Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses

Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: Azioni on January 20, 2019, 01:57:46 AM

Title: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on January 20, 2019, 01:57:46 AM
Again, I've reached the magic number to begin a new thread. So my journey continues. Thank you to all for the support as I navigate these reconciliation waters.   8)

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9795.0
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on January 21, 2019, 12:06:21 AM
Attaching to support you see your H's progress (hopefully) ::)
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on January 21, 2019, 03:44:05 PM
I'm triggering badly today. Told me he has a rash between navel and groin. I am not in a good place tonight. My mind is racing a mile  minute.  We spent the whole morning together running errands,  had lunch out,   and he calls me while I'm by myself out grocery shopping to let me know this,  and that he has made dr appt for Wednesday morning.  As he was driving to work he calls to tell me this.

I've checked computer, phone, and GPS records and nothing out of the ordinary.  It sucks that I have to do that, but 'trust but verify' is the mantra I live by.

Now I'm seriously wondering about the roses he gave me early this morning. Sad, but I guess I have to wonder is just a lovely gesture or a possible guilty conscience. My next appointment with IC isn't until next week due to my schedule.

Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: barbiedoll on January 21, 2019, 04:37:09 PM
I am sorry Azioni. I too have had times like that . It is a PTSD arousal state and that is very very hard to calm down from. It is horrible to live in suspicion and mistrust . When that happens to me , I remember 2 things .

1. I will be 100% absolutely and totally fine ...NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES! I am STRONG, I have done my BEST and I am not responsible for ANY CHOICES HE MAKES ...in the least. Somehow that is incredibly calming to me.

2.  I tell him . I tell him what is happening to me, what I am thinking and how I am feeling. And I am learning that it is actually a way to apply self-care...asking for what I need. I have a right to ask for what I need and it is up to him to respond accordingly ..or not. I just refuse to sit in unrelenting anxiety that will turn into anger and I will attack without fail. If I need re-assurance ...I ask for it. I look for ANYWAY to stop the trigger ...otherwise, I go into extreme ( very extreme) fight or flight reactions or a panic attack . Such hell is this . I am finding this happens to me less and less....

How long have you been reconciling Azioni?  I do not know your timeline , but I think it is similar to mine .
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on January 21, 2019, 05:12:50 PM
I totally agree 100% with #1!

#2 is much harder as he decided to tell me when I have no way to talk with him about it. Not sure if that was purposefully  done for avoidance, or not.

About 7 years into this now.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on January 21, 2019, 07:03:10 PM
Sorry this triggered you Azioni, hardly surprising though?

Offer to have a look for him.  He didn't tell you so you could check up0 on him, he told you for support.  At least you'll see it's a heat rash or similar and offer solutions for him rather than feeling he is cheating or doing something wrong.

I find looking for positives in every interaction helps the doubt and unifies you as a couple.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Whyus on January 21, 2019, 11:45:50 PM
Being triggered when you least expect it is the worst. Sorry Azioni, i understand your concern all too well but I agree with SF. If it was something bad then he surely wouldnt have told you about it. Hes looking for your Support with this so be strong and be positive. Its most probably nothing but once triggered the brain goes into overdrive and expects/suspects the worse case scenario.

You got this.

Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: UrsaMajor on January 22, 2019, 03:59:59 AM
Attaching to the new Thread.....

I agree that, if the rash had been due to "misdeeds" he would have said NOTHING about it....  Too much guilt and shame, especially in the reconciliation process....

Could be heat or an allergy (change in laundry detergent even) or, depending on where you are tin the world, he managed to get into contact with some irritating plant and then had a scratch (you know the Michael Jackson kind of "scratch") and it spread....

My B did this with poison ivy once...

