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Our Community / Re: Trying to move on, but still love husband...
« Last post by Nina2002 on Today at 08:19:00 AM »
YES, he's acting exactly like a teenager who isn't getting his way and having temper tantrums all the time.  Always asking me why can't I compromise, why can't we just come home, that'll he can do it (forget OW) with his family home.  What I reinterenate to him, is that we DID try that several times, and it never worked.  He knows that, but he's always like, "What do you have to lose?  If you just try one more time."  I say a lot! 

I don't know, maybe I'm naive to think that we are still meant to be together, but we were best friends, and I think that's one of the hardest parts about going through all this.  Here I am, I feel alone, heart broken, abadndoned and he's out wining and dining with OW everyday, doing all the things he should being doing with his wife and family.  I hate the OW as well, as this is her second marriage that she has broken up, something really to be proud of huh?

I just hate crying everyday, it's been 7 months and I can't seem to move on in the way I wish I could, he has, so why can't I? 

I KNOW one day he will NOT be with this OW and he will regret all this, just sucks.
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Our Community / Re: My life is not defined by a live-in MLCer 9
« Last post by Mitzpah on Today at 08:13:24 AM »
Great stories Acorn,

It just goes to show it is everywhere :o

The common traits are spot on! Interesting that none of them seemed to have 'studied' MLC.

To me, it is comforting to see that the two who were religious came back to their faith  :)  That is my prayer, too.
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Goner....if I'm trying to "compete", it's not because I am trying to be in my own episode of 90210, like I did then.  I know now that life is not a tv show!   

It's just because I am Mama Bear mode now, fighting for my son.

In their little "movie", I am the Queen.  She is just some Affair-Down lesser-character, sharing no family, nor history, with the King.  She's nothing, really, just like even though I'd cast myself as "Kelly", I was really nothing to "Dylan."

I can relate to H because I've been in the fantasy of the triangle. I don't relate to OW whatsoever - she's a total stranger, trying to steal my identity and destroy my family.   


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Our Community / Re: Thread 31 - Taken by the Wind Part 2
« Last post by UrsaMajor on Today at 07:45:27 AM »
True that!

I have to wear only gold or pure Sterling Silver now.  Even my watch clip will bother me sometimes so I rarely wear one anymore.  I have a cuff watch if I do.  No metal on it, except gold on the tips.

Never heard of anyone being allergic to 24k gold.   ::)

Not to mention that her cheaper rings (12/14/18k gold) never gave her a rash  ::)
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Our Community / Re: Why no name for the OW pal?
« Last post by mitten on Today at 07:43:00 AM »
I have to admit I struggle to not call her a name and I’m to early in all this to pray for her. On here I’ve only ever called her OW so was obviously having a weak moment today lol. With my friends and family we do refer to her as s***  I just can’t be respectful to a woman who is so extremely manipulative and has no consideration for my children. The kids name for her is what they’ve come up with themselves but I guess they will be coming in contact with her more than me- so will have to keep that name between themselves.

Personally I see H using her name and constantly referring to her to me as just another way to hurt me. Mostly because of the other cruel and emotionally abusive things he’s done to me.
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Our Community / Re: He’s having a mlc 3 - Hope
« Last post by Rosetintedglasses on Today at 07:34:21 AM »
Thanks Silver/Thunder/Acorn/Help/UM/Sam especially for your thoughts in my friend. It’s the same one H had no empathy for that I mentioned on previous thread.

Actually her story is relevant here. She is also called Rose so I will call her Rose2! Around a year before my LBS journey began she was on one. Her H had no A as far as I know (I was less knowledgeable then) but I was told from someone else he was ‘depressed’ and drinking heavily. Rose2 found him in her driveway drunk, in the park drunk, at bus stops drunk - you get the picture. He was stressed at work and Rose2 told me he was using drink to help him through it. He embarrassed his children at school events, was found and taken by police one time and was in rehab 3 or 4 times that I know of. It slightly overlapped with my LBS journey starting so I missed parts of what went on but Rose2 carried on her life. She got him into rehab and got herself a part time job (which ended up very stressful because of a situation which was the last thing she needed and another story all on its own) as her H wasn’t working and ended up losing his job. She really was superwoman keeping everyone together like she did. Another friend says he thought they should split up as it was such a difficult situation but no he stayed there. Rose2 told me she didn’t think she ever knew him really as he just sat in his room. She is someone who wants a quick fix and I kept telling her to give him time and a lot of it. This was before I knew how hard that was but also it was obvious to me there was no quick fix with this. Rose2 says she noticed him change around 1.5 years before my BD1.  He seemed to get sober and her Mother was then quite ill and she died last year. Rose2’s H was excellent at the funeral and really seemed to be doing so much better. Now Rose2 is ill. Her H is there, doing what is needed and worrying about what is ahead. Maybe stress brought this all on suddenly to her. She doesn’t know about my life atm.  I have learned from her though, she didn’t let him drag her down and always did what needed done with a smile on her face so i’ve Tried to do the same. I owe a lot to her actually.



