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Our Community / Re: Babe Goes Into Battle
« Last post by KeepItTogether on Today at 01:14:11 PM »
But I am sat in front of my lovely wood burner with a glass of wine, spaghetti sauce in the slow cooker, music in the background and piles of photos around me.
It is time. And there is a purpose. And you helped me see that.
I don't want to be hiding from my own life and past any longer bc of fear it will hurt. It didn't hurt at the time as far as I can recall.

Well that sounds just lovely Treasur. I am always amazed to see how you push yourself to get to the next level, even when you know it is going to be uncomfortable at a minimum, and truly painful at the max. I tell you though, as I was catching up with your thread and reading about the threats to your life, and the indifference of your cancer and being hit by a bus, I shed a tear. You are such a lovely person, I cannot imagine how that could be possible. Except that, well, MLC. Not that it makes you feel better at all. But that this is just utter madness.  You are indeed strong and brave my friend. Hugs.
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Ah, Chardonnay. It does tend to bring on extra emotions, lol.

It is very possible that the way he presents himself to your mother-in-law is arrogant and pompous. That is one thing that everyone said about my H before he left. He presented this excessively smug and arrogant demeanor, but of course I saw evidence of what was really underneath, a man who literally hated himself.
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Well I had a bit of an LBS relapse yesterday. Still processing it all but here is the gist:

Not really certain what got into me, other than a bit of Chardonnay. But I poked the bear. Asked him if he had a lawyer. That we should move on. I loved him but I couldn't do this anymore. Yeah. I know.

His response came yesterday am. Said he didn't have a lawyer. That he loved and missed me and S12 so much. I couldn't resist. I said, "Apparently not enough to come home."  He said that wasn't true but that it wasn't that simple. That he knew I would never want him again.

I said something along the lines of him stringing me along while I take care of everything and he lives his "best life." He said, no, not at all. And he knew it wasn't fair. Then said he knew he was a horrible person. That he could never love anyone the way he loved me (past tense lol). That his heart doesn't have the ability to love anymore. That part I believe-about not loving anymore.

And that he heard I was seeing someone. Ridiculous.  I'm sure it was a fishing expedition. Which I shot down. I don't need to add any more lies to our already firetrucked up situaiton. Anyway, I ended with one of those lame, pathetic declarations of love for him. Oh how I regret that. But, if I am completely honest, THAT was honest. I do still love him. I want things to work. Even though he is with OW. How sad and lame am I? I did tell him that I couldn't even begin the process of forgiving him so long as ow was in the picture. He simply said, "Wow, you are really amazing. And I don't mean that sarcastically.'

Anyway, it hapened. I did it. Good lord. Do I reget it? A little. I was super vulnerable and said things that are not very 180-ish. On the other hand, it is my truth right now. And well, it is my anniversary next Sat so I am pretty sure that has stirred things up. I won't beat myself up about it. Just try to learn from it. Know that he is still one messed up guy.  I got hugs and cheek kisses, and maybe a little a$$ grab this am when he picked up and dropped off S12 from practice.  I don't know. I do miss him. And moreso especially when I see glimpses of old H.


Also, I spoke with MIL last week. Not sure how it all started but she said, "He's just so arrogant. He thinks he's so much better and smarter than everyone." Wow. That couldn't be further from the truth, but it made me remember that this whole crisis likely begins with her. She is still so angry at him. Doesn't seem to have any compassion for him whatsoever.  Anyway, made me feel sad for H at that moment.


The takeaway today is that I did have a relapse into some old unhealthy habits. But it is part of my journey. And I am not perfect. After practice today, S12 and I played a game of chess. He killed me as usual. I was tired and needed to do laundry. But all that can wait when there's chess to be played with S12. I realized how blessed I was once again.  That my world is pretty great. Just need to focus on the good things. Thanks everyone!




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Our Community / Re: My story
« Last post by in it on Today at 12:35:59 PM »
Good..
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Our Community / Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Last post by Rosetintedglasses on Today at 12:32:52 PM »
Welcome to your new thread Acorn and at such an exciting time in this MLC.  Great to hear about rebuilding and all that it entails!

I loved Silvers comments on your last thread about the ILY ❤️ neatly completing the circle from 💔 ILYBINILWY (which your H can’t remember -agh!).

Rose 🌹
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Our Community / Re: My story
« Last post by Seahunt18 on Today at 12:32:31 PM »
I'm working on my self. I eat, sleep, and workout.
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Our Community / Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Last post by FearNot on Today at 11:48:49 AM »
You got that right S66!

So Wednesday was 7 years since we got engaged. Made it through the day without tears  :). Thursday was the anniversary of my dad passing. It's been 24 years. Hard to believe he has been gone almost as long as I knew him.  :-[. Next week will be our 6 year anniversary and 12 years since we met. Feels like forever in some ways and a blink of an eye in others. I am feeling a little complacent lately. Not sure what that is about.

The week has been alright. It's been ridiculously cold here this week, but I guess it is winter in Canada. What do I expect. My mom comes home from her holiday today, so we'll be having a chin wag later. I am looking forward to hearing about it.

SB- You mentioned hockey and low and behold work gave me tickets for tonight's game!! Yay! Hopefully we play better than last night, although they were pretty chippy.

Not much happening this week. Should be pretty quiet.

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
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Our Community / Re: My story
« Last post by in it on Today at 11:47:14 AM »
The exs divorce took 4 months I understand how you feel. A whirlwind. You aren't even on your feet yet. You need to take care of you. Are you sleeping? Eating?
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Our Community / Re: Snuff 3
« Last post by Mitzpah on Today at 11:45:21 AM »
     Thank you mitzpah. I dont want to control anything about him. Thats the wh*r^s job. The coward doesnt acknowledge anything about me either and thats fine with me. I dont need him to.

I agree Bluerose, I don't need him to acknowledge anything - I would like it if he did, though. Kind of recognition that I am someone, if you know what I mean ??? However, I do not need it :) - I have learnt that I am responsible for soothing myself.
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Our Community / Re: Reassembling - re-thinking the design
« Last post by UrsaMajor on Today at 11:40:57 AM »
Take a peek at the Full Moon Alert IV thread.... If you dare.....  ;)

You might see. The occasional familiar theme....
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