diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and is in his last days—likely hours; he is 83 years old. We saw him just before anyone knew something was wrong at the end of August. It was the next week that he was rushed to the hospital. He is now at home on hospice.
Chuck has been going home every Tuesday for the day to see him and until last week and each of the bigger kids got to go with him once to see Grandpa.
He is visiting him now and called when he turned on his Dad’s street because about 45 minutes before his brother had started sending a flurry of texts, he wanted to know what he was walking into. I don’t know what the texts said, because he called a bit later to say his Dad was sleeping.
Yesterday he began to go through periods where he lost his ability to speak; this was apparently frustrating for him since he is still aware.

Please keep Chuck and his father Joe in your prayers.

In other personal news…

Some of you may know that a few years ago we bought some property—10 acres inn a local canyon. The unofficial build date is for March 2021--~17 months away. So I have been spending a lot of my time designing home plans. Chuck has a builder in mind, but we have not yet met. I’m eager to meet with him to discuss my vision and if he can work with us—he’s one of the canyon neighbors I think.
I am very excited about this, though I will admit it doesn’t feel real yet!

I am almost ready to post my Paving the Way articles that will follow the original from a few years ago and the thread I ran this Summer. I had to find a new email sending service and this will be the first test of it. I am soooo very nervous! That seems silly to me, but I really am. It’s been two years since I posted and I had to clean out the email list—removed dead emails… I stripped it to half! I am going to be using Amazon’s sending service, so I’m nervous about that too…it took quite a bit for me to get it set-up and I hope I did it right—the trial emails have arrived without a glitch, so everything seems fine!
I already edited the original post]https://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/2013/07/08/what-is-paving-the-way/]original post (https://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/2013/07/08/what-is-paving-the-way/) with some updates and it will become the first of a series. When I send my first newsletter out, it will be with that post (brief teaser/excerpt).
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Rollercoasterider on November 26, 2019, 08:23:56 AM: My Father-in-Law died a few hours after my last post. We will be going over there for the funeral next week--Monday and returning on Wednesday.

This morning at 4:13 I had been with our 2-year-old in his room and returned to our room, climbed in bed and then BUMP...the bed broke. We thought that a slat had just fallen underneath--happened before when the cat bumped it. NOPE It is broken--our sleigh bed we got when we got married! Wood splinters, fallen railing... I finished the morning back in the boys room where everyone soon woke up. ;D I might be low on sleep, but I am so blessed.

Oh, a couple of weeks ago at cub scouts Serenity's scout leader asked if I was her Grandma ::). Thanks :P
I get it more with the 2 and 3-year-old, but Serenity is 7! Come on, how old do I look! She was born before my 40th birthday--not much before, but technically before. ;)
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Thunder on November 26, 2019, 09:03:09 AM: I'm sorry for the loss of your FIL, RCR.

Sending prayers for the family.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: xyzcf on November 26, 2019, 10:06:50 AM: So sorry for your loss RCR.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: forthetrees on November 26, 2019, 02:43:13 PM: Obviously not too old to be riding sleigh beds til they break:)

I´m sorry about Chuck´s Dad- pancreatic cancer is brutal on the patient and on the family.
Do you have a Thanksgiving ritual that connects to him?
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: 3Boys4Me on November 26, 2019, 03:50:22 PM: So sorry for your loss, safe travels for the memorial and hope you have a lovely holiday with Chuck and the kids.
Title: Re: Adopting a New Life IV
Post by: Songanddance on November 28, 2019, 08:37:17 AM: So sorry for your and Chuck's loss RCR.