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Our Community / Re: Working it out 23 - Reconnecting - the myth and the truth
« Last post by Yo on Today at 03:18:56 PM »
Hola! I have some questions, maybe someone would help me out...

I think H is reconnecting since last December,  pets, D6 and friends, done ✔, he is now trying with his parents, with me not yet, well, some days,
my question is...

Is a regular MLC behavior to put LBS through things? Some days he seems to be mad at me and hating me just because, I know is a regular MLC behavior but don't know if in reconnection

Another question, Could the MLC'ER go back to other stages or stay in this one more than others stages?

I guess I am asking because it feels endless or maybe is one of those days when detatchment is hidden behind the triggers

If some of you would share your experience I'll aprecciate it, and more if your story is with a Mlc'er at home like mine 🙃

Thanks ❤
Our Community / Re: BURNING MAN 8
« Last post by Watcher on Today at 03:16:01 PM »
I finally had a decent workout with 1,005 calories burned thanks to the 21yr old instructor who doesn't let me breathe. Her father is 50 and I'm 47 so she really should take it easy on me.  ::) Then again she knows how to motivate me.

My 2 gym's are located in the marital hometown so the benefit is I get to shower in my house afterwards. No communication with W today. I walked in and she had dinner ready for me.

Her and S16 were on their way out the door. She asked if I wanted to come along and I declined. She's already forgetting. She then asked if I could wait for her. We can go out after I'm done with S16. LOL...

I saw her all of 15 seconds and she gave me her ailment rundown. Foot is currently asleep. The brace is none of my business. She has low blood pressure and her monthly cycle is normal this month. However, she will have a procedure now in August to correct whatever issue she has there with her cycle.

So it's me, S19 and the dog. On Monday we brought these really cool wine glasses. Moonshine wine glass. Its shaped like a Mason jar sitting on top of your typical wine glass stem and it has a lid. So cool.

Our Community / Re: The Heart Behind The Hurt.
« Last post by OffRoad on Today at 03:15:43 PM »
Your mother has.nothing to give you because she likely has nothing to give. To herself or you. She is her own wounded bird, also likely fighting the people who could help her by closing herself off. If she can't deal with her own emotions, how can she deal with yours?

This is not condoning the behavior, but having watched my own mother die, whom I did not love due to not only not having shoes in the flower shop, but having no flowers when she advertised having them, I observed  from her ravings that many of the things she did were not personal against me, but simply her protecting herself and I was collateral damage. Sounds like an MLCer, doesn't it?  Personality issues abound all around us.

When we stop taking what others do as meaning anything about who we are, that's when healing really begins, imo.

I am sorry for the loss of your friend. Those we love will never be more than a thought apart. As long as there is memory they live on in the heart.
Our Community / Re: Help! Do I have a MLCER part 4
« Last post by Disillusioned on Today at 02:45:18 PM »
DW - Just catching up with you.  What a story.  What an amazing, forgiving and compassionate person you are.  Good on you.  Hope things work out for you and that you have years of happiness with your family moving forward.
Our Community / Re: One day's journey to Acceptance
« Last post by One day at a time on Today at 02:24:53 PM »
I came across a thread that's called "What's BOMB DROP for a Wallower??" As my H is not the typical high energy MLCer I'm always looking for anything to do with wallowers but I got a lot more out of this thread because this LBS also had MLC.

This post talks about her experience during MLC, I found it very insightful and a lot of the things she explained really resonated with me so I thought I would share it here in case anyone else finds it useful..
Our Community / Re: My Moving On Story pt. 3 - Under Your Scars
« Last post by Thundarr on Today at 01:50:00 PM »
If you have not read BBhelp's thread, they might give you some answers. His wife was in crisis and they have been back together for quite some time.

Thanks, X.  Do you know how long his W was in crisis before they reconnected?  It seems Anjae is correct in that most happen within a relatively short time, which may or may not be an indicator of MLC or possibly something else underlying.
Our Community / Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Last post by sachat3 on Today at 01:03:03 PM »
So yesterday was “my day” but also D7 sports day. I had assumed the sports day was in the afternoon like it always is but silly mummy didn’t check the newletter because 8:30am whilst I’m still in my PJs. D7 says sports day is the morning. So I check the mums WhatsApp group we have and low and behold it is. So Clington who was over to do the school run helps sort the kids so I can get dressed etc. Very rushed & stressful morning.

When Clington arrived he has £1000 in cash in his pocket (WTF?!?) however instead of putting it in his pocket so nobody could see it. He left some of it hanging out. Just hoping for it to be clocked.

At sports day Clington is very very flirty. He’s acting exactly as he would at the sports day two years ago when we were still a couple. Bearing in mind we are surrounded by people. Now I let him carry on doing what he was doing I never pulled him up at sports day because I wanted to see what he WANTED to do. If that makes sense. I wanted to see how he wanted to act.

D7 is a completely different child to D5. D5 takes sports day leisurely she’s really not bothered if she comes 1st or last. D7 on the other hand only wants 1st and there is a kid in her class who is quite frankly a nasty little b!tc#. She’s picked on D7 and even D5. So I said “come on D7. Kick her in the ankle if you have to. You’ve gotta play dirty” I don’t think D7 could hear me. But that’s when Clington picked up on the play dirty and he went “Play dirty yeah?” And I said “she knows to do what it takes to get what she wants and not give up” and he just had a teenage sulky face on him. Within minutes tho he was back to himself.

