Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses

Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: 1phoenix on April 22, 2017, 01:32:12 PM

Title: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: 1phoenix on April 22, 2017, 01:32:12 PM
Maybe they all just have some type of personality disorder and their hormones just put them out of whack.

Any other ideas?
Title: Re: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: beyondblessed on April 22, 2017, 04:05:07 PM
Not a doubt in my mind that mine is, and always has been a covert narcissist.
Title: Re: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: Kintsugi on April 22, 2017, 04:09:53 PM
I have no problen believing this.  I am sure mine has some anti-social personality disorder with some of his mother's borderline personality disorder. Throw in some Aspergers too.
Title: Re: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: BrenM on April 22, 2017, 06:04:30 PM
Totally agree - his father is a Narcissist, emotionally abusing my H during his childhood and adulthood....definitely can see Traits
Title: Re: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: Thunder on April 23, 2017, 03:24:55 AM
Mine had a pretty bad childhood, but to this day I truly believe his hormones were more to blame for his MLC.
Plus, he has an avoidance personality and has social anxiety.

Bundle it all together and it's the perfect storm.   ::)
Title: Re: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: Kintsugi on April 23, 2017, 04:26:06 AM
Totally agree - his father is a Narcissist, emotionally abusing my H during his childhood and adulthood....definitely can see Traits
I wonder how much childhood (and adulthood) abuse has to play in MLC. Mine also has issues with this. His mother is so batsh!t crazy that even at 51, she continues to verbally abuse him.
Title: Re: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: CanLetGo on April 23, 2017, 06:16:57 AM

I've been wondering this lately too 1P, if lots of us could say our MLCers have common traits! Mine very antisocial, socially anxious, short tempered even before MLC, am sure male menopause a thing (received a Jed Diamond email tonight titled 'male menopause: the hidden cause of midlife marriage meltdown'), same could be true for women, certain personality types unable to process/deal with it.

Title: Re: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: OneHotMess on April 23, 2017, 06:17:47 AM
Mine definitely has a personality disorder!!! His issues go way beyond what even I could imagine.
Title: Re: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: Searching4Answers on April 23, 2017, 09:09:04 AM
I have often thought this too.

It was like my ex knew that his behavior (before MLC) was not "acceptable" and he tried to filter it around family and friends. At BD, he no longer cared if the mask was on or off - especially with me.

My ex has very strong narcissistic traits (always has), MLC just magnified them by 1000. My parents have always been on the selfish/self-absorbed side so I wasn't able to see this as an issue until he went bat sh!t crazy. 
Title: Re: Maybe they all have a PD
Post by: osb on April 23, 2017, 09:38:27 AM
FWIW the PD traits don't seem to last beyond MLC. My H's parents are both quite personality disordered (mom's a narcissist, dad is passive aggressive with rages). During MLC, my H really had every narcissistic trait in the book (selfish, emotionless, unable to make boundaries between him/his and me/mine, lashing out with rages, gaslighting; the world revolved around him, and people existed merely to satisfy his needs). As the fog lifted, so did the behavior. There's no way I could place the PD label on my H now, he's a kind and thoughtful man. Makes my head spin.

So I would posit that personality changes and PD traits that show up during MLC are related to MLC (though they do seem to follow character patterns that started in childhood - my H during MLC was a carbon copy of the worst of his parents' behaviours). in most cases, we didn't marry narcissists and only realize it now; our good memories of our partners are probably real. But MLC is like an acquired PD. Just my thoughts.