I got a rash from fibreglass insulation once too on my butt when I was a kid because the fibres went through my swimming suit... embarrassing to say the least...
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on January 22, 2019, 04:22:49 PM
I agree. If it was misdeeds he would have hidden whole thing. It is that he just doesn't see how things like this can trigger me. We spent hours together prior, so could have told me anytime during those hours. Probably would not have triggered me like it did. Hopefully he will be home from work before I fall asleep so we can talk.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on January 23, 2019, 02:08:18 PM
I fell asleep before he got home. Spoke with him for a couple of minutes after I finished work today as he was about to begin his job. I asked about what doc said. He has 2 hernias :o .  I was like huh??!!  That he said it was a rash. Well, it turns out that telling me while in a crowded store was not a good move on his part. Really should have told me when we were face to face that day, then we could have avoided the misunderstanding. Meanwhile, now he will need surgery in the next few months for this.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on January 23, 2019, 06:21:43 PM
Hopefully your H can have these fixed soon, Azioni.

Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on February 01, 2019, 05:59:19 PM
Surgery is tentatively scheduled for late next week.

Saw my IC. I'm having some conflicting issues I'm trying to work through. He had his A as I was dealing with painful surgical recoveries. So it is raising some upsetting issues that I need to confront and deal with. It's a revenge response I'm dealing with. Back story, I was left to deal with excruciating pain, waiting on h to bring home my script. But he was busy on phone with ow (found from phone records after bd). Not to mention all the time spent with ow while I greatly needed his assistance, but was left to struggle while he made time with ow. I know it isn't conducive for me, or him, to feel this way. It's the "get even" demon that is rearing its ugly head.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: barbiedoll on February 02, 2019, 05:20:06 AM
I am sorry Azioni that these triggers seem to go on and on and on. Out of the blue , some extremely entense at times , others just come to your awareness and float by. Years later we are so affected by the choices made by someone else. How unfair is that?.

My husband was diagnosed with stage 2 kidney cancer about 5-6 months after he returned home. Prior to that he had 4 surgeries for kidney stones ...that is how they found cancer. He came home straight out of hospital from chest pains and severe anxiety attacks apparently. For more than a year I "had" to look after him...unemployed, very sick and lying trickle-truth him. And I can tell you ...I was one angry nursemaid . I felt like I "lived" in 24 hour a day triggers ...because I did. Just to watch a nurse with her hands on him was trigger-making...no matter how illogical that was . I wonder what these OW's do with sick men?  Would she have cared for him sick with cancer, no money, sleeping round the clock, no chandelier swinging sex? He just was not that much fun anymore . Triggers still happen to me 5 years later and I believe likely forever. PTSD is something we can learn to manage, cope with, heal from in may ways ....but I am not convinced you ever are "cured". There are always going to be triggers...BUT they do soften over the years . Some times triggers just make me cry now instead of reactive rages. A very deep anguished sadness of all that has been lost . I am so glad you are seeing a counsellor because we do need help and insight as we try to heal.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on February 08, 2019, 03:20:58 PM
Very weird day.
H had surgery today. Came through fine. He's home and resting.

While in recovery,  maybe it was the meds, he began to finally break his silence about the time around the A. I mean really talk like he hasn't before.  Says he just doesn't understand how it all fell into place. That even 2 weeks before it happened,  it would be inconceivable for him. He just doesn't know why he made those decisions. Why he felt that I didn't love him, when looking back, I clearly did. It makes him sick to think of it all. That the ow was someone who is clearly a psychopath.  Someone who plotted and planned for the first opportunity to infiltrate themself and inflict damage to not only a M, but to systematically go after each member of the family to try to destroy them.The fact he exposed our kids to that person, brought her into our life, gave me an STD from her....is something he has not nor probably ever can forgive himself for. He just continued on and opened up as never before. Said he started thinking all this last night before surgery. I admitted that surgery is a trigger for me, and he says he now has a better understanding of how those feel.

Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: UrsaMajor on February 08, 2019, 11:28:36 PM
Drugs or no, the dam has been broken and that can only be positive I think. With his admissions, he can now begin the process of forgiving himself and forging a new future....

