Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Metal on March 01, 2011, 12:55:55 PM
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- "I ordered some food to-go b/c i'm worried i'll never get to come back to this restaurant again"
- "All Men are p*ssy's"
- "I have orgasmic fantasies about killing you" (ok, so not too funny, but.. wow. huh?)
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Metal,
You better keep that sword close to you.(http://planetsmilies.net/confused-smiley-17472.gif) (http://planetsmilies.net)
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After he told my girls he was leaving me, they went out with some friends to a fair & then to lunch. At lunch he said...
"Oh, Rediscover makes the BEST Chicken Marsala ever! Maybe she'll make it one night this week. I haven't had it in awhile."
Maybe I should make it and send it to his office...LOL!
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"i don't know if i can go talk to someone...that would be....weird" - ya, cause this situation isn't weird at all.
about the very sad story of a police office losing his life "oh man...imagine? - the poor wife and child without her husband and his dad...nothing sadder than that..." - uh huh...unlike this poor wife and this poor child...but wait, you're not dead, so i guess that's ok.
there were just so many that i can't remember right now and, although it is seemingly getting better, there was a chunk of time that my entire body would cringe when he'd open his mouth for fear that i would be put away for either physically trying to shove his foot into his mouth or for attempting to perform a home-based colonoscopy in search of his head.
we were watching a movie the other night (green hornet) where the bad guy had a real issue with people not seeing him as scary. the movie had its "laugh out loud" moments....the more juvenile humour was greatly appreciated by the man to whom i am currently married...and he had a grand old time until the villain's side kick starts confronting him about his odd behaviour and was concerned that he was going through a midlife crisis - this was met by a "hmm" from the man i'm currently married to and that was pretty much it for the laughs for the rest of the movie. now THAT'S WEIRD!! ;)
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I have to go back to the early days of my begging and pleading H to tell me what was wrong to answer this:
Me: So, what do I need to work on to make our relationship better?
H: Well, you're boring and rigid. Oh and you have panic attacks and a bad back.
Me: My bad back is a fault and a problem in our relationship?
H: Well, yes.
Me: But it's only something that happens maybe once every few years and I don't ask you to do very
much to help me when that happens.
H: I know but you can't play tennis anymore.
Me: That's a big problem?
H. No, not really. But you can't dig a ditch if you need to.
I think you can safely assume that I have never wanted/needed/been called upon to dig a ditch in my entire life. Wow.
And you can bet your bippy that I promptly picked up a spade and dug a ditch...in the "precious" and all important front lawn.
G
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Well, I've mentioned this one before, but I do think it is incredible,
"I think it would only be possible for us to get back together if we were divorced..."
Certainly an untraditional approach to building a relationship.
Another favourite was in an email to me(about the family home that he had just vacated) , "when I come to your house and by that I mean I now consider it to be your home, although much of it is familiar to me"
What? I should think all of it would be more than "familiar" to you. You lived in it for 3 years, left 3 weeks ago at the time of the message and I hadn't made any significant changes in that time. Bizarre.
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Different colored Days,
Oh my. I have had that, too. My h getting upset over something that is happening in our home and thinking it is a tragedy for someone else. Weird.
My H told me that he wanted a divorce because I refused to help co-chair a team at a cancer event in 1999. Um, I think that statute of limitations ran out on that one. BUZZZ! Try again.
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My husband's language is lettered with weird stuff:-
His Dad - he calls by his first name!
Our home - he calls it by the town we live in
My e-mail address in his address book is Mrs First name, Second Name, Surname
His sister - he cannot say her name
He has become very pompous verbose with his language and tone of any correspondance BUT his grammar has deteriorated - he texts in kids 'txt spk 'and e-mails without any full stops or comma's or capital letters (he was always very proud of his ability to write a good well planned letter!).
He heard I had a lunch date with a very wealthy man about 3 months after BD (it was lunch with a client). My husband called me and said that I was bagging a rich man and that he was now destitute because he was supporting me and our children (he isn't and never has by the way). He said I'd fallen on my feet and never have to worry about money again ......it was lunch with a CLIENT!!!!
He told me one of the reasons he couldn't live with me was because I had a verucca (yep!!) and that I couldn't make tea the way he liked it.
Mad as a box of frogs
P
xx
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They are nutz :o :o but then again I've said that so much I am beginning to feel NUTZ :o.
If you read my funny MLCer comment forgive me I've posted it before but it is just too much.
A couple weeks ago my H showed up at my house with OW minivan insisting that although the kids aren't to have contact with OW and her kids (according to our custody agreement) that it said nothing about another residence and that he was taking our kids to OW's MOTHER's house.
I told him to bring the kids back in the house if that was the plan and we would straighten it out tommorow.
He said OHMYGOD YOU ARE CRAZY! SOMETHING IS REALLY NOT RIGHT UP THERE! (pointing to his head and referring to mine :o :o :o :o :o). I had to walk away I was laughing my a** off...really I couldn't control it.
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But you can't dig a ditch if you need to.
That is hilarious. I can't stop thinking about that one.
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Last night over IM/Chat:
W: "If I said f/u i feel sure you would be offended."
Me: "Good night. Be at peace"
W: "f/u"
Me: "Love you too. Night"
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Metal...
OUCH! Wow, you are good though. Wow. I'm always amazed at what some people here can do in terms of keeping their cool. Inspirational.
Glad you liked my ditch story. I mean, this is a rational person, right? He must have been thinking of how many times in my 20 year office job, I've been asked to step outside and help the ditch diggers. WTH.
Moving Forward, what is up with the inability to use names, titles and so forth? I noticed my H was very reluctant to call me his "wife" or even use my first name for a long time. Hearing your H can't use his sister's name is REALLY bizarre. Wow.
Still, I assume that means you haven't done anything wrong since 1999? GOOD for you!
:)
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BonBon
I noticed my H was very reluctant to call me his "wife" or even use my first name for a long time.
Since MLC started, my H has only used my first name (and forget any nicknames!!!) a few times. He has used more of like a "hey you" if trying to get a response if I don't know he is talking to me. He has barely referred to me as his wife, only a couple of times on the phone on some business type call that I have heard and even that has been months.
Anyone have any ideas about why that is? Makes me feel like I am not a human being in his eyes.
Can't think of anything funny that my MLCer has said, other than things that are tragically humorous. :(
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Trusting
other than things that are tragically humorous
Our MLCers are tragically humourous and tragically humourless too.
My H never uses my name (well sometimes in emails, but not all the time and never in person). That IS odd.
???
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My H never uses my name (well sometimes in emails, but not all the time and never in person). That IS odd.
Another way so many of them are similar. Guess it is in their MLC playbook as a good tool to use to mess with us.
Some of the things my H has said are funny in that they make NO SENSE but tragic in that they are just sad. :'(
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I don't have as many good ones as I've read here. Probably because of a low energy clinging boomerang.
The best one I've heard was while we were holding hands for our Valentines Day Sunday date thingy.
W says "Our hands don't fit together, never did". Now I'm a big guy, but they fit the D4 and The D8?
I think I'll start referring to her as "Spot" from the old d!ck and Jane books.
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RY,
"SPOT"......LOVE that! :)
This lack of using our names or wife/husband must be depersonalization for them, don't you think?
There can't be any other reason...I guess....I'm glad to know I'm not the only one because it was very apparents and VERY weird.
I also notice H will see something on TV that mimics his behavior and he has no idea he's said/done the same thing to me. There is NO reality in this thing whatsovever. It's almost stunning isn't it?
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My W doesn't have the name problem.
It would seem to me, that they don't know who they are, and so they have trouble saying who you are.
Are you their spouse? or maybe ex-spouse? maybe Satan? or what?
So, they just avoid it.. and when it comes up.. they don't even know what to say, b/c they really aren't sure.
I don't think it's an insult, I think they just really don't know.
"Hey you! You can't even dig a ditch, can ya?"
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OK, mine still says "hon" and "babe" and introduces me as her husband. What's THAT mean?
They are all different I guess.
"See Spot Run? Run Spot Run"
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This lack of using our names or wife/husband must be depersonalization for them, don't you think?
There can't be any other reason...I guess....I'm glad to know I'm not the only one because it was very apparents and VERY weird.
I also notice H will see something on TV that mimics his behavior and he has no idea he's said/done the same thing to me. There is NO reality in this thing whatsovever. It's almost stunning isn't it?
I thought the same thing about the name issue! REALLY glad mine is not the only one.
My H has made some references recently to kids he knows whose parents' marriages are not intact and how that adversely affects them, about behaviors in others that HE is doing, etc. and he clearly does not seem to see the connection either. Crazy, crazy, crazy.
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Oh my how I love this! Bad girl that I am. :)
OK I have hot one just happened last night. H texts D18 a really mean spirited text which we're assuming was supposed to be sent to me discussing D and it goes something like this:
H: I don't know what's up with D, she's not responding to me, doesn't call me or tell me what's up with her. I asked her to let me know her plans and she's not responded yet. If she continues to treat me this way I'm going to have to come down really hard on her.
D responds back to H: Um, ok? Not sure what that's all about since I just got out of sports practice. LOL :o :o
H didn't reply back. But sent me a long crazy text then proceeded to send another with was even crazier. I'll spare you the long text. Trust me when I say it was NUTZ! BTW I was attending my S sports game.
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This lack of using our names or wife/husband must be depersonalization for them, don't you think?
My H stopped using my nickname and began using the more formal version of my name when and if he decides to call me by name. Which is not that many times. Mostly refers to me as the third person.
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Ok, so is it winding up that female MLCers use names and terms of endearment and male MLCers don't?
Hmmm.
I'll have to contemplate that while I'm digging a ditch by the tennis court. Hahahaha!
TS,
I'm sure it was fun to hear an MLCer ream out your daughter for not answering/responding...because we all know MLCers are so great at doing what they're supposed to do, right? OY!
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Ok, so is it winding up that female MLCers use names and terms of endearment and male MLCers don't?
Hmmm.
That was my conclusion, too.
Enjoy digging those ditches! :)
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My clinging boomerang husband started out with NO name at all, then calling me by my name... then after my initial 180, tried out "baby" and "my love" through texting only... NOW, he's back to "honey" which I said felt normal, but that I would prefer he use my name... more like a lover... that confused him, but he's trying hard not to call me honey and asked if "baby" was ok.... I told him I like "baby". So now I get a lot of "honey... I mean LG". :)
For the record, I LIKE honey.... it's what I've always been... HOWEVER, he's been having a ROMANCE with someone else for a year so I need him to see me DIFFERENTLY than how we used to be. :)
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Shortly after BD, one of the reasons my H gave for why he was divorcing me was that I never brought a cake to his workplace. :o
This also occured during one of his many rants about all my faults:
H: "you never even planned any events at (his workplace)"
Me: "what are you talking about? What kind of events?"
H: "If you supported me, you would have planned some special events"
Me: "You've never once mentioned wanting to have an "event" or wishing I would plan one? How can you be mad at me for refusing to do something you never asked me to do? This is the first I've ever heard of it."
H: "You should have thought of it on your own"
To this day I still don't know what the heck he was talking about, but I guess it's divorce-worthy!!
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My H told me that God preformed the first divorce when He kicked the devil out of heaven!!! :o
I couldn't help but to kindly inform him THEY WERE NEVER MARRIED!!!!
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okay- as a fellow bad back person the ditch story is priceless!!!!
here´s mine:
one of the reasons H said he was leaving was b/c I refused to lower the sales price of the house. I said that I did not recall a conversation in which he asked that I do so. His response was that there was no conversation b/c he knew I would be against it. He informed me more than five years after the fact. How can he hold me accountable for not doing what he wanted when he did not say what he wanted?! Is that not the crux of the matter for most of us?
Then there´s the: I want to spend more time with my mother. My response, I´m okay with that. H´s response, no, I want to live with her. Good grief. I consider standing because????
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So, another piece of the puzzle maybe? MLCers never were clear in the things they wanted or needed?
They assume and mind read?
Feedback?
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LOL! initforever. That is priceless! Isn't it amazing how they turn scriptures around to suit them?
They apparently don't even listen to themselves while they're talking! If they did, they would realize how stupid they sound!! :)
faith,
Your h sounds a little like mine and this story reminded me of something stupid h said to me. Last year right after he abandoned me, he said one of the reasons he left me was because I refused to go fishing with him.
Me: I never knew you wanted to go fishing.
Him: I love to fish!
Me: Then why am I just now finding out that you love to fish?
Him: Well, you must not have been paying attention.....because I want to fish all the time!
Me: Hmmmm. How would you do this when you don't even have a fishing pole?
Him: I do, too. It's in the garage.
Me: Since when?
Him: Since we got married.
Me: So, let's see if I've got this straight. You own a fishing pole that in the 33 yrs. we've been married I have never seen or heard you talk about?
Him: Yes.
Me: And you love to fish so much that in these 33 yrs. I have yet to see you go anywhere with this supposed fishing pole?
Him: Yes.
Me: So, your complaint is that I kept you from doing something you have always wanted to do that you never mentioned to me with equipment that you have that I've never laid eyes on?
Him: Yes.
And he said it all with a straight face!! :)
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Too funny Conveantkeeper ;D ;D ;D ;D!
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My H told me that God preformed the first divorce when He kicked the devil out of heaven!!! :o
I couldn't help but to kindly inform him THEY WERE NEVER MARRIED!!!!
LOL!!! I really hope these stories keep coming because knowing I'm not the only one hearing these absurdities is great therapy!!
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First CKeeper replace fishing rod with tent and i had a similar conversation with my H - but to add to it he didn't take the tent with him he bought another one and the gunk that goes with it ..last August he rang me all miserable he was off camping (booked it 7 months before) at a cycling festival with camping and it was pouring with rain.. he said, ' I don't want to go' I said then 'Don't' but he said ' I have paid for it' .. so I just said ' well lets hope it stops raining then' Ha ha
My H is also paranoid at times .. he for about 2 = years until recently we think has had a thing about the landlady not wanting anyone to stay at his apartment ... D he told when she stayed - 'be very quiet so the rest of the building wont know you are here' D said 'OK so no parties like last time hey?' he went berserk until she pointed out she was joking and thinking mad man at the same time.
But she stayed last week had a dinner party and he said nothing so maybe the paranoia is on its way out. ??? ;D
Others:
he said when I asked him where he'd been in a general conversation
'I don't want you to know where I have been or who with or anything about me'
so i am not going to tell you ....
i replied OK
Then months later - he said 'why don't you speak to me' I said 'because its hard to have a conversations when you can't chat bout what you have been doing etc'
he said what do you mean and i repeated his words - he said I didn't say this..
the craziness goes on ............
B
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When I gave H the waiver on the divorce apers I explained that I had my lawyer write one up instead of the standard one he gave me so I wouldn't lose my right to be notified of any court dates.
H replied, "That's fine. I trust you. You know more about this stuff anyway."
WTF?
???
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Me: So, your complaint is that I kept you from doing something you have always wanted to do that you never mentioned to me with equipment that you have that I've never laid eyes on?
Him: Yes.
And he said it all with a straight face!! :)
This is a riot and sounds like something similar going on in my situation with my own fog-brained H. I swear I wish I could RECORD him sometimes saying the things that he says.
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These are priceless ;D Wed2, you're doing a wonderful job of finding some interesting threads that haven't seen the light of day for a while :)
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my xh said some pretty idiotic things
the week I found out about the affair, XH, my daughter and I were watching The Heartbreak Kid
There is a scene with Ben Stiller is in bed with his new wife. She is going all crazy on him, and he is having a hard time with the sex. It looks as f he is in pain.
Stupid xh looks at both me and my daughter and tells us that is how it is with ow/now wife. and laughs.
My daughter and I remained speachless.
Xh was always trying to find fault with me. Once he even complained that I cooked. Having a cooked meal everyday turned out to be a problem.
but I do know the the day he chose between me and the ow. He was upset that I was looking at the sign to determine if we were allowed parking there. He turned to me angrily and said that ow was a free spirit and would leave her car anywhere, and if it wasn't there when she returned so what.
he is still really messed up, it has been four years. He lost his job a year ago and seems to be having a hard time finding a new one.
