Recent Posts

Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 10
21
Our Community / Re: They just don't understand 2
« Last post by Stand Tall on June 17, 2019, 11:30:32 PM »
So, I found this online and thought it might help us out with rebuilding ourselves, whether it be with our SO or new relationships. Tell me what you all think.

  https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/want-a-successful-marriage-spouses-should-do-these-10-things-for-each-other-ofte.html

-Stand :)
22
Our Community / Re: They just don't understand 2
« Last post by Stand Tall on June 17, 2019, 11:27:06 PM »
Hi Savoir Faire,

  I can think of three reasons why H finds his job so important.
  1. and this is just me projecting, ow works at the same job.
  2. This was a dream job for him. It's like working at his favorite hobby and getting paid.
  3. He can be addicted to this job. Sometimes works 60 hrs a week. He has been known to work for weeks at a time without a break. Not sure he would do that know in MLC because there is a lot of alone time where one can get lost in his own mind. S told me that what my H is doing now at work takes very little thought and nothing that could be dangerous to him or others. Knowing what I know about the job tells me H must have been pretty messed up this past 1 1/2 years. Who knows, maybe he would lose ow if he loses this job.

  About therapy, I have no clue if H is in therapy or not. He did have a great touch and go with me a few months ago and some of the things that he was talking about (stress and what it can do to a person) made me think that he must be talking to someone.

  I also found it interesting that when S saw H at work it was first thing in the morning when they were just getting to work. H was alone. No ow. They use to ride in together as her house is a hour away from there job. Again, i know nothing about her cause I really don't care.

  I like to hear fresh info about H because it kind of tells me what is going on in his crisis. Maybe where he is at stage wise. Just to give me an idea.

Anyway, thanks for the response Savoir Faire. Getting feedback help me from projecting to much and keeps the monkey brain away.

-Stand

 

 
23
Our Community / Re: Love Always Wins
« Last post by Music45 on June 17, 2019, 10:55:15 PM »
Exactly what Rose said - and how nice to have something positive to note. Bet your patio looked amazing....with the furniture YOU built. Nice to have that sort of RL support too.

Go you.
24
Our Community / Re: Thread 33 - Wind Therapy Part 2
« Last post by Whyus on June 17, 2019, 10:37:08 PM »
I will be watching Disturbed on the Weekend and they do have ALOT of Songs which could be about MLC or a MLCer.
Id rather the original Sound of silence anyday though.
25
Up date:

Final financial hearing is v soon. Deadline for submissions was last Wednesday. I was ready to go with mine but of course nothing from MLCer, despite it being him that’s applied. My L still chasing.

Custody battle- manipulation with the kids ++++. Hes refusing to drive 45-1 hour to see them here in the week and moaned all the way here and back when he had them for the weekend. Told the kids I’m meant to have you 3 weekends in a row but don’t know what your mums playing at! Obviously not true. Uping the ante with OW- getting her to take D10 shopping. This is all for court purposes so he can say the kids are fine with OW. They are fine because they have to be. They are being put in a position where they have no choice and because they are polite, mild tempered children and that they are scared of their dad....they go along with it! The immature games continue.....

On a funny note. The kids came back and said mummy- your dressing table and bedside tables are in daddy and OW’s bedroom! I’d left things that I didn’t need or want behind in the house. I had to laugh- she has my broken husband and now my broken furniture. She’s obviously ok with used goods! Had to be said  :).  My makeup stain is still on it and it’s cheap furniture. I’m sure she’s been to the house and would have expected to have seen stuff worth some money- instead she gets nothing worth all that much.

What I don’t understand is H’s current money situation. He’s not spending lots as MLCers do- that I can see. In fact he’s doing the opposite. Won’t spend money on the kids when they are there. Part of me wonders if they are just saving for their extension and will splash out then or that he’s in more debt than I know. I’m pretty sure  OW’s motivation is money although she’s used the fact that she’s not into all that to get him. In the long run she knows she’s better off as he’s on a good wage and she’s never seen anything like that. Just for me wondering. Why on earth would you use broken furniture from our marital bedroom when you could probably afford to buy new stuff 🤔

26
Our Community / Re: Thread 33 - Wind Therapy Part 2
« Last post by Savoir Faire on June 17, 2019, 10:13:30 PM »
 :)
27
I’m with Barbie on this one. I’m not sure it’s about pride but more about self respect. For me the level of monstering im getting from H is I feel emotionally abusive. Therefore by saying to I’m standing would be saying it’s ok to abuse me. I’m not sure how H could respect me ever again if I did that. He has no respect for me whilst in MLC but if he came out I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t respect me. But who knows.

If he was treating me a better than he has been and there was contact then maybe. At this stage pretty sure I’m not standing. However I’d like to be able to say I loved you and your the father of my children therefore I would like to be there for. I just can’t at the moment as I am battling feelings of hatred for him myself right now. I also know he would some how get a kick out of the fact that I’m standing and therefore I still love him. He’s got high levels of Narcissism right now so the worst thing right now would be to give him any more tools against me. 

