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Our Community / Re: His behaviour doesn't match what I have read...
« Last post by strawberry on Today at 07:43:10 PM »
Are you being brief because you want/need to for you or because you are afraid to be seen as pursuing?
« Last post by Watcher on Today at 07:36:41 PM »

It took me awhile to place the focus on myself. Yes I can say that I am enjoying my summer and this has been a very good 2018. I am so thankful that I developed interests in 2018. I did the hiking and running thing in 2017 but it was a solitary experience.

Along with the Slurpee, I have developed an obsession with the vanilla creme donut at Dunkin Donuts this summer. Oh my goodness. Hahaha. I cannot buy them in New Jersey any longer because they are poorly made. A few weeks ago I was working in Long Island, NY and found the real deal from my childhood.  They even make the chocolate creme donut. They know how to make the perfect vanilla creme donut in Long Island, LOL....I burn 900 calories a day at the gym, I'm allowed to indulge  ::).

Someone turned me onto the Rocky Balboa 5k in Philadelphia this November.

The myzone system is working again at the gym,  ::) Whew.

The boy's were not home today nor was doggie  :-\. So today was day 3 of seeing no one, so I will extend it to Monday. I have a busy 3 days ahead. 3 work night shifts, a photo shoot at the gym tomorrow, 5k on Saturday morning, and a fundraiser Sunday morning at the gym to raise money for paralysis victims. I have no time until Monday to check in at home.

So I am going to bed before I go all deep thinking mode, lol.

Have a good night everyone


Our Community / Re: Replanted and Growing 2
« Last post by Azioni on Today at 07:35:52 PM »
You know when life is going on cruise control, going well, getting things at work to synch well...then out of left field the trigger pops up like a whack-a-mole. (Hmmm, I should use this visual in my meditation! ::) )

Doing the lesson on background of "The Odyssey". This includes the Trojan War and what lead to it. I knew it could be a trigger, so I meditated yesterday,  worked out yesterday, tried to make sure I did all I could to reduce stress around it. But it hit me hard. Then, while making a dentist appointment and looking at my calendar I figured out why. It is the day I met Shrek-villa. The day 'it' decided that 'it' needed to ramp up things and bed my H as I was mostly healed from double surgery and the window of vulnerability would slam shut. (2 weeks later 'it' succeeded. )

I don't write the date on the board my TA does, which has helped me as I'm date oriented, and it's on a board I typically do not really look at while lecturing.  Sometimes I hate that my mind is wired this way. It's great in my line of work, but horrible for triggers around A season. It's like dancing blindfolded in a minefield sometimes.

I've made a decision that tomorrow is going to be a swim day at the gym after work. I need to soak my head before I go into the weekend.
Our Community / Re: Is it my turn yet?
« Last post by megogirl on Today at 06:53:13 PM »
I get it.... all of it. 

I was "Donald Trumped" by my MLC'er, in the middle of the night.  I was obviously mortified, and then went to sleep in the guest room.  The next day, when confronted, he claimed he "was asleep!"

That was followed up by another sexual assault, soon afterward.  As I was screaming "NO!", he chased me around while masturbating, eventually ending with him ejaculating, all over me.

Hence....why "I can't even" at all of the drama you'd described.   

Our Community / Re: Thread 31 - Taken by the Wind Part 2
« Last post by Dumbfounded on Today at 06:50:38 PM »
« Last post by hope2018 on Today at 06:04:54 PM »

So I went back and read your post on the awakening - thank you again it is so helpful.

You said his behavior was gradually improving since October.  What did you see?  Kindness, more contact....?  But you also said he mentioned divorce in the past weeks- So I am assuming this was all cycling?

Did you see his replay behaviors reduce prior to October?

Glad to hear you were able to put your foot down and get him to turn around- I am so happy for you!

I plan on pushing for financial assistance (at an attorney/judge mtg).  He may not be able to give much to me and the kids due to losing hos job 7/23 but I should not have to pay for everything. He has lost so much in the past month. Do you think this is something that may help him realize how much he is losing- especially having to say go ahead with the divorce?  Maybe he isn't there to even care?   I can't worry about it hurting him - I only want it to help him so he can heal and I need to make sure the kids and I are taken care of financially.

Thanks for sharing your story!!
Our Community / Re: Is it my turn yet?
« Last post by Anjae on Today at 05:57:03 PM »
I just can't even with this. I'm sorry....

With what? That there are MLCers who have physically hurt the LBS, but want back? It is true.

That if those who have went so far want back, it is quite likely the ones who haven't will also want back? Quite plausible and logical.

MLC is not a nice fantasy, it includes many, many horrible things. Like Nas husband not being there for her while she is fighting cancer. Like leaving the LBS pennyless. Like being physically abusive.

Our Community / Re: His behaviour doesn't match what I have read...
« Last post by Anjae on Today at 05:53:00 PM »
Everything you wrote matches the behaviour of many MLCers.

Maybe you have only been reading threads of newbies? Try reading the theads of those with light and dark purple threads, the ones reconnecting and reconciled, including those on the archives.

Three years is not that long in MLC land. And if his OW was gone January 2017 and there isn't another, he had a very short Replay.

I don't know if he is still cycling coming out of his tunnel(in Liminality. Usually MLCers get a new job when they are in crisis since they start do deslike their old job. Hard to say what the new job means.

Look, you have the right of needing me time and to spend some time without contacting your MLCer. However, since he has become a clinger and you were in daily contact, maybe next time tell him that you need space for a while and that you will contact when you fell ok? Or give him atime frame for when he can start to contact you?

Only time will tell what is going on with your husband.
Our Community / Re: Is it my turn yet?
« Last post by megogirl on Today at 05:45:21 PM »

There are also the stories of those HS LBS who left and had an alienator and who, when the fog left, all wanted their spouse. The spouse was gone. LP's husband, who tried to kill her, wants back with her. She is not, or last she wrote about it, was not, interested. If a MLCer that tried to kill the LBS wants back, I think it is safe to all the ones who never tried to kill the LBS will also want back. Mr J also tried to kill me (and there are a few others). These guys did all the high energy MLCers do plus being physically violent to the point of trying to kill the LBS.

I just can't even with this. I'm sorry....
Our Community / Re: Why no name for the OW pal?
« Last post by Anjae on Today at 05:44:35 PM »
I think I once called something less kind to OW1 after I knew who she was. But that was it. I refered to her by name and so did Mr J. Not that he talked much about her. We knew her before she was OW1. It would be weird not to refer her by name.

Mr J never used we for him and OW1. Think once or twice he say OW1 and I. OW2 name showed on Mr J divorce court cases as his "current companion" or "the person Mr J lives with".

I give it to the Universe. Calling names to OW only giver her power and means we are wasting our energy with her.

Most talks I had with Mr J when he left were about music, film, art, our kittens, no need to mention OW.

I also know how OW is personality disordered and very insecure that H will return to me.

Is she has a personality disorder, then your husband is with someone who has issues. Just like he has. Probably the reason why they are with each other. An healthy person would not want a MLCer.

Are we allowed to pray for a sudden onset of alopaecia maybe?  Not life threatening, but...

Think that is to bring bad karma upon us... pray for her to find the light, leave the MLCer, and lead a happy life with someone single.

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