Author Topic: Discussion Is there a really good question you wish you'd been asked or asked yourself?  (Read 1905 times)

Online Mortesbride

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''These women sugarcoated NOTHING, NOT 1 blessed thing.  They were gentler in the beginning true enough, wiped my tears as necessary, but they also never lied to me, never put up with immature temper tantrums, and certainly never enabled or encouraged me to be a victim. ''

God I need to meet these women/men and integrate them into my real life tribe. :o I miss people like this they are a rarity in this day and age.

''All I ever asked for from this site was the truth, information about MLC, and a possible map out of hell.  It was my choice what to do with those TOOLS and the rate of speed I moved.  ''

YES! Information is power. The more strategy and tools you have, the better you are equipped for any situation. The better can carve out the path that YOU want, regardless of your ultimate goal. If you find a tool you don't like...don't use it! Simple as that.

Personally I also think people get highly offended and tip toe around more than they should these days.  ::) If someone is gonna get their panties in a twist over something you said, well...they are gonna have a rash reading anything on the internet!  ;D  That isn't to say that people should be outright hateful and mean. Absolutely not. But getting offended because someone else has a different view point/stance/situation or outcome is just silly.

So as for the thread...what question would I have asked myself?

What is my definition of a man*?

*Insert appropriate noun (woman, partner, husband, wife) what the hell ever.

I asked myself this for a very long time. It started when I was at the park watching my children run around in the snow, playing with the dog. A strange old man walked up to me and told me to enjoy that precious kids are at that age...what a beautiful gift. For some reason I just came out and said ''Yet their own father can not see that''...and thus began a conversation with a man in the park that will forever change my life.

That was followed a few days later by MLCer slithering down the kitchen counters in a heap, telling me he didn't have any energy to fight for his family. He had the energy to pedal around in the snow for an hour to meet with his OW....but no energy to fight for his family. A family that a stranger in the park could see was a beautiful priceless gift.

What is my definition of a man/partner/husband?

Someone who would do anything to fight for his family. ANYTHING. Every movie, and tv show, and every depiction from the dawn of time of a good a man who fights for his family. And my MLCer was no longer that man. The rope of respect shattered that day. But it also gave me the kick I needed to look away. I no longer saw him as something highly desirable. Some treasure I had to get back. He is a broken, weak, selfish boy.

If that ever changes then I am all ears. But right now, he can not be a partner or husband or man to me. Because I have no respect for him as a man.

I hope one day that changes, but if not...I am sure there will be one out there who will happily fight for those things.  ;D
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline Shining Star

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Mort:  I remember when I asked him to stand up and be a hero and save his family, he told me to stop using the word family because I was just trying to make him feel guilty.  Not a characteristic I plan to take into my next life.  If I ever start dating again, I will have a list of tough questions.
H:56, I am 54
BD: March 2014, Left Sept 2014, Back Nov 2014
Left again in February 2015.  Asked for D on 9/22/15
Said he was "sure" he wanted a D in Dec 2015; 
Admitted long term affair - May 14, 2017 - says he is in love with the "symptom" but wants to build a relationship with me with "clear expectations" WHATEVER THAT MEANS!  Settlement Agreement signed 9/20/17.
Divorce final 3/14/18.
NC - by choice - 1/2018

Offline hawk

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Actually recently I was sent a ted talk about marriage given by an Australian psychiatrist who counselled couples.  His question was about being older.  He would ask a couple what it would be like, living with this person in old age.  What quality and kind  of care and attention would be in the relationship and would it be two way or one way.  It was about waking couples up in mid life to see what they were living with and heading for.  It’s germane to any of us who would consider reconciling I think.

That was actually my issue with anything reconciling . Asked myself all that 100 times over a few years.
Thing was , even if we did , l just dunno how we could've lived and survived into old age and what it would all look like , because of the issues we were having before bd.
l dunno if there ever would've been a way , to make those issues better so that we could go on and into old age together.
l still don't know the answer .

Together 19yrs
BD, 2012
Divorce 16mths later

Offline megogirl

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  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Nor do I, hawk.....

Because I think that you reach a point that so much damage has occurred, there's just no returning from the abyss.

How does one "grow old" with someone who's treated them like utter $h!te?!?  It's hard to fathom (if not impossible.).  Perhaps they have too much splain'in to do......                             
« Last Edit: April 21, 2019, 05:33:31 PM by megogirl »


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