Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses

Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: Wth5607 on December 03, 2017, 10:36:57 AM

Title: First time how did I get here
Post by: Wth5607 on December 03, 2017, 10:36:57 AM
My first time here...how did I get here? Where do you begin? He’s in total denial been two years
Two fathers died
Child left, married, had child
I was diagnosed chronically ill, bed ridden a year
He retired
Contractor overseas
Outing of much
Different person, narc like, antagonizes
When brought up help for other issues, midlife, personality issue nothing’s no, transference, denial.
Not helping health, ready to finally address and work on me.....gotta get off the crazy train.
Title: Re: First time how did I get here
Post by: Thunder on December 03, 2017, 03:31:49 PM
Welcome Wth,

I'm sorry you are going through this.

May I ask how long you have been married. or how old your husband is?  Did you mean you have one child together?

Is your health better now?  Do you have any family that helps you?
Sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to understand how you are now and how your situation is.

Big Hug
Title: Re: First time how did I get here
Post by: OldPilot on December 04, 2017, 02:40:14 AM
Welcome to the Board

You are in a good place.
Your H/W  is on his/her own journey.
You can not do anything to control this trip.
Come here and read or vent, we will listen.
Give your H/W space  he/she needs to heal himself/herself.

I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.

Your need to start working on you.
There is nothing that you can do to help your H/W.

He/She has given you a gift.
It is time!!

Use the time wisely to make yourself a better person.
Look in the mirror to see what it is that you can improve.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
GAL.

Read some books on depression. Both for yourself! And for H/W.
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.

Read the resources from this site.
The links that are in my signature.

Detach. - The single most important thing you can do

The detach link and HB's 6 stages of MLC(rewritten from Jim Conway) located in the resources above.

Developing Detachment
http://jamesjmessina.com/toolsforcontrolissues/developdetachment.html

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_releasers_detach.html

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

Do you want a mentor?


Please make a request on the  Want a Mentor? (http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8918.0) stickie
-or-
PM  me (http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?action=pm;sa=send;).

A Moderator will be assigned shortly after your request.
Learn more about The Mentor Program (http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/?p=330)


Keep posting and asking questions and we will try to answer them.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon