Author Topic: My Story Rebuilding Replanted and Growing 3  (Read 1838 times)

Offline Songanddance

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My Story Rebuilding Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #30 on: April 13, 2019, 01:36:57 AM »
Just emotionally flat. Not sure how else to explain it.

I'm able to put most of it on a shelf when I teach, but I can tell that I'm just not at the same intensity in the classroom.

Due to work hours of everyone else in the house, I'm frequently by myself for a number of hours after I get home from work. That may be playing a big part of it right now as well.

I totally get it.  Fortunately - I had a therapist that also gets it.  The more official wording is "plateauing". This is normal growth patterns.  You grow and you stablise and then you plateau. Sometimes there is an absolute need for plateauing  because it gives your subconscious time to absorb, consider and then act.  The challenge is when you are plateauing for too long and this is where you are at probably.

I am now increasingly conscious of when I am plateauing "unhealthily" and so if I don't see T - I recognise that growth is on the way and I actively open my mind to seeing and recognising new opportunities however small.

For example - I am now a trained life coach and am supposedly working towards my higher diploma to develop my skills.  I say supposedly as I have started the tasks set but have yet to seriously engage with them.  After a few months of this prevarication I now know why - I needed to really absorb what I have already learned before I can really get to grips with the next level. I realised this when applying for casual and part-time jobs - all of which were actually distractions and it is no co-incidence that I haven't got any of the jobs I applied for. 

Now I feel ready to start the next set of tasks.

Plateauing is essential after growth - you just don't want to plateau for too long. 

So - what opportunities are there for you Azioni - however small?  They may not be the right opportunities but they may just put you back onto a pattern of growth and recognition of what is the next right thing for you.
BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017 through 2018.
2019 is the year of Decisions!

Offline AzioniTopic starter

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #31 on: April 24, 2019, 04:51:24 PM »
On advice from IC, I am going to make an appointment with my GP. We discussed the fact that along with this "plateau " i am also experiencing practically zero libido. This the T feels may also be a contributing factor to what's going on. I had a total hysterectomy 10 years ago  and am not on HRT. So I'm calling tomorrow to see about a total physical and requesting a hormone panel to see. In the meantime,  I am going to change up my diet to add some estrogen rich foods and track how I feel. Plus, in a few weeks, I will have my vacay and am planning some outdoor workouts to increase my time in the sunshine.
You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #32 on: April 24, 2019, 05:19:58 PM »
It's a good thing you're actively seeking help Azioni.  Hope the appointment goes well and you get a solution.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #33 on: April 25, 2019, 05:37:55 AM »
I hope you have a nice vacation and manage to get your health back in order. :)
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline AzioniTopic starter

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #34 on: May 05, 2019, 04:56:53 AM »
Vacay went well. Still feel a bit like an outsider when it comes to the older of my 2 SIL. Like an afterthought.  One big trigger on our trip, they played the damned song during the reception.  Of course it would be to bring up THAT SIL and her hubby  :-\ .  Ended up with a bad headache and nightmare following the reception.  I actually went upstairs at the hotel before it was quite over due to headache.
You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #35 on: May 08, 2019, 09:41:38 PM »
At least it's over now Azioni, you can get on with life without the song.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline AzioniTopic starter

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #36 on: May 09, 2019, 03:19:09 PM »
Yes. I am SO glad to be back home. I seem to always be overly stressed when visiting his family.  The best decision was moving 1000 miles away from them. I really don't think I would have had a chance to heal if I had stayed there.

Getting ready to start up my garden. Hit up the nursery today to choose my plants. Also doing upgrades to our deck. So I have plenty to keep myself busy.

Saw IC. They are going to work with me this summer to help desensitize me to that stupid song. My hypnosis audio just doesn't seem to work for it for some reason.  It did work on almost all my other triggers, but not that one.
You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #37 on: May 10, 2019, 12:36:43 AM »
It's good you've decided to work on triggers with your IC.

One of the things I will stick to is that if xH ever wants back in again and I am willing to allow him to try, if that he he sees a good psychologist chosen by me for at least a year before moving back in and that I see one if I become triggered by anything that comes up during his recovery time.

I can't see any point in reconciling with a man who isn't willing to work on his problems with a psychologist/psychiatrist.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline AzioniTopic starter

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #38 on: May 19, 2019, 03:52:03 AM »
Been a rough few days. Our 16 year old pup is not doing well. It came on suddenly.  He's at the vet this weekend for IV fluids and meds. Our children grew up with this dog. Honestly,  without him I dont know how I would have made it through the whole A fallout.  He was my constant in the whole mess, staying by my side each night once kids went to bed.  My heart is breaking at the thought of losing him.
You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

Offline forthetrees

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
« Reply #39 on: May 19, 2019, 09:31:46 AM »
Hugs to you and the beloved pooch. It is heart wrenching when the furry ones are sick.
me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

 

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