You sound very put together. I was still melting down at the equivalent time.

I do agree with forthetrees. From where I stand now I believe it would have been better to take the more traditional interpretation of the situation, mainly that the relationship was indeed over. That being said, I don't think it was possible for me before it actually happened. I had too much hope that me and my ex were special and that it would be different for us, somehow. Her inconsistent behavior (which I now see as hesitation wounds) certainly did NOT help with that. Having those fantasies burst and then sitting with the feelings that poured out was incredibly challenging for me. I am glad that you are spared at least a layer of that!

Also glad that the system didn't disintegrate you, even if it could have been more kind. Congrats on the house!

Thanks for the kind words, appreciated!
At least I can look back at the last ~10 months and be proud of my stand, how I acted, and was a faithful and trying partner through it all.

In regards to the mediation, lesson learned - I tried to protect funds from a condo that I owned prior to our marriage.  I sold it about ~5 years after getting married.  The mistake I made was putting the cash into our joint bank account —> couldn’t protect most of it.  Things one doesn’t think about when you think you are with your forever person.

You sound very put together. I was still melting down at the equivalent time.

I do agree with forthetrees. From where I stand now I believe it would have been better to take the more traditional interpretation of the situation, mainly that the relationship was indeed over. That being said, I don't think it was possible for me before it actually happened. I had too much hope that me and my ex were special and that it would be different for us, somehow. Her inconsistent behavior (which I now see as hesitation wounds) certainly did NOT help with that. Having those fantasies burst and then sitting with the feelings that poured out was incredibly challenging for me. I am glad that you are spared at least a layer of that!

Also glad that the system didn't disintegrate you, even if it could have been more kind. Congrats on the house!

I appreciate the support! This wasn’t the result I wanted but at the end of the day the kids have a stable home and that makes me happy. also Baxter and so get to hang out every day. Every situation is different but I think I made out ok under the circumstances.

Sounds like you are making the best of your situation, good for you!  I’m about in the same boat so I can relate and feel for ya!  Best wishes!

I totally agree with what you said Nas. People who value other people make space and time for them. I think, if you always make yourself available for other people, they tend to take you for granted.

Titleholder, I think it might be a sort of muscle reflex. After all, we had been together with our ex for a long time. There is still that part of them that we miss and same for them towards us. For now, I think what's best for me is to have that distance. I thought about it a lot, what do I get if I kept in contact with him. I realized I was just acting the same old me. Praising him to make him feel good about himself although I don't really mean it to be honest at times. It just moving on harder as I started to become delusional that he changed. Then I realized he hasn't. In the end, you just get frustrated. On the positive side, sometimes it was fun to exchange texts with him. Right now, I just have the gut feeling to stop the contact as I just started to get involved too much. And like I said, I suspect he is seeing someone and I will never allow myself to be his buffer like what he did to his ex gf, the original OW, when he was still married to him. This is how his system runs. And I don't think it will change in the near future to be honest.
Besides, we needn't contact each other as we don't have any children. It would have been different if kids were involved like a lot of the veterans here.

So, for now I continue my journey moving forward.

Dear Fellow LBS,

I have kind of hit the wall. I had been asking my wife for a response for the   Offer on parenting which is consistent with the views expressed by the Judge. She has steadfastly ignored my messages.

I just got to the point where I indicated that I felt it was abusive of her not to respond and she responded with she did not mean to be abusive and she was weight her options. She had been weighing her options for 2 years.

We are literally fighting over one night. She makes me drop the girls off at 7 pm on a Sunday and it pisses me off.


I have just said to her that if she does not accept the offer by Friday then we will just run the case. I think that will help me manage my thoughts. Her lack of regard for my well being is amazing.

And I asked to take my girls for one first day of school this year at the school I pay for. She refused.

She is such a grub. It is hard to believe she was my wife.