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Not using our names: My H said I wasn't "human" to him.
Weirdness he used to say (my friends wanted me to keep a tape recorder. I wish i had):
H: you were a good wife. I'll write you a letter of recommendation.
Me: Thanks! I can't say the same for you, however.
H: can you believe OW called me a "cheater"???
Me: isn't that what you are?
H: NO!
H: OW is like you, like you used to be, only better.
H: remember you wanted the divorce, not me.
ME: Hello, you left me.
H: I don't want this.
Me: Ok, i'll stop it. come home.
H: or maybe we should get it over with.
Me: which one is it?
H: can you wait till June?
Me: what am i waiting for?
H: for my image of OW to crack.
H: you spend too much money
Me: I'm a spendthrift, I hardly ever spend money on myself, you know that...
H: Yes, you are a spendthrift. why didn't you spend more money on yourself? You should.
Me: so you WANT me to spend more money??
H: No, you spend too much.
Me: Ok, lets start from the beginning. Give me an example.
H: (thinks hard. eyebrows crossed. vacant eyes search for something). Food.
Me: What food? You eat the most.
H: I know I do, but you spend too much money on other food.
Me: me ok, what other food?
H: (looks pained when he thinks. brain hurts). WATER. YOU BUY BOTTLED WATER.
Me: You mean the case of water I buy every six weeks on sale for $2.99?
H: YES!
ME: What do you suggest?
H: Use sink water.
Me: Done. I will now save us $2.99 every six weeks and refill old bottles with carcinogenic sink water. Problem solved.
and this one at BD:
H: you never want to go away on trips.
Me: we go away 2-3 times a year. We just got back from Europe.
H: yes but I wanted to go away for Christmas.
Me: we got snowed in.
H: that shouldn't matter.
Me: you're leaving me because it snowed?
H: well, yes, I guess. And anyway, where were you when i was stuck in the house?
Me: shoveling.
H: Oh yeah. Why didn't you want to go to Venice though?
Me: we just got back from Europe. I thought we'd try a new place.
H: No no, you didn't want to go away and you plan for them too much.
Me: So you're leaving me because I suggested we go somewhere else, but you interpreted that to mean I don't want to go away and if I do go away I'm the one that prepares for it. and that's a reason to abandon your family?
H: I guess. It sounds different when you say it.
or
H at BD: The kids can't do anything.
Me: Like what?
H: drive.
Me: one is 16 and one is 13. they're not allowed to drive.
H: yes but you can encourage them.
Me: next i see them I will encourage them to break the law. What else can't they do?
H: fry an egg.
Me: you want they should fry and egg? I will put each of them in front of big flames to make an egg for you, 'cause they don't eat fried eggs. They can microwave something.
H: they can?
Me: Yes, for years. you got anything else? anything? Did I try to kill you in my sleep or something, because I'm missing something...
H: No, you're great. Nothing's wrong with you.
ME: but you're leaving. Cause I'm great, and the kids can't drive or fry an egg.
and lastly:
H, toward the end of tunnel:
H: I know what I'm doing is wrong. Why can't I come home?
Me: You're asking me? Ask your girlfriend.
H: No I can't ask her and don't call her my girlfriend.
Me: Ask the person you're shtupping.
H: she's just a friend. But I can't let on that's something's wrong.
Me: you can't confide in your "friend" that you left me for? sounds like a good solid relationship you got there.
H: you don't understand...
Me: you're afraid.
H: what am i afraid of?
Me: you tell me.
H: No, YOU tell me. I can't think anymore.
H is home and doesn't remember the specifics of any of these and other ridiculous conversations. he'll say, "I said WHAT?" But H is still capable of some whoppers. H just said to me "Isn't it great that after all these years i never got tired of you and wanted to leave?" I look at him curiously. H says, "Oh yeah, except for that one time..."
angelgirl
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OMG Too funny.
Angelgirl LOL I got soda up my nose thanks. What am I wating for? My image of OW to crack. I Love it. That's what I feel like I'm living right now. OMG.
Once after my H reappeared after 6 weeks post BD we were walking in the driveway through the woods. He was a tad behind me. I heard him mutter " Just so you know I never cheated on you."
I stopped walking turned around and said " Hon, you're having an affair!"
He says (smiling and cute) " Oh yeah" ::)
I'll think of more later.
Oh another thing, when he first appeared after BD he gave the Ds some movies (DVDs) One was Blindsided with Sandra Bullock. :o :o :o
At least it wasn't Mission Impossible :o :o :o
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I got a big kick out of reading some of these things that our MLCers have said. You know how it's usually the MLCer that says ILYBINILWY? Well my H told me that one of the reasons he left me was because I was the one that said that to him!! WTF?? Yeah, I would have remembered that one. :o :o :o
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From mine:
H: I've been unhappy for years, I don't remember the last time I really loved you.
M: I never knew, why didn't you tell me sooner?
H: Because I just realized it two weeks ago.
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How about
H: We should just friends. I am with a REAL friend now.
Me: But we're married.
H: Remember you always said 'why can't we be friends and just raise the ds together?'
Me: I never said that.
H: My brother said I abandoned you guys over there. Where does he get this stuff from? He said you were all about getting a lawyer and going after me.
Me: If you send me any blue paper from a lawyer I'll throw it in the garbage.
H: Oh, good that's what I thought. ::) ::) ::) ::)
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Ladies, you guys crack me up!!
I guess my W must be like a male MLCer as she seems to say and do more crazy crap than all the female MLCers combined.
Angelgirl, it's great not only to hear your stories but that your H has forgotten even saying all that crazy stuff!! It makes you realize that they really are in a fog.
L & S - Keep 'em coming!! So great to see your sense of humor lighting up the board!!
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OK, one for the topic ... on top of all the crazy and absurd contradictions I've heard from one breathe to the next, I love, love, love it when they start grasping at staws for lame excuses to make contact. Here is a text I got about a week ago, around midnight:
H: One of these days this week can you please loan us the hamster ball? D11's mouse cage is gross and I need something to put it in while cleaning?
I didn't see the text till the next morning and when I stopped laughing hysterically, I wrote back:
MMI: Sure thing, will bring it to the rink tonight.
OK, sorry, but shared custody of the Hamster Ball has to be one of the lamest excuses for contact that I've seen so far. BTW, he still has the hamster ball ... and I need to clean their cages but ... alas, I think I'll run over to Wal-Mart and invest the $5 to buy another one.
As Stayed so nicely puts it ... you just can't make this stuff up LOL :P
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LOL L&S and MM&I! Those were too much...
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LOL! These are too funny! I will try to recall anything that my H has said that is funny. Mostly it is just confusing and sad.
My H never calls me by name - EVER. I am mom - but never me. I noticed this early on. I did not know why but it kind of ticked me off. So, I started making sure that I stated my name whenever I had to call him, or if I left a message. Ex. Hi H, this is Stayingthecourse.... I made sure to start every phone conversation this way, and I also made sure to use his name in every conversation we have had. I no longer tell my kids to, for example, "ask your dad," If I do refer to their dad I always call him by name.
I think I initially started this because I felt so displaced already, and then to have H not use my name, made me feel even more invisible. Now, I have just gotten into the habit. Funny that H has just started to notice that I do not refer to him as dad, in maybe the last couple of months or so. He has not said anything, he just looks at me when I do this.
And I know that he is actually seeing me when he looks. LOL!
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H - I'm really proud of myself. I have never cheated on you in 24 years. :o
Me - You are cheating on my now!
H - Oh!
H - She's just a friend, a roommate.
Me - Friends or roommates do not sleep in the same bed!
H - no response.
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H: EVERYONE is going to think I'm mental when they find out I've left you. You're so amazing, you deserve better than this
Me: Well, why are you leaving then? And why are you acting badly?
H: I'm too sensitive for this life....... and I can no longer live by your morals ........ or your kids morals........
Me: They used to be your morals too, and the kids are also yours (H -look of confusion)
H: There's nothing at all wrong with me, I'm not going to take medication
Me: Who suggested medication?