That's sometimes the hardest part of the whole end game for the former Mid-Lifer and it's where weaker ones turn and bolt headlong back into the tunnel....
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on February 16, 2019, 01:23:27 AM
Crazy week. Work, shuttling our oldest around (since he doesn't drive-by that is a different story :) ) , plus keeping 3 big dogs out of our room so they don't step on his abdomen. The pups don't understand why they cant be with their daddy. Then Wednesday night H started with a fever.  It took a few hours to break, but I stayed up most of the night monitoring.  So I took off the next day. Thursday we saw dr and he thinks it was not surgically related.  Everything looked good. But H still had chills, but no fever into Thursday night. Late Thursday I hit burn out with exhaustion.  Took off Friday too. So no Valentine for us.

The last part was almost a relief. I hate getting cards since BD. I think Hallmark is missing a huge market in the post-infidelity. Cards remain a huge speed bump that I cannot navigate without either sarcasm or trigger depending upon the day. It just seems so disingenuous after it all, so sappy. I used to love these things. I do know what killed it. It was the first bday card post BD, just 6 weeks post BD. H wrote these beautiful sentiments in what I thought was beginning of steps towards R. During my FBI phase, found out he was with OW again the very next day despite telling me he was NC. Contact continued for another month until true NC was then established. I'm not sure I will ever be a true Hallmark shopper again.

Meantime,  H is doing better.  Even though he hurts a bit still, he did bring me breakfast in bed Friday morning.  A bowl of oatmeal. He said I looked exhausted Thursday so he wanted to make sure I ate. Especially since I kind have missed meals here and there running around to make up the slack with work/kids.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on February 16, 2019, 11:20:46 AM
Shouldn't post so early in the morning. Especially without my glasses. :P It's our youngest who doesn't drive. He just doesn't feel comfortable with that part of adulting yet.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Mitzpah on February 16, 2019, 11:50:41 AM
Shouldn't post so early in the morning. Especially without my glasses. :P It's our youngest who doesn't drive. He just doesn't feel comfortable with that part of adulting yet.

That's my middle s25
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on March 09, 2019, 05:33:37 PM
Its been a hectic few weeks. Loads of work at work.

We made a decision.   We are selling the vehicle he drove OW around in. Have already begun looking for best way to get the most money for it. The goal is to have it gone sometime this month.  This has been a proverbial thorn of a trigger. Our youngest originally wanted it, since it is paid off,  but recently changed his mind.

I'm so glad to get rid of the last of the material things. Our home was a new build, new furniture in it, and new cars; all post BD. So this is last "thing" we have from that time.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Reinventing on March 09, 2019, 11:38:54 PM
I'm glad you're selling the car.

I agree with the Hallmark dilemma. Too many with the words "always" and "forever" and their synonyms.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on March 10, 2019, 07:22:05 PM
The car seat is one of my triggers too Azioni, anywhere the ow sat, I am going no-where near.

Sooner it's gone the better.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on March 24, 2019, 05:03:37 AM
So, we are still trying to sell that "other" vehicle. In the meantime,  my Kia's engine began to fail. Kia knows there's an issue  and has open quiet recall that is replacing engines. The caveat is the engine needs to knock or seize. Mine is burning through oil (not leaking, turning to sludge) and gasoline, and almost zero acceleration.  So we brought it to Kia for oil change, service noticed power loss but offered no solution. So over lunch hubby and I did.

If we could find a new vehicle and keep payments the same we would trade it in. Well we did, so we did!! Hubby wanted me in a safe vehicle .

We even tried to trade the "other" vehicle in,  but it was too old and we were not giving it away for $100. It has new tires on it alone worth more than that. Plus our son is using those proceeds towards his first car. We have asked a local mechanic to help us sell that one
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: barbiedoll on March 24, 2019, 04:33:13 PM
When I discovered OW a lot of things "clicked" in my brain. I finally knew why the passenger seat was always in a different position and I was always e-adjusting it. I asked him more than once why the seat was different . Well, he is a liar afterall...he told me I was "paranoid and nuts".

We also sold a vehicle to get "rid" of the dumpster - dive OW he drove around with . I understand .
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on April 02, 2019, 12:15:38 AM
I'd hate to think I sat in a seat one of the ow's did, but it's possible.  He must drive the current ow around in the new car and I would never sit in that seat either.  I'm not sure why it makes me so angry, it just does.

