Happy Easter all!
Decided to stop by after a long time away.  Just wanted to give an update on all my stuff.  My divorce is finalized in the courts after so many delays and re negotiations.  Glad to have that behind me.  I bought my home from her by refinancing to 30 year loan again.   Sad that when we were married I had 4 years left on it. 
Overall, all is good and life is moving forward.  I went back into the dating pool and that was a bit crazy but I finally met someone with real faith and a wonderful heart.  It's so strange that all the trauma and pain my DA ex-wife put me through during her midlife crisis didn't break me to never think there are better choices out there.  My ex still doesn't speak to me and I'm totally ok with that now.  She has her own demons to deal with. 
I just want to say thanks to all the folks here and the wonderful advise I was given.  I would have never have made it to this point without it.  Everyone alweays said it get better and it does.  Have faith and be patient.  God has a plan for us all. 

I am very sorry for your loss. You had every right to attend the funeral.

Give your D time. It's sad if you are unable to lean on each other, but if I have learned anything it's that you can't control other people.

Everyone is happy in a new relationship that is going well. You can't really hang your hat on that. Instead, work on being kinder to yourself. No your mother should not have told anyone anything about you, but you are not that person anymore. Be kind to you. None of this was your fault.

The best of luck to you. I hope you can it all sorted.

It is my opinion they put on the "happy" face. Being "happy" is no excuse for betraying people, also IMO.

Most of us noticed oddities. I, personally, saw strange behaviors but wrote it off to having trouble at work or losing his job. Mine, like yours, wanted to pretend I never existed. After lying to me, about me, gaslighting me, cheating on me, verbally abusing me and abandoning me, how could he live with himself unless he made me into a horrible person that he didn't want to remember?

It took a while, but hindsight being 20/20, I have the following:
He took everyone else's side but mine.
He would do what he promised for everyone except me.
He would pick fights in the car on the way somewhere,  then walk into whatever event all charm and smiles while I tried to put myself back together.
He'd pick fights late when I was tired.
He'd come home late and not call. When he decided we "weren't together"  but still lived in the same house, suddenly he called every night.
I noticed people looking at me oddly. Turned out he was lying about me to them, saying I was "bats#!+ crazy" and they were wondering what he was talking about.
He hid money.
He lost 3 Jobs in short order.
He started treating our  then 16yo D and her friends like girlfriends (creepy as all get out).
He started spending money on fancy meals.
He forgot how to eat with chopsticks. And thought I didn't know how.
He took things I had done in my life and claimed those adventures as his.
He'd interrupt when I talked. Every single time until I told him to knock it off.
He'd do some lousy thing, then when I called him on it, blamed me for it. (Think of it like someone stealing from you and when you show them proof they stole from you, they tell you it was your fault for allowing them to steal from you).
Would say or do something, then claim he hadn't done it.
I'm sure there is more. I'm so far along I could not care less, so it's hard to remember. I do think we give them the benefit of the doubt because I believe we think they have the same honor, integrity  and loyalty we do. And some people either don't have that, or lose it somewhere. My experience only.

How do you know it was really MLC?
If it was really MLC, how do you know he is out of the tunnel?
How do you trust again?

These sound like fair and reasonable questions, Yo. My PoV - for what it’s worth - is that the questions might imply some underlying assumptions. Being aware of those might be more helpful imho than speculative ‘answers’ any of us could give. So, the value is less about the question and more about using them to work out what you already currently think if that makes sense?

If you KNEW for sure it was MLC, do you see that as an explanation - why something happened as it did - or as an excuse - that someone is not entirely responsible for what they did…do you know what you think? Bc if the question matters, it is worth thinking about why it matters as others have said. Not sure if there is a ‘right’ answer as such, certainly different people here see it differently. But what matters is what YOU think.

Linked to that, your second question seems to be to be less about MLC and more about your third question. Life doesn’t come with guarantees of course but what do you see in the man he is now? What would you need to see that would make you feel safer to invest energy and trust in the man he is now? Or not? And the impact on your daughter of course? What do you have to gain or lose?

At a very practical level - regardless of MLC or not - 9 years ago ypur husband took a sharp left turn that affected, I imagine, pretty much every aspect of you and your daughter’s life. And others. There are practical realities that come along with that for everyone so one can’t go back, only forward from where you are today. Practically, you would be building a new relationship from here but with a lot of baggage. Only you - and him - can really decide if you want to do that and what kind of relationship it might be. Jmo.

Oh ML it is good to hear from you! I’m happy that you responded so quickly when you were experiencing those symptoms and I’m happy that you’re ok <3 Our body goes through so much stress after BD and somewhere sadly that takes its toll..

I don’t see my xh as a sweet man. I see him as a weak man that only cares for him welf. Only cares about how he feels.

After all these years I can agree so much with these words! I think this is the base of a lot of MLC’ers..

When I was just out of the hospital and my baby in the NICU instead of stepping up and taking care of our D my xH took every excuse to bring my D back home early to me and instead of helping me he gave me more job while I was healing from a C-section and high bloodpressure in combination of the stress of my baby being in NICU. It showed me again that he’s so weak and only focused on this needs, when things get difficult I’m the one that has to step up, even when I’m shattered in 1000 pieces.

Take care ML! Hopefully your body will find it’s balance again!