Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: LifeGoesOn on February 08, 2011, 01:08:33 PM
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I have signed up for this 12 week teleseminar series "Connecting Science and Spirit" and would like to discuss the shows with anyone and everyone here! Lisa Garr will host authors from a wide variety of personal and spiritual development, from Daniel Amen, the brain guy to Doreen Virtue, the angel lady. I hope you will join me!
Did I mention it is free? It says it is free and I don't see any strings attached...??? They do want you to buy copies of the interviews if you miss the show and can't listen w/in 48 hours.....I skipped that option.
See the details here:
http://www.theawareshow.com/inspire/amen/invite/
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Dang it sounds good. I'll chat with you about it even if I can't listen to it
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ok! They will have each show available for 48 hours after, if the time zone thing is a prob. Not sure if I can sit on a phone for an hour anyway so I will prolly listen delayed.
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you send the link I'll have a listen. I will need to be reminded 5 kids... you know....
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LGO
Thanks for bringing this to our attention! As you know, we can never have too much positive information. :)
I've signed up and will definitely be listening. I could use all the reminders of a PMA I can get.
TS
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Here is the link for yesterdays interview...
http://www.theawareshow.com/inspire/shealy/
Dr. Norm Shealy
Accomplished Neurosurgeon, author and former Harvard Professor, Dr. Norm Shealy is currently President and Professor Emeritus of Energy Medicine at Holos University Graduate Seminary, which offers doctoral programs in Spiritual Healing and Energy Medicine. Dr. Shealy holds eleven patents for innovative discoveries, including the TENS pain control unit, and has published over 300 articles and authored 25 best-selling books.
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Try to watch or record the show Friday........then we can post our thoughts, opinions.....and any thoughts Dr. Phil points out.......interested to hear his spin on the topic!!! I have read so much on the topic, here and elsewhere......it is starting to become so confusing, mumble, jumble......I am beginning to question what is real or not. Hopefully Dr. Phil.....can shed some light!
Hope many have a chance to watch.
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DVR is set!!! thank you!
Is this "OUR" show??? or does it just happen to be on the topic??
hugs,
L
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I won't get it in Europe till sometime later. Does anyone know the episode and series number?
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I will try to find out for you.....
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does he post them on his website or youtube? i'll be at work. i'm really interested to know if he talks about MLC or just affairs. does he believe in MLC? has he seen the website? what does he think? does he think we are kidding ourselves? i sometimes worry that i am, that maybe this site is giving me false hope.
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Love...
Not sure any of your questions.....I do not it is titled:
Friday - April 8, 2011
Midlife Crisis or Excuse?
Imagine if out of the blue, your spouse tells you he or she doesn't want to be married anymore. Then you realize your partner is nearly 50 years old, is getting in shape, updating his or her wardrobe and joining Facebook! Is this a midlife crisis? Dr. Phil sits down with two couples who are on the brink of divorce. Tony and Jill have been married for four years, but Tony says he wants out, so he can have his freedom back and not have the pressure and responsibility of having a wife. Their divorce will be final in a few weeks -- so why is Jill still sleeping with him? And, Miles says his wife of 10 years, Elaine, is going through a midlife crisis and that's the reason why she had an affair. Elaine says she doesn't regret her indiscretions because the other man made her feel happy and alive. Is there hope for these unions? Find out the warning signs of a midlife crisis and what Dr. Phil says these couples must do before calling it quits!
We shall see......like I said, I have read and research so much....starting to talk myself into the fact is this real, or something coaxed up. Since my H is an exception to a lot of the traditional MLC traits. But this site gives me a salvation, and a place to be honest and real.....as my family and friends just do not get it...and do not understand why I am standing.....they say just move on. Hard to know what to do!!!!!
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I really hope I can see it or it is on youtube because I wont be home.
I cant wait to see what he has to say and then maybe we will have even more info.
ill be awaiting some great talks about this one.
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I probably won't watch it....doubt I'll be home at that time anyway. I'll confess I'm skeptical of how MLC is typically portrayed publicly. A lot of emphasis is put on the affair, which is usually the most painful part for the LBS, but it is not really the depth of what MLC is about.
And maybe this is just a weird thought, but it seems odd to me that someone in MLC would go on a program about MLC......I've not heard of an MLCer that would say they were having an MLC.
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I agree with DGU. Plus, it opens up the subject to a LOT of judgement and opinion by "people" who have not experienced it. While I agree that a light needs to be shined on midlife depression, I think putting it out there for discussion on the Dr. Phil show is cheapening the reality of our experience, and will probably backfire and reinforce the common perception that staying with a man that cheats means you are a doormat.
Of course, I just realized I have a preconceived negative opinion on a show I haven't seen, LOL!! I guess the subject is too sensitive and personal for me to watch this way. I need it to be "safe", make any sense? So, please post after you've seen it and if it doesn't turn into a moral judgement-fest, I'll be interested in watching... Sorry.... I'm just very protective of myself when it comes to hearing "opinions" on MLC from "regular" people...
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I agree that it may be portrayed badly/inadequately but I am going to watch it out of curiosity. I reserve the right to turn it off if I get too annoyed or upset. :)
I have the DVR set up to record and then will have to watch and erase before H sees it on there (one of the tricky things about having a live in). I never watch Dr. Phil and I don't want him to click on it out of curiosity. I doubt he would even notice, though, and he has been VERY withdrawn into his own world the past week or two. I could grow an extra nose and he probably wouldn't notice. ::)
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I am recording it too, but not on my TV at my house.
So I won't be able to watch it until next Wednesday night.
Looking forward to the reaction here.
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Crap! I wish I would have known the day they taped the show; it's filmed on the lot where I work. I would have loved to catch some of the guests that appeared on the show to pick their brain!
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Let's bump this puppy up so the night time readers can see this too!
Is this the regular Dr. Phil show, or the one now on the Oprah network?
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Regular line up...........BUT I have noticed that thee OWN...plays repeats a few days later if you miss it.........please post thoughts after the show.
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Thank you whyme!
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I'm sorry, I forgot to post this earlier and it may be over in some areas.
The Dr. Phil episode on MLC airs today--in 30 minutes for me.
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I'm sorry, I forgot to post this earlier and it may be over in some areas.
The Dr. Phil episode on MLC airs today--in 30 minutes for me.
Merged this in with our other thread, sorry RCR we all already knew about this..... :) :) :)
Is this the same episode that they wanted you to be on?? ? ?
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Just watched it am sitting here and I am stunned ??
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In what way? Just started here now.
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Okay, so I just started watching and SO MANY of the words said by the guy in MLC have either come out of or might as well have come out of my H's mouth. Scary.
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I watched this too. It did sound like my H . I swear there must be an implant somewhere that they get . Dr Phil did tell both couples that they needed to try everything before they gave up. He didn't see any reason why they should divorce now . The MLC wife was just unbelievable saying that she was upset with her H for being angry with her affair. She never once when I was watching took responsiblity for affair. She sounded like a spoiled child which I remember someone her compared a MLC spouse as just that.
Then there was the MLC H who didn't want to be married and supposedly doesn't want anyone else. He is still having sex with his wife and doesn't see it as a big deal the arrangement they have . Clearly his wife is devastated and trying to keep the man she loves.
It was hard to sit and watch this show with my mother . She spent the entire time just telling me how crazy all this is. Mother thinks it is just an excuse to cheat on me. So much for being a loving and supportive mother :(
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Same here! Tony was like an echo of my husband...no real reasons that make much sense at all, and still has that 'married' relationship with the wife that he supposedly doesnt want to be married to...
The other couple, the woman in a way looked and sounded in some ways to be regretting, or almost starting to regret what has gone on...but she never admitted it...
idk, but to be honest, it was a let down for me...Dr Phil didnt really have anything to suggest, or any type of guidance...the couples were in completely different sitches, length of marriage, children, one retired, one working ( I know Tony was working in a casino...not his career tho)...
all he really stated was that they BOTH had emotional issues to work out, and a lot of them...well DUH!!! DR Phil!
sorry so negative, I guess I was wanting more...
hugs,
L
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I agree Lost, I was disappointed too with the show. I expected the show to be more indepth then what we saw.
Big letdown, oh well, we're all LBS and we know all about Let down!
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Yeah it was a let down but he didn't discount MLC as just an excuse to do whatever they wanted. Dr Phil did very briefly mention at the end that there various resource to help you if you are going thru MLC. Would have been more helpful if he had actually addressed the signs and stages of MLC . Maybe we should call Oprah and let MLC be her grand finale :)
I have to pull one positive out of it...cannot keep the negatives going cause all it does is drown me in my own tears and sorrow.
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I'm still in the middle of it but I am guessing that Dr. Phil is not well versed in MLC.
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I wasn't let down, I had zero expectations. ;D
I didn't figure Dr. Phil knew much about mlc.
He just said the normal therapist stuff. We all know most don't have their minds
around it yet.
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ok,ok Rebel!!! You did good, we were all bad!! lol!!!
hugs,
L
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This lady calling her A her "gentleman friend" is cracking me up. What kind of "gentleman" has an A with a married woman?
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They would allow her to say a$$wipe. ;D
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Merged this in with our other thread, sorry RCR we all already knew about this..... (http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/Smileys/default/smiley.gif) (http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/Smileys/default/smiley.gif) (http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/Smileys/default/smiley.gif)
Is this the same episode that they wanted you to be on?? ? ?
Oops! I was in a hurry to shower before the show came on, so just wantedt o post and did not look first! Yes, this is the show I didn't get to be on.