XH would have to get in my car and have me drive because sitting in his is a bit NO from me. (Not that he's asking ::)  )
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Songanddance on April 02, 2019, 04:46:55 AM
I think it's a possession thing about us.  That was "our" car seat before OW and it has been usurped and so we want nothing to do with it.

I have had the same feelings but since OW has been long gone my triggers are considerably diminished.  Fortunately there is little need for him to drive me as I have my own car and access to my S's and D's if needed!
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Mortesbride on April 02, 2019, 12:53:10 PM
Our original family car I purchased with an inheritance I got from my father's passing, and put it in his name, but I was the purchaser (UK).

Years later, and a few days after BD I found out he was driving around in it with her.

I took the car off him.

And then I traded it in, and got a new car, in my name.

Screw those OW cooties.  8)
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on April 05, 2019, 05:53:57 PM
I am so glad that I'm not alone in this car thingy.

H had driven OW around in this vehicle.  He had made out with OW in it. Drove it to go to OW, well you all understand.  Initially  we could not afford a new vehicle.  I had to settle for covering the seats and trying not to be in it. That's changed. We have new vehicles. Our kid doesn't want it anymore, they want something different.  So the timing is right to get rid of the last material thing from that time.

Today, my exterminator called saying he may be interested. Came to take pics. Then, my lawn guy who was here to do our lawn, told me about a local auction that is held 2 times a month. If the first falls through, we are going to go to auction with it. It will hopefully be gone in the next month one way or another. Good riddance!!

We do have to go see family soon. That puts us right back in the same city of the A. I love visiting the family, but my stress still goes up.  It's a double edge sword. Part of the gift that keeps giving. Ugh!! Or maybe I'm just triggered as not 1, but 2 songs came on with the OW's name and a couple that glorified cheating while I was in rush hour traffic. At least satelite radio has lots of channels to change to!
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on April 11, 2019, 03:25:17 PM
There is a plain of lethal flatness that a forum talks about. That it is possible to hit again and again in the long recovery process. In IC we are discussing this. The "why" I seem to keep coming back to this plain. What is it that puts up the stop sign on my feelings? Why can't I seem to not leave, but rather circle back to it. I'm standing in the middle of that plain yet again. I'm holding a map that I cannot seem to decipher to find my way out and get back on the path from it.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Acorn on April 11, 2019, 04:30:43 PM
Hi Azioni, thank you for sharing your feelings.

Would you mind describing what ‘a plain of lethal flatness’ is in terms of:

Your emotional state?  No joy, no sadness, and just ho-hum?
The way you feel/not feel toward your H?
The way you feel toward life in general?

How does your respond to your feelings of flatness?  He feels the same way?

What would be your definition of NOT being on that plain of lethal flatness?

Sorry, a lot of questions.  I’m intrigued.


Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on April 11, 2019, 06:21:55 PM
Just emotionally flat. Not sure how else to explain it.

I'm able to put most of it on a shelf when I teach, but I can tell that I'm just not at the same intensity in the classroom.

Due to work hours of everyone else in the house, I'm frequently by myself for a number of hours after I get home from work. That may be playing a big part of it right now as well.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Songanddance on April 13, 2019, 01:36:57 AM
Just emotionally flat. Not sure how else to explain it.

I'm able to put most of it on a shelf when I teach, but I can tell that I'm just not at the same intensity in the classroom.

Due to work hours of everyone else in the house, I'm frequently by myself for a number of hours after I get home from work. That may be playing a big part of it right now as well.

I totally get it.  Fortunately - I had a therapist that also gets it.  The more official wording is "plateauing". This is normal growth patterns.  You grow and you stablise and then you plateau. Sometimes there is an absolute need for plateauing  because it gives your subconscious time to absorb, consider and then act.  The challenge is when you are plateauing for too long and this is where you are at probably.

