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Our Community / Script sentences and WTF moments 2
« Latest by xyzcf on September 16, 2020, 08:43:10 PM »
I really do not believe that we have any idea of the "real" outcome of what happens in our members lives. Many members stop posting after they stabilize themselves but we don't know what happens in their future.

Other's go on to new relationships and even if their MLCer attempts to come back, they are not interested or not available anymore. I doubt many of these members return to document what has happened.

2 couples that I know who remarried after divorce, one occurred 7 years after BD, the other was 18 years...both are very happy. Another member who was very active on HS remarried after several years, but she had left the site a couple of years before he returned home. That's three that I know of off the top of my head.

A very good friend of mine, also an HS member, is definitely reconnecting with her husband and it has been 11 1/2 years since BD.

Lately I have seen this "message" being posted, twice this week and there is no factual basis to is opinion, that's all.

The important thing is not to base your life on whether they return or not. At this moment, they are not home or if they are home they are not over their crisis....go and live your life....their crisis will resolve in it's own time and the outcome is not and never has been in your hands..unless you decide not to accept them back under any circumstances.
Our Community / Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
« Latest by Thunder on September 16, 2020, 08:34:13 PM »
That may be the "key" word Standing.

If they have it in them to try.  Really try.
That takes a lot of courage from them.
Our Community / The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Latest by stillbaffled on September 16, 2020, 08:24:52 PM »

I will get back into my wreath making. I have some projects to paint for the new home so I'll be keeping entertained and my cousin is a 4 minute drive, so we can raise hell now and again ;).

I think I am doing ok. I have a lot of catching up to do on everybody here!!

Nice update, FN! 
Our Community / Celebrating five years of freedom
« Latest by stillbaffled on September 16, 2020, 08:18:52 PM »
Hoping for good results for you both, Ms. Med and Nas.   

Keep us updated. 
Our Community / It’s the little things in life...
« Latest by Standing Strong on September 16, 2020, 08:11:09 PM »
You sound great FJ  :D

Wonderful update  ;D

Those storms..... can't we have a couple years without any? Someone should tell them the rules say shelter in place.... no storms allowed.  ;)

Our Community / Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
« Latest by Standing Strong on September 16, 2020, 08:08:28 PM »

The only few I have seen over the years who seemed to come out of it have been pretty short term MLCer's (less than 2/3 years), or those who never left home.

Maybe it is because they really did have a midlife "transition" but never got to the level of a real crisis.  I don't know.

It will be interesting to see how this site evolves over the next 5/10 years when we have more data and more stories.

I think it just comes down to pass or fail T....... They all have the choice, but the choice is their's to make.
Sad as it is, it's easier to throw it all away then actually try. If they try, they can make it (IMO).

Our Community / It’s the little things in life...
« Latest by Finding Joy on September 16, 2020, 07:19:33 PM »
Hurricane Sally surprised us all.  It passed us as expected and then looped around.  We got a direct hit.  I live near the water, but thankfully the house did not flood as we are on a hill.

They will be cleaning this area up for some time.  This evening we were all out doing our part.  I was able to charge my phone in my car as we are without electricity.  I’m thankful to have phone service again, we lost it for most of the day.  We do have water🙌🙌🙌.

The kids will end up missing a week of school, they haven’t gone since last Friday.  So many down trees and just a hot mess.  Some houses are no longer livable for the time being on our street due to trees falling on the roof.  Most of us will need new roofs.  Our back shudders came off and the water did get in through the windows, but we just kept using towels.

This was my first hurricane.  We were supposed to get hit the last two years and didn’t.  I’m thinking we need new windows, but not sure.  We’ve gotten hit on the back end for days, but at 1am we got a direct hit.  I didn’t think much of it at first because it was a category 1, but then just before landfall it was just shy of a 3.

For some reason at 2am our fire alarms started going off.  It was really confusing because we had no electricity and of course we were half asleep.  I ended up eventually sending the kids back to bed and just kept watch for awhile.  This happened several times.  I’m so thankful we are all safe.  Hopefully we won’t lose all of our food in the fridge.