H: Well, everyone thinks I'm mental for leaving you ???
Hmmm - not much has changed in 20 mths then!
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Gosh, I did not think it was funny when it was being said, but i am glad it makes other people laugh. I am glad that he was not unhappy enough to actively notice his unhappiness, despite NEVER being happy - if that makes any sense.
Sigh.
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Aww L&S. *hugs*
It's funny because it makes no sense. That's the point. It's crazy. It's conflicted. It's not true. Those were two completely conflicting statements pronounced in utter MLC seriousness. Hence the utter absurdity of it all.
And I know it's not fun or funny at all to live through the reality of being told all of this garbage. But looking at all of these posts online, I swear we could write a script with this. Oh wait, it's already been written...it's the MLC script! Ack!
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L & S,
You HAVE to find a way to laugh at all this madness, and if we're not at a point where we can laugh at our own sitches then we have to laugh at each other's. I think Mamma Bear and LC lead the way in finding humor in their H's and the actions they do and things they say. They really are so out there that they can't be anything but crazy. It's kind of like how people who have family members with Alzheimer's laugh about things the family member said, yet they still love them and feel for them just as much. We all can find humor in life if we just look for it. For instance, I know it's painful for you and do not mean to minimize it at all, but every time you mention that your partner is wearing a fake wedding ring just cracks me up! What adult does that? It's like two little kids who say "Let's play pretend" and then put rubber bands on their fingers and say they're husband and wife. I mean seriously, what adult would wear a fake wedding band?!? Is it like a Friendship Ring? I think we all grew out of those about 8th grade didn't we?
For me, I just had to laugh at the fact that my W told our D18 that if she spent then night at her apartment then she would have to pay. When D18 said "WTF?" W replied, "Well, you don't think you can just stay there for free, do you?" Yeah, what teenager who jut graduated high school thinks they can stay with their parent a night rent-free? ALL OF THEM!!! And then, just the other day when I made a comment to W that her lawyer friend could be my friend to:
Me : He can help me move the TV.
W: He's my friend, not yours.
M: He can be my friend, too.
W: He doesn't want to be your friend!! He's my friend!
M: Why can't he be my friend to? What have I ever done to him?
W: What have you done to me for the last 20 years?
M: That's what I would like to know!!
W: (Lawyer friend)'s a very passive-aggressive guy who avoids conflict at all costs.
M: Well, do you know what the technical term for a guy like that is?
W: What?
M: A P_ssy!
W: (Laughing) I thought you would say something like that!
Way to take up for your friend, there, Honey. I could write all day about the stupid crap that she has said, but I usually try to just delete if from my memory banks. She's nuts, plain and simple.
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Gosh, I did not think it was funny when it was being said, but i am glad it makes other people laugh. I am glad that he was not unhappy enough to actively notice his unhappiness, despite NEVER being happy - if that makes any sense.
Sigh.
Wouldn't it be great to have the kind of "unhappiness" that doesn't even register inside your mind and takes YEARS to catch up to you? That must be "fog unhappiness". Or FU.
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I just told my H the line about the fishing pole in the garage.
H says, "Oh yes. I get that."
ME: You do?
H: yep. That's code for "I'm lonely."
Me: Here's a thought, how about saying to your spouse "I'm lonely" BEFORE the act of abandonment?
H: I didn't say it was rational. It's just what it meant..
: )
anglegirl
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There's a CODE now????? Oy Ve! ???
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wow, this is awesome stuff! I so wish I had one of those... Or maybe like many, I've just mentally blocked much of the crazy... Then again, considering the low energy (if it's possible) off-and-on that my W appears to be, there's really not enough comm to get any of this stuff... or maybe... I have some new, unique type that is simply "so extremely mild MLC that they almost seem exactly like the person that you M, but only a little more extreme and they hate your guts for no apparent reason" type.
Anyhow, this might also go in the scripts we've heard, but it certainly ranks in the funny / crazy category:
W: I don't want to end up like my parents...
OK, for the record, my W almost generally sounds reasonable, for the most part... especially in public.
M: We aren't your parents...
Now for the break down:
+ W's parents split for one year when W was about 13
+ We split a few days before D13's b-day
+ W's mom had her first child out of wedlock
+ D13 is not my bio daughter
+ W was never M prior to me
+ It is very possible that W's mom had an A prior to D FIL about three years ago
+ W definitely has had an A (ok, not huge, but there's more about this)
+ MIL went on to M the man she had her first child with (awww... isn't that romantic)
+ W's current OM has the same name as the man she had D13 with
+ MIL most certainly dropped the bomb on FIL, which he was blindsided with
+ W... well, stands to reason...
+ I guess if I can ensure that W does not end up like her parents, I best not get back together with her
+ W, in 11 months has only said she agreed to D once... otherwise, she continues to say she does not want D or is unsure... but of course, she does not want to be M... ???
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I was living in Canada and xh was working in California
we emailed each other regularly
xh used to sign "love you miss you with xxxx
one day I noticed he signed of with his name and xxx
a few days later it was regards and his name
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Conversation with Dearheart today
DH - I have never lied to anyone
Me - What?
DH - name one person who I have lied to
Me - ow every day for the past 18 months
DH - How have I lied to ow?
Me - So she knows you sleep in my bed, F*ck me
DH - yes
Me - great I will phone her up and compare notes then.
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Oh boy, just spent a happy 30 mins reading these!! Angel girl, I laughed out loud ... too many to mention really cracked me up.
My H ... my D made a chocolate cake recently ... he said she had used the 'wrong' eggs for the cake ... he called her up about it, and didn't let it go for days ... the 'wrong' eggs! Crazy
Early on I also got ... 'why can't I have two families?" from him, and ... 'I've been faithful for 22 years' ... so what do you want, a medal??
He was talking to a mutual friend a few weeks ago " I wish I was as happy as lpxpe is' he said wistfully ... 'everyone feels sorry for her and the girls, no-one feels sorry for me' Er ... yes friend says, that's because you had an affair and left them. Duh!!
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Two extremely funny things from H this week, with D10.
He told D's that where he lives is secret (after 13 months we still don't know). To avoid taking D10 to his house he dropped her off at Grandma's house while he went home to get his remote control car (yes, he now plays with remote control cars). After they got to the park he realised he left the controller, so he took D back to Grandma's house so he could go home and get it.
They were driving on Grandma's street and saw a home for rent, he said I should rent that house. D said that would be weird to live near your parents. You could chat and have coffee while watering you lawn in the morning. H said, "It will be fun when you and your sister are older and you live next to me and your mom."
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just recently:
H: why didn't you ever take me to Joe's Pizza? Ow took me there. (He looks down sheepishy and wiggles his feet)
(I think: ????? Still comparing me to OW???old boring mommy didn't take you somewhere special????)
W: Well, if you're a good boy, and wash behind your ears, Mommy will take you there.
angelgirl
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Rediscover...
H said, "It will be fun when you and your sister are older and you live next to me and your mom."
At least he's planning for the future.... Better go rent "It's complicated" LOL!!
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In one of our *rare* talks after BD he said to me very calmly over the phone *just don't have any kids* ( we never had children ) :-X .
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Remembered another ... a year or so ago, I was looking to book a holiday for H our 2D's and me ... I found a great place in Greece ... Me: Hey there's a great holiday in Greece, come and have a look. (on the computer)
Him: I don't want to go to Greece, there's no culture there.
Me: Erm, Greece is one of the most culturally rich countries in Europe.
Him: Well I don't like that kind of culture. Anyway its too hot.
Me: OH ... well what kind of culture do you like?
Him: Spain.
Me: Spain is hot too.
No comment!
The girls and I went to Greece, we had a great time, he didn't want to come. The day after we got back, he went to Spain, and I later discovered OW joined him there.
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On a recent court appearance, outside we got to talking about how tired he looked and about his son not wanting to meet OW.
He said "I hope you don't think I knew her before I left the house.
Me "It doesn't matter when you met her, it is still an affair"
Him "No its not"
Me "Its OK I forgive you for it"
Him "It doesn't need forgiving"
Last week his Mum and Dad came up to stay with him, they took our Son out for lunch, on returning I was in the house getting ready for a night out, (In the Bath).