I spoke with the producer earlier this week to send him the submissions I have collected and he told me it was coming up. I want to post more now that I've watched...but have to run errands and after that Sweetheart and Ia re going for a motorcycle ride! But tomorrow I want to come back in and talk about it a bit.
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They just glossed over the MLC aspect. If that was the focus of the show, they should have spoken of that and the symptoms, etc. rather than just spending 10 seconds on it at the end.
I think Tony probably is in MLC. I am not so convinced about the woman who had the A. I didn't appreciate the fact that Dr. Phil told Tony at the end that they probably should get a divorce. I did like the fact that he said people divorce too quickly, and that you have to "earn" your way out of a relationship by trying absolutely EVERYTHING you possibly can before you end it.
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I, too, wish he would have focused more on MLC. They didn't really go into it at all......just the typical "cliche" aspects that we all hear joked about.
I have to keep in mind that this means more to those of us dealing with it every day, than it would to the average audience member.
What really resonated with me was Dr. Phil saying "Why would you want to be married to someone who clearly doesn't want to be married to you?" I find myself thinking about that all the time. And also, "Children would rather you divorce and come from a broken home than grow up in home that is broken."....ouch, that stung just a bit.
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What really resonated with me was Dr. Phil saying "Why would you want to be married to someone who clearly doesn't want to be married to you?" I find myself thinking about that all the time. And also, "Children would rather you divorce and come from a broken home than grow up in home that is broken."....ouch, that stung just a bit.
Ironic coming from me today who is ready to thrown in the towel because I am so fed up, but I guess it all depends on whether or not you believe in MLC and whether you think your spouse have a good chance of making their way through it. There is always the chance they will feel differently about wanting to end the marriage when they are out of crisis.
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Children would rather you divorce and come from a broken home than grow up in home that is broken."
I am sure there is plenty of research saying the opposite, that parents divorcing has huge emotional and psychological implications for children. If you ask any child none of them would 'prefer' their parents to divorce :(
xx
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I think if we thought that our H's would always be this way, we wouldn't want to stand. But it's different if you see it as a mental/ physical disorder that clouds their thinking, then his advice doesn't apply. He asked the MLC guy if he was going to change his mind about divorce.
He said no. That told me that Dr. Phil has zero knowledge of MLC.
Of course he doesn't think he will change his mind. And he won't for now. But anyone could recognize that in a normal breakup you don't continue a sexual relationship with your wife.
You break up and move on. So the fact the Dr Phil would have a show about MLC and be so ill informed is disappointing. I see no evidence that he even googled MLC for dummies. He was treating it like a normal breakup, not a midlife depression with distinctive characteristics.
Butterfly
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I too was very disappointed with the show and the way Dr. Phil handled it. There are often times when I question MLC or whether it is just 'growing apart' or many of the other excuses/rationalizations we've all heard about.
The fact is I've seen it several times with friends, as well as experienced it myself and read all about your situations here on this forum that I've really come to believe it is something a lot of men go through at midlife and it's definitely NOT the same as a regular breakup or divorce.
None of those aspects were addressed at all. Of course we wouldn't want to stay with someone who doesn't want to be married or be with us, but we've all seen the total change in character with our spouses, the confusion, the resorting to youngish behaviour and the lies, deceit and total opposite of the spouse we've loved and grown up with all these years.
In my opinion, he ignored all this and totally dealt with just the symptoms and didn't see the whole picture.
Very disappointing. Yes, I agree that perhaps Oprah would have done a better job!
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I didn't watch it but I did google and read the information provided and also watched the short video snip-its. I got the impression that Dr. Phil either doesn't believe in MLC or perhaps he had not researched it very thoroughly. There is just so much more to this issue and it doesn't seem like the professional/medical field cares enough or has tried hard enough to learn more about it. Too many people view this as a "joke"...........so disappointing that more people are not interested or aware of this. So sad how it rips and tears families apart. I had a very good conversation with my boss today and I think he understands it without actually admitting it or saying he believes in it. He had such good "insight" regarding my particular situation and he made me feel so much better regarding my "Stand" (he doesn't know this). He made me feel really good about myself and told me that one day........ever how long it takes.............my husband will realize that he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.......or ever will happen to him. That was a major confidence booster for me.
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What really resonated with me was Dr. Phil saying "Why would you want to be married to someone who clearly doesn't want to be married to you?"
I agree Girl Scout! LOL That hit me hard too, especially the look on Dr. Phil's face.
Maybe we all should write the show to help them realize that didn't discuss the subject or symptoms of MLC in enough detail.
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LMM
Someone said the same thing to me today. She hoped that when my h woke up to his mistake, it would not be too late. Interesting comment as she only knows we're divorced. Nothing more.
She said the grass looks greener because it's growing in manure. Lol
Butterfly
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Butterfly,
You got a good ole hardy chuckle out of me with that one. My boss does know everything but it felt good to have him validate my feelings and thoughts. He knows I still love my exH very much. He told me the best thing for me to do is to keep pulling away from him and living my life. I told him I was in a much better place all the way around right now. It does just feel nice to have something positive said and not all the negative stuff most people say. We are growing stronger with each and every day..............leaving them in the "manure". ha, ha.
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Sorry to say "I told you so..." but I knew this would be a big ZERO as far as substance and understanding go.... and just what did the couples get out of it, except to air their dirty laundry and get judged by America who has NO understanding of mental illness in any form...
If we're going to judge someone, let's judge people like Leann Rhimes and Eddie Cibrian who are the "happy couples" after PUBLICLY breaking up their respective marriages to be with one another... and let's don't forget Alicia Keys who PUBLICLY got pregnant with her married boyfriend at the same time as his OTHER girlfriend, but I guess she won the cheating Bas**** cuz they got married in a big ole People Magazine wedding this year.... after he divorced his wife and mother of his legitimate children....
I try not to be judgemental, but if you want to GO there, let's GO there... Dr. Phil is a lightweight.
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LettingGo, you are so funny....and so right!
I agree with all that was said so far, I was also disappointed in the show, but not surprised. All too often mainstream media is one dimensional, and they don't seem to do much research at all.
There are way too many similarities in reading all these stories on here, and in reading all the articles to be just coincidence, or reading something into it that isn't there. It's there all right, we all have lived it. I have the benefit (if you can call it that) of having seen ALL the cycles. I had no idea what I was dealing with for most of the time (11 years?) but once I started reading about MLC, all the pieces fit. I have no doubt in my mind that MLC is what happened to my husband, and I am not easily convinced of things! This is why this site is so special, and important.
I was thinking the exact same thing as Butterfly when Dr. Phil asked Tony if he was sure that he wanted a divorce and won't change his mind. Perhaps they should check back with him in about 5 or 6 years and see what he has to say?
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I didn't see the show - but my own therapist consistently used that line with me: 'why would you want to be married to someone who doesn't love you, or who treats you like that?'
It was impossible to communicate to him how quickly my wife had changed, how out of character it was for her. How surreal the whole situation was to me. What my family meant to me - what marriage meant to me! Even when he accepted some of that he would say that was then, this is now. What matters is what you do now. I felt that it was all very formulaic for him.
Have you seen the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'? I love that movie. I used to like it for some of the themes in there - I think it has to do with a path to acceptance of loss - it has patches of what it feels like ( at least for me ) to be a LBS. In the movie there is a machine that can erase your memory of a relationship. The guy's girlfriend has the procedure unbeknown to the guy. She totally changes, and doesn't even know who he is. He is a wreck. Then he finds out about the procedure and has it himself. So they both lose their history, and each other ... and the movie watches what happens ...
I think I'm going through the toughest part of this crisis so far for me - really accepting the loss. RcR talks of giving in, but not giving up. I think that's an amazing concept and in someways at the core of it all.
I'm off on all kinds of tangents here - especially for not having seen the show. It just sounds like my own counselling. We didn't have one second of couples counselling. My wife only progressively became more nasty and less communicative as time went on, until now ... at points it feels evil - and I don't use that word lightly.
Right now ... where I am in this process, is on the thin line between giving in and giving up on this. I'm not sure how a psychologist should advise us ... mine used to say to me ... what do you want to hear me say to you? He spoke very little about my wife - he just really wanted to get me healing.
I'd likely pay handsomely for a spotless mind machine some days.
BNW
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I watched the show and I felt for the couples.
Did anyone notice that Tony was also rewriting his history?
The tough part for me in the first relationship was that they had only been married a fairly short
time and didn't have a long history together like most of us do. That may not mean anything except
it gives credence to the sudden, out of character changes in the MLCer based on history.
The second couple, I don't think the wife has a clue. The man was so hurt and she was so self centered
that she couldn't see it. Not convinced it was MLC though IMHO.
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I have been writing for hours. I have 5-6 blog posts on the episode! I'll post one a day starting today. First I'll adres a few other things here and then go get the blog ready. Stop over there for more discussion--I'm asking lots of questions.
I think Tony probably is in MLC. I am not so convinced about the woman who had the A.
Funny, if I had to pick only one as an MLCer I'd say it was her hands down. Sure he also had the signs, but I felt hers was more severe. Tony may be in a crisis, or hje may be in a transition. Non-crisis level midlife transitions can lead to the end of marriages too. I'm not saying he is or is nto at crisis level, just that it seems more clear with Elaine.
A few of you thought differently though. Could her crisis signs have diminished since she's been in a few years and thus it is not as clear looking at her now?
"Children would rather you divorce and come from a broken home than grow up in home that is broken."
I am sure there is plenty of research saying the opposite, that parents divorcing has huge emotional and psychological implications for children. If you ask any child none of them would 'prefer' their parents to divorce :(
Agreed. I think this is a topic that deserves it's own post. I have not started writing it yet, but I created a document with the title so that it is separate from my posts for the MLC series of Dr. Phil.
