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Our Community / Re: And the Drama carries on 2
« Last post by megogirl on March 23, 2019, 02:19:50 PM »
Milly.....I'm trying to fake it.  Not easy.

In it, I didn't realize you lost your Ds.  I'm sorry.  How the hell does that happen?  You were the jilted one!

S16 has a buddy over now, and more friends coming over for a sleep-over.  Then tomorrow, we'll have a party at the local arcade.  Not sure what his dad is doing today to mark the occasion.

Just another day in MLC-land.
Our Community / Re: Only Love can kill you but keep your heart beating.
« Last post by Rising Phoenix on March 23, 2019, 02:15:43 PM »
Thanks 1t. 10% is my lowest. I will go in with that but I will listen to my L advice and hopefully offering to complete his divorce for him may pursuade him to get moving. I don’t want to shock him. I want security for my kids and something that’s mine. H can complete at anytime without financials as h is the petitioner so if I leave it I am still at risk from ow as he can apply for the last bit of divorce on Monday if he wished and I could be divorced by Friday and still no financials. I am actually relying on ow pushing if I offer so that I can have my own house and space that is just purely mine and my kids. Plus I should be able to clear some debts h left me with. I don’t want to be sitting here in a couple of yrs time and my house is reclaimed by the mortgage company as my h changed our mortgage from repayment to interest only and I have no endownment to pay the remainder at the end of the term which I’d not long.

A friend said do this and that as will hit him harder. I don’t want to hit  him harder as it’s not about getting at him. I suppose a large part is selfish reasons in that his divorce had been sitting there for 18 mths and I can’t stand the wonder every day of  is this the day I am divorced.! Is this the day I get my decree absolute through the post. My heart is in my throat whenever I get an email from my solicitor. The suspense gets to me at times so if I finish off his divorce, I know where I stand and that stress is removed.

I feel the kids and I are getting on with our lives really well at the moment and that this is the next step.

I have been considering this option for some time. H has said several times he can break in and remove stuff without my say so and I can’t do a thing. The kids wish to move also as we feel like prisoners in our own town. I won’t go into town to shop in case I bump into them. I never wanted to let my house go but I think it’s time for a new start and my mums health is deteriorating so I may also take my mum with me as she will need help in the next 2 yrs I think.

It’s time to fully let go, I’m sick of sitting in the waiting room so I’m going through the door to the next chapter.

I would of still of thanked him but I didn’t. I think that is all he is perhaps capable of but who knows. It was to pave the way to communication not pave the way to reconciliation as I don’t want reconciliation. I will stand for what my marriage was but that’s all.

I told my solicitor when she asked what I wanted to do as she had not heard from h aince August and I said nothing so she will close my file and I have spent enough. I don’t want to fight h in court re finances and he won’t do mediation so I’m a bit out of options also on that front. I have tried to do a finatianal settlement and have started mediation 4 times but he won’t do and my solicitor says it will be between £5k and £10k to take to court. H knows I can’t afford that. I am offering to complete his d to get a financial settlement if that makes sense. Xx

Our Community / Re: Only Love can kill you but keep your heart beating.
« Last post by Milly on March 23, 2019, 02:12:37 PM »
RP, I completely understand your desire to push forward with the D to get a better handle of the finances and the house especially. I think we need to feel we own a home for our kids that no one can take away. Do be careful for all the reasons 1t talked about. Maybe offer the 15% whilst asking for maintenance so that your bargaining chip is that you will give up the maintenance but not budge on the house.

There is the risk that if we push forward with the D we make it easier on the OW to get that wedding they were after from day one.
Our Community / Re: Keep it simple
« Last post by Milly on March 23, 2019, 02:04:59 PM »
Congratulations to your D and her job! Some great news for you all!
Our Community / Re: Only Love can kill you but keep your heart beating.
« Last post by 1trouble on March 23, 2019, 01:30:58 PM »

I read your post today and I would caution you to take your time for the following reasons

1) are you sure you really want to start the divorce and take it to a conclusion?
I ask because this is a vulnerable time for you with your childrens birthday and just yesterday you were thinking of
texting your MLC'er to thank him for your daughters birthday card.

Are you sure this isn't you wanting to hurt him and say fnck you? or maybe there is a small part of you who thinks this
will shock him?

I would urge you to wait a week or two after the last childs birthday and see how you feel

2)  I don't know where the £15k comes from but why go in with that sort of offer straight away?
I use to negotiate for a living and if that's your top offer you NEVER go straight in with that, you start with something low and then
there is room to manoever

3) I really would urge you not to divorce without a financial settlement, because divorce is the biggest bargaining chip you have and once its done you could then be very vulnerable financially.

I know your H seems to not want to pursue the divorce and maybe he really doesn't want it but you can bet your bottom dollar the OW really does …………….AND if you go through with this you are handing her the wedding she wants and then she is entitled to half of your MLC'ers assets....
And once the 'wedding' is over she will get bored and then she will want what she sees as 'her' share of your house...

Believe me I know, in my situation my MLC'er gave in regards the divorce BUT he (thankfully) was prepared to fight her for the house. As soon as the divorce appeared to be going through she then started to want him to change our financial settlement and go for a share of my house, she was looking up the valuation I put on the financial settlement and checking the price of houses round here and saying it was undervalued and he should get it revalued...….! thankfully (as my MLC'er say it he would sacrifice himself but not my home).
I gave him our caravan in the settlement (As without kids and with a lot of equity in the house I thought it would help it go through the court easier, which it did ) BUT even now she is constantly pushing him to sell it and he is very relunctant to sell because he doesn't want her to have any of it)…..

