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Our Community / Re: Look for the small stuff and survive each day
« Last post by Mitzpah on Today at 06:00:48 AM »

I honestly just feel so despondent and tired of it all.  Maybe it really is time for me to let my marriage go and just accept that he doesn't want 'us'. Maybe now is the time to truly let go.

You need to take the decision according to what you can deal with.

It definitely looks like a duck, walks like a duck....

This is tough, however, it is the time to take decisions for yourself and your life - give him the space he wants, let him go on his journey, which doesn't include you right now.

Remember this takes a long, long time - use the time you have been given wisely.
No Ex - Welcome and Thank you!

Love reading your threads.....great to read the good things that can come out of this.  I think you are amazing too!  Best wishes to your mom with her health issues!
UrsaMajor - it is sad and after I dropped her off at PT, I went and got my coffee. I didn't go right in though. I sat and cried in the parking lot. I am pretty sure that is why the young man took pity on me. It was not long period of sobbing, so I didn't have puffy eyes, etc. I tried to be light and smile when I went in, but I suspect my acting skills were not worthy of an Academy award. LOL

Thunder - it is part of what becomes the reason I pushed Xh out of that inner circle. Forgiveness is one thing, but I will never be able to move past the type of pain he is inflicting on D. I can understand he is struggling, but being a witness daily to how deep it cuts her - I don't see him having it in him to really do the work to somehow repair that.

D has said to me multiple times that she hopes I find someone who loves me and has indicated she does not want me to ever reconcile with Xh. It tells me a great deal to have her say that. He was her hero.

I believe my BIL will be doing just that at this rate. D said it again last night - her uncle got the therapy and is the one most like Xh. BIL is what Xh would be if he got help. And BIL has always been there for the kids. From the day they were born, he has been involved in their lives. The difference is now he has played a bigger part in their lives. It is in part due to the timing. His job now, while he travels is very different than when he was in the military and was overseas. Now, if D or S needed him, he has more freedom to just take vacations, etc.

I know my BIL is just being the consistent man he has always been. D and S have had good role models around them, like my F and friends, or my sister's H. But it is so important for them both to have a family member from Xh's side of the family that is there for them. The rest of the siblings are in their own crisis. D in particular is wired like Xh to a degree and I have to tell her all the time that those are not bad qualities. She seems to understand that the trick is to work through the issues as opposed to how her F reacts. I have told her, as have people like my sister that Xh was a wonderful man prior to the crisis. He had his flaws, but I didn't marry the man we see now. I have pointed out that while I have no romantic feelings for BIL and never was attracted to him in that way, I see many of the same qualities in him that Xh had. I told her to change her focus on who her F is right now and that she is like her F, but to realize she is also like her uncle and she can see how her attributes are very special.

All I can do is help D navigate her feelings and express herself. I can't fix any of this for her.
Our Community / Re: ••Crazy world: life after divorce
« Last post by STP on Today at 05:54:27 AM »
Lots going on.

My hat party was a great success. I had 24 people come over. The Connections people including AF were all gone by 9:30. They are a bunch of wussies and this weekend will be my last involvement with them. Party went to 1 am with fireside chat ending it.

KA was over WED for our dinner, more GoT watching and affection. Last night I went to my third Thursday night concert in the park. MM did not have an interest in the Pearl Jam tribute band so I was with the other two women. We had fun. One bought me a beer and the other food because I drove. Both are stunning women as well as good friends.

I got my fixed car back after 17 days since hitting a deer. Cost me $775 when insurance said it'd cost $4350 and they wanted to total it. Happy I got my way.

Tonight begins a gauntlet of activity. A 3 hr drive to southern IN after work with S18 to see three big bands with my best friend. The Cult, Bush and Stone Temple Pilots. Saturday by noon I'm back north and into MI with buddy JS, MM KAS and close to fifty others for a day of hiking with that group. Immediately after I'm to the Connections pool party. AF, PB and a dozen others there. Rounds of bunco to follow. From there I go to KAs house. She gave me a house key to let myself in if its late and sleep over.
Sunday morning we go to WI with some from the Singles group to the Bristol Renaissance faire. I will be in costume: Black, white and green garbed pirate.