My h did keep in contact all through the night and today.  He is trapped out on a FL Key.  They have major flooding and he sent a video of his house, it’s pretty ripped up.  I’m nervous we will be without power as they said the last direct hit left the area without power for weeks.

It’s odd, he does care, but still less empathy than other family and friends.  I’m not trying to compare, but today a male friend sent me a voice message.  Basically saying he thought a voice would be more comforting than a text.  That he is praying for us, that I am a strong person and that he is praying specifically for my 9 year old who is afraid of storms. 

It’s tough to hear that from a friend when your own husband cannot seem to muster up that kind of concern.  That said, I see major progress, no expectations as I know it could stop at any point.  He is definitely more present lately with me and the kids. 

I guess it’s just tough to know your value, know that currently they don’t pass muster, but still try your best not to write them off as unsalvageable.  Lately as I am in such a good place, I do have more compassion on my h.  Though I don’t waste much time sitting around thinking of him, I’m living my life.  I recognize that he is lost and is much like the prodigal son.

I do wander if it is possible for me to love him in that way again.  To respect him.  It would be easier for me to love someone new, but I do recognize marriage is worth fighting for if given the chance.  Key word IF.
Our Community / Re: Every storm runs out of rain - 3
« Latest by MourningDove on September 16, 2020, 06:46:53 PM »
The universe is so odd sometimes. I happened to be on FaceBook and I am so careful about what I post, etc.

Tonight, I was just checking in to see what my friend had posted for me, as he likes to send me my horoscopes, although sometimes he sends me like the past 3 days in a row. It is not something I follow faithfully, but often they make us both laugh. Once in awhile they are scary how they seem to align with what went on.

I looked at my message from him with my horoscope and then saw a couple of posts. One I responded to. One was noting my first boyfriend's - at least what would have been - birthday. I remembered the date yesterday and had said a little prayer. I always pray he has finally found peace and knows how much he was loved by those who truly knew him. And, I pray that his S realizes what a truly kind soul his F was. I posted a note to his sister, who had put his picture up today. There was the smile I knew so well.

It made me think of him and how the drugs and partying he started doing - what drove me away - just hijacked so much of his life. It took him so much time to figure out he had the strength to stop.

And, strangely there came the next post from one of my former students from years ago. She was a fighter. She had every reason to cave to the same issues and fought her way out of it. Her eldest D is now fallen into that trap. I don't often respond to these things, but I sent her a message. I told her that she has done all she can right now and it is up to her D to do the hard work - I know that she gave the girl all the right morals and tools. All she can do is a parent is to step back and pray right now that her D has the strength somewhere inside her to fight those demons.

The weight of those 2 posts was a bit much and I felt a little bit of a sense of loss and wondering where my life is leading right now. And I think it was just coming down from yesterday's BS and the other stresses. Not having my teaching is a hard thing for me. I am busy, and I am pushing to be creative again, but I am feeling a little bit like not really knowing what is up. And, earlier I was a little angry, I will admit with the circumstances. It seems so unfair that I loved teaching and I was good at it and yet, here I am just spinning my wheels due to the circumstances. And, I am determined not to let myself fall into the poor me pity party. That isn't it. But, I think I was feeling a little blue tonight.

And then out of nowhere came a blip on my computer screen. It was through messenger on Facebook, not a friend of mine that I have confirmed, but there was a note. I knew the name right away, or at least recognized the name and the minute I saw the image I knew it wasn't some random person. But, it was certainly not someone I expected. I answered the message.

It was from a former student from my second year of teaching high school level back in 1993-94. I was so young - OMG. These kids weren't much younger than me as I look back. The former student said he wasn't sure if he had the right person and apologized if he didn't. He did. I laughed and said I remembered him well. He was always in my computer area asking questions.