I am now increasingly conscious of when I am plateauing "unhealthily" and so if I don't see T - I recognise that growth is on the way and I actively open my mind to seeing and recognising new opportunities however small.

For example - I am now a trained life coach and am supposedly working towards my higher diploma to develop my skills.  I say supposedly as I have started the tasks set but have yet to seriously engage with them.  After a few months of this prevarication I now know why - I needed to really absorb what I have already learned before I can really get to grips with the next level. I realised this when applying for casual and part-time jobs - all of which were actually distractions and it is no co-incidence that I haven't got any of the jobs I applied for. 

Now I feel ready to start the next set of tasks.

Plateauing is essential after growth - you just don't want to plateau for too long. 

So - what opportunities are there for you Azioni - however small?  They may not be the right opportunities but they may just put you back onto a pattern of growth and recognition of what is the next right thing for you.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on April 24, 2019, 04:51:24 PM
On advice from IC, I am going to make an appointment with my GP. We discussed the fact that along with this "plateau " i am also experiencing practically zero libido. This the T feels may also be a contributing factor to what's going on. I had a total hysterectomy 10 years ago  and am not on HRT. So I'm calling tomorrow to see about a total physical and requesting a hormone panel to see. In the meantime,  I am going to change up my diet to add some estrogen rich foods and track how I feel. Plus, in a few weeks, I will have my vacay and am planning some outdoor workouts to increase my time in the sunshine.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on April 24, 2019, 05:19:58 PM
It's a good thing you're actively seeking help Azioni.  Hope the appointment goes well and you get a solution.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Mortesbride on April 25, 2019, 05:37:55 AM
I hope you have a nice vacation and manage to get your health back in order. :)
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on May 05, 2019, 04:56:53 AM
Vacay went well. Still feel a bit like an outsider when it comes to the older of my 2 SIL. Like an afterthought.  One big trigger on our trip, they played the damned song during the reception.  Of course it would be to bring up THAT SIL and her hubby  :-\ .  Ended up with a bad headache and nightmare following the reception.  I actually went upstairs at the hotel before it was quite over due to headache.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on May 08, 2019, 09:41:38 PM
At least it's over now Azioni, you can get on with life without the song.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on May 09, 2019, 03:19:09 PM
Yes. I am SO glad to be back home. I seem to always be overly stressed when visiting his family.  The best decision was moving 1000 miles away from them. I really don't think I would have had a chance to heal if I had stayed there.

Getting ready to start up my garden. Hit up the nursery today to choose my plants. Also doing upgrades to our deck. So I have plenty to keep myself busy.

Saw IC. They are going to work with me this summer to help desensitize me to that stupid song. My hypnosis audio just doesn't seem to work for it for some reason.  It did work on almost all my other triggers, but not that one.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on May 10, 2019, 12:36:43 AM
It's good you've decided to work on triggers with your IC.

One of the things I will stick to is that if xH ever wants back in again and I am willing to allow him to try, if that he he sees a good psychologist chosen by me for at least a year before moving back in and that I see one if I become triggered by anything that comes up during his recovery time.

I can't see any point in reconciling with a man who isn't willing to work on his problems with a psychologist/psychiatrist.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on May 19, 2019, 03:52:03 AM
Been a rough few days. Our 16 year old pup is not doing well. It came on suddenly.  He's at the vet this weekend for IV fluids and meds. Our children grew up with this dog. Honestly,  without him I dont know how I would have made it through the whole A fallout.  He was my constant in the whole mess, staying by my side each night once kids went to bed.  My heart is breaking at the thought of losing him.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: forthetrees on May 19, 2019, 09:31:46 AM
Hugs to you and the beloved pooch. It is heart wrenching when the furry ones are sick.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Mortesbride on May 19, 2019, 01:08:49 PM
Aww sorry to hear about your pup. :(

I hope they manage to help him and you get to spend a bit more time with him.

Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on May 23, 2019, 07:20:25 PM
Well, lots of ups and down in this week with our pup.