He Phoned the next day
Him "What you did to my Mum and Dad yesterday was Wicked and Unforgivable"
Me "What did I do, I didn't even see your Mum and Dad"
Him "Your attitude"
BIZZARE!
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Or how about 'one of the reasons I left you was because you didn't smile one day when I came home from work'
Ohhhh kay
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H to D: (6 months ago) - you should not have any children its bad for the planet ok (she is 21)
D: What!!! you have children ..
H: Oh ........ (long pause) yes I guess I'm not a good role model .. so sorry I had children!! cause if I hadn't Id be a good role model for you ??
D; Difficult one Dad as I would not need a role model
H: why?
_______
H again to D: few days ago- Why did you buy three box's of cereal?
D: well one I like One you like and I got one for free
H: I don't like the one you got me and you have wasted money its a con by evil supermarkets to make you buy too much food
D: But its the one you always buy
H: I don't like it - think I must have bought by mistake ..
D: ok Ill eat it then
H: what about the other one
D: Ill eat that too its got an 18 month sell by date so think I can eat 3 box's in that time (D lives with H at the moment) they are small ones
H: you are a spender
D; goes to her purse takes out he £3.65 (value of cereal) and gives it to H
H: what is this
D: cereal money
H: you are silly and gives her it back
This evening she tells me she comes back and he is eating he cereal He hates
_____________
H: to me - when I say good by after we have met for a drink and need to get back to me hotel
You are your own worst enemy
I look at him in confusion and say what are you talking about
H: Oh it must be me then I'm my own worst enemy
the sad thing is this is the tip of the iceberg but I am tired or could fill a page or .......
night
B
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Today mine said "Hey ya know we never even talked about all this." Then shrugs and smiles like a teenager. I didn't say anything :o :o :o it's 8 mos post BD this week.
and when referring to a store "You should go there. It's nice. Trust me I would never steer you wrong." :o :o :o
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Bewildered, You are funny.. I am laughing so hard from your stories ;D The picture of your H sitting there eating the cereal hard me howling. Thanks...I loved.all of the stories. Your D must be like my D They get it with this MLC..They look at H like :o :o :o
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Bewildered.... you and your husband need T-shirts that read "I'm with :o" and the other one " :o"
Mamma.... he would "never steer you wrong" ????!!!!
They have scrambled eggs for brains....
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Bewildered ... ;D cereals ... ;D made me laugh out loud!! Hilarious!! Also the don't have children role model!! ::) Thanks.
Mine said to my D's last year when he lived here ... ' why do you have to use so much water when you have a bath? Can't you share anymore' He also told them continuously about turning lights out. (they were 12!!) One evening I came home, my D was in the bath with 2 inches of water ... in the dark! To keep her F happy she said.
However, last night when he was here while I went out ... I came home at 9.30 to find every light in the house on and 2 D's sleeping in front of the TV! They had both had a bath separately of course!! Guess it doesn't matter now I'm paying the bills.
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I think this may be my favorite thread ..need to be able to laugh some more ...........from my MLCer
H: I cant live in this house any more as I have cycled all the lanes (he was manic about cycling) around it and need to find new lanes, streets etc
Me: :o
____________
H: speaking to me on the phone, always has a get out line for the start this one was ..
Hi I have just been for a run so am cooling down now so called .... but will have to go soon and get a shower
Me: fine we chat on and I cant get him to stop and need to to as only so much idle chit chat is possible so I say you must need your shower now I guess so I'll let you go .. he says
H: No I'm fine have all night to chat
Me; Panic I am out of steam and then D comes in and I say Hi to her he says
H: who are you speaking too? slightly angry,
Me; Daughter - hey D do you want to talk to Dad? and pass phone over saying Lovely to chat take care bye
D: on phone for 30 seconds hangs up
Me: why that was quick ??
D: Dad says he needs a shower?? :-\
_________________
H asks D to help him with a work project - a cultural ecological event, for his company re her doing the promotions and communications stuff
D: Dad how do you want me to tie in this event with your business and promote the company
H: 'Its not about the business I just want to save the world'
D: :-\ :-\ :-\
H: twits about how he is doing this event and blogs about him doing this event ??
Guess his fellow directors thought ??? spending their money to help him ave the world
event - success rate out of 10 a 3!
and pays D for doing nothing but 10 minutes on writing his tweets about himself?? she was ;D ;D ;D
_________________
D: staying at her Dads 9 months ago (his apartment being decorated so at a rented one)
Hey D should I get some food for tonight? what do you want ?
H: yes please Pizza with pineapple (hated this before)
D buys and gets to the rented apartment and finds out he has only a microwave?
he cooks it in the microwave result
floppy soggy yuk pizza - he eats is D goes out for hamburger!!! tells her its good!!!!!
_________
Things he did and some he still does
Did
shout at us for walking on the wooden floors - noise below then buys a static cycling machine which sounds like a tornado .. neighbours complain to him about the noise????
we said the shower was broken in the apartment he told us we were spoilt 18 months later - new shower, says to S - the other one was useless
Does still ...
washes his clothes irons them folds them back into his suitcase? doesn't hang up his clothes
eats the same foods when home -
goes out every night to any thing going
says he doesn't watch TV and so wont have a TV set event when D asks for one but he has sattil/cable on his laptop which he watches
-------------------------------------------------
going to work now more another time
B xxxxxxx
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Yep ... my favourite thread too ... you have to laugh!!
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Throughout this rollercoaster ride H has said he has to be alone. He thinks he'll be happier off alone- perhaps he's meant to be alone ???
He shares with me though that one of his biggest fears with ending the marriage ( which yes has been rewritten to make me sound like a horrible ogre & I am to blame)..... you guessed it ..being alone!! :o
Guess that's why OW is there by his side!
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Here are another couple of H's comments that made me go ???
I once asked him what he wanted in a marriage ... his response "exactly what I have with you" :o
or
when he said "I'm a great wife he knows any man would kill to have me as their wife " :o
What can I do but go :o :o :o :o :o with all my firends here!!
Believer
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He shares with me though that one of his biggest fears with ending the marriage ( which yes has been rewritten to make me sound like a horrible ogre & I am to blame)..... you guessed it ..being alone!! :o
I once asked him what he wanted in a marriage ... his response "exactly what I have with you" :o
or
when he said "I'm a great wife he knows any man would kill to have me as their wife " :o
Believer, are we married to the same crazy man? LOL. Only difference w/ my H was he doesn't say fear of being alone he says fear of the unknown. ::) Ya gotta love it.
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Great thread!
Mine said "I just don't understand how everyone else thinks what I am doing is so wrong when it feels so right" - talking about OW.
BECAUSE IT IS WRONG!!!
Also "I just feel so bad for OW kids, that is why I am spending so much time with them and doing so much stuff for them. Their Dad just isn't around and doesn't act like he gives a &*#@."
... Oh you mean exactly how you are treating your own kids!?
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Text from H during a 10-day trip I'd taken to get away from H in Monster to me for months
"Let's have kids..." :o
YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP, PEOPLE.
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Mine is in my driveway fixing my tailgate hydraulic door opener on the minivan. I start to fry up some onions bc he is going to help the kids with HW and I wanted to give him a head start with the perogies(I took them out of the freezer his Mom made them special) I was coming back to work. He comes running into the kitchen carrying a desk he found at a yard sale and he's moving everything around :o :o
Out of breath at one point he says "Oh what are you doing? Cooking. If I'd known you would do that I would've fixed an amp or something at the other place" :o :o
I put the spatula down took my soda and keys and flew away........ Sat in driveway for a couple of seconds and D11 said "He looks confused with a capital C" He comes out "oh where'd she go?"
I said "I was trying to give you space and not fry onions while you carry a desk." :o :o
He says "Oh no it's OK I am sorry. I didn't mean to chase you off." He looks pale and pastey and confused. Really nice though. Stuck his arms and head almost IN my van saying "Good Bye"
I can not believe how lost they actually are. OWs MUST see this. It's all so surreal. ::)
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This was a txt I got from H in August ..." Hello. Forgot to say I had an alcohol free day yesterday, first time since my colonoscopy. I am going to try and do it more often. Bye. x" Don't know why but this made me laugh out loud!!
