Dang folks....it has been nearly a year since I last posted.  Nothing has changed for the better for him, but I can't believe how fast that time went by!

At this time, I am 8.5 years into this.  Looking back...I couldn't imagine reaching this point.   Early on I was convinced that I would be one of the lucky ones and he would be back early.

Nope.  Not the case and that is ok.   I needed this journey and I am lucky to be where I am.

I have family and friends and support from people around me.   I spend time with my grand kids and my daughter and I get to visit my son who now lives across the country.  My son acts as if he father has died.   His knew friends all think his father is dead.  I guess this is because H is dead to S after their blow up! 

Life is good.  Always a bit stressful but it is good stress.  Making sure I am attending events with the kids and balancing time for myself to hang with friends and/or play pickleball.

My plate is full in so many ways and I am really truly happy!

As for him.....well I have no idea how his life is going.

Up through the fall of last year, he seemed to be getting closer.  More visits.  More phone calls.  Just more interactions overall.  I knew it wasn't real but I rode it out.    Suddenly, he fell off the face of the earth.  I now go months without hearing from him.  In a way it is very peaceful.  In other ways, he is aggravating.

Example:  At Christmas, he was included in the dates and times of holiday events.   He notified my daughter that he would stop by after he got off work on Christmas Eve.   He no showed.  We all thought he worked late.   Nope.  He told my granddaughter on Christmas day that he didn't show up because I didn't invite him.   Oh boy.    I nicely but firmly called him out on his BS.  Advised him that he told D several times he would be there.  He essentially RSVPd.  Why would I send him a special invitation?   He is not Charlie Bucket.   He is not getting a Golden Ticket to the Chocolate Factory after he verbally committed to coming to supper.   No apologies for being a $h!te about it.   Just....oops.  I thought too much into it.   

Then he was a no show for New Years and Easter too.   At least he didn't blame me on those occasions.

He hardly ever shows up for the kids events and when he does he hardly talks to anyone.  I personally don't go out of my way to talk to him either.   If he has something to say, I will listen.  Otherwise, go disappear as you have been doing for the last 6 months and leave me in peace. 

He did say something about the grandkids a few weeks ago.  My daughter sent us a meme about how important grand parents are in the grand kids lives....he wrote back:  " I know I should be doing more but I just can't make myself get up and do it".

No idea what it is means.   It was an odd response to me.

I hope all of you are doing well and taking care of yourselves.   All is gonna be ok.  Just keep moving forward as much as you can!

~Sam~

One other thing to add. A Friday ago I went with S24 to a far away concert (2.5 hr drive). Driving back XW texted me.

Are you guys ok?

For the length of time it took me to read that twice, I forgot our current divorced status. It had the feeling of old times even if I relayed his phone was dead, he was asleep and we still had an hour to go.
She responded

Ok thanks. Got worried when I didn’t hear back.

Made me think how I wasn’t going home to her and she was really only concerned for him. I didn’t even know she knew he was going with me, but I guess Mothers know way more than Dads.

I do agree with Tailspin.

Something that helped me was our Prime Minister in Australia who spoke about his marriage ending suddenly. He was blindsided like most of us and said:

She certainly had a right to make that decision. I didn't understand it, and I needed to stop trying to understand it, if you like, and accept it,"

I spent a lot of time trying to understand it. But it is entirely impossible to. My wife withdrew, stopped talking and collapsed. In the end, I wasted so much time trying to understand what happened but my life started getting better when I focused on acceptance.

It was not easy. But my energy focused on acceptance achieved something and my energy focused on understanding did not.

I got stuck on why does anyone choose this. But I suspect for them there was no choice.

I know people will tell me to let it all go because my mlcer spouse died but I’m trying to understand the mlc so I can move forward and heal. I’m seeing things I don’t want to see now that hes gone and I’m left with the mess to clean up.

Allie, My healing got much better when I accepted that what they did was no fault of my own and their problem.  I know it sounds easier said than done.  I realized I was never going to make sense of why my wife stopped talking to me, cheated, and left.  My brain was looking for a reason and I finally realized nothing was going to explain it.  I sat in the sadness for a long time till I realized that life goes on and the world is a big place.  Try to look past the logic of it all because there is none to be found.  In my case my wife was a dismissive avoidant and was overwhelmed.  No excuses for her behavior.  Folks are cruel and MLC makes people do awful things.  I stopped trying to figure out the whys and just started living my life again with my family and friends. 

Oh..... I haven't journaled since last year. HA!!!! 

Hmmmmm, what's been going on.......

I took my folks to Vegas for Christmas, and that was AMAZING!!! My mom was in need of a hip replacement - but she was very reluctant, the trip helped convince her it was time (She got one last month and is doing GREAT).
I took them to the haunted houses, not knowing if they'd like them or not (at their age). They ended up loving the experience. All in all, a wonderful time.

Since then I've gone to a pinball convention, a Six Flags and back to Vegas twice by myself,  - and it was wonderful. I always have such a great time walking up and down the strip and finding new things to look at, people watch, and relax. My vacationing days are over until I start up again in Sept. 
Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando - it's going to be amazing this year and I can't wait!!!

Today my rowing machine will be delivered, and I've been working out hard and dieting hard this last 9 weeks........ seeing results, except the places you want the real results are always the LAST to show up!!! Boo Hiss!!!! I have super strong, and huge, legs....muscles on muscles. last night I noticed a new cut in my quads.... that was nice.  I have 5 months to get totally shredded before the water park in Orlando - and I will.

Work is awesome, if it weren't for the filthy Russian hackers always trying to get into our systems. They are relentless.

W. She is going really good. Very normal...... just the same standoff'ishness with me. Still deathly afraid of my family - won't go near any of them. Always runs away when there's an event with them.
On the flip side - the dog got sick, and she was ALL OVER IT. Took him to the doggie hospital, stayed at home to be with him, the whole nine yards. It was nice to see the empathy and care - and how caring she technically can be.
He is all healed up (ate something bad) and happy as can be (wonderful).
She'll be headed to see her mom in just over a month - and the little hound, the bird and me will be alone again for almost a month. More workout time!!! 

Life is good, life is exciting, and it's good to live. Only person who can stop that is me, not gonna happen!!! 

On a funny note - my MLC anniversary just passed last week..... and I didn't even notice it. HA!!! "Oh yeah..... I missed my anniversary" LOL!!!!

-SS