It’s such a tricky one as it’s unconditional love he’s looking for I believe and right now his mind is so altered that he thinks I don’t love him and OW does. So no matter how much I told him I was standing for him his brain right now wouldn’t allow him to believe that.
28
Our Community / Re: Thread 33 - Wind Therapy Part 2
« Last post by UrsaMajor on June 17, 2019, 10:04:00 PM »
Beautiful, sound like the angels singing, really touches my soul.

That's good because, the Magnificat, Nunc Dimintis, and the Ubi Caritas are all religious liturgical pieces.

I received the links to the other 2 secular pieces we did at the concert last Friday and when I'm on a PC again, I'll post them
29
Our Community / Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 3
« Last post by Shockandawe on June 17, 2019, 09:47:13 PM »
Hello everyone, Shock here,

My sister is quite happy to continue as she feels so many of us LBSers are so confused about the things MLCers say and do that if she can make it any clearer she will do her best to do just that because she knows what MLC is and just how destructive it is.

She will be back later today and will answer your questions in her own honest and open way.

God bless you all

Shock
30
Our Community / Re: I'm Movin' On
« Last post by MyBrainIsBroken on June 17, 2019, 09:46:21 PM »
Might she have been working out with you because she was trying to get closer since you were distancing?

I hadn't thought of this. I don't think this is the case but it's possible. It's also possible that she was doing it because we used to do everything together. I don't know.

Are you serious when you write this, or is this just sardonic?  ???

I think a little of each.

Now if you want to say "Interesting that she chose all this when none of it seems less stressful" I'd definitely agree.

Interesting that she chose all this when none of it seems less stressful.

I am wondering, while you were doing everything together or even before that, did you ask your W how she was feeling about all of it?

I'm not sure what "all of it" refers to. We talked a lot, about a lot of things, but not often about our feelings.

Did you both discuss that you were both upset that GD had moved out to live with her mother?

Yes.

Did she even know how she felt?

Yes, she felt awful. She missed GD. We both felt as though GD had died.

Maybe sad GD was gone, but relieved to not have to raise another child?

I don't think so but I can't say for sure. All that I know is that they had been inseparable and she really missed GD.

Maybe both afraid it would work out with GD and your D and afraid it wouldn't (because it would upset GD).

We both expected it would work out with our D and GD. We didn't have any reason to believe that it wouldn't.

What did she tell you about how she felt when GD left, or when she felt obliged to babysit and help out your D, or when she had to change jobs? 

She missed our GD but we both thought our GD belonged with her mother. She liked helping our D but didn't like being tied down all of the time and she didn't like the fact that it seemed like she had no choice when it came to helping our D. She hated changing jobs. She thought about quitting and staying home. I told her there wasn't any reason why she couldn't quit and stay home but she had accumulated sick days that she can turn in for cash when she retires. They had a cash value of around $6000.00 and she would have lost that if she had quit. That's the main reason why she stayed. I wish she would have quit.

I wonder if she ever said what she was thinking during all that stress.

Yes, we talked about it but she had always dealt with things in the past, she was pretty capable, and there was no reason to believe this would be any different. For 34 years she had been a rock. Nobody knew the rock was so close to fracturing. This was not normal. It's not like she decided she was going to leave because she didn't want to do it anymore. Her personality completely changed around the time that she left. My first clue that something was wrong with her came when almost a month had gone by since she left me and I learned neither of my daughters had heard from her. I knew something was really wrong with her when I learned at the same time that my granddaughter hadn't heard from her. That was almost impossible for me to believe.

Today (the 18th) is my granddaughter's 18th birthday. I have to pick her up at 11:30 am and drive her to school so she can take her last exam. She'll be graduating from high school in 11 days. I must be getting old. :o

OTOH, not everyone agrees. My best friend right now is a 25 year old girl on the ambulance crew. I'm not her best friend but she's mine. For some reason we really connect and she seems to think that I have it "all together". It's pretty strange.

We had a training night at the ambulance agency tonight. Afterwards, my friend asked her cousin and I to step outside with her. When we got outside she told us she's having a party at her house next weekend and the two of us are invited. Then the three of us stood there talking for the next 2 hours, long after everyone had left. I'm pretty pleased about this invitation because I'm not very good at making friends. I can't tell you how long it's been since I was invited to a party by somebody who wasn't family but it's been a really long time. And I think it's pretty nice that a 25 year old girl likes me enough to invite me to her party even though I went to school with her grandfather.

But don't worry. She isn't looking for a 60 year old boyfriend and I'm not looking for a 25 year old girlfriend. But I'm really happy that she's my friend and that she enjoys hanging with me.
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 10
SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.