Another txt .." Grass looks nice. House looks nice too. What a lovely place to live. Are you having a lovely meal in the restaurant. I'm in the bar, the beer is nice and the crisps are gorgeous. I will be gone in a few minutes. Night" My daughter went through to say hello (and pinch a gorgeous crisp!) but he had gone already!!
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H posts to FB how this is him and he isn't going to change no matter what blah blah blah.
That's great, too bad you didn't say you won't change before you COMPLETELY CHANGED.
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Hey Anj,
It's great that he at least understands how hurtful the lack of a father is to kids. What's not great is that he doesn't look in the freaking mirror!!
And I wonder too why anyone would think something he is doing was so wrong when it feels so right to him. I'll bet murder FEELS right to serial killers, don't you?
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My H, a few months after inexplicably leaving our room to sleep on the couch every night:
"All we are now is roommates and I'm sick of it! I'm sick of you being a roommate to me!"
:o
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Thought we might all have a few more by now ........ :)
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This is way too funny. Before BD husband never said my name. Then after BD would begin sentence with my name and end sentence with my name. I finally had to tell him stop saying my name. In 25 years you haven't said my name as much as you have in the last 10 min.
Then there's this, after BD.
Me: what's going to happen to the girls, do you ever worry about that?
H: They'll be OK, I came from divorced parents and I turned out OK. :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o
All I could do was shake me head and think, oh really your just fine. >:(
C
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The script is classic isn't it! ;D
My H too used my name frequently after bombdrop and in the first few months after he left home.
as in 'Kikki, we're separated Kikki - people do it all the time ........
Me - really? People usually have a discussion about it first .......... usually .......
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How about I saw him 4 times this weekend in the house and driveway..talking..laughing...cordial. He gets the Ds to his apt 2 miles away and sits them down and says "So How's Mommy?" :P
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Me: You better not have given me a STD.
H: That's impossible. OW hasn't had sex in 10 years. I'm her first.
Me: How is that possible?
H: Well, OW is so beautiful, that she's gotten really good at fending off the attention of other men.
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So glad to see this thread back! ;D
Two months ago my H was seen by a friend of mine with his most recent OW. I sat on this info. for a while but later texted H that I thought it was time he tell our teenage D's about his girlfriend. He keeps telling all of us he's a great dad and doing nothing wrong, so I told him it's time to give up the double life and tell them about her. Now that he has been seen with OW, better they hear it from him than someone else. His response:
Too bad you never loved me, you never wanted me....(on & on). "Now you try to keep me with guilt tactics and hatred. Who wants to stay for that?"
??? Huh? Who said anything about trying to keep you? I'm just saying you need to come clean about your girlfriend. :o
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Yeah, I got the first name constantly repeated too right after BD. Even his mom noticed it and commented about it after they found out he was moving out. He never called me by name before.
Now he doesn't even acknowledge my existence even during baby drop off...that may actually be better though than hearing "WH....blah...blah...WH"!
He's said most of the classics too...only I've gotten to hear the Spanish versions of many of those beloved MLCer lines. They don't sound any better in Spanish by the way!!
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oh I had the opposite of that - my H didn't use my name AT ALL for about 10 months - not in person, not in correspondance. Once he called me by a nickname accidentally, but other than that NOTHING! I finally told him I found it disrespectful and I would appreciate it if he used my name. Crazy...
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With Hope
He's said most of the classics too...only I've gotten to hear the Spanish versions of many of those beloved MLCer lines. They don't sound any better in Spanish by the way!!
FWIW, I have heard them in Portuguese! All the classic lines... It appears that MLC knows no boundaries :-\ :o :o ::) ::)
My h. now uses my name (before he would always call me love, lovey, etc - you get the picture, NEVER my name) except last week in an email he said hello ??? It was a nicer email so maybe he reserves my name for monster outbursts ???
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Mitz...like a parent when they say Catherine Ann Margaret.... they say the FULL name bc they are mad!!! >:( lol
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Too bad you never loved me, you never wanted me....(on & on). "Now you try to keep me with guilt tactics and hatred. Who wants to stay for that?"
Faith- the last part of the sentence ( in red) about trying to keep him is how he feels about OW right now more than likely.
The first part of the sentence "Never wanting him yadda yadda" is what they have to feed themselves to make the break.
And they hang onto that delusion like they hang onto the edge of the bed ::)
OW feeds the delusion and gives him all the "poor babys" reneforcing the "She never loved you, I love you so much yadda yadda".. ( pass the barf bag)
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Me: You better not have given me a STD.
H: That's impossible. OW hasn't had sex in 10 years. I'm her first.
Me: How is that possible?
H: Well, OW is so beautiful, that she's gotten really good at fending off the attention of other men.
Gag a maggot.
My H stopped using my name too. A few months after BD I was trying to talk to him a bit about what was happening in our relationship (HUGE mistake) and I said his name twice inside of a few minutes, he was like "Stop using my name!" Like I put holy water on him!
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Mitzpah - I thought that EVERYTHING in Portuguese sounded good...guess the MLCer can even make Portuguese sound bad. Nuts. (Eu falo um pouco portugues mas compreendo muito...it is such a beautiful language.)
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With Hope
Mitzpah - I thought that EVERYTHING in Portuguese sounded good...guess the MLCer can even make Portuguese sound bad. Nuts. (Eu falo um pouco portugues mas compreendo muito...it is such a beautiful language.)
LOL!
The problem is not the language but what is being said, I guess, and MLC is ugly.
Great to meet another Portuguese speaker! ;)
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Yeah... not only ugly but multilingual- Oh Joy ::)
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I like your perspective Mamma...it is like when we say the kid's full name when we are mad or want their full attention! H doesn't do it as much anymore...because he rarely says words to me at all since I apparently no longer exist...but in the beginning it was "With Hope...blather, blather, blather...". I used to LOVE it when he would say my name, if introducing me to someone or something...he has an accent and there was a particular way he said it that was different from everyone else. NOW it sounds like a drill sergeant..."With Hope, I'll be dropping off D2, two hours late because I feel like it...". Barf.
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My H said this to me in an email today referring to our daughters. I was trying again (unsuccessfully) to work out a holiday visitation schedule with him.
"They haven't suffered loss of anything except the fact that their father isn't living in their home" :o
It's not really in the "funny" category, but shows how sick and completely VOID of compassion or reality he is.
There are some days I am just overcome with guilt for the father I chose for my kids.
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All, wow, did I need this thread...wished I had found this months ago. You all are cracking me up and putting a huge smile on my face. Thank you so much for continuing this.
So some on my side...
*found receipt for hotel stay with OM and confronted W. Stated she had never been to that hotel and the OM must have put that in her purse as he rides a motorcycle and didn't have a place to put his wallet. Sure...I am sure he put more than his wallet in your "purse"*
*W said that OM wants to watch me and W having sex. Hmm, let me see...no, derranged!*
*W said recently that S23 had hurt her feelings very bad and he needs to have remorse and apologize for his transgressions...um, repeat that again really loud and look at me when you say that*
*W during early stages after BD would text with "..." and emoticons. S17 told her to stop and calls her the "dot dot dot" woman. I called her the "teenage texting terrorist"*
*W asked if she moved away and worked in another state that I would let her stay with me when she came to visit the kids...yeah, right since you are paying child support and entitled to suck up more of my resources*
*W and I before BD have always called each other by nicknames...after BD she did for some occasions call me by my first name and when I did the same to her she was quizzically surprised. She asked why and I said it is disrespectful to me to call me by my first name and so if we are going on first name basis so be it. She said she always calls me by my first name...rewriting the verbal history*
standanddeliver "I think it would only be possible for us to get back together if we were divorced..."
same here, since MIL had MLC, divorced FIL...years later to remarry each other...should have seen this coming when we married anyway
Metal...ha ha ha, love my teenage wife tag line...i cant stop laughing at that...agreed
*W continuously states that she looks in the mirror and sees her mother staring back at her...no, she doesn't look like her mother at all (ew, thank God) but it is really funny how she acts just like her mother and can barely stand her mother anyway*
*W told kids in a monster event that if she wasnt informed of what they needed, she couldnt provide or try to provide...nice one, since I have tried to ask for things that I want/needed from her but she will not comply*
*W: I can't stand liars...hmm, didn't you lie about OM continuing even after admitting you were "done" with OM...yep*
*W: I want another baby, I am almost at the age where I am too old to have one. I want a dog, I want a cat...um, which is it...how about a baby cat or a baby dog...will that suffice? Come talk to me when your brain is not full of rainbows and unicorns when you grow up*
*W: it just happened...sure like was said in here and I mentioned to her...so all of a sudden both of your clothes flew off and you both fell down, tripping over something and tab a fell into slot b right?...she didn't like that one bit*
If I have more or think of more...I will update. Keep up the humor all...great therapy.