But anyone could recognize that in a normal breakup you don't continue a sexual relationship with your wife.
You break up and move on.
Not true. What is normal anyway? It is very common--very--for break-ups to be ragged and back-and-forth. The clean goodbye without looking back is probably more rare--at least for long-term relationships and marriages.
If we're going to judge someone, let's judge people like Leann Rhimes and Eddie Cibrian who are the "happy couples" after PUBLICLY breaking up their respective marriages to be with one another... and let's don't forget Alicia Keys who PUBLICLY got pregnant with her married boyfriend at the same time as his OTHER girlfriend, but I guess she won the cheating Bas**** cuz they got married in a big ole People Magazine wedding this year.... after he divorced his wife and mother of his legitimate children....
I try not to be judgemental, but if you want to GO there, let's GO there... Dr. Phil is a lightweight.
Perhaps, but Dr. Phil respects people. Those adulterers are real people. Sweethearts alienator may have been a fantasy to him, but she was a flesh and blood person picked in alcohol with a wrinkled smoker's complexion. So much for fantasy. Alicia Keyes may be a mate predator, but she's amate predator with feelings. Dr. Phil would be inappropriate to bring people on his show to bash them, judge them and dismiss their side of the story. And it would be inapproriate of him to use media examples without allowing those people to be there to tell their side. That's why he seems lightweight. He has to balance validating and respecting with the sins so that he does not judge but shows respect. It's not easy, but it's professional. Sure, we want him to yell at them.And maybe that would work with an MLCer who initiated the contact with the show to get help with returning and healing, such a person should then know Dr. Phil will pull no punches and having initiated the contact would show they are ready or willing to be ready to hear the hard stuff.
Dr. Phil wants to help the MLCer and he knows that alienating him or her will close them off rather than help them to open up and be comfortable. A counselor has to balance the approach so that the client returns and is yet still challenged. Each client is different in their readiness and thus the counselor has to be able to adjust for each individual.
I didn't see the show - but my own therapist consistently used that line with me: 'why would you want to be married to someone who doesn't love you, or who treats you like that?'
That is a common and appropriate question when asked neutrally. It can the counselor know what you want ot where you are coming from. When asked with an implication that you shouldn't want it, that is inappropriate. But sometimes Standers are so sensitive to others disagreeing with their Stand that they interpret the question as having a you shouldn't implication. Dr. Phil is asking the question because that is the question the viewers are asking.
The tough part for me in the first relationship was that they had only been married a fairly short time and didn't have a long history together like most of us do.
I address this in one of the blog posts--I think it is in the 2nd one I will post--so tomorrow. It was a pretty serious flaw to me.
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Just to clarify my position on judgement, I wasn't meaning I thought Dr. Phil should judge people's behavior, although he often does.... I was just venting, as I often do.
Although judging others doesn't serve any useful purpose, judging tabloid fodder is a GUILTY pleasure that I sometimes indulge in.
My husband says he HATES judgemental people, yet he has always been the MOST judgemental person I know.. :o I have pointed out to him, that in my opinion, judgement of character is what keeps you from inviting obvious trouble into your life. It's not about condemnation, but about COMMON SENSE.... another favorite saying of his has always been "well, common sense will tell you...." yet he has LOST his own common sense and has NEVER chosen to use good judgement when it comes to the people he surrounds himself with... which brings us to the question "what does that say about me?" and question number two "why would I want to be married to someone who doesn't want me?"
The second question I can answer easily.... because he DOES want me. He only thought he didn't want me for a very few months and because DIVORCE has REAL, SERIOUS and NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES. The REAL question is, "why be with someone who treats you so poorly?" and the answer is "because he is sick."
The problem with MLC is NO ONE believes it is a temporary mental disorder.... people just believe that you must have married a jerk who kept it hidden for 20 or so years!
For example, my best friend (who's been in therapy for 20 years) was going on about Eva Longoria and about how she talked about her breakup with Tony Parker with such grace.... but the thing she focused on the most (which I felt was a message to me, perhaps) was the statement that she cared more about HERSELF than about a man - in other words, Eva wasn't going to be a doormat and "let him" treat her badly. I GET that.... but she's already dating.... the divorce was final in February.... her life, for sure and I'm not EVEN judging. I'm just pointing out that people seem to believe the "healthy" way to deal with infidelity is immediate divorce and "move on" to someone else...."living your life". By the way, this is Eva's second divorce, and she's claiming she still loves Tony and they talk all of the time.
So why should ANYONE get married anymore? WHy not just everyone date whomever they want whenever and change partners like musical chairs and we can just all be friends and the kids will be just fine...
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If anyone is interested in the message board for Dr. Phils MLC show here is the link.
http://community.drphil.com/boards/?EntryID=22910&SubCategoryID=83&Page=1
They are having some heated ideas about MLC, lots of people feel it is an excuse.....
Not sure I agree, they really need to educate themselves about MLC, IMHO.
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I just posted the blog. Hopefully the email send-off will work this time. It didn't yesterday and I don't know why. ??? So I added yesterdays blog post to the end of the email.
But please stop by and post stuff there too--that way we can encourage people who don't visit or post here on the forum to participate!
Oh and you guys might not agree with me, so that could be fun...okay, fun for some. I like it when we have differing opinions, but I could just be evil that way. ;D
Oh good, it looks like the email just popped into my inbox. I hope it formatted right this time. ??? I'm still learning the system. Oh, it did! But that type is small--do you think I should up it from 12 point to 14 or something?
And as a close...(I'm writing this paragraph last) I'm not feeling well today. I had trouble sleeping, so I'm now going to have some Chamomile--tea, but I will let Chamomile the lovely siamese lady join me--and then go back to bed. I got up at 4:00 am, so I've done quite a bit.
For those waiting coaching...I'll start this afternoon--there are a few of you though, so only one at a time. DUH. ;)
Just to clarify my position on judgement, I wasn't meaning I thought Dr. Phil should judge people's behavior, although he often does.... I was just venting, as I often do.
Although judging others doesn't serve any useful purpose, judging tabloid fodder is a GUILTY pleasure that I sometimes indulge in.
Oh, I know! My mate predator of judgment is Angelina--she stole Brad a few weeks before my Bomb Drop, so that's a sensitive one for me and I'm just fried that they are still together. >:( I try not to use certain words here...but trust me those words are in my thoughts when it comes to her. And I feel bad too, I mean she does a lot of good. And then that makes me mad too. How dare she combine good and bad! How dare she be so real, so human. She's supposed to be some plastic big-lipped barbie.
Seriously, I don't look at the alienator from my own situation with as much >:( as I do Angelina. Probably because I think the alienator really has Borderline Personality Disorder and thus she is broken, whereas Angelian seems like a strong and smart woman who should know better, but made it's okay because it's meant to be excuses. Isn't there a little barf icon to go with that...guess not.
If anyone is interested in the message board for Dr. Phils MLC show here is the link.
http://community.drphil.com/boards/?EntryID=22910&SubCategoryID=83&Page=1 (http://community.drphil.com/boards/?EntryID=22910&SubCategoryID=83&Page=1)
They are having some heated ideas about MLC, lots of people feel it is an excuse.....
Not sure I agree, they really need to educate themselves about MLC, IMHO.
I registered and posted, but it has not come through yet. Maybe it won't. But that was last night. I didn't put a link to my site because that might be against rules, but I posted and referenced The Hero's Spouse by title.
but the method of posting confused me and just reading it is confusing. It's in reverse order and you can reply directly, but ro view direct replies do I need to expan the view...ugh. I don't get it; hard to follow the structure.
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If anyone is interested in the message board for Dr. Phils MLC show here is the link.
http://community.drphil.com/boards/?EntryID=22910&SubCategoryID=83&Page=1
They are having some heated ideas about MLC, lots of people feel it is an excuse.....
Not sure I agree, they really need to educate themselves about MLC, IMHO.
I started to read the comments but got so annoyed I stopped.
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If anyone is interested in the message board for Dr. Phils MLC show here is the link.
http://community.drphil.com/boards/?EntryID=22910&SubCategoryID=83&Page=1
They are having some heated ideas about MLC, lots of people feel it is an excuse.....
Not sure I agree, they really need to educate themselves about MLC, IMHO.
I had to stop reading it. I became to frustrated and disappointed in the lack of compassion and the extreme selfishness that exists in many of the posters.
It amazes me that folks think that my stand is a sign of my weakness. It exhausts me more than my MLCer. My question back at them is "why would it make them feel better if I responded with anger, resentment and bitterness?"
My mate predator of judgment is Angelina--she stole Brad a few weeks before my Bomb Drop, so that's a sensitive one for me and I'm just fried that they are still together. >:( I try not to use certain words here...but trust me those words are in my thoughts when it comes to her. And I feel bad too, I mean she does a lot of good. And then that makes me mad too. How dare she combine good and bad! How dare she be so real, so human. She's supposed to be some plastic big-lipped barbie.
Is it real? Everything they do seems planned for effect, they are still putting on a show. Whenever there is rumor of a problem, the 'show' comes on stronger. I think they are still caught up in proving their "love is real", and they are 'good and perfect' people.
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Is it real? Everything they do seems planned for effect, they are still putting on a show. Whenever there is rumor of a problem, the 'show' comes on stronger. I think they are still caught up in proving their "love is real", and they are 'good and perfect' people.
