Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: bluerose on October 10, 2016, 01:15:18 AM
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Just wondering if any of you believe that male menopause and the low testosterone might play a part in all this?
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Absolutely, bluerose!
I believe that is exactly what my H went through.
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I do.
my spouse was told his testosterone was the lowest our Dr. had ever seen this was just around the time of
BD.
She prescribed him pills.
Right when he moved out, he told me those pills made him feel like a young man again. (of course this was screamed at me while he was driving in a car with those horrible, mean dark black eyes flashing.)
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I wouldn't doubt that there is some role in all this for hormones. If they were used to feeling virile & strong. Having low T would be a huge blow and I've they wouldn't fully be able to explain so they compensate.
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I think there is something to it myself. I believe that this is something medical. There has to be something out there that can soften the blow with this craziness,but if they dont think that there is a problem how are you going to get them to go to the docter and check it out? AHHHHHHHH!
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You just hit the nail on the head!
They don't think there is anything wrong with them so why would they need a doctor? ::) You can't force them.
I believe maybe some of them could be helped with T meds but we'll never know. Sad really.
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FTR - I believe in this too, as a 62 year old man I can tell you that testosterone drops as age increases.
I have read Jed Diamonds books on Male Menopause and they related to me,
even though I never went through an MLC.
Much like some of the older ladies here who have gone through
menopause and not had a MLC.
It is one of the ingredients into MLC but it is not the only cause.
Or else everyone would have MLC because menopause male and female is
part of life. if they dont think that there is a problem how are you going to get them to go to the docter and check it out? AHHHHHHHH!
NOPE you can not FIX this one!
No more than I could tell you that you are not acting right because of your hormones!
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The ex had a somewhat standing appt with his Dr due to diabetes. I asked him to ask the Dr if his testoterone could be tested at the same time.
The Dr did test him.I went with him, but did not go in.When he got to the car I asked him what the Dr had said.
(I already had been online and with the research I did I was looking for the Dr to tell him a number.)
The ex's response was the dr said the test was between low amd normal.
I said to him "What was the number?"
He said the Dr didn't give him one.
So nothing was done.
And you are correct they will rarely look at themselves because they don't think anything is wrong with them.
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In it, good for you having the doctor do that. Sorry you got nothing from it.
I think now days you can get that kind of information if it's a spouse.
I could just go on MyChart and read it for myself. Would only need his password. :)
All test results are on there.
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I talked him into it when I went back so I was an ex.There was no way for me to find out or persue it any further
I won't ever deal with another man who would not have himself checked out then not follow through and try to do something about it.
I'm not sure how they form the mindset that it always has to be us with the problem.
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As it is my H has avoided going to the doctor for the past couple of years, I have no "concrete evidence". That said, he has shown so many symptoms of male menopause. I suspect it is certainly part of the equation, but not all, as FOO issues etc pile on. That said, if one's hormones get out of whack, it can, like with some women after having children trigger depression issues, which can bring out all sorts of other issues.
But, getting our MLCer to go to the doctor or seeing there is something hormonal at work? :o ::)
It is easier to believe that the rest of the world is wrong than to accept that there might be something wrong, especially physically or mentally with an MLCer.
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I am in total agreement with the "male menopause " having some play in it all. Add that to suppressed FOO issues and an avoidant personality ... and they can blow up their lives. I have proof. I tried to get my husband to go to the doctor . But he refused ( of course) . He told me " I was grasping at anything to blame it all on so I do not have to accept that he is done and no longer loves me etc ". This is also the man who slept endlessly. He would lay done on the couch and say" I am tired , this has nothing to do with depression Doctor Barbiedoll " OK.
My husband is also diabetic.. so frequently at the doctor. I spoke to the doctor on 2 occasions . I asked him if the mixture of several new medications could be making him "crazy" . He actually looked in the computer to see what my husband was taking. He agreed to do some specific blood test... in fact , he agreed to consider a brain scan. I was sooooo distraught that the doctor absolutely took me seriously and he himself was shocked at my husbands behaviour. The doctor printed off a depression questionarre and a hormone self test and gave it to me . He said. "if you can, have him complete this and make an appointment and I will check him top to bottom." I clearly remember him mumbling something about "black dog " of life . I googled it months later ..
http://articles.baltimoresun.com/1998-05-31/features/1998151049_1_midlife-crisis-howell-raines-black-dog
My husband is actually on some kind of mission about this ...( oh, by the way, I never got him to go to the doctor )
I have heard him say over and over .. " why is there no information given to men ?.Why do women know everyrhing there is to know about menopause , and men are NEVER talked to about how we might feel, what may happen, what to expect or watch for?' Where is the pamphlet for men.? Seriously, he has asked the doctor why this information is not given . He is not saying it would have changed any part of his crisis ... but maybe.
My husbnd was hospitalized with severe chest pain ( panic ) once the fog cleared . He spent several days there . And then, he agreed to do any test that was ordered. Unfortunately, that also included STD testing . His testosterone was low.
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I absolutely believe male menopause or low T played a big part in this. Add in the FOO issues, and the fact that he had bariatric surgery 3 months before he met OW, lost a bunch of weight very rapidly, and went cold turkey off of all his meds including T medicine and you have a perfect storm.
So yes I believe it plays a part, but only a part in it.
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My spouse tried the pills and now does the gel. (well as far as I know he does). But it didn't change the journey. He just went on to use his new found "energy" on multiple women and his steady OW.