He was hospitalized for 2 days for iv fluids/meds. That helped greatly.  It seems to be vestibular disease.  He is making some really good progress.  We have follow up with the vet tomorrow. He is eating and drinking on his own. He is making it up and down stairs,  which he did today for first time since it came on. So good news to report  :)
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Rosetintedglasses on May 24, 2019, 04:46:06 PM
Oh glad pup was helped. I know someone with a vestibular disease and it’s terrible so that’s good he is  making good progress.

Lovely to hear good news 🐾

Rose 🌹
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on May 27, 2019, 03:40:42 PM
He had his follow up with the vet.  He is doing very well. He even took it upon himself to walk to the back as if to go around to thank everyone.  The tech who took care of him that weekend was in tears to see him doing so well. He is now on 24/7 spoiling diet. We are blessed that he has come through this.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Mortesbride on May 28, 2019, 03:45:44 AM
That is great news :)
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on June 02, 2019, 02:14:26 PM
My garden is coming along. I put a cage around my blueberries to keep out birds this year.  It's a success!! Just harvested a pint worth. Omg...so much better than store bought!! Tomatoes are also coming along. Harvested a few of those too.

The pup is still doing well. He is a little slower, but is alert and now practically no head tilt anymore. I just ordered rubber treads to put on wood deck stairs so he won't slip now that I restained them.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on June 02, 2019, 05:40:57 PM
We have just gone into Winter here, so it's lovely to hear of Spring tomatoes, I'm already looking forward to it being warm again!
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on June 23, 2019, 09:33:55 AM
Update: the pup is doing well. He is trying to mix it up with his fur brothers, but he cant keep up anymore. The youngest seems to sense this and will purposefully play just with him. (He is almost twice the older one's size and fast as lightning) He allows the old man to catch him. It is truly heartwarming to see the love he has for his older fur brother. Dogs are very sensitive souls.  I have made an inkprint of his paw and have made an appointment with a tattoo artist to do that with his name. This dog has had been a huge part of my life and was there for me when I most needed it.

One of my distant friends, who lives in another country, and knows about the whole A mess messaged me the other day. Had done some internet sleuthing and found out the Karma bus had arrived for OW. Asked me if I wanted to know the details. For a moment I smiled, but then it struck me....no, I really didn't want to know. I didn't care. I long ago gave up the obsessive searching. I did not want that back into my life anymore. Did I finally reach the nirvana of indifference? It has taken a chunk of my life to reach this summit.  My life is quiet and mostly happy. I do not want to ride down the rabbit hole again.  So, I asked this friend to not ever give me an update again. They promised me to abide by my wishes.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Rosetintedglasses on June 23, 2019, 03:57:12 PM
Good on the pup and the brothers! There’s an extra bond when a dog helps you through as an LBS I think. The paw print is a great idea!

Ah so that’s where the karma bus is! Well good for you reaching this stage and on your friend for upholding your wishes.

So glad your life is quiet and (mostly) happy. You deserve it
Rose 🌹
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: UrsaMajor on June 24, 2019, 01:54:26 AM
"And Lead me not into temptation...."

It's wonderful when one reaches the point where what is happening to the AD is no longer relevant to our lives...
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on July 15, 2019, 06:13:40 PM
I have been quiet for a while. Taking some time this summer to just recharge and work on me. I have begun going back to working out and meditation.

My pup is still doing okay. He sleeps more, but has definitely gotten past the vestibular disease. This week, I am doing a tattoo of his pawprint and name.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on July 24, 2019, 05:29:35 AM
Nice to hear from you Azioni  :)
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Mortesbride on July 26, 2019, 11:13:14 AM
How did the tattoo go?
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on July 26, 2019, 08:52:52 PM
I love it. It is beautiful.  I have gotten many compliments on it. Going to try to upload it.
**tried, but it says uploader folder is full  :-[
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Anjae on July 27, 2019, 04:39:49 PM
I have been quiet for a while. Taking some time this summer to just recharge and work on me. I have begun going back to working out and meditation.

My pup is still doing okay. He sleeps more, but has definitely gotten past the vestibular disease. This week, I am doing a tattoo of his pawprint and name.