D2 was playing with my phone and said “dad” to my screensaver which at the minute is Cardi B haha! So I said “nooo that’s not da da” and Clington said “who is it?” So I said “Queen Cardi B” and then I said “my friends call me Cardi T” and he said “why? Cos of ya tits?” So I looked at him with a unimpressed look. And he said “oh your teeth?” Again I just looked at him. He then said “tbf you do have really nice teeth” I mean I do and I never needed a brace at school like most my classmates but I just laughed considering Ow teeth resemble a horse!

During sports day his mum phoned so he answered it and then came back with “my mum said hi and you’ve got a loud voice. She can hear you through the phone”.

We got in a chat with one of the other mums about types and such. This was a convo me and Clington carried on for a bit once this other mum had gone and I again described Clingtons type to him to which he replied “when people ask me my ideal woman I should just reply “sacha”. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever bitten my tongue so hard.

When we got home is when I pulled him up on his sports day behaviours. I can’t remember what he said but he said something and I just said “You can firetruck off. You treat me like I’m something on your shoe you have zero respect for me” to which he replied “your probably the person I have the most respect for in my whole life. So your wrong there”. He also admitted that this cash in his pocket wasn’t all his. Only half of it was. Which means for some unknown reason Ow has handed him £500. M U G!!

Off he went with D2. I didn’t see him again until around 6 when he came over and asked for some Pjs for the girls. I was in such a rush that morning that i forgot to pack some so I went to get them. When Clington came in I was doing the kitchen and had to keep putting Luxe (smallest kitten) back on the floor as she kept jumping up to the kitchen windowsill and as I had the windows open I didnt want her escaping.   So when I came back in the kitchen I looked on the window sill and couldn’t see her so I went to hand Clington the Pjs and he’s only firetrucking stood there with her in his arms stroking her. WHAT. THE. FIRETRUCK.

Clington then said he would do the school run in the morning.

Today it got to 8:45 (kids start school at 8:55) and he wasn’t here so I phoned him. He then said he was just leaving his door. About a minute later he came in. Took the girls to school etc. He never popped back in when he returned but I wasn’t bothered.

Around 2pm I noticed his car back on the drive. Usually he does the school run in the afternoon if he’s about, but he hasn’t said if he will or won’t. So at 3pm. He hadn’t mentioned anything and I went and did it myself. Around 3:30 I’m back and Clington comes over. We have a brief chat and from Friday the kids are off school so Clington is asking if we’re going to my mums caravan. I said we didn’t have set plans yet but I also didn’t know because of the kittens to which Clington then said and honestly it’s a good job i was sat down when he said it

“Well I can always come in and feed them change their litter (pause) or BIL can” So then I look at him and he then adds “Well or they can have a sleepover at BILs”

I also find it odd that he still refers to that house as BILs and not home. Despite the fact he’s lived there for over a year!
Our Community / Re: The battle of being strong.
« Last post by mightymama on Today at 12:19:23 PM »
It absolutely takes longer than a year to heal. But the good news is, you are doing it! It does get easier, but that first year is a real killer.

As far as reconciling after the MLCer really mucks things up? That is one of those annoying responses of, "Only you will know what your true limits are."  There are some on here who say they could never forgive if there were adultery. Which, let's face it, would be most of us hear who deal with OW/OM. Really, we cannot fathom the depths of our forgiveness and the MLCer's true remorse until it is in fact a reality.  My favorite catch phrase, and also the moniker of one of my fav LBSers is "Never say never" b/c truly, one never knows what the future holds.  All we can do is work on ourselves and heal as much as we possibly can so that the next relationship we are in, whether it is with the MLCer or another person, we will be whole.

Its one of those things where I cant right now just say, "Oh I'd kick him to the curb if he came back", or "Oh I'd take him back after talking and working on us together" until the situation really happens.  His actions are still those of running so I just stay polite and continue to work on myself regarding working on finances and job hunting and my kiddo.  I just hate how I get a glimpse of the non zombie H and I miss him.
Our Community / Re: BURNING MAN 8
« Last post by Watcher on Today at 12:15:24 PM »

She definitely wants the father role and the boys have both responded well to me. So I don't believe she will have an easy time separating us again. In the meantime I just continue to strengthen our bond each day.

She says she wants the husband role and we do continue to get along fine. However, I get her manic side and her depressed side and both determine her moods. She can be a little argumentative while depressed. She drops the F bombs in this phase.

The major factors working against her are the loss of her parents and her mounting debt. She is limited with her paycheck.

She is tied to our son's so that fact keeps her in place. I do tell her that I will be good to her if she wants an out but she will not take it. I don't want her to feel that she is stuck with me.

She is just depressed so I try to ignore her behavior and I just yes her while she is manic. I do have compassion for her. I'm looking forward to a wonderful Summer with our 2 boy's and we will see what continues to develop.

Our Community / Re: The Heart Behind The Hurt.
« Last post by Mortesbride on Today at 12:13:14 PM »
Well I am another one who tried pushing around a trolly in the flower shop looking for shoes.

My mother sells everything but shoes. She will sell you anything you want BUT the Gosh Darn shoes.  :o ::) In fact she probably has everything in the flower shop EXCEPT for the flowers and the shoes.

I honestly get where you are coming from, and I think Song might be on to something saying that the loss of this friend might be because he is the one who has been selling you the shoes.
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