Author Topic: My Story  Growth For A New Half Century  (Read 2897 times)

Offline Laugh or Cry

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My Story Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #110 on: April 19, 2019, 07:00:31 PM »
There is no doubt in my mind that that man has given you every reason in the world to feel whatever you feel about him and the possibility of seeing him face-to-face. My only advice, for what it's worth, is that if he can make you feel that dismayed about being in his presence, he is still making you a victim. When the day comes that he can no longer create any negative feelings in you, either in general or about being in his presence, that's the day that you win!

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

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Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #111 on: April 19, 2019, 07:41:32 PM »
No, Laugh and Cry, he is not making me feel a victim. I saw him by change in a social setting early last year. I said hit to him and felt nothing. OW2 was there with SIL, I smiled, made small talk with SIL and that was it.

Both of us stayed for 20 or so minutes on our own, side by side, reading, on the court waiting room back in October 2014. I felt nothing.

Mr J was physically abusive and remains nasty monster - no, he was not going to lose it the court waiting room. Unless you have ever dealt with a physically and otherwise abusive  MLCer you cannot understand how it is to try to deal with one. Nothing to do with being a victim, it is a trigger. It is also knowing, but the e-mails from last February, he is not ready to deal and that he still monsters and get nasty if anything is to be sorted.

LBS have triggers for tiny things and no one tells them they are being a victim. Why on earth those of us who were nearly killed but the MLCer are told we are victims because we don't want to see the MLCer is beyond me.

I have long won. I cut him off. I have no feelings for him. I still have the right of not wanting to be in a room with him. A right I would like respected. People telling me I should meet, or this or that a man that was physically abusive is a bit silly.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #112 on: April 22, 2019, 06:30:07 PM »
Anjae, I completely understand you not wanting to be near Mr. J. My xH was not violent, but he is not very civil and has a lot of anger. I don't want to be near him either. I cut lots of toxic people out of my life, including him. I would never go near Condo Carl if he had ever been violent. I think it would unnerve me to be in close quarters with him if that was our history.
trying2bok

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

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Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #113 on: April 23, 2019, 02:43:06 PM »
Hi Learning,

I don't go physically near Mr J, we live more than 300km apart. At times, because many things still aren't solved, e-mail contact happens.

Most of the time I forget he exists. Maybe a day will come when we will be able to meet and sort thing out peacefully. I would like that to happen, because it would be much more pleasant.

Right now, and since a good while ago, there are far more interesting things in my mind. And nicer people in my life.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #114 on: April 23, 2019, 02:53:56 PM »
Happy to hear that you surround yourself with good people. I have made so many wonderful friends since BD. My silver lining to everything else that has happened. 
trying2bok

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

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Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #115 on: April 23, 2019, 03:26:11 PM »
Also happy to know you have also made good new friends.

Horrible BD and the rest of the lot is/was, LBS end up with new friends and several with a new partner. Which is good, we cannot let MLC rob us of what we want to do in life.

Yes, financial issues can hinder several things we would like to do, but there are many things that do cost money, frienship is one of them.

Some of the new friendships were made on HS. So much for internet friends aren't real friends.

Do you know when MLC/your MLCer really is no longer a priority? When the next episode of Game of Thrones is all you are looking forward.  ;) ;D ;D ;D
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

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Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #116 on: July 05, 2019, 11:07:48 AM »
Update before someone archives my thread.

Not much to update. I have been reading a lot and doing things I like.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Ready2Transform

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Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #117 on: July 05, 2019, 11:39:28 AM »
Yay! :) That sounds like a pretty good update to me.
"Unconditional love is the highest of high standards, and while we are letting go of our need to control the process of anyone else, we are taking within our lives complete accountability for our own experience."

http://seriousvanity.com/how-to-cultivate-unconditional-love-and-change-the-world/

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

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Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #118 on: July 05, 2019, 11:54:37 AM »
Yay! :) That sounds like a pretty good update to me.

Agree.  :)
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Growth For A New Half Century
« Reply #119 on: July 06, 2019, 07:30:28 AM »
I can't even find anything of mine to bump up. Not that there is anything to update. LOL

Glad you are keeping busy.
trying2bok

 

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