Author Topic: Discussion Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7  (Read 6130 times)


Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2018, 05:26:43 AM »
Attaching :)
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2018, 04:38:32 PM »
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jul/21/midlife-crisis-myth-life-gets-better-after-50 - Midlife crisis? It’s a myth. Why life gets better after 50

If the Guardian says MLC does not exist, than it does not.

Wonder what we are all dealing with... besides, MLC does not stike at 50. Nor do people really become happier after 50. Some do, some don't.

This type of article and view of MLC is one of the reasons why it is so hard to mention the issue outside of HS and be taken seriously.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline forthetrees

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2018, 06:49:30 AM »
This article talks about anxiety, depression and pessimism and backs up the thoughts on the forum about a chemical balance. According to the article, the chemical is dopamine and just a slight imbalance can throw off a mouse/person.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322741.php
me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

Offline strawberry

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Reply #4 on: August 12, 2018, 07:55:26 AM »
Regarding the Guardian Article.  I read Jonathan Rauch’s book that article is based on.  The book is good for the 95% of people who just experience a normal mid-life transition.  Unfortunately, he dismisses the crisis sufferers while describing people who are clearly in crisis and spiraling out of control.  He also makes it sound like these people are getting out of bad marriages (while noting that marriage improves happiness) but doesn’t notice that they may not have had bad marriages until their crisis.  Part of his problem is that he doesn’t have the right experience or perspective of having his own crisis after a long happy marriage.  He was newly married when it hit. 

Overall, it’s a good book.  But he missed that there is a difference between crisis and transition.
H: 43
M: 44
M: 2003, T: 2001, Friends: 1996
No kids
2 dogs, 2 cats
BD1 (Summer 2014) "We aren't happy, I should move out, we should divorce"  Nothing happened.
Nov 2014 we moved across the country for H's job
BD2 (July 2015) "I'm not happy.  I want a divorce"  H moves out for 2 weeks.
BD3 (Nov 2017) H takes a new job 2 hours away and moves out.
BD4 (September 2018) OW2 discovered despite claims there has never been one.  She outs MOW1 and discloses that H filed for Divorce, but has not served me.  OW2 dumps him.
Currently "dating" to see if we have anything to salvage.  Divorce on hold (unofficially).

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2018, 10:00:55 AM »
But he missed that there is a difference between crisis and transition.

Like pretty much everyone out there who thinks they are talking about MLC, when, in fact, they are talking about midlife transition.

FTT, the article is interesting, but I don't thing it is a given dopamine and the caudate nucleus are the real and absolute causes of depression, anxiety and pessimism.

 "The researchers suspect that stimulating this brain area causes a disruption in dopamine, the so-called sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll hormone.

"There must be many circuits involved," concludes Prof. Graybiel. "But apparently we are so delicately balanced that just throwing the system off a little bit can rapidly change behavior.""

They suspect, they don't know. Still, most people get SSRI's, that target Serotonine, for depression. And I can tell you that meds that target domapine don't also don't work for all the depressed people they are given to.

Depression may even be electical. Or a mix of electrical and chemical. And it most likely have a number of different causes/roots/place target and medium. I don't think all depressions have the same causes. Thinking so - aside from those that are clearly found as being something else, like caused by thyroid issues - is what I think as made things so compliated. And so frustrating when it comes to results.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline GoodbyeAndGoodLuck

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2018, 01:01:09 PM »
Attaching

Offline iamnottheenemy

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2018, 11:52:23 AM »
This was in The Washington Post yesterday. I read it and immediately thought MLC. The columnist's advice is pretty in line with what we talk about here.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-moms-permanent-vacation-leaves-a-big-onus-for-dad/2018/08/24/8411b8fa-a4a0-11e8-a656-943eefab5daf_story.html?utm_term=.9a83b2bb131a
H 50
M 46
D 16
T 22 years
M 20 years
BD 6/24/12
D & I moved out 7/1/12 (pre-planned)
OW1  June 2012
OW2 Sept. 2012
OW3 Nov. 2012
OW4 Dec. 2012-present

Offline Nas

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Reply #8 on: August 27, 2018, 07:31:50 AM »
I didn't think MLC here, only because the opening paragraph says she's had mental health issues for years.  Lots of similarities though.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline Treasur

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Reply #9 on: August 27, 2018, 08:11:55 AM »
smells like Depression with a big D
which imho is the fuel of MLC
what makes it MLC is if there is also a weak/changing sense of self...ergo the replay fixes
it's like really angry depression
i guess time will tell if this w is in MLC or not but we all know how this poor h must be reeling in shock while trying to figure out what to do to keep the family ship afloat
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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