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Our Community / Re: Hope and Despair - Macy's journey part 4
« Last post by Macy on Today at 11:38:05 AM »
I feel that despite so many families being shattered by mid life crises a lot is left unsaid.

I have searched the web and this is the only place where i feel that people get it. There is one marriage program in particular which claims to tackle MLC however once you pay for the course, the coach says that this condition is not recognised by psychiatrists and therapist and thus is not a real cissue. Whilst I agree that most therapists are not well read on the subject, psychiatrist believe that MLC is a notable condition. In my work as a journalist I have encountered quite a few who were able to empathise fully with the pain and anguish brought along by this sort of depression.

Having said that there are still days when I wonder if its just MLC. The lies, confusion and selfishness complicate matters further. Add the lack of reasoning to the mix and you find yourself dealing with sheer insanity.  People tell me that I have waited two years and that its unlikely that he will come out of MLC.

The worst part is wanting to reach him and instead finding someone I don't recognise and its not just me. The kids can no longer relate to him, especially when he says that he can't come back because I don't respect him. Recently S19 heard his father lamenting about this issue and he replied with this: so you give this woman bull$h!te for two years, you cheat on her, she forgives and waits for you. If this is not respect I don't know what is.

I have now stopped contact with him. I can no longer hear how I pushed him to have an affair and how this is all my fault. He claims that he didn't want this separation and yet he is the one pushing for all this.

On another note he berates the children for not telling me off for rebuilding my own life. Is the guy crazy or just severely depressed?
And then there is the immaturity and the victim role. No matter how much the children claim to be suffering he insists that he is suffering more. Someone please tell me how they become so self absorbed.

Twenty six months and counting.

Wondering when the aliens will bring him back.

Wondering if I will ever see him smile again.

Our Community / Re: My story
« Last post by OffRoad on Today at 11:36:31 AM »
Whew! That was fast and is understandable it will take a while for you to adjust. It was 2 YEARS for my X do get around to signing all the papers for the divorce he so desparately wanted, and another year for him to finish all the paperwork that separated all the financials.

You are still so early on, be patient with yourself.  They say it takes  a month for every year you were together to heal. I found that fairly accurate, though if the MLCer was exceptionally cruel, it can take longer. Especially if the LBS ended up with some form of PTSD.

Again, take care of you. Find things you like, and do them. I drove off road. Saved what little sanity I posses, because for a day or weekend, I was in control of myself and my car, and was with a group of people who left no one behind. Find your thing for yourself.
Our Community / Re: Babe Goes Into Battle
« Last post by FearNot on Today at 11:28:45 AM »

Hugs N Prayers Always!!
Our Community / Re: My story
« Last post by Seahunt18 on Today at 11:27:15 AM »

 It also helped when the divorce was final (that was my personal line in the sand. I stood until.) And the paperwork was finally finished.

That's an issue I have, it only took 3 months for it to be final. I know one day I'll get there...
Our Community / Re: My story
« Last post by OffRoad on Today at 11:22:30 AM »
It's  a time thing, Seahunt. We all get there in our own time, and it's true that for some it comes when they meet someone else. I have not, but I got there anyway.

IMO, there is letting go, which is understanding there is nothing you can do to change this, and then there is detaching, which is when you are ok with where you are and no longer are concerned with the outcome. If they come back or not, you know you will be ok. I acknowledge that is my own definition, and your mileage may vary. Many times I thought I had detached, but when it finally really happened, I knew because I was good with my life just as it is, and my MLCER is just something in my life because of the kids.

That does not happen overnight. Or even in a few months. It can be years. You can't really force it either, it comes when we are ready. I found the more interaction I had with my pod person, the worse it was for me, so I was minimal contact. It also helped when the divorce was final (that was my personal line in the sand. I stood until.) And the paperwork was finally finished.

We all wish this was a nightmare we could wake up from. Wouldn't that be so wonderful! This is one of those things we wouldn't wish on anyone, though for me, I can't say it was all bad as I have learned a lot about myself and other people.

Our MLC spouses look like our love, but whomever is in there is some stranger. We can't do anything about that, try as we might. There is a chance they may come through this and be a decent person, but the relationship we once had is gone. Any relationship we might have in the future wIll  be different. We can't do anything about that, either. What we can do is take care of ourselves and our kids, be the best of ourselves we can manage on any given day (and that will vary every single day), and keep putting one foot in front of the other while we heal, with the help of our family and friends.

This is hard, one of the hardest things you will ever go through. It makes no logical sense for someone to change, practically overnight it seems to us. Their magical thinking that everything will be just FINE as long as THEY are happy is mind boggling. Vent here. We all get it.

Take care, Seahunt.
Our Community / Re: My story
« Last post by in it on Today at 11:19:51 AM »
Hi Seahunt28,
So sorry you are here but glad you found this site
I bumped up the letting go thread maybe something in there will help.
Another relationship this soon won't work .it's like putting a band-aid on a hemmorage.