They are schmoopies! ;D
It amazes me that folks think that my stand is a sign of my weakness. It exhausts me more than my MLCer. My question back at them is "why would it make them feel better if I responded with anger, resentment and bitterness?"
I do think people see standing a sign of weakness, like we don't have the strength or self worth to walk away. I have found it to be the complete opposite - it takes more strength to stand than we ever thought we had. The people I have met who are standing are in no way weak. That is for sure.
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RCR
I did not see the episode, so consider that with this feedback.....I agree with your insights on the blog. I guess I am not sure exactly how this could be effectively done by the media. Perhaps the best guests on the show might be those who have reconciled (or even not) post MLC.
My counselor recommended that I not mention MLC to my wife as it could have a negative impact on her.....and most things I've read say the MLCer will deny it and get angry about being "diagnosed". I think the best thing that could come from this is for the spouse, family, and friends to be aware of the symptoms so the process itself can be better understood by those dealing with it.
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Oh I agree with DGU, the education process of tthe world is a tough nut to crack.
Even the people on the DB website can not agree on MLC.
They see standers as weak and want to control their MLC'ers or WAS.
I am not sure how I feel about that whole subject but I guess as far as Dr Phil goes
it seems better to have it out there than to totally deny the existance of MLC.
In marketing 101, you learn to mention the product, whether it is good, bad or indifferent.
Jest get the name out there.
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Living here in Blighty I didn't see the show nor will I look at the messageboard as I have an inkling that there will be some very vociferous answers and ideas. Though these are relevant challenges at the moment I am not in the mood to try and get people to see our side. Hopefully someone will be strong enough.
But I think it is right that MLC is out in the media, which ever way. If a few people watched it and start to research it and find this or anyother forum that is a positive.
Educating the world is a drip srip process and won't happen overnight :-\
But the more people go looking for info the better the wider world will be for understanding where we are without us justifying our stand.
xx
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Perhaps the best guests on the show might be those who have reconciled (or even not) post MLC.
That would definitely be helpful. My H is a poster child for MLC and our situation would be a good, solid example but he would never go on a show about MLC now (not that I would ask) because he is "NOT having a midlife crisis." The one time very early on I mentioned the possibility I was immediately shot down, told not to put a label on him, not to put him in a box. I just didn't want to accept the new him, etc.
I think some of the most valuable insight we get is from those who have been through it themselves and can attest to what an MLCer is feeling and what goes on in their heads.
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First of all, I hate to say "I told you so...." but I KNEW the public opinion would be hurtful to us standers.... I mean,really, I can get those opinions from my own family, friends and colleagues!! But you know what? The universe has a powerful way of humbling us when we think we know how someone else should be living their lives.... if there's a lesson the most vociferous naysayers need to learn, they will learn the hard way... just like WE did!
That being said, glad to hear you are human, RCR!! All this AGAPE stuff is fine and dandy, LOL!, but let's indulge in a little naughtiness, shall we? I feel the SAME way you do about Angelina Jolie, only Brad wasn't her first conquest... Billy Bob Thornton was also married when they hooked up together, I believe... and yes, they both do a lot of good in the world, and it's appreciated, but that doesn't excuse everything else with no apology! Not that I think celebrities owe the genereal public and apology... EVER.... but, don't forget that Angelina has MAJOR, MAJOR issues with her Dad, Jon Voight and his leaving her Mother for another woman, I believe...BIGTIME Daddy issues...
Now, it has always seemed to me that Brad and Angelina are still together because they NEVER STAND STILL for one moment.... they're like sharks.... always moving and DOING stuff....if one can believe the tabloids.
Now, I've just indulged in judging people I don't even know, based upon media presentation, and determined they aren't living their lives the way I think they should be.... I would hate it if that were done to me.... oh, right, it IS done to me. ;)
To thine own self be true.
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I don't try and compare my situation to actors and celebrities as their own narcissism and self-esteem issues make MLC seem like nothing. Nor do I really get involved with those that report on them as they are so quick to build them up then tear them down.
It would have been a classic if Dr. Phil screamed, "Adulterer!!" and the audience stoned them. Right on TV. Two lives sacrificed and thousands of marriages saved.
Ratings would have never been higher. I call it a win-win situation.
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LG (and RCR), I have been waiting for Angelina and Brad to reap what they have sown ever since Brad left Jen. The problem I have with us not judging the behavior of celebrities when it comes to marriage is that society then follows suit. Society as a whole now looks upon marriage vows as no big deal. So, what we currently have is a swath of serial polygamists who see nothing wrong with being unfaithful to their spouse.
So, I DO have a problem with Brangelina, LeAnn Rhimes/Eddie C, and all the others who have broken their marriage vows. My ultimate disgust is reserved for Amy Grant, a supposed CHRISTIAN singer, who left her covenant husband for Vince Gil without batting an eye. I love listening to KLOVE, but whenever one of her songs comes on I promptly change the station. She is the epitome of hypocrisy. Her husband was devastated by her leaving their marriage and destroying their family. And, I do not blame him for being bitter. She, too, will reap what she has shown. Or, like HB's icon reminds us, the karma bus is coming.
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Hi Trusting
I once asked my MLCer if he was having a midlife crisis and he said he he wasn't sure because he didn't know what it felt like. Before I asked he went out and pierced his tongue at 46, had a 29 year old girlfriend, drinking, which he's not a drinker, emptiness in his eyes, talked about how the world was coming to an end in a paranoid way, telling me he had voices in his head, not sleeping at night because he was afraid of the silence, hot flashes etc, etc, etc. His boss even told him he thought he was having a midlife crisis and his boss is a nurse. If those are not symptoms of a MLC then I don't know what is.
I started watching the show not knowing quite what to expect. I thought it was going to be hard to watch because of what feelings it might have brought out in me. I didn't find it informational so I shut it off and went about my business. I also kept in mind that it was only an hour long show and how in the world could he even begin to address what really goes on in a MLC. We all know how complex this issue is but even if the show identified with one person and that person can start their own research process then the show was a success.
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So over the weekend RCR posted some more articles on the Dr. Phil show.
The links can be found at the bottom of the main page under the twitter links or on the Facebook page
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/pages/The-Heros-Spouse/283743315482
Good job RCR on telling us about the show, I am hoping to watch a recording of it this wednesday.
Anyone else read these articles??
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I recently started attending Browns Bridge/ North Point church in the metro Atlanta area.....with Andy Stanley. His father is on national television on Sundays he is Dr. Charles Stanley.
They are doing a mini 5 week series on Life Applications....
Great words to hear.....I will post links to each session. They are about 30-40 minutes each but well worth your time....it has help me bring some peace and perspective. If you like the approach...Andy Stanley also has s series on LOVE.....that I can post as well.
Hope it will bring some solice to each and everyone that takes the time to watch.
http://www.brownsbridge.org/messages/life_apps
Select a part on the left hand side....5 parts.
Light and Love
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Just watched a beautiful wedding and whilst Kate looked magical and so very happy the most heart wrenching part for me and point part was the Bishop of Londons reading and the poem by William and Kate ...
The Right Reverend Dr Richard Chartres
He stressed marriage aimed to help man and woman become "what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves".
Addressing Prince William and the new Duchess of Cambridge, he added: "You have both made your decision today - 'I will' - and by making this new relationship you have aligned yourselves with what we believe is the way in which life is spiritually evolving, and which will lead to a creative future for the human race.
"Marriage should transform, as husband and wife make one another their work of art. This transformation is possible as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner. There must be no coercion if the spirit is to flow; each must give the other space and freedom."
Stressing the difficulties people have "weaning" themselves away from being self-centred, he warned of the risks of loading "our partner with too great a burden" in the search of happiness.
The Bishop suggested the marriage was a beacon of hope in troubled times. "Many are full of fear for the future of today's world but the message of the celebrations in this country and far beyond its shores is the right one - this is a joyful day!" he said.
"It is good that people in every continent are able to share in these celebrations because this is, as every wedding day should be, a day of hope."
He prayed that the millions watching "do everything in their power to support and uphold you in your new life".
"We stand looking forward to a century which is full of promise and full of peril. Human beings are confronting the question of how to use wisely the power which has been given to us through the discoveries of the last century.
"We shall not be converted to the promise of the future by more knowledge, but rather by an increase of loving wisdom and reverence, for life, for the earth and for one another."
Prayer
A prayer written by Prince William and Kate Middleton was today read out by the Bishop of London who hailed their marriage as a shining hope across the world.
Read by the Bishop of London
God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage.
In the busyness of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy.
Strengthened by our union help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.
B Happy Wedding Wishes to Catherine and William may they escape MLC !!
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Hi, B,
I watched this together with my children, I'll admit that some tears did fall. I was stressing to the kids how important this was, what a huge committment it was (particularly for them, as Kate is saying "I will" to so much more than just a husband....) They asked some questions about our wedding, but no mention of current sitch.
We particularly paid attention to the sermon, and the prayers; I hope I didn't over do it.
The most poignant part for me was when he said that one couldn't place too much expectation for happiness on one's partner.... my goodness, it was everything that we've been learning here.
My D is just impressed with the celebrity of it all; I think S got it better, though.
My prayers for them go out, and for us all.
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I'm neither religious nor a royalist, but it's been impossible to miss. It's been live here in Southern Europe too, in all the cafés. Everyone expects me to be jumping up and down for joy, as I am "their" resident Brit.
I think theirs is a marriage of love, I hope it survives the inevtiable pressures of public life, and I wish them every happiness. Hope neither of them faces MLC....
Kate's dress is stunning, and Prince Willy is going bald already...
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Well congrats to all our English posters for having a great wedding and a beautiful day of weather for all the pomp and circumstance.