The UK law is an ass and I would urge you to really think about what you are saying you want to do and think it through and be very clear what you want and what your next steps are to protect yourself and the kids...
Our Community / Re: A long story of finding myself all over again.
« Last post by Mitzpah on March 23, 2019, 01:23:23 PM »

Yesterday, after much research, I purchased a new grill. It's a camp chef woodwind pellet grill with a sear box. I used my Costco rebate to buy it. My last grill burnt up and I haven't had one for over a year. It will arrive next week. Now, I am truly back to being a man. FIRE, MEAT, SMOKE, FIRE!!!!!

Oh, wow!! I really miss that - I guess I am not that good a bbq-er ::) however much I love a bbq  :P

I have the grill - I just 'want' a man to man it ;D
Our Community / Re: Where is my W 2
« Last post by Milly on March 23, 2019, 01:21:35 PM »
Oh, FA, your W is major monster! I agree with everyone else, keep a record of her messages. The threatening message could be very useful to use against her if she tries to go after full custody but I don't think it will have value unless you were to file a complaint against her. I suspect though that there is a time limit to how long after receiving it you can complain about it. Here it is 3 months. You could always make a complaint and hold on to it until the last minute. You can always change your mind. Ask your L about it. I do believe it could be a strong tool to use against your W. I'm sure you want her to have her 50% time with the kids, but she should not take the kids from you.

What a hard time you're having. Try to ignore any message that doesn't require you answering. Very hard to do, I realize. Just don't bit the hook. Don't answer angrily or rudely and be extremely careful about not saying anything that could be considered a threat. I wouldn't trust your W right now. She is out to get you. She is not a well person right now and is lashing out like a caged animal.
Our Community / Re: Crazy train to nowhere - 7
« Last post by Reallytrying on March 23, 2019, 01:21:25 PM »
It’s been way easier to not react than in the past. It’s not like I’m biting my tongue or holding myself back - I honestly don’t have any more firetrucks to give 🤷🏽‍♀️

31 it’s funny you should say to meet a man for drinks. I did go to dinner on Monday. Nice guy but no love connection for sure. But H was holding my phone on Thursday when I got a “what are you doing” text from a guy. He didn’t say a word just handed me the phone 😂😂😂. He was very relaxed here on Thursday. D was out and S was napping and H and I were brainstorming how to handle stuff with D school. He eventually went to use the bathroom - #2. He hasn’t done that here in a long long time 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️.  Today he came to pick up S and friends to take them to play sports. He was clearly hungry. Eventually ate the food leftover from when I bought the kids a fast food lunch. He looked like a scavenger.

I’m headed out tonight to a show. It’s a person H loves too so I was nervous that I’d have to sit there seeing them the whole time but it doesn’t appear that he’s going. I was originally hoping to take my guy friend because he and I watch this perforce all the time but he’s out of town so my girlfriend and I are headed out. H will be back tomorrow. We ar celebrating S bday. He turns 14 on Monday.
Our Community / Re: BURNING MAN 5
« Last post by Watcher on March 23, 2019, 01:15:42 PM »
Hi Thunder,

Without a doubt I'm a skinny mule at 205 lbs. She definitely wants me to fatten up, lol. The problem Thunder is I have recognized this behavior before and then she sucks me back in.

After 7 months of NC I responded within a day because she contacted me. I have to stop doing that.

I read Noexpectations the other day. Noex is one of my favorite threads. Noex always had it going on grilling that tuna steak amongst other things.  :)  She mentioned how her H went away for a weekend I believe and she was kind of happy. She feared that she was losing herself again.

That's exactly how I felt in November. I was skipping the gym. Missing work. Driving her to and from work everyday. Pretty much losing myself. It's not easy having contact with them again.

It's your new life rejecting their attempts to put you back in that box. I have to be honest with myself. I was forced to get a new life because she left me. We can say crisis or whatever,  however the fact is she left me devastated and I had to rebuild myself.

So maybe I need to do a better job of protecting what I had to build after I was discarded. This is her separation and it was forced upon me.

I was ripped from my home and ripped from my family multiple times because I kept going back. So maybe now I have a better understanding and won't place myself in that predicament again. I hope I've learned.  ::)

Yes I'm looking forward to tomorrow and the pleasant weather. Yes I will do my best to avoid the rocks, lol.

Thank you Thunder  :)
Our Community / Re: And the Drama carries on 2
« Last post by in it on March 23, 2019, 01:13:37 PM »
Sweetie is not easy when milestones like this get missed.

I know there is nothing that feels normal about this. I've missed both my D's 21st because they have an over the top unreasonable violent controlling monster of a father.

My kids were my whole life. Stayed at home with them home schooled them for some grades. Told them I loved them, held them  hugged them, laughed and cried with them. Probably not a perfect mother but I do love my kids. I haven't seen or heard from them in 6 years.I have totally forgotten what their voices sound like. From time to time I can hear their laughter. I'm pretty down on their birthdays and the holidays. I think of them everyday..pray for them.

 Mego try to be grateful you are able to spend time with him. I didn't know it when they both lived with me just how good that really was. Even with ex not in the picture ( although that's all I focused on was that we weren't a "family" anymore) No one could have told me I would lose my own flesh and blood in this mess. Never been through such a loss or the amount of pain I went through due to that.

I keep thinking maybe if I did this or that Or hadn't gone back and tried to put the family back together maybe that wouldn't have happened. Maybe I would have lost them anyway. I'm always sad due to it. It's in degrees..I'm crying typing this.

Do you have anything planned?
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