In it
Our Community / Re: Letting Go- Doesn't mean giving up or not standing II
« Last post by in it on Today at 11:16:25 AM »
Our Community / Re: Full Moon Alert IV
« Last post by UrsaMajor on Today at 11:15:13 AM »
OK folks, here it is. From my usual source and even on time. Hang on to your hats; keep calm (if possible), and carry on:

Tonight will be the first Full Moon of the year. It is called the Wolf Moon because at this time hungry wolves would howl up to the big bright January Moon outside towns and villages. It is also called the Cold Moon, Winter Moon and the Old Moon.

Tonight's Full Moon will also be a Lunar Eclipse called a Blood as the Moon will turn Blood Red for over an hour. This will happen in the early hours of the morning in North and South America the UK and Europe. In Paganism a Blood Moon opens a gateway into the heavens as the Earth, Sun and Moon align, the earth casts it's shadow over the Moon to make it turn blood red. For a brief moment in time we can commune with the spirit world and other realms.

In Christianity Blood Moons are an omen the Bible says it will be the return of their saviour Jesus Christ. The King James Bible predicts: "The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and the terrible day when the lord cometh and returns" [Joel 2:31]

Tonight's Full Moon will also be a Supermoon. The Supermoon occurs when the Moon is the closest to the earth more than any other time of the year, making the Moon appear up to 30% bigger and brighter than usual. The Supermoon not only affects nature such as the tides and wildlife it also affects us, our emotions will be heightened, our senses will be sharp, things that were hidden or in the shadows can now be seen. A Supermoon amplifies the effects of a normal Moon, we will be feeling ultra sensitive and emotional at this time. We may find ourselves feeling strong emotions we don't even understand, happy and laughing one minute, teary and sad the next, We may experience weird and vivid dreams. Don't worry this will pass, this is the effect of the Supermoon.

The word January came from the Roman name for this month. It was named after the God Janus, who was the God with 2 faces. This was the God of the past and future, beginnings and endings. This Moon is a time of protection and strength for guarding ourselves. While it is the first Full Moon of the calendar year, in terms of nature it occurs in the middle of the cold winter season, a season of death and desolation. In these respects, the Wolf Moon can be seen as a time of both beginnings and endings. We have said goodbye to the old year and are now looking toward the new year in front of us.

This is not a light and casual Full Moon
. It is kicking off 2019 in a big way, with focus on what needs to shift, change, transform, end and be released in our lives. We can use this Full Moon to get clarity on where we are holding on and what we need to let go of. This Full Moon is in the sign of Leo which will give us great strength and courage to meet any new challenges coming our way.

This can be a loony lunar peak, stand by for moments of irrationality or lashing out. Your emotions will be on high alert for a while so watch what you say to people in heated moments. Try to find some time to relax and calm down and to soothe frayed nerves. It may feel hard to make decisions at the moment you may feel you're being pulled in all direction and are not sure which way to turn. Try to stay calm and the right decisions will come to you.

The Leo Full Moon is reminding you to use your feelings to guide your life. What you think and feel matters. Feelings are your indicators in every moment. Feelings don’t lie. Feelings are never right or wrong. Feelings are the best part of you. Your power lies in what you do with your feelings. Watch out for mental obsession, when we worry we focus on what we do not want. Wherever your mind goes energy follows. Focus on what you want to happen, not on what you do not want to happen.

This Full Moon asks us to make a decision, we will feel at a cross road, to stay with the old familiar or to move into the unknown of something new. Try not to go to extremes, it is all about keeping a balance, the fires of Leo may seem out of control now, burning all in their path but they will calm and clear the way so you will feel a clarity and see everything for what it is. This may bring up crisis points but also the potential for major realization. Breakthrough moments and inner or outer shifts in our personal lives, relationships, home/family situations and career or life purpose. We are looking at big changes coming this year, steer the changes in a positive direction. open yourself up and allow love, support and happiness to enter you life.

Use the fire element aspect of Leo to burn away the old stuck and negative energy and cleanse your spirit, let the flames heal you both physically and emotional. Sometimes like a phoenix you have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise from the ashes a stronger and wiser you.

Have a blessed Full Moon.
Our Community / Re: When you let are truly free
« Last post by Seahunt18 on Today at 11:03:02 AM »
I hope one day I can get to that place you are at!

I am truly happy for you!
Our Community / Re: This woman is still part of Gods Earth!
« Last post by OffRoad on Today at 10:58:36 AM »
I'm  not sure what the difference is between a WAS and and MLC spouse.. Anyone who just walks away without trying and "turns their feelings off " for their spouse, is some kind of not the norm. Unless, of course, the norm really IS "It's all about ME!" and not loyalty, honor, compassion, caring. I sometimes wonder if I did it all wrong because I do prefer that my world is about everyone in it, not just me.

In any case, as has been said, keep trying with your D15. She  doesn't know any better. You have to teach her you weren't the one who walked away. I am hopeful that the courts will take into account that your position is not yet permanent, so salary not guaranteed at that level. I'd also like to think that she would only get a portion of your pension to equal out her own at this time, but I don't understand UK law.

I don't know about you, but I find myself quite envious of those who live in the bliss of never having been betrayed. I only trust that I can handle what people do. I don't actually trust people anymore. Maybe that's not a bad thing.  ???
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