I listened and watched them recite their VOWS and wondered if they realized what that really means.
For richer or poorer - they won't have that problem.
But in sickness or health, for better or worse, I hope that they can survive the pressures of what they will have to endure and have a happy and long life. Wills has his fathers genes and I hope he does not have his own MLC, or that he has learned from his father and can endure that part of his life to find longlasting happiness.
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Hi Bewildered. Thanks for posting the reading and the prayer from today's Royal Wedding. I wasn't sure how I was going to spend today, but decided just to go into work and not watch the ceremony. I don't know why. I just knew that I couldn't face it. I will probably watch the highlights later on, but like all of us on the Forum, it does bring back memories of our own wedding day and the vows we made to each other. I always took my wedding vows seriously and honoured my marriage as it was important to me. I do still believe in marriage and don't regret one single day of my life with my h and I do believe that if it wasn't for his MLC, then we would still be together. I am keeping my heart open to whatever the future may hold for me.
Thanks for posting. See you soon.
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I was watching clips from Charles and Dianna's wedding. It is unbelievable to me that he left Dianna for Camilla. I know that wasn't really MLC but she seems like an affair down by comparison.
Butterfly
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I know that wasn't really MLC but she seems like an affair down by comparison.
Why wasn't it his own MLC?
Rewritten history of their life.
And yes definitly affair down.
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I didn't think it was MLC because I thought they had a longstanding relationship prior to his marriage. That he never really broke off. Maybe that isn't true.
Butterfly
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If Charles was in a MLC then its been one that stated when he was 18 and is still going strong!!
Rumours and facts from people who now him say - (plus I have met him as well) have illustrated a man who is in crisis but not a MLC one on its own (may have been added to all the others) but def an identity crisis, personality disorder, spoilt and selfish child syndrome etc
Diana never stood a chance for any type of 'married relationship happiness' she was just a bit part player in Charles life - Camilla I think, is his mother figure - which is what he always wanted - and she is the only one who can keep him in control ..
Diana too needy they said, I think she was young and wanted what everyone wanted a partnership with love and respect, this wasn't what Charles wanted he just required a heir and a spare and a marriage of convenience - he just forgot to tell Diana ???
Love B
and IMO of course!!
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Today I feel like throwing in the towel……………..cannot say why, I am just too old to play games, and I feel like I play games with him daily. The text, I will call thing. I just went online and found where I can do an uncontested divorce for $149…………..simple cut and dry!
How long does one stand for their marriage…..before they just give up???
I watched the royal wedding this morning and had ZERO thoughts of my marriage….sort of weird. I was just thinking about the beauty of the church, the people the pomp and circumstance and her dress and his garb. Not once did I reflect on my marriage and my situation, or yearn to have those magical feeling again Then it hit me this morning (about 10 AM)…..and I began to reflect. How can one be so selfish and thoughtless to the person the “vowed” to love and honor. Where is the honor is walking out the door….all for ones selfish satisfaction. Leaving me to be a weeping willow in the wind…..swaying back and forth between trying to hold all this together….my emotions, my finances, my job, my dignity, myself esteem……..MY LIFE! All the while they need their space and time……..
F that! I do not know, but I feel like just giving up on this and trying to piece my life back together and feel as if I have the power here….thoughts???????
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Bewildered
That's what I had always heard. That the relationship spanned decades. She wasn't appropriate for marriage to a future king and was married thru a lot of the affair as well.
That's why it didn't seem like MLC. The mother figure concept makes sense. She is not beautiful by any means. Though that doesn't matter. I don't like her because I side with Dianna.
Does the Queen accept Camilla?
Butterfly
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For me the vows were clear and strong and I actually thought how could my H stand in church and make those same vows and now ignore them.
I did have a long discussion with H at the weekend. No shouting or pleading but initiated by him. Basically he told me to see a solicitor to start the divorce rolling. He told me twice. Twice I told him that I didn't want a divorce and therefore he would have to divorce me. I told him we stood together and took our vows and these are still very important to me. So tough I'm still your wife unless you divorce me! I think OW is starting to pressure him as they have now been together more than 2 years. There didn't seem any strength in his request just a hopelessness and sadness.
He has been here today. H told me he heard the wedding in the car and he arrived just as they were singing the last hymn. I pray that he heard the vows especially after our 'conversation' just to remind him with a truth dart.
For what it's worth I think Kate and William will make it. She has been around him for over 10 years. Diana met Charles 13 times before they married (that's the rumour anyway).
xx
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JA
IMO he seems very reluctant to get divorced
thank you for sharing your situation with us .......... he is stuck in this feelings of hopelessness and unfortunately maybe he needs to reach a serious rock bottom before he can move forward?? Your discussion with him hopefully will also shove him forward ....
B XX
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Is anyone watching this show? I have found her journey interesting so far. I'd like to know others' thoughts on it.
Here is the latest episode... http://www.oprah.com/own-shaniatwain/Why-Not-with-Shania-Twain-From-This-Moment-On-FULL-EPISODE
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Can't Watch it not unavailable in my region.
:-\
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The link didn't work anyway? Dang :-\
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I watched it...love her new musical style and creativity. My thoughts are that she is stuck in anger denying her sadness and depression. Plus projecting alot onto the OW which is understandable at some point she'll get to the pain with her H. I'm so interested in her journey and I'm assuming it's a series. Her emotions are very centered around the betrayl from her friend. I"M SO GLAD SHE'S bringing it to light...THIS IS WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN IMO...so people don't feel alone in something that, as we all know, many people go through in some form or another. Anyway I would recommmend watching..They played it on the OWN network where I live.
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Oh and BTW I LUHUVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVv her song "today is your day"...can't wait for the release this summer.
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Yes, I've been watching too. She has a lot of traits that sound familiar. Having to grow up too fast,
being a child in charge of a family, stuffing down her feelings......
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I saw part of it last night, but had to stop. I agree with Buggy that she is nowhere NEAR acceptance of what has happened.... she obviously STILL LOVES HER HUSBAND and it makes me uncomfortable because he married OW, and she is engaged to or married OW's husband. I wanted to jump through the tv and tell her "what are you doing with this guy? You still love your husband, and it's just weird that you are switching spouses.... something's not right here!" but public opinion is "Good for her!! How ironic that she found happiness with OW's husband!!"
I do agree that it is beneficial for people to see her pain, in real time, over the betrayal by her friend. Talk about suck! The friend would comfort her and tell here "everything's going to be ok..." Imagine finding out that your "friend" knew your greatest heartache, was part of the CAUSE of it, and then probably went and TALKED ABOUT IT with YOUR HUSBAND!!! I'd like to run over that OW with the Karma Bus myself!! >:(
My take is, she's still in love with her husband, and hasn't hit her anger stage... not even close.
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I agree with all of you. She is going through the process that all of us are in. It will be interesting to see if we will see the whole process or if she remains stuck. She really does not want to deal. Her therapist asked her the right questions, but she won't go there.... Laughed it off. hmmm... surprised she didn't edit it out. I am appreciating the honesty.
BTW, they went into her FOO issues more in the first episode.
I'm pulling for her and hope she finds her voice again. :)
And yes she remarried already :o.
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So, now Shania and OW's former husband are now united in demonizing OW/former wife.... that's their real connection. I give it two years, and then she will wake up and wonder what she's doing with him. They will have NOTHING in common, just like her husband and OW. Wish I had a crystal ball... I do think that her marrying OW husband could get her stuck... it's an avoidance, and that's why we say not to date when you're still going through this.
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I have been watching this show on TNT now since it started and I don't know if anyone else here watches it but
it is really great to see the way men in midlife react.
So any discussion about this show or any other midlife show would be great. (Charlie Sheen comes to mind)
New Episode Last night:
Men of a Certain Age: Season 2, Episode 7
The Great Escape
Joe decides to spend some time with his former bookie Manfro (guest star Jon Manfrellotti), who is preparing to undergo a difficult medical treatment. Terry and Erin take a bold new step in their relationship. And Owen receives an intriguing offer from a rival dealership. Penelope Ann Miller also guest-stars.
And if you never watched this show you can see the back episodes on HULU.com
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Really, the men should weigh in here... but just before BD, my husband expressed interest and so did I!!
The first few episodes left me...... well, it looked like a "chick flick".... but if my husband likes it, I will watch and learn. It is DEFINITELY a Mid Life Men's Show.... :)
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Last night's episode had Joe's ex-wife trying to reconnect with him.
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Have you seen " Shrek Forever After" - or as I called it "Shrek's Mid Life Crisis"?
Ex said watching it made him "uncomfortable" which now that I think a bout it is the closest he has come to expressing any awareness of his actions.
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First off don't you all get enough MLC without adding tv show to the lot, just kidding.
I tape the whole season last year and end up deleting them, I just couldn't bring myself to watch it.
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Hey OP, H expressed interest in the show just after it started and in fact, had watched a few episodes before I knew about it and they seemed to make him feel better. Now I'm hooked and I think he is too.
At the risk of sounding like I'm on a TV guide forum, does anyone know what happened between Terry and the new woman in his life? Due to the Stanley Cup game, we switched to that and I missed why she was crying and things got wierd...thanks!
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does anyone know what happened between Terry and the new woman in his life?
Looks like they may have broken up.
I guess we will have to wait until next week to know for sure.
But she got upset that his toothbrush was unpacked.
And wrote him a note wishing him goodluck with his landlord.
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Hmmm....I wonder what that was all about. And just when I thought he was with an age appropriate woman...lol!