Wonderful.

If you have an image of the tattoo elsewhere on-line, maybe insert the link between the image address/link (http://) code will work.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on July 28, 2019, 04:38:12 PM
I'm not too tech savvy,  but hope this works.  ** I put it in, it's on imgur, have linked address, used the image button, but it still doesn't show ??? ***

(http://imgur.com/gallery/WwsXwRz)

Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on October 07, 2019, 03:10:09 AM
It has been a few busy months. This is shaping up to be a crazy school year, and my last period class is fighting me tooth and nail. The hubby will be student teaching at my school next semester (different department). Due to conflicting family  schedules,  I end up home by myself quite a bit. It is a new terrain for me. Still trying to figure out how to manage the time and not be sedentary.  Nor let my mind wander down the rabbit hole , which happened once or twice.

The deck came out beautifully.  Now hoping for cooler temps to really enjoy it. September was brutal here with 90+ degree days and no rain all month. Our forecast looks promising though.

The pup is still with us. Celebrated his 16th birthday late summer. Sleeps mostly, but will occasionally try to bark and play with his brothers. The cooler temps should feel good to him with his thicker coat. He is a pain when it comes to his pain meds. He refuses them if he even suspects it is hidden in a piece of cheese. We still try so that he can be comfortable.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Savoir Faire on October 07, 2019, 03:17:14 AM
Hi Azioni, glad to hear life is good.  A little mind wandering is normal. 

Your pup sounds lovely, most of them don’t like their meds.  It’s amazing how they always spit them out no matter how well hidden they are!!
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on December 21, 2019, 03:06:28 AM
Life has been quite busy here. Difficult semester with one of my classes. Truly a most challenging group I've had in my career. Glad to be done with that group, and looking forward to a new one. I love the stories/activities for that level English class, but could not do most activities due to their behavior.

My h will begin student teaching at my school. Not in my department. I'm in a weird place mentally on this. Sort of see-sawing. Financially it will eventually be good for us; mentally good for him. For me...I just haven't figured it out as I'm kinda all over the map on this one.

Pup-date: He is still doing ok. His hips/back legs are a little weaker. One of the others bumped him while on wood floor, he kinda sprawled, but couldn't get back up on that surface. Makes me glad that outside I put tire grade textured rubber treads on wood deck steps and an outdoor rug; probably makes it easier outside. Those choices were done with him in mind. Still temperamental about his meds. Has found sleeping on the dog bed easier than our bed where he needs to jump up/down. It's a serta dog bed, hey he's spoiled :). We are just enjoying whatever time he has.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on December 30, 2019, 12:43:28 AM
Pup update:
He has declined quite a bit. Started being more incontinent in the last week. Coupled with having difficulty getting up/down, losing balance,  and losing appetite. He is showing us it is time. We, as a family,  decided it is time to let him cross the rainbow bridge.  Later this morning we will all take him to the vet together.  We were lucky to have 7 extra months after the vestibular disease episode.
 :'(
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Believer on December 30, 2019, 03:19:32 AM
Azioni,

Hugs and much love to your family as you help your pup cross the rainbow bridge. It’s a gracious and loving gift you will give him for all the happiness and joy he has given to your family.

Hugs, Believer
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Rosetintedglasses on December 30, 2019, 04:18:15 AM
Goodness that’s a difficult day. Be kind to yourself, hopefully those around you will understand how sad this is.

