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91
Our Community / Re: They just don't understand 2
« Last post by Stand Tall on January 19, 2019, 08:01:42 PM »
Thank you all for responding,

  Upon further research into a hardship loan from his Thrift Savings Plan (Retirement plan) he will need me to sign giving him permission to take out the money. This is not a loan. This is a withdraw of the entire retirement fund except for the monies that the government contributes to his retirement. He will not have to pay this money back. The only stipulation that I would like to change in the deal is stating that he will then owe me half of all funds or loans that he has or will withdraw. He will also need to prove he is in hardship. As far as I know he is still employed at this job and receives his normal paycheck. He will need to sign a document stating his hardship.

  I'm just trying to make this all easy for the both of us. I'm trying to keep the courts out of this. smh

  Treasur,

  I did not hear back from the L on Friday. You ask what would happen to me if the house forecloses. Right now I have basically moved to my S house. I babysit my GS during the week and try to go to my house on the weekends. So for me I will just live here with my S and his family full time. Continuing with my plans of GAL. I don't want to lose the house because I believe that H and I would be able to live in the apartment when/if he comes out of this crisis and we would be mortgage free. Also, with all the financial irresponsibility on H part, we wouldn't even be able to rent a storage unit to live in if he came back.

  Since I took the responsibility of paying all the utilities during this separation (H told me upon leaving on his journey that he would pay the mortgage and I should pay the utilities) and have not received any maintenance monies from H I feel it would be fair for him to pay what is in arrears and the house payments until I get it rented. I have a renter lined up, but did not rent it to this person for fear of foreclosure. I would put them in the house asap.

  On one hand helping him get the money to bring the house current has many benefits for the both of us. On the other hand I don't want to rescue him. I want him to suffer the consequences of his actions. I'm also thinking that me helping helps me in some small way of keeping the light burning at the lighthouse. Showing him that home is where the strong foundation is.

 Thanks again everyone. Your support is priceless.
-Stand
92
Our Community / Re: To The Stars is back with an update :)
« Last post by tothestars on January 19, 2019, 07:18:28 PM »
LMAO stillbaffled 🤣🤣🤣

Oh my gosh girl I would so so love to hit the open road with you!!! Just the open highway and beautiful scenery!!
93
Our Community / Re: My Loving Wife Turned Against Me One Day 6
« Last post by cld on January 19, 2019, 07:12:30 PM »
Megogirl,

Tell me about his messed up childhood
94
Our Community / Re: Husband is moving out
« Last post by megogirl on January 19, 2019, 07:04:09 PM »
I guess I am answering my own question. I just am doubting anything new will come from him he had six months to change his mind and go to marriage counseling

Sweetie, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but 6 months is NOTHING. Case in point: it took the founder of this site 3.5 YEARS to return.....and that is a pretty normal trajectory.

It takes a lot of time, and patience.  You will question, over and over again, whether or not your relationship is worth it to you to keep Standing.   

And that is why the majority of MLC marriages end up in divorce.  Because the LBS has simply had enough.

95
Our Community / Re: Husband is moving out
« Last post by Ophelia on January 19, 2019, 06:40:16 PM »
Hi all, just wanted to get some advice from you all.
Recap...H dropped bomb jul/18, agreed to MC, last 5 months no sex except once, he gave me lots of mixed messages and was irritable, short with me, cold, etc, he had been secretive with the phone, and finally last week I got on the computer and found out he had put money down on a penthouse apt, i confronted him and asked to see his phone and he handed it to me, nothing there but he could have erased everything, denies another woman and then he told me .....he was unhappy. I told him he makes me sick and kicked him out of the house.

H called MC drunk from his hotel room that night and was crying and saying ,,its not my fault and i tried so hard,,,blah blah,,,but nothing about how he wants to work things out. MC told me H is depressed, cant be vulnerable, copes with life by working all the time,,etc,  and surprisingly the therapist told me not to take it personally and a lot of this has to do with him and not me. This was a relief to me but we still are going to have to meet and talk to one another about our next steps.

My husband met with our marriage counselor two days ago  and didn’t say that much that was different he loves me but doesn’t know what to do doesn’t see a way out but also ask the therapist if he works with couples that are separated. My husband has texted me a few times to  apologize for what he has put me through and that I don’t deserve it but I don’t want to hear it I just feel like he’s feeling extremely guilty and he’s probably still going to want out of our marriage. He also keeps calling me by my nickname which is irritating me.  Sorry if I am repeating myself I will get on with my concern he wants to meet tomorrow and take a walk and I honestly I’m really nervous about it I’m afraid that I’m going to blow up on him and I know that some people on this board would say to detach or to treat him like he is a neighbor, I just don’t want to get my hopes up and I also don’t want to get hurt anymore and I also feel like I don’t want to absolve him from his guilt. 