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They are all so self-absorbed - I don't think they think about anyone elses feeling at all...
My H hasn't spoken to his S since 5 September 2011 and didn't send S a text or anything at Christmas or New Year...so when S sent his Father an email on another matter he asked if he'd had a good Christmas...H's response?????? Not yes and I hope you did too...etc...but H replied and said: "Yes I managed to take 3 days off from my frenetic work schedule"
What??????? what kind of a selfish, self-absorbed, ludicrous response is that?? to a S he's never even bothered to speak to for 5 months....
Foxy xxx
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There are some days I am just overcome with guilt for the father I chose for my kids.
I used to actually apologize during the height of the choas last year for this. I would tell the girls I'm so sorry I married a man that would do this to the family.
*W said that OM wants to watch me and W having sex. Hmm, let me see...no, derranged!*
These fantasies must get pretty whacked.
I found an email in which ExOW said she would NEVER forget what ExH had asked her to do...and she would have nothing if not her self respect...let's see she spent part of her life as a hooker in New York City .....so I'm really curious as to what he wanted her to do that she found so repulsive.....Can't imagine there isn't much she HASN'T done..hmmm
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Metal you where TOO COOL. LOL
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*W: I want another baby, I am almost at the age where I am too old to have one. I want a dog, I want a cat...um, which is it...how about a baby cat or a baby dog...will that suffice? Come talk to me when your brain is not full of rainbows and unicorns when you grow up*
This is hilarious! Glad to know I am not the only one who gets the I-want-a-child-dog-cat noise from their MLCer; just another grasp at elusive "happiness".
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I particularly loved the day my h sat me down and with great sincerity told me that I needed to stop being in denial and come to terms with the fact that we have too many incompatibilities and always had. He told me that while he and OW are perfect matches for each other, I need to accept that I am too smart, too deep, too clean (his hygiene got funky after BD), and too healthy, and that I like to read and connect with people. I asked him if he was criticizing me or helping me write a future dating ad? He just looked at me and said, "I feel bad for you that you cannot accept these truths." I calmly, and with all sincerity, thanked him for explaining all of this to me and acknowledged his perfect compatibility with a dumb, shallow, dirty, unhealthy person who cannot connect with people. He just nodded in appreciation that I finally understood. ??? ???
Phoenix
P.S. Anyone else notice that the forum's spell check tries to replace the term "MLCer" with Ulcer? How apropos.
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P.S. Anyone else notice that the forum's spell check tries to replies MLCer with Ulcer? How apropos.
OMG! LOL! That cracked me up!
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P.S. Anyone else notice that the forum's spell check tries to replies MLCer with Ulcer? How apropos.
oops! that should have said "replace" not replies. ::) I fixed it in my post.
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I calmly, and with all sincerity, thanked him for explaining all of this to me and acknowledged his perfect compatibility with a dumb, shallow, dirty, unhealthy person who cannot connect with people. He just nodded in appreciation that I finally understood.
That is very funny Phoenix ;D
Just remembered, after reading Wed2 on Mama's thread - talking about her PJ's, that a few months before BD, my H complained on many occasions, that he only liked it when I wore BLACK clothing! Asked me to get rid of anything else out of my wardrobe :o :o :o
You can imagine how well that went down with me :P :P :P
I guess he knew Death was on it's way or something???
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I guess he knew Death was on it's way or something???
H's and OW's pet names for each other are: Gomez and Morticia (from the Addams Family--is that familiar to you in NZ?) I can't begin to imagine the significance of that. :o
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H's and OW's pet names for each other are: Gomez and Morticia (from the Addams Family--is that familiar to you in NZ?) I can't begin to imagine the significance of that. :o
OMG Phoenix - that had me rolling around on the floor laughing ;D ;D ;D Yes, am very familiar with the Addams Family.
How do you know this with a vanisher? Are these people for real? ;D :P
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I particularly loved the day my h sat me down and with great sincerity told me that I needed to stop being in denial and come to terms with the fact that we have too many incompatibilities and always had. He told me that while he and OW are perfect matches for each other, I need to accept that I am too smart, too deep, too clean (his hygiene got funky after BD), and too healthy, and that I like to read and connect with people. I asked him if he was criticizing me or helping me write a future dating ad? He just looked at me and said, "I feel bad for you that you cannot accept these truths."
Hahahaha!!! My MLCer does this ALL the time! Gives those exact kinds of answers that have nothing to do with the question asked. Even after all this time I'm still amazed at how the same they all are.
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Has anyone else's MLCer developed a new vocabulary since losing their minds? Mine loves to compose long, attacking and shaming texts and emails for me and repeatedly uses words I have never heard him use in our 22 years together. Some include:
Strive - I need to strive to be more positive. Strive to move on. He strives to be the great dad he's always been.
Children - our 14 and 17 year olds are now only referred to as "the children". Before BD they were the kids or the girls.
Saddened - he is saddened by everything I do and say and saddened when things don't go his way. Always saddened.
Stance - he is always "adopting a stance" of some kind or other
::) ::) ::)
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Yes!! I never could put my finger on it, but you are so right! My W uses words that were just never part of her vocabulary and I always wonder what she's been reading. Oh wait, I know what she's been reading. It's the script!
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Now that rings a bell -- like Thundarr, I couldn't put my finger on it.... but I, too, was wondering about the way he was writing.... now I see.
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(Sung to the tune of The Addams Family)
They’re looney and they’re kooky
Delirious and goofy
Their OPs are so pukey
A spouse in MLC
Their outfits are ugly and
When people come to see them
Their dead eyes come to greet them
A spouse in MLC
"I must be happy" bullsh!t
They do their best to find it
They whine and moan and boo-hoo
Their texts and calls make us blue
A spouse in MLC
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Nice one Wed!! You are very quick and clever :)
My H has just arrived ... sat down with a book in his hand (Happy for No Reason!) then he said, you know there's no-one round here like me, who I can relate to. Mmm I said how do you mean? (We live in a quiet fairly affluent village in North England, where people mainly have a good lifestyle.)
Well, he said, there's no-one ambitious who wants to make money, they all just have careers and a family. Mmmm I said again ... is that all they have, oh poor them!
What is in that brain of his at times!! I had to laugh to myself of course!
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(Sung to the tune of The Addams Family)
They’re looney and they’re kooky
Delirious and goofy
Their OPs are so pukey
A spouse in MLC
Their outfits are ugly and
When people come to see them
Their dead eyes come to greet them
A spouse in MLC
"I must be happy" bullsh!t
They do their best to find it
They whine and moan and boo-hoo
Their texts and calls make us blue
A spouse in MLC
Okay, that's funny. And to answer your question Kikki, they exchanged cards and notes during the time H kept living in the house AND having the affair. He didn't hide stuff, unfortunately. Nothing like seeing your husband's handwriting to your "Friend" and her familiar hand writing back to him (shudder).
Phoenix
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LOVE the song Wed...hilarious. Of course, I will be hating you later when I am still snapping my fingers and hearing the Addam's Family tune running through my head!
My "favorite" new trait in my H is his evil, sarcastic laugh..."oh, WH, you need to face reality and move on" [sarcastic laugh]..."you are crazy...we put together a visitation schedule for D2 so we don't have to communicate" [sarcastic laugh] (by the way, the visitation schedule clearly reads that it is a FALL-BACK schedule if parties can't agree to negotiate the weekly and holiday schedules)..."everyone know how you really are and understand why I had to escape" [sarcastic laugh] (really?? that's why everyone has come to me and can't understand how he lost his mind...even his own family!!!).
