Thank you Nas! i’m excited to do a road trip with my sister in France. She’s coming to Europe all the way from the US.

My uncle said the same thing that not all men are like him. The thing is my dad was also a womanizer so to experience that twice, it’s difficult to trust again. But you are absolutely right, I also believe there are good men out there and I I know that because here in HS they exist.

As for his answer about being happy, that was the first thing I noticed as well. He didn’t tell me he was happy but he said he was happy with his body and with triathlon or with the people around him. Now I actually remember when we had the MC he told our counselor that he didn’t want to work on the marriage but he wanted to find the tools to find his happiness. I guess he found it finally. If he’s happy internally or not I will never know. He looks good though from the picture he sent me. He said he’s happy with his bike, like you said all coming from outside sources. Maybe he’s like me, I am happy with a lot of things in life. I’m happy with myself and  my dog but sometimes I do feel lonely and overwhelmed being alone. That’s when I wish I had someone with me.

I hope you are doing well Nas.

Hi everyone,

I rarely write here as there's not much going on in my life or anything to do with my ex midlifer. But I still visit this place every time I feel the residues of the MLC. I can't really totally get rid of it, to be honest. There are still days although rarely that I am reminded of the pain I had to go through or days I still miss my ex no matter how assholic his actions were towards me.

So my update related to my ex:
In December last year, I decided to not greet him on his birthday and Christmas. I was radio silence. Then around January, I accidentally called him instead of looking at the profile pic he posted but I hang up right away.  He texted me right away if I needed something and greeted me a happy new year. Then after that, we never had any communication anymore. This month, I celebrated my 50th birthday. It's been 7 years since BD. How time flies. I didn't expect him to greet me as I didn't greet him on his birthday either. But he texted me and greeted me. It sounded friendly and neutral. I responded and since then we texted quite a bit this month. Sometimes, he would flirt (I think that's how it sounded). I usually do not entertain the flirty messages. But recently, I asked about the safest areas in Paris as he knows the city well than me. I am planning to go there in May with my sister to celebrate my birthday and I wanted to make sure we are in a safe place. He asked me when I was going and I jokingly said why was he asking and if he wanted to come along. I love Paris and we always went there when we were still married. He then told me he would come if I invited him. Basically, there was a back and forth joke around that topic. He even told me he could take care of my dog or I could leave my dog with his uncle in Paris while I visit museums with my sister.  I could have never imagined I could be this civil with him and I could joke like this with him after that horrible BD. I remember I told him once we divorced, he would never have access to me again. We would never be friends. I don't consider us friends still but I guess I can live with being civil with each other.

In one of our text exchanges, he considered himself as one of the people from my country. And he is going there every year now. This is very odd to me because when he decided to check out from our marriage he told me the reason he wanted to separate was because we had differrent cultures. I know, nothing with MLC is logical. From that small window I had in his life, I guess he is happy and content. I asked him once if he is happy now and he said, he is happy with his body and with what he is doing (he meant triathlon). He told me he wanted to stay positive and therefore he surrounds himself with only positive people. I am not quite sure what he meant about that. Perhaps just people who talk about positive things which for me is a bit unrealistic because life will not be always positive. He told me he has friends he goes with to Thailand every year to train and they just have a good time and a good laugh. For me it sounds a bit like a teenager. My friends old and new are positive but you cannot avoid talking about things in life that are not positive, because we all do have problems and sometimes we share them with our friends. So anyway, I told him if he's happy then he should stay that way.

As for me, I am happy with my life. Sometimes, I do miss having someone to talk to, someone I can rely on and sometimes share my not so amazing days. I have new hobbies now, and I enjoy doing them with friends. I learned to do things alone and still enjoy it. I learned a lot living alone, fending for myself and solving problems on my own. I gained a couple of new friends from my neighborhood. I feel like I am my own person now. As for dating part, I haven't dated anymore. I just don't have the energy to start from scratch again and perhaps I am also a bit cautious now. One doesn't get out of that experience unscathed. It changed me as a person. I don't just trust men anymore. That innocence was gone. I realized I relied so much on my ex and it's something I will never do again I guess because I lost myself in the process and I was very vulnerable in the end. I guess I would never allow myself to be that vulnerable again.

Is it normal for them to blame you for everything and all their failed relationships even after 5 years?

Yes..... Because you were the cause of EVERYTHING that EVER was wrong in their lives from the time they were born.  .... No taking responsibility for anything but, instead, looking for a scapegoat so they do not HAVE to take responsibility..... For me that ended when I started asking "And I had something to do with that how?  Your decision, your choice, your consequences."  Of course, that usually made the Monster appear but I was tired of being a punching bag. After a few rounds of that, MLCxW1 stopped trying to blame me (at least overtly to my face.....)

Is it normal for them to blame you for everything and all their failed relationships even after 5 years? 

You really got a double whammy on this one, and yes definitely mass sense.My therapist didn’t understand MLC either, he was more of the mindset that I had never met her so I can’t diagnose her which is fair. Fortunately (or unfortunately) there are resources these days that can help with the healing.