Thanks OP! :)
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Oh sorry I forgot to mention that he is devastated, this is all on her.
Lets see what happens next week.
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Katsa - My H didn't like the Shrek movie either. He was already deep in MLC by then. Of course, neither did I but at least it had a happy ending when Shrek came to his senses. :)
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Ya know when I was channel surfing and vacuuming at the same time I saw some and wondered "how come no one on the website mentioned it" LOL OP :o
Never mind watching it ...We're living it?
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OP,
I'm glad he was hurt. Oh, did I say that? ;D
His character represents the ugly parts of the MLC even though he didn't ditch a wife or kids. I can't stand him.
Funny, I always loved Scott Bakula and was looking forward to seeing him on a show again. I guess he's doing a good job portraying Peter Pan because it's driving me crazy.
Gee, I wonder why...LOL!
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His character represents the ugly parts of the MLC even though he didn't ditch a wife or kids. I can't stand him.
I agree!
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I watched an older episode last night on the OWN network with a couple. He obviously was going
through MLC, and Dr. Phil even brought it up. This guy wanted a "poly fidelity" marriage (I think he called it)
He thought his wife and his ho should become good friends and share him.
I'll try to find more info on it.
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http://drphil.com/shows/show/665/
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That guy came back on a recent episode. I remember the original episode because it was during Sweetheart's MLC and my Stander best friend Lingy and I must have been watching it on talking on the phone together.
He's out of MLC now and the look in his eyes is gone. He said his divorce was recently or almost finalized. But it sounds like that was an end result rather than something going on through out. He seemed mature and cognizant.
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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
"poly fidelity"?????
hahahahahahhahahahaha. OMG, how did Dr Phil not laugh him off the stage?
MLC :o
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Because Dr. Phil probably secretly thinks it sounds like a good idea, LOL!! He probably asked his wife Robin if she would agree to Poly fidelity and that's why THEY'RE divorced, hahahaha!
A lot of us have heard a version of this from our husbands.... that they think they should be able to have us both....why not? then everybody will be happy!
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When did Dr. Phil and Robin divorce?
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I could go in for poly-fidelity myself, but it would have to be outside of marriage, because there is NO WAY I want more than one husband. Many lovers would be nice - one for each day of the week, I could just call them by the day allocated to them, to keep them easy to remember.
As long as I never have to do their laundry, pick up their socks, discuss their career progression or cook their food, look after them when sick, or bear their children I think it would work out really well for me.
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T,
I just knew you would! LOL!
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he didn't ditch a wife or kids. I can't stand him.
But every other woman that lives in Los Angeles. LOL :) :)
I understand why you feel that way. LOL.
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T,I just knew you would! LOL!
;D
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I noticed recently..
OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network’s new series “Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal.” This hour-long confessional/consultation series is slated to air Mondays at 9pm beginning June 6th. Maybe there will be some references to midlife crisis with either one of the spouses???
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I could go in for poly-fidelity myself, but it would have to be outside of marriage, because there is NO WAY I want more than one husband.
S&D,
Maybe in an alternate universe or another culture there would be such a thing... come to think about it, "what if" the majority of the civilized world evolved and adopted having multiple partners instead of monogamous relationship? I guess we as the LBS will now be considered having a problem instead of the other way around since we only dedicate ourselves to one partner. (he he he he)
Although there are some cultures that had been this way, we who are not used to seeing it looks at them as "uncivilized".
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Hey
THere is a great show on OWN right now 9:30 about betrayl stories...it's interesting to say the least. You get the perspective from both sides. I gotta go cuz I don't want to miss it..but I recommend it...unless it triggers you then DON'T watch. I wasn't sure if I'd watch it but it's GOOD INFO....really...ONLY SUCCESS STORIES. :)
HUGS
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I was going to watch it but I MUST watch American Chopper with S18. It's the law!
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I have heard that Jackie Calloway is on there. I have her book. Its a great story of marriage restoration.
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I watched the program. Thank you for posting about it.....Or I would have missed it.
I didn't even know I had the Oprah channel. :o
A few thoughts...interesting that in both situations the wife found out about the affair when the affair partner called her to tell her. Both men had issues about how they felt about themselves. Both had new babies (one of them twins) and felt they were being neglected.
These situations were NOT MLCs - as, after the discovery of the affair - the husbands were remorseful and could only think about getting their wife and their lives back. Neither man was emotionally tied to the affair partner to much extent.
Listening to the wives discuss their shock and hurt when the discovered the affair was difficult for me. I remember that feeling very well and the wives did a very good job of explaining how they felt.
Both men were a$$es - in my opinion. But, I am biased..... ;) ;)
Interesting program. Glad that I watched it.
Limitless
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Men of a Certain Age: Season 2, Episode 8
The Pickup
Joe does a favor for Manfro (guest star Jon Manfrellotti) that could have a lasting effect. Terry struggles to deal with the latest development in his love life. And Owen tries to keep things on the lot from getting out of control as a feud develops between his top salesmen. Penelope Ann Miller also guest stars.
Aired on June 8, 2011
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All you fans of Terry(Scott Bakula) might notice he is DEEP in the tunnel now.
He really looks BAD!!!!
His world is starting to unravel.
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Next week
Men of a Certain Age: Season 2, Episode 9
A League of Their Owen
Premieres Wednesday, June 15 at 10/9c
Owen is handed the reigns to the Thoreau Chevrolet softball team right before the season opener against a rival dealership. Joe's dad (guest star Robert Loggia) comes to visit and brings along his new girlfriend to meet the family. And Terry's relationship troubles come to a head. Patrick Gallagher and Alanna Ubach also guest-star.
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OP,
Can I tell you a secret? For the very first time, I had a tiny, infintismal, miniscule pang of sympathy for "Terry". It was fleeting though...LOL! It came at the end of the last episode when Owen and he were talking. And might I say, Owen telling him to "Grow up" was fabulous! :)
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Bon, can't say that I felt the same pang. I did love Owen telling him to grow up though. (how many of us have wanted to say the same thing?).
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T,
Remember I said I had no compassion for the MLCer? I did! For a nano second!
I guess I'm not all bad! LOL!
:)
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Just watched Men of Certain age. Can't believe Terry slept with the young caterer. He does look really lost and rough. What happened to Erin ? This is the first episode I have watched in a long time. Actually kind of ironic my H had set it up to record on our DVR .We did watch one episode together the first night it was on . So I guess I don't have to worry about missing any episodes. :o
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T,
Remember I said I had no compassion for the MLCer? I did! For a nano second!
I guess I'm not all bad! LOL!
:)
Well, progress is progress. ;D
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Update on this series....
Article on the Huffington Post...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/13/coping-with-marital-infid_n_875256.html?ref=email_share
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Limitless.... that article is EXCELLENT and my BF actually steered me to it yesterday...
The sad thing is the comments at the end of the article... by people in real life.... I understand they are just blowhards posting their "opinions" online, but it is an example of how most people THINK they would handle infidelity... that's why we get so little support from our friends and family... they think THEY would handle it better with their "self respect!!" that we don't have, LOL!!
Weird that she said he was a crazy person and "not her husband".... that she decided it was best to treat him like a friend rather than an enemy, and that she did her own work and regained her sense of irony and humor. She specifically said she hoped he would "snap out of it" and that on the family vacay she felt he was "waking up".... but the timeline of six months is short if it was MLC...
Interesting that he described himself as "feeling victimized... misunderstood.... taken for granted" in his marriage.... typcial MLC talk! That he was OBSESSED with his fantasy of a soul mate and how it blew up in his face, hahahahahahaha!! That he spent some time alone.... reflecting on his problems... I wonder at that six month timeline.... were they on the concorde? He fell "in love" with his OW, divorced his wife, broke up with OW, went of vacay with the family and woke up to his mistake in bailing on his wife all in six months?
I've got to get the book now to find out.... maybe the six month timeline was AFTER the divorce... IDK... but if it is SIMPLY written, like this article was, I feel it would be something valuable for my husband to read further on up the road... when he is questioning how he did the things he's been doing... and he might actually take a look at this one... maybe I'll ask my angels to guide him to accidentally wander into a bookstore thinking it's a bar and have that book fall down on his head, LOL!!
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Limitless.... that article is EXCELLENT and my BF actually steered me to it yesterday...
The sad thing is the comments at the end of the article... by people in real life.... I understand they are just blowhards posting their "opinions" online, but it is an example of how most people THINK they would handle infidelity... that's why we get so little support from our friends and family... they think THEY would handle it better with their "self respect!!" that we don't have, LOL!!
Weird that she said he was a crazy person and "not her husband".... that she decided it was best to treat him like a friend rather than an enemy, and that she did her own work and regained her sense of irony and humor. She specifically said she hoped he would "snap out of it" and that on the family vacay she felt he was "waking up".... but the timeline of six months is short if it was MLC...
Interesting that he described himself as "feeling victimized... misunderstood.... taken for granted" in his marriage.... typcial MLC talk! That he was OBSESSED with his fantasy of a soul mate and how it blew up in his face, hahahahahahaha!! That he spent some time alone.... reflecting on his problems... I wonder at that six month timeline.... were they on the concorde? He fell "in love" with his OW, divorced his wife, broke up with OW, went of vacay with the family and woke up to his mistake in bailing on his wife all in six months?
I've got to get the book now to find out.... maybe the six month timeline was AFTER the divorce... IDK... but if it is SIMPLY written, like this article was, I feel it would be something valuable for my husband to read further on up the road... when he is questioning how he did the things he's been doing... and he might actually take a look at this one... maybe I'll ask my angels to guide him to accidentally wander into a bookstore thinking it's a bar and have that book fall down on his head, LOL!!