You are a positive person, Rose.  Your positivity shines your posts and make you behave the way you do toward your H - positive, non-judgemental, appreciative of his positive actions.   Don’t give ‘luck’ too much credit.  ;D  Given the same situation, another person may be dissatisfied with it and complain its is just not enough and fast enough at this point and want more.


I really appreciate this Acorn. In my head I’d like to think I’m like this so it’s great if that’s how i’m acting too. You are right family and friends are less patient about this situ than me, I might be the same in their shoes though. And other LBS might handle this differently, I especially think if I was to be b*tc#y to him in any way he would not be as he is. I’m not like that at all and do find it easy not to be like that (I tried it after BD2 - but found it exhausting!).


H came round last night to see P. He brought in something to eat with him as hadn’t eaten yet which was good. It’s something he would never do with his parents for all these years we’ve bet. Together and I found that a shame. I would always be comfortable at my parents turning up to visit and saying we hadn’t eaten yet. So he ate, chatted, played with P and helped out with her feeding etc. He mentioned a lady from his choir was talking about puppies and said the lady was same age as his mother. This is what he used to say about his work colleagues years ago in other words trying to say she’s not OW2! I suppose it’s nice he says it so we are all clear and also nice he is acting like he used to. They are not all the age of his mother though I know that for sure so we’ll just see how things go.

Rose 🌹
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Our Community / Re: Thread 31 - Taken by the Wind Part 2
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 07:32:33 AM »
True that!

I have to wear only gold or pure Sterling Silver now.  Even my watch clip will bother me sometimes so I rarely wear one anymore.  I have a cuff watch if I do.  No metal on it, except gold on the tips.

Never heard of anyone being allergic to 24k gold.   ::)
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Our Community / Re: Thread 31 - Taken by the Wind Part 2
« Last post by UrsaMajor on Today at 07:27:18 AM »
A person can develop an allergy at any age, but it does not just go away.

I wasn't allergic to Nickel until I was in my 30'd.  Still have it.   ;D
Yes I agree UM, your body does respond to how you live your life....or to life changes.

I kind of like "cheating rash" myself.

24k Gold though doesn't usually cause a rash, especially not one that goes away after a while despite having contact with the body... I know that nickel is a real nasty thing to have in jewelry.....

As for "life changes" there is that hanging out there too with heat flashes, etc...

And there is the short-term memory loss there too... Last week I told STBXW that a certain event was happening on the 1st of September that the kids wanted to go to with me (It is our annual charity walk) .... Today, she says she is planning to visit an aunt with the kids that weekend and asked f it was OK with me. My reply was that it was fine , I'd miss the kids but they were going to have serious heartburn about it because that was the week of the Charity walk... So she started walking down the weekends... The weekend after that is a medieval party at a castle near us where the kids and I have gone together for the last 3 years running (read: she hauls the kids off to visit this aunt that they find extremely boring anyway, the kids are going to be seriously pissed), and the weekend following THAT is the Street Party in our old neighborhood that at least S is dying to go to again (again, the kids and I have gone to this party since we lived there and even afterwards - I get an invite from the former neighbors, she doesn't... maybe tells you something about how she treated people there?)... But I again said that she could go to her aunt any weekend she wanted and that I'd miss the kids at the occasions...

She wrote back that she'll put it off to the last weekend of September because she knows that the kids will want to go with me to these events, that S is REALLY looking forward to the Charity Walk and that they both love the Burgfest... and saying "but thank you for being flexible."

My thought was that if she wasn't so fogged, she'd know when these events are too and be invited to be part of them but.... her choices, her actions, and her consequences...
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Our Community / Re: Growing3
« Last post by Mitzpah on Today at 07:23:14 AM »

The way I see it, MLCers officially unfriended LBS at the time of BD.  They had been unfriending us for a good while already by the time the bomb hit us.  When they start reconnecting, they are slowly friending us again. (By the way, it’s LBS’s choice to accept that re-friedning.)  Anyway, that’s my observation in my case.  A friend doesn’t ditch you, blames you, spew at you, treat you with discourtesy, and go find another friend to replace you.  They have shown through their actions that they do not consider you a friend.  A hard reality to face, I know, but necessary for seeing the real picture of R and I must say it did help me a lot with detachment and no expectations.  One can hardly maintains close emotional ties with a friend that has gone rogue, or expect them to interact with you like a friend.  Yes, we can be ‘friendly’ and courteous when interacting with them but be a friend?  No.



I agree - I think my h. considers me a friend and we act friendly, however, I know he is not my friend at the moment. I absolutely cannot count on him.

As for FB - pfffffft!
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Our Community / Re: Thread 31 - Taken by the Wind Part 2
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 07:18:15 AM »
A person can develop an allergy at any age, but it does not just go away.

I wasn't allergic to Nickel until I was in my 30'd.  Still have it.   ;D
Yes I agree UM, your body does respond to how you live your life....or to life changes.

I kind of like "cheating rash" myself.
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