Sending you love 💕
Thinking of Pup 🐾

Xxxxxxxxx
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: forthetrees on December 30, 2019, 05:32:58 AM
Oh so sorry. Had to do this in early December. I planted tulips on her grave and at least will have that come spring. It is SO hard to adjust to being dogless. Thought I could do it, but could not. Hugs, hugs, hugs, FTT
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: xyzcf on December 30, 2019, 05:41:24 AM
Very sorry for you. The loss of our pets is so very very hard.  :'(
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Acorn on December 30, 2019, 05:45:07 AM
I”m so sorry... 
((((((HUGS)))))))
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Milly on December 30, 2019, 04:05:06 PM
I'm so sorry, Azioni. I know how hard it is to lose our doggies. I'm just certain that your little 16 year old pup had the most fantastic life with you. A dog can't ask for more. Big hugs to you, xxx
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on December 30, 2019, 06:31:51 PM
Thank you all for your love and prayers. Once spring comes, we will be planting a tree on our property for him.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on January 16, 2020, 04:49:38 PM
I'm so angry at H right now. We put a plan in place to financially get through his student teaching. Dependent on him quitting his hourly job and pulling the decade of stocks to cash out. Should cover mortgage for most of the year until he gets teaching position. He hesitates, waits a week to call and request papers. They take a week to arrive. Then find out he requests for tuition reimbursement instead. Now will take longer to get the money, possibly late March. He has not quit the job yet that is one day a week bringing in $60/week.

Sorry, needed to vent
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on January 31, 2020, 06:06:53 AM
So, he finally quit, but now we struggle until near end of February due to that hesitation on his part. He knows that he screwed it up.

On the plus side, he finally agreed to get rid of the last big trigger. The vehicle he toted OW around in. It has been sitting,  figured our kid would want it. Ive had to look at that thing daily by the side of the house. When our kid decided against it, we went another route. Donating it to St. Jude's, so that something positive can come of it.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on February 02, 2020, 03:10:42 PM
They are coming by this week to take the car. Today we cleaned it out. Found something OW gave to him. It was in a pocket buried amongst lots of old kid stuff. I knew immediately by the writing on it. To his credit, he had no idea that it was in there. I could tell by how he responded and by his body language. The minute we realized it was from OW, he said that he was sorry, and that it goes in the garbage. I did destroy a little of it, just so I hopefully won't trigger tonight and have a nightmare.

I hope garbage day and tow truck are the same day!!
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: barbiedoll on February 02, 2020, 03:30:23 PM
I also remember the day that he sold his truck that his OW was in. It was a repeated trigger for me as well. It was interesting that I remember changing the seat settings months before anything happened. I had asked him many times who was in his truck that kept changing the position of the seat. He ( of course) lied and told me that no one has been in his truck...that I am "nuts". It was her. To this day I think of that . Glad its gone. All these small things stick with you years after and are very hard to let go of. I am happy for you Azioni.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Slow Fade on February 03, 2020, 08:09:27 AM
Wow Barbie, I was gas-lighted the same way! I would get in his truck and the seat was in a really weird position and he always had an answer. It was S16, it was a guy from work he gave a ride to, it was because he had to haul something in the back. I can't believe I was so gullible at the time!  :P

One of the things I mourn from this whole "experience" is that I no longer have the trust for ANYTHING that I used to have. I'm much more cynical and suspicious these days........... :(
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Slow Fade on February 03, 2020, 08:10:01 AM
Wow Barbie, I was gas-lighted the same way! I would get in his truck and the seat was in a really weird position and he always had an answer. It was S16, it was a guy from work he gave a ride to, it was because he had to haul something in the back. I can't believe I was so gullible at the time!  :P

One of the things I mourn from this whole "experience" is that I no longer have the trust for ANYTHING that I used to have. I'm much more cynical and suspicious these days........... :(
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on February 06, 2020, 06:19:58 PM
We have the pickup date, this Saturday.  :)
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on February 08, 2020, 06:35:28 AM
The vehicle is GONE!!! :)
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Thunder on February 08, 2020, 07:03:51 AM
 ;D ;D ;D  Yay!
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: terra on February 08, 2020, 08:20:59 AM
GOOD RIDDANCE.

May that cleared space make way for you both to heal together more deeply!

Rejoicing for you!
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on February 08, 2020, 12:27:11 PM
It's going to bring positive mojo. Donated to St. Jude's to help kids.
Title: Re: Replanted and Growing 3
Post by: Azioni on February 10, 2020, 01:50:12 PM
It's a great feeling that when I drive up to my house, that that car is no longer there. We have rain all week here. I kind of think of it as washing the spot clean from it.  :)