I saw this on tonight and I really think it was MLC. I couldn't get a sense of the timeline but I hope to get the book. SO INTERESTING that he was a therapist....and REFUSED to leave his AP even when she had LYMPHOMA with three young kids. To me that SCREAMS MLC. Luckily in their case he had a extra nutty alienator whose mask dropped FAST and he was running in the other direction LOL! Still didn't come home but woke up soon after. Anyway I find the show to be really interesting...love that it's only success stories...Also you see through the stories in most of the affair cases their is some trigger...death, baby, something.
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Rebel, it may be on twice a day. You know how these shows are.... they want to make sure you watch.
I've been watching also. I bet we will all see a little bit of our own stories as we continue to watch.
Hugs all! :)
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Does anyone know if we can get the Oprah channel here in the UK ???
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Hi hyperglad,
I'm not sure... But the channel is called OWN, try that. Do you have Dish network, or Direct TV there? If so, you will have it.
Hope you do. I just watched the lates one that Limitless was talking about. Really good.
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A Dish SKY.....havent seen OWN though thanks anyway :)
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/own-unfaithful/Unfaithful-Stories-of-Betrayal-Premiere-FULL-EPISODE
You can find it here. Unfortunately....not available from my country (maybe only available to people in the US)? I cannot post links, but add oprah dot com at the beginning...
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YES! An angel posted it on YouTube. I cannot post the whole link, so type youtube.com directly followed by /watch?v=6BtAoWMXIGQ
Love, Dragonfly
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Finally watched the episode tonight. Been dreading watching actually because of the pain it brings back to think about it. Not so detached after all. :( :( Just as I begin to watch, H calls. I don't pick up. I'm instead tempted to send him the link to the episode but won't. Not the same sitch and it wouldn't do any good.
I couldn't stop crying while watching. The people on the show weren't going through MLC. Their H's fought to come back to them and work on the M. The OW didn't take claim to their H's but instead exposed them. So many emotions going through me right now.
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Note: Today on CBS Sunday morning they talked about Men in Midlife and lightly touched on the subject of a midlife crisis. Frankly, another gloss over. Their reference didn't touch on the wake of what we all have experienced or deal with each day in our (lack of) marriage, single parenthood, loss of financial stability, child issues, etc.
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Note: Today on CBS Sunday morning they talked about Men in Midlife and lightly touched on the subject of a midlife crisis. Frankly, another gloss over. Their reference didn't touch on the wake of what we all have experienced or deal with each day in our (lack of) marriage, single parenthood, loss of financial stability, child issues, etc.
Yes I saw this they did mention some research that is going on at Brandeis Univ. about mid life.
Here is some links for the lady doing the research.
I haven't read any of it yet.
http://heller.brandeis.edu/facguide/person.html?emplid=a2b62c935b12262ab75d8f65acb2285d91e43a91
http://www.brandeis.edu/departments/psych/lachman/index.html
http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:hK9IrN1JldgJ:www.brandeis.edu/departments/psych/lachman/pdfs/handbkofmidlifedevel.pdf+brandeis+midlife+cris&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESi_dJIpKSXbeHCr8qmeOrDeYXAfRYCeef1ztZEWoyjBmDX6qLQKxPPeZ_GodmQXm_hBXL2fiOS2duNY4-3gd6ItPkzuROjn3TC99WIqZxsM4W_uPjBSiEyBvk3Nw-g1TIS1Omv_&sig=AHIEtbSY0Z0ZwFTMru_fAP-KL2ZAZaUXEg
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Hi gang,
Anyone catch it yesterday? They talked about MLC and did a terrible, horrible, no good very bad job IMO.
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RY...
what was their take/spin on the topic.....???
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First problem was they seem to think only men have MLC's. Then it seemed as harmless as buying
a new Corvette (and I'm a Ford guy ;))
Typical shallow reporting.
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http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/06/19/sunday/main20072351.shtml
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I think you have to extrapolate what they didn't say. They said most people 85-90% do not have any type of a crisis.
Well, according to Jim Conway, the number of people impacted by a truly destructive MLC is about 10%. They focused on the "myth" of MLC. Basically saying that since the majority of the population does not appear to go into a crisis, the idea is a myth.
Well, we are all impacted by the 10-15%. We are in the minority, but it doesn't make it any less painful or real to us.
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Merged this thread in since we were discussing this topic this morning.
I put some links about it just before your posts.
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I have never seen Eat Pray Love, but I read the book. My friend's synopsis was something like this:
30 something woman wants out of her marriage to "find herself". Goes around the world (as you do) eating and praying and then finally "finds herself" in the shape of tall dark handsome man. She doesn't find herself, she finds amazing sex.
Having read the book, I have to say that I agree with my friend, I am not sure what great revelation that book gave about the meaning of life, or praying or love for that matter given its somewhat heady title. And it seems that the lady spent a lot of time and effort (and money?) doing something she could have achieved by going to a local Italian restaurant, sitting in her living room for a month trying to meditate and crying alot while avoiding other people and scrubbing the floors and then giving up her exclusion by going to good all night disco and heading home with the first attractive man that looked interested.
Aaaaah, I am such a cynic ;D
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Oooh and meant to add I agree, it is most definitely about MLC - I think the author really profitted from hers, you've gotta feel for her LBS though, her portrayal of him and her marriage was actually a bit monstery imo - and it became an international best seller. THAT is monster at its worst...
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Regarding the CBS News Story:
I just posted a comment over at CBS. I think the story was more about midlife transition and they do a disservice when they compare it to MLC as though a person should just make lemonade. Don't we wish they would just make lemonade. But some people insist on keeping life as lemons for awhile.
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http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/06/19/sunday/main20072351.shtml
Comments anyone?
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One aspect of research that keeps coming up is not the idea of AGE being a factor in the "mid-life" crisis. Rather, an event triggers the "crisis" such as death of a parent, loss of close friend, career change. Because such events begin to occur at a more frequent time as people enter mid-age, the crisis strikes. That is why we see a large range in ages but the triggering events seem to be the same.
I was surfing and came across the following resources including out forum.
http://www.midlife.com/ Click on the “Free Resources” tab at the top of the page for some decent articles.
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/index.html This site is based on a real couple’s experiences with a midlife crisis and infidelity. There is also a blog and a forum.
http://midlifeclub.com/ This site also has a forum and several other resources listed.
http://www.news.cornell.edu/releases/March01/midlife.crises.ssl.html : An article discussion more of the statistics found in the Wethington study mentioned above.
http://lifetwo.com/production/topic/midlife-crisis Nice site with lots of articles and info about midlife crises.
http://lifetwo.com/production/midlife-crisis-book-top 20-questions about midlife crisis.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/search/apachesolr_search/mid%20life%20crisis%20and%20infidelity?keys=affairs&x=25&y=8 General search results for midlife crisis and infidelity on the Psychology Today website. Most articles written by professional therapists and/or psychologists.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/health/seniors/stories/midlife042099.htm Interesting Washington Post article: “Midlife Without a Crisis.”
http://lifetwo.com/production/node/20060719-are-male-and-female-midlife-crises-different Article: “Are Male and Female Midlife Crises Different?”
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Ok I decided to remake this thread since we keep discussing this all over the board.
This should be all the posts now in one thread.
RCR did post on the CBS board with a comment and a link to our website.
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Just wanted to add that I agree with StandandDeliver on Eat, Pray, Love. Saw the movie, did not read the book. I think the synopsis from your friend is right on.
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I didn't see eat, pray love, but remember reading about the sequel -- tall dark and handsome needs a visa to live in the US; that's not so simple; she starts writing about how love really does require work, that the practical realities have to be dealt with, they end up having to get married for the visa, etc., etc., etc.
Don't know if she's got to the regrets stage yet.....
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Well Terry is back with his GF as of Wed. night,
he didn't look as bad as he has in recent episodes.
It must be those LOVE hormones.
Anybody else watch this episode?
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truth seeker I think that confirms the mlc thing..... when i first found out I joined Dr Bobs infidelity site, i was wondering why most H/W were trying to reconcile as soon as caught, while mine was going back and forth...don't get me wrong others on there were too, but MLC didn't enter my head until later, I just thought my h had an affair and because i found out it would stop :o
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Dr. Bob is GREAT!! I LOVE him!! But, for reconciliation... He is a real, sincere, GOOD GUY!! I bought his ebook, and it's great, but isn't really for MLC affairs... there is some overlap.... 8)
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Please, please, would someone who has the influence, the moxie, the pull, please encourage the media, the radio, television, the movies to put out there the devestation, the reality of a true mlc?
I can't put myself out there. Can someone call Oprah, The View, Ellen, anyone who will listen about this? The affairs, the abandonment of w (or h), the children, the extended family, is much more than the ordinary (sorry) marital affair. If it were a "normal"(sorry again) exit affair, my h wouldn't have vanished to the other side of the country and not see his children.
If we could prepare even just one future h or w or family that this is a real crisis, then the phone call or contact would be have been worth it.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have suspected my h of doing this to himself and his wonderful family. I am afeared we have great children who will carry this hurt for the rest of their lifetime and into their own families if his mlc doesn't resolve in a positive way.
H pls come back to your w and family some day. There I put it out there for everyone in cyberspace to see and hear. Pray for us, play for all of us. I am having a prayer full moment.
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30 something woman wants out of her marriage to "find herself". Goes around the world (as you do) eating and praying and then finally "finds herself" in the shape of tall dark handsome man. She doesn't find herself, she finds amazing sex.
