Wow, I just read Baxter's post and thought I haven't updated in a while - but I can't believe it was last July when I did!

So, what to report? I suppose probably loads, but really to summarise the trajectory has been continuing as it was for the last couple of years. We text many times daily, speak most days, and W is, very very slowly, becoming more recognisable as the person she was before this all started a little over 4 years ago. She treats me with great respect, never monsters at me, and often will ask my opinion or advice - and actually listens quite a lot to what I have to say.
She lost her dad at the end of last year, it was very traumatic for her, but she did get to spend his last days with him, for which he and she were thankful. She was already softening with me, but I think that was maybe a bit of a sea change in her. We haven't spoken about the awful crisis times at all yet, I don't think she's ready yet, but there has been some gratitude for my constant and continued support through all this.
Our kids are doing well, they have a good relationship with their mum, and with me too. They are 19 and 13 now and our son has started working with me, which is wonderful as I get to see him almost everyday and hopefully steer him in the right direction both personally and professionally. D13 and I have had a few tough times in the last year, but I'll put most of that down to adolescence rather than anything else.
The 4 of us spend time together, and it's pretty good and fairly easy for us all, and I think it's beneficial to the kids to see that we are all still a family, despite the tough times we have had.
Personally, I'm good. My work has been very good in the last year or so, dream projects, lots of success and lots of fun times with my work crew. I've continued to have a really good life outside of work - my social life is full, I have lots of friends and fun stuff to do in my life.

All in all I'd say I've made the best of a very hard and bad situation - which wasn't of my making. And I'm proud of the way I've handled myself throughout, I've maintained my positivity and sense of humour - which is something! Ha.
No dating, I'm just not interested - it takes a long time to get over something like this - and it would have to be someone incredibly special to tempt me back into a relationship - and even then I'm not sure that's what I want.
Anyway, I'll try and not leave it another 8 months before another update! lol

Dear Baxter,

I can’t believe it has been 3 years.

I hit the four mark in May. I can’t believe how my life has changed and the shock has only just started wearing off. My ex-wife is still unable to speak to me and it is odd.

The girls are going well though. They keep me going.

And I find it odd that I still desire some acknowledgment that I have been treated poorly. It is something I am trying to manage as my ex-wife is unable to apologise for anything.

It is just so sad. There is so much damage caused by this collapse of self. I still do not believe it happened to us.

But I am glad you are doing well, travelling and enjoying your lads.

It was pleased to see your update. I do wonder about Frenchhusband occasionally.

Help

Hi Father, hope you have been well. Nice to hear from you.

Well yes this is a bit of a shock. And it makes perfect sense it may bring back up feelings and even memories of a much harder time. I want to suggest that you allow yourself to feel these things, but also remind yourself that they are rooted in the past.

I know I have a little bit of the "throw back" feeling when I happen to interact with me W on occasion, and I am pulled into the past. I try hard to remain firmly in the here and now, a place where what he had no longer exists, and it wasn't by my choice.

The other thought is if you are interested in a potential reconciliation there are many many steps that would yet to happen, even if she is headed in the right direction. Almost all of them are under her control and not yours. The one that is this: think about what it would take for you to even be able to have trust even with a "recovered" MLCer and could you ever fully relax in such a relationship?

There is no singular answer, I know every time i play that game my answer is there is nothing that can unscramble that egg.

Thank you all! I have a lawyer coming to house tomorrow because of accident husband was in! Apparently because he was in work vehicle there are some things to consider! I seeing pictures of hubby while we were separated that are to me showing mlc, not that it matters now. It seems he was very big on covering his bald head lately most odd was a dress ball black cap recently at a funeral and a beanie in July at an outdoor fair. Yet only I think its mlc everyone else thinks he was just done being married to me and moved on !! Ugh

I feel like i don’t belong at funeral or anything because true when he died he wasn’t wanting anything to do with me. But we had all those years of love. I understand ppl don’t know and see what I did its just so hard feeling like he passed hating me and wanting the divorce done. Also have his AP of 2 mths! A girl ten years younger than himi feel like she’s getting more respect as a girlfriend of 2 mths. Because he seemed finally happy!! Its just so frustrating . I hoped to have a sign he didn’t hate me or he was ok now but i feel empty nothing else. In almost two years since he left he has these friends he didn’t have been that he was sooo close too. Mostly women and im like wtf. I mean he talked about coworkers but he certainly wasn’t texting them and their best friends when we were together. Its just weird to me. Like he had a completely different life after me