He said he was really poor growing up and couldn't afford a computer so I let him take the manuals home and read them. I laughed and said yah, I would have gotten into a lot of trouble for that, but I remember doing that. I would have bought new ones out of my own pocket if I had to.

He went on to tell me he found the first book we published that year. It was a magazine idea that I pushed to have happen and the administration funded it with no questions, but my stipulation was I wanted the kids to be involved completely from the name and the images. We worked tireless hours on that thing and this guy still has a copy. It is something the school still publishes now.

He told me that he wanted to thank me and that was why he reached out. He informed me that he went into the art industry and followed his dream to make and edit movies and music. He told me who he works for and where he lives now. He said I believed in him and he is so grateful for my support.

I told him he had no idea how much that meant to me tonight in particular.

He went on to tell me that he knew my job was incredibly difficult at the time and the other students knew how hard I fought for them. And he said I never said anything bad about the situation I was in. He was right. There were multiple issues I was brought in to take over and fix. It was a daunting task and the kids apparently knew that I was there many nights very late and had a key to the building with special privileges. How they found out is beyond me, but I suspect the head of security, who the kids trusted let them in on the reality. There were nights I would be there on a Friday night until nearly midnight trying to prep for the next week just to get things in order. It would be part of the reason I pushed myself to move back out to where I live now - because it was too easy to go into work when I only lived a few minutes away. The longer commute forced me to step back and not be a workaholic.

It has made me realize tonight, I don't regret what time I gave my students at the time. And, many have done well. Many have had some pretty remarkable careers and followed their dreams.

Maybe it brings me to my own dreams. I never intended to go into teaching - ever. And, I am glad I did, but what were some of my goals and dreams? Have they changed or maybe I have buried a few and dismissed those along the way. IDK.

No matter what, tonight, I am so glad to hear that this guy is living his dream. He was a kid that had nothing and came from a pretty dire situation. He knew what abuse was. He was always a good soul and was kind hearted. That I never doubted. Tonight reminded me that there are still reasons to have faith and believe in things that are good in the world. Sometimes the universe gets it right.
Our Community / Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
« Latest by Thunder on September 16, 2020, 06:42:37 PM »
Oh my gosh Nas, who could have been more supportive of him than you?

Will he ever remember this?
Will any of them remember the partner they spent years with who stood beside them before their mind turned to mush?

I know a midlife crisis is serious, but I have to wonder sometimes if it really does change their brain chemistry somehow.  It seems so few ever really come out of it better.

The only few I have seen over the years who seemed to come out of it have been pretty short term MLCer's (less than 2/3 years), or those who never left home.

Maybe it is because they really did have a midlife "transition" but never got to the level of a real crisis.  I don't know.

It will be interesting to see how this site evolves over the next 5/10 years when we have more data and more stories.
Our Community / Think my husband having MLC HELP
« Latest by Mouse73 on September 16, 2020, 06:36:38 PM »
I need advice...and a drink.  So he told me would be out by the end of the week.  He has given me many dates over the past and always says too busy blah, blah, blah.  The next day after me asking him to leave he seemed sort of off. He called to day he was coming home to shower and was driving that night  and I said ok, I left something he needed on the counter and he said aren’t you going to be there?  I said I’m getting ready to leave.  I didn’t tell him where I was going but went to dinner with friends.  We pull back in around 7 and he’s here.  I walked in and asked why he was still home. He said he just got done at the shop.  My friends and I changed and were leaving to go walking and he stopped me and said to leave the door unlocked he’d be home.  I said it’s 4 hours each way, what do you mean?  He said well it’s too late to leave now. He has left that late or later before.  So he tried to have sex with me and held me all night?  The next morning he was very chatty and not in a hurry to leave.  I almost saw a small glimpse of the person he used to be.   I asked him again tonight when he was going and he said he’s been so busy he hasn’t had time to work on the apartment.  I also asked if he had time to have an attorney look at the papers he won’t sign. time he says.  WHAT IS GOING ON???  And what do I do now?

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