While I wouldn't go so far as to say "and they all lived happily ever after" is a lie, it pretends that the relationship continues in the same state it was in at the end of the story. :)
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I've been reading this thread after getting RCR's latest blog on the statistics of marriage and the alienator. Boy, I
to say it opens up so many questions in my min. Mama Bear - are totally hilarious and you put a smile on my face.
My heart goes out to everyone too! I have more and more been questioning MLC as the total problem my h is facing.
I know that my h shows all the signs of MLC but he also doesn't fit the entire mold in some important ways.... Our children
are adults and he does make a point to visit them -he lives in another state but still has ties here (his doctor, dentist, barber (!!?)
friends and maybe once a week or every two weeks, he does see them. We are soon to become first time grandparents.
He is quiet on his personal life - no details. He started a relationship (ea) months before he left but only became a pa a month
before he left at which time he was no longer intimate with me...long story but he wasn't home all that much - but at our
vacation home (where he said he had "work") Our relationship had been strained for 3 months before this but there
were aspects of our relationship that he wasn't happy with long before that - again, there was no serious discussion about
his unhappiness or any indication of wanting to leave.... Gone for 9 months, then back for 7 - during the 7 our relationship became
very good (or so it seemed)...then up and left again without any warning or reason that I could see. EXCEPT he went back
to her.
So this is where I stand. Either: a. He is truly in love with her and 34 years of marriage mean nothing
b. TOTAL MLC
Choice a still seems so unlikely to me because let's face it....WHO THE HELL DOES THIS IN THEIR RIGHT MIND????? after 34
years??
I have been standing for 3 years with no change in h except for the 6 months (and he says he was "faking".) After having a great
6 months, I totally do not understand how someone in their right mind could up and leave again without even saying anything.
All I can think of is that he was too embarrassed for people to know that he left and that he made a MISTAKE! Even
though my h has a hard time admitting mistakes, could a person in their right mind create such damage because they have "pride"?
I just can't figure it out!
My divorce is imminent. I have been trying everything to stall it but can't do it anymore. I wanted to be as amicable as
possible but that's not possible anymore either simply because of financial reasons..... I do believe that he will think
I am doing whatever I possibly can to hurt him out of revenge but it's not true. I have told him this but....who knows what
his brain can process!
So confusing! I'm just moving ahead with my life as best I can because I don't really think he will come home anymore....
Sad but I can't cope with this disappointment anymore. The first time he left, I was 100% sure he was coming home eventually
but after 6 months of what seemed wonderful - if he still doesn't want me....I just don't know if he will ever come back.
Sometimes I think the second I give up, that's when he'll want to come home.... I don't hate him, but I can't love who
he is now either. I love the man I married - but he says he's not that person anymore. Maybe things in our lives have changed
and we have grown, but essentially we are still the same people, arent' we? There were things in him that I didn't love, but
I loved him and I was committed to our marriage always. Sometimes I think he never really loved me in the first place.
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Rosie, Unfortunately, you have to come to terms with the fact that you may NEVER know the answers to any of your questions. So you have to just let them go. Write them all down, burn them, have a ceremony, do something but you really may never know, so do what you have to, to pick up the pieces of YOUR life and make the best of it, whatever that means for you! Let it go, and grow on... Lots of love, Lisa
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Another episode on Wednesday and Joe gets beat up pretty bad.
I think I feel like Owen most of the time, running his fathers business in big time debt.
The only thing is Owen is younger than me and his wife isn't divorcing him.
They are saying this Wednesday is the last episode, that is my only complaint about this show.
It is too short of a season. Unlike MLC that goes on and on, this in over before I can blink my eyes.
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It is too short of a season. Unlike MLC that goes on and on, this in over before I can blink my eyes.
LOL! I can't quite figure out how a handful of shows is considered a "season" either!
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Did you hear that this series will be cancelled? The reason is based on viewership.
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Did you hear that this series will be cancelled? The reason is based on viewership.
I just watched the last episode last night on HULU.
You are correct the show is now over. Very disappointing
http://insidetv.ew.com/2011/07/15/men-of-a-certain-age-cancelled/
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That's too bad about the cancellation.
I guess the public doesn't want to watch mid life men.
Can't blame them.
L
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New TV called Happily Divorced with Fran Drescher is supposed to be a sitcom about life...where life revolves around a midlife crisis
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His marriage in tatters, troubled ex-Yankees pitcher Hideki Irabu retreated into his empty suburban LA home -- and was found three days later after hanging himself, officials said yesterday.
The 42-year-old hurler -- whose dream of major league stardom eluded him -- was found by a friend Wednesday, said Lt. David Smith, a spokesman for the LA County Department of Coroner.
"He was last known alive on July 24," Smith said, adding it was not yet clear when Irabu actually killed himself.
Smith said Irabu was declared dead at 4:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Neighbors had said Irabu's wife, Kyonsu, and the couple's two daughters had moved out weeks earlier.
"Every time that I would see him out and about in the driveway, he would wander about like someone who was down and who wasn't very happy," neighbor Mary Feuerlicht told the local newspaper, The Daily Breeze, in Palos Verdes.
"He would look like he was in a daze."
She said a sheriff's deputy and a friend of Irabu told her the hurler's wife left with his two daughters a month ago.
It was yet another aspect of his family life that had been shattered.
When he first arrived in the United States in 1997, Irabu confided he wanted desperately to meet the American dad who ditched him and his Japanese mother.
He told Japanese reporters he wanted to pitch for the Bombers precisely because he wanted to find his birth father, The Daily Sports newspaper of Japan reported at the time.
"Even if he can't meet his father, he believes his father will see him if he does well in the United States," the publication said, quoting officials with Irabu's Japanese team, the Chiba Lotte Marines.
From then on, rumors regularly circulated about Irabu's dad, a Vietnam veteran, showing up at various Yankee games. Irabu never gave the stories credence.
"I'm not talking about it," the irritated hurler would snarl through his interpreter.
But when another father figure turned his back on Irabu, it was a rejection he had a harder time shaking off.
Yankees owner George Steinbrenner groused that the 240-pounder looked like a "fat toad" when Irabu flubbed a play during a 1998 spring-training game.
Irabu apparently never reconnected with his real dad, but his stepfather, Ichiro Irabu, stood by him proudly.
Soon after his son's arrival in New York, Ichiro, the manager of a restaurant in Amagasaki, Japan, revealed he had become the star's stepfather soon after Hideki's birth in 1969.
Hideki's friend and Yankee translator, George Rose, said expectations were unrealistically high for the hurler.
"He did have incredible talent. He was a better pitcher than his statistics reflect," Rose said.
More important, he had a good heart, Rose said.
"He paid off most of my graduate-school loans with part of his World Series bonus," Rose said. "He was kind and generous and I'd like people to know that about him, too."
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How sad.
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Very, very sad.
Here's what I take from this with the full caveat that I don't know him nor do I know anything more about him than what this article states. This man has a step father that loved him, clearly had talent, and was generous as heck for a close friend.
Yet, he yearded for the people who rejected him....at least that is what it sounds like.
Sometimes I wonder if that is exactly what the MLCer does...never sees the good furtune in what he/she has, always wants more, or something else...
Then again, sometimes I wonder if it's we, the LBS's who wind up doing the same thing...being depressed over those that reject us.
Maybe its just the human condition. Either way, it's horribly sad.
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This man has a step father that loved him, clearly had talent, and was generous as heck for a close friend.
Yet, he yearned for the people who rejected him....at least that is what it sounds like.
I thought the same thing. He wanted validation from a man who was never a father - when he had a father.
I wonder why the wife moved out? If he was looking for external validation - well, you all know what that leads me to suspect. :-\
So sad that a man with children felt this was the only choice left to him.
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My daughter jsut started watching the first episodes of niptuck on netflix and said the guy was having a MLC, had OW, and something happened to his wife and he came back stating that family was more important than anything else in life. I personally have not watched the show but she knows what I have been going through for the last few years and she wanted to share.
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Matt Lauer interview on midlife crisis....
http://money.msn.com/family-money/video.aspx?vid=4035bc6a-ec42-4953-90c3-32666798e09c&from=en-us_money
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And there is a post about a Midlife Crisis and potential impact on family finances is on MSN also. Midlife Crisis seems to be in the news more these days...
http://money.msn.com/family-money/signs-your-spouse-is-ripping-you-off-bankrate.aspx?cp-documentid=6842026
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Ohhhhhhhhhh man shows what these people are capable of :o :o :o :o :o :o xxxxxxxxx
http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/2011/09/13/gIQAuzshQK_allComments.html?ctab=all_&#comments
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I like this show. Thank goodness it only shows the happy endings and not just an affair.
I have not yet discovered an OW in my husband's life. I am trying to brace myself for it, because I know that it is an absolute fact that my husband is in MLC, and it seems OWs happen sooner or later in nearly all of these instances. So I watch shows like Unfaithful and I read the stories on this board, trying to cobble together some sort of a game-plan for if/when the situation comes about. My husband is the type that once he's convinced he's fallen for you, you get the princess treatment. It makes me sick to think about it. I also am the daughter of a serial cheater and I remember suffering alongside my mother when I was like 11 or 12 while she dealt best she could with thoughts of worthlessness and depression and even suicide. Is there a way you can prepare for having the heart ripped from your chest and stomped on? Maybe I'm not helping myself by dwelling on it.
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Shortly after BD I read Andy Stanley's book The Best Question Ever. Pretty helpful book!
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Hi Whyme2,
I record Dr. Stanley all the time. Also, I live about an hour North of Atlanta. PM me and maybe we can find time to get together.
STC