Back in July, he got mad at me over an issue with HIM not communicating about visitation schedule and when he dropped off Daughter he screams "I'm SO much happier without you"...let's just say that the veins sticking out of his forehead did not look very happy...the rage-filled screaming didn't either. But what do I know.
I got the "move-on...I'm happy now...face reality"...and one of my favorites, from an email he sent me in November..."I was living a lie". I don't even know what that means honestly! Isn't that something you say when you're about to tell someone that your gay? OW is ugly but not a dude.
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The talk about a different way of talking. My h now says OKIE-DOKEY all the time. Never heard that before. Isn't that something someone about 8 would say?
Just saying................
C
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to answer your question Kikki, they exchanged cards and notes during the time H kept living in the house AND having the affair. He didn't hide stuff, unfortunately. Nothing like seeing your husband's handwriting to your "Friend" and her familiar hand writing back to him (shudder).
Yucky!!! :( :( :( :(
Nice lyrics Wed :)
With Hope - I have only just pieced this together now, but I too got a lot of the evil, sarcastic laugh. Still randomly appears, but less so now.
It's very disconcerting
'Moving on' is one of his favourite subjects ........... along with 'moving forward'
Haven't heard the 'I'm happy now speech' for quite some time. He said to me a few weeks ago that he's drinking because he's so miserable.
But said to the boys during a cofrontation a few weeks ago, that he's glad he moved out because he's 'so happy now'. Although in the next breath, said to them that he wakes up feeling so sad he cries most mornings, because they are not with him.
S14 said 'that doesn't sound happy to me Dad!'
Jeepers! Don't you think he'd be able to make up his mind about all of this by now???
Oh and let's not forget. The above confrontation was after my H telling us all he'd finished things with the OW.
A few weeks later, he was screaming at the boys because they refused to have anything to do with her.
When he asked why - they basically said that she isn't a nice person to have done what she has done.
H screamed that that was 'discrimination, and that Hitler didn't like the Jews either' (huh?).
The boys said that he was pretty scary, but despite that they had to try not to grin .........
He was comparing them to the evil that was Hitler :o :o :o Nice !!!!
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So Kikki, what you're saying is that he didn't always compare your children to evil dictators who committed genocide? Maybe he was just pointing out that OW was as innocent as the Jews were. Yeah, that. Lol!!
I got the laugh too, but hadn't focused on it due to the crazy evil crap she was saying. It's simply amazing what they all do.
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So Kikki, what you're saying is that he didn't always compare your children to evil dictators who committed genocide? Maybe he was just pointing out that OW was as innocent as the Jews were. Yeah, that. Lol!!
Think you're right T, poor innocent little lamby OW!!!! :o :o :o
That laugh thing was a little disturbing. Are you still questioning MLC Thundarr??
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I'm still questioning my own sanity in the face of such madness. Believing it's real doesn't mean I can yet believe its really happening to us.
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I'm still questioning my own sanity in the face of such madness. Believing it's real doesn't mean I can yet believe its really happening to us.
I can understand that :-\ :-\ :-\
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Well this isn't really funny but kind of shocking. So our son has been having some health issues. The Dr. has determined his issues are from emotional trauma. The Dr. suggested that our son stay very active. So our son asked his father 2 weeks ago if he could start coming down every Saturday to spend time with him. H said, sure buddy. I knew better but kept it to myself. So H was down last Sat. and I just knew he wouldn't come again today. Thursday our son came home from school and was excited that his father was going to come down again this Sat.. I told him he better call his father and discuss it with him. So he did. He asked his father what time he would be here on Sat. H replied, I am not coming. Son said, but Dad you promised me you would come every Sat..
H said, well things happen, I can't come. Son said you never keep your promises. Now this is the shocking statement, H said,
Son, I can't believe you are treating me like this! :o :o :o :o :o
I could see the disappointment all over our son's face. Son said to his father, fine Dad, I will find someone else who wants to be with me, someone who wants to take me to do some fun things. And then my son hung up on his father. :o :o :o H never called his son back.
I am so pissed at him for turning this around and making his son feel guilty when all our son wants is to spend more time with his Dad. The nerve of him saying that to his son who he only spends 10-12 hours a month with and after he abandoned us, he has the gull to say that. :'( :'(
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My heart is broken for your son.
I feel nauseated since reading that.
I think you're going to have to step into your son's now-empty father role to the best of your ability, befriend his friends' parents, take him to do fun things, be light and have a sense of humor as much as you can.
Though your heart aches for your son (my heart aches for your son and I don't even know him) you cannot let this emotion color everything, you cannot try to punish your H with your son's pain.
I think for now you make every effort to not let your son get his hopes up. Do not allow your son to ask his father to make empty promises--do not put your son in a position to be manipulated, even if to prove a point to him, to yourself, to your H.
That is done. Your H will make it very clear when he is ready to be sincere.
This makes me so sad.
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Thanks Cali ~ My heart is broken for my son too. :'( That night when my son was going to bed and I was in his room checking to make sure he was ok, my son said to me, Mom, does Dad love me? :'( :'( I told him yes, his father loves him very much and that he is lost in MLC land. Son said, I know Mom. My son knows all about MLC. He sets me straight a lot of times. :o It's so cute for a almost 14 year old boy. Yet it is still so sad that his father chooses work and OW over his own son.
I do take my son to do fun things but he really wants to spend more time with his father also. Our Therapist told me that right now at sons age, it is so very important for boys to have their dads in their life. Now is when they learn all about morals, trust, integrity ect. and that a father in kids life at this stage is more important that ever. Sadly, about 6 weeks ago, H and son were eating out and some how they got a the subject of integrity, morals and trust and I don't know what was being said exactly because I wasn't there but our son told me his father said to him, I don't need integrity and morals. :o :o I don't care what people think! That had to be guilt talking. But what a horrible thing for H to say to his son. Thank God my son knows better and he does realize these things are very important.
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NB, can your son spend time with his friends' fathers?
I think it's important for our boys to have good male role models who are happy/contented fathers and husbands. It may hurt them to think, "Why can't MY dad be like that?" but the behavior modeling will be profound even if it's not their own father.
Gah, this is so sad!
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Cali ~ My son's BF's father died the same month as my BD, Feb. 2011. My son has become very close to his Therapist. He tells him everything and the Therapist is now life a father figure to my son. I wish he had time to spend with my son outside of Therapy but he doesn't. He sees at least 50 people a week and he is married to it is out of the question.
My son has also gotten very close to his G'pa, my father. He calls him once or twice a week and my father has been great at trying to teach him things that his father should be doing. So has the Therapist. As a matter of fact, the Therapist told me Christian was asking him things about sex ect.. You know things that a boy should learn from his Dad. The Therapist asked me if H has done this yet? I said no, not to my knowledge. The Therapist just shook his head back and forth.
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RED FLAG, NB!!
Make sure you check in with your son re: therapist!
Gah! That kinda freaks me out.
Ask your son if the therapist ever makes him uncomfortable??
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I totally understand what you are saying but thats not it. You see, my son was having some health issues. Had to take him to a specialist and because of his symptoms the Dr. wanted to do a few test. One of a cystoscopy. Well I didn't know this but my son was so embarrassed about the Dr. seeing his private parts an that he had real anxiety about going to the Dr.. He kept telling me he wasn't going to go and I said yes, you have to have these tests done. He never told me why he didn't want to go. The Therapist then opened up to me and told me that son was very nervous about the Dr. seeing his private parts. Thats when the Therapist asked me if H has had any discussions with son about the birds and the bees like a normal parent would do. I told him no, not that I am aware of.
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Ok, schwew!
I feel better.
Poor little dude.
My boys struggled with doctors seeing their privates. We had a good laugh about it. What can you do? Nobody likes sharing their privates with the doctor! ::)
Well, I let them decide, male doctor or female doctor? Their physician is a middle-aged female, very motherly-looking, and that's most comfortable for them.
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