I took Monday off work to rest and process photos.
Our Community / Re: Look for the small stuff and survive each day
« Last post by Sam I Am on Today at 05:53:36 AM »
NDY - I feel for you!  We are similar in BD time range and my H is pretty much on the same path as yours.

Mine moved out....moved home and then not only moved out again but moved 14 hours away chasing a skirt that he luvs.  Quit his job....left his family for her family.  Story that so many others share on this forum!

This is MLC.  Chances are he is going deeper and he needs more of a separation than what there is now.  Do him a favor and give him what he wants so he can figure out it really is NOT what he wants!  He needs to do this alone!

I had to let H go because I love him and I knew he couldn't heal with me.   You had expectations because he was acting nice to butter you up before dropping the S conversation.  Nothing personal...just a childish way to deal with things.  I remember being nicer to my parents and doing extra chores when I needed something from my parents when I was a kid too.   He is going through adolecense all over again....something I would never, ever want to do.  They were trying times!

I had expected something bad from H....and I got it based on the way he was acting leading up to it.  Just use it for yourself as learning lesson and go back to focusing on you and your needs.   

Not easy but you can do it....let him go off to Fantasy Land alone.
Our Community / Re: I need Friends
« Last post by Mortesbride on Today at 05:46:08 AM »
I have found the split inside person feeling.

Head vs heart

Hope vs Pain

Logical Vs dreams...

I think that is how people who are usually optimistic going through bad phases are. And I guess equally how a pessimistic person going through a happy spell would feel.

Our inner nature is at war with the reality around us.

But I think acknowledging the divide, we can kind of harness good bits from both sides.
Our Community / Re: Growing3
« Last post by Sam I Am on Today at 05:44:55 AM »
You are doing so well Sea....keep working on you!  Love your sense of humor!  Surprised that H laughed....good!
Our Community / Re: Old Timers Thread 2
« Last post by in it on Today at 05:38:42 AM »
I too was a SAHM homeschooled some years and loved every single second of it.  Considered it a privilege. I didn't have children to pay someone else to raise them. Overwhelmed at times?Yes of course maybe I did too much. I figured since he finally had a full time job I could take care of everything else.

I did work part time to talk to "big people"

Was I a perfect mother and wife? No I wasn't. But did the best I could..Exactly the opposite of what was done for me as a mother. I loved and cared for my children. Hugged them told them I loved them. Tried to support them emotionally and see to their needs.

I didn't see my situation with the ex as abusive. Only difficult.And somewhat "normal" due to my own FOO issues.

What got me through most of the early days of this last mess is. This would have happened to anyone they married.

And you have to admit to yourself there was something a little off with you too. That's why it's focus on you.

And if anyone here does endeavor to start a new relationship (or GOD BLESS YOU try to reconcile the old) if the work has been done and continues to be you will not have another relationship like the last one. New relationships present there own challenges dealing with the baggage left from the old ones.
Mourning, he really makes me mad!  Favoring one kid is so wrong!  I'm sorry for your d.   :'(  UGH

This will be his loss some day.  Maybe she'll choose BIL to walk her down the aisle.  Would serve him right!
Our Community / Re: Crazy train to nowhere - 5
« Last post by Reallytrying on Today at 05:33:08 AM »
Laughing at your H's comment about staying blind ;D  Should ask him how he feels about fog!

MLCers love family outings :o

Hahahaha. This is hilarious. Right there with you UM! Maybe part of why he’s with ow is cause he can’t see well 🤷🏽‍♀️  It would explain so much 😂😂😂

The comment about family outings cracked me up too. We’ve had more family outings in the past 3 weeks than we had in the past 2 years combined. So weird! Before this month only times we’ve been out in public together in the past 2 years were for school functions and we never rode together for those. Certainly no willing, no reason to do it together stuff like this past Wednesday.
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