He’s been out of the house for a week and I have actually Leslie enjoyed it because I was walking on egg shells for six months but I’ve also had some very low moments I do not want us to be together until we have worked on ourselves and can completely trust each other again. I guess I am answering my own question. I just am doubting anything new will come from him he had six months to change his mind and go to marriage counseling and he bailed and was looking at an apartment so I don’t see how in the last Week he had some kind of Apiphany and wants to work things out. That’s all I really have to say I’m nervous That once again he is going to give me false hope.
96
Our Community / Re: The long slow dance 2
« Last post by megogirl on January 19, 2019, 06:25:18 PM »
Clearly, he's working hard to keep me on the hook but he's giving me just enough to to keep me there an not even on ounce more. 

Hello.....ANCHOR CHECK!

You've come this far.  So, why quit now?!
97
Our Community / Re: They just don't understand 2
« Last post by Treasur on January 19, 2019, 06:22:36 PM »
Your son is smart.
No explanation needed. You stated your terms. That's it, restate them once and see who blinks.
What happens to you if nothing happens? Presume you have taken L advice?
98
Our Community / Re: The long slow dance 2
« Last post by strawberry on January 19, 2019, 06:15:16 PM »
Got a letter from the court today regarding H's divorce filing  It's basically a notice that neither of us have filed required paperwork per the deadlines and ordering figure it out or appear before the court in March.   It's also a notice that a $50 fine is being levied, though it doesn't specify to which of us it's being sent.   I had to look up the first thing they listed and it was the confirmation of service so my fears that he forged my signature or had someone else do it have been alleviated (I really hate that this is something I even had to suspect).  H was here when I opened the letter so I let him read it (we both assume there is one in his mailbox as well given the way the letter was addressed and highlighted).  He said he'd call them this week and figure out what needed to be done.  I commented that I imagined their response would be that he needed to move forward with the D or withdrawal it.  I think he figured he could just let it go indefinitely without action and I was pretty sure the courts would not allow that.  Most of what I read online that was many courts in this area would just dismiss the case if no service was ever done, but that seemed to be an assumption and not anyone having experience with it.

So I guess we are reaching a crossroads.  I'm not sure what H will do.  Clearly, he's working hard to keep me on the hook but he's giving me just enough to to keep me there an not even on ounce more. 

I think H was nursing some kind of delusion that he could divorce me and we'd go on as we had been, basically as friends with benefits.  I have made it clear that isn't going to happen.  Divorce is the end for me.  There will be no friendship.  I will be a vanisher at that point. 

I think I'm at peace with either path H takes at this point.  I want to repair our marriage, but I'm just so tired.  I was looking back at the last 4 years and I guess BD1 was in July of 2015 when he woke up one day and told me he'd had a dream that we were getting a divorce and it got really nasty and he was moving out.  He was gone for 2 weeks.  What I know now, that I didn't know then was he was already involved with MOW1.  Or maybe it was the previous November when I caught him having a very inappropriate text exchange with her.   It's been a very long 4 years.  I'm ready for him to fully commit to working this out or just calling it quits.  I think both options will be hard on me, even harder than living in limbo, but the pain is inevitable.
99
Our Community / Re: My Loving Wife Turned Against Me One Day 6
« Last post by megogirl on January 19, 2019, 05:41:03 PM »
cld, I'm afraid your old-fashioned values will be scorned upon here.....

I'm old-fashioned, too, as is H.  So, H & I lived our lives that way....and it worked, for 17 years!

The problem arises when one enters MLC.  All previous values/ideals are then thrown out the window.  I know....it's frightening.

Keep the faith xxx   
100
Our Community / Re: My Loving Wife Turned Against Me One Day 6
« Last post by cld on January 19, 2019, 05:31:18 PM »
I am tired of the mess that I see out there, there is too much craziness.  I'll go back to natural values, and what are they?
They are very simple and they worked for thousands of years.
1. The man protects and provides for the family.
2. The woman raises the children, cleans, cooks and is lovely to her man.

That's simple and very hard to find nowadays.
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