Author Topic: Discussion The Alienator: Who, Why How… Questions, Research, Sharing  (Read 3286 times)

Offline UnconditionalLove

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Discussion Re: The Alienator: Who, Why How… Questions, Research, Sharing
« Reply #110 on: May 12, 2019, 05:05:10 PM »
My MLC’er OW wasn’t really a W.  My ex was 52 and ran off with a student who was 32.  I really know very little about her.  I struggle sometimes because I never got any closure.  My ML’er ran off with her.  He was a associate professor at a college.  He was assigned to help her through her project.  Then I found out she was also helping him in his class taking notes, etc.  She was aggressive from a distance.  She would call him at night when he was home with one issue after another with her health. I remember one time he tried to leave one night and I was like NO, this is not your issues.  She needs to be taking this stuff to someone else.  She called and texted him all the time like it was no big deal.  I really should have hunted her down. LOL! She ended up being diagnosed with Lupus and that drew them together.  I was getting ready to have liver surgery for cancer and he ran off with her to help her with her lupus.  I went to surgery by myself.  He said he didn’t want to be responsible for making any discussions people would be upset with him about.   The discussion of not being there wouldn’t upset anyone?

Anyhow my MLC’er just took off to another state and never looked back.  She’s still sick and he’s more or less just her caretaker.  I’m twice her age and healthy even though I have cancer. So that grass ended up not being greener.  They have now been together for 5 years.  They haven’t marriage.  I think that says something.  He’s lost his business, not working but she has a business she needs him for.  It probably doesn’t bring in much but she needs him as an instructor.  So, I feel like their using each other.  He doesn’t have anywhere to go and he takes care of her and she needs him to take care of her and for this business she started and we weren’t even divorced yet.  She was pretty quiet but very bold.  She knew just what she was doing when she went over him.  He’s a follower so he was easy to lead and he’s still being lead.  I don’t believe he will ever walk away from her. She’ll have to dump him.  She has to know he’s out of money.  Their relationship was pricey for him.  He lost everything from that relationship.  He professional career, his friends, his professional respect, money, business, he’s behind in taxes,getting ready to claim bankrupcy and he’s doing mystery shopping.  He’s a physical, it’s crazy.  What I hate to most is how I have never gotten closure.  He just abandoned me.  Brought me to a new stay and then met her and took off and never looked back.  I knew very little about her.  She can’t be found on the internet, she’s in to conspiracy theory stuff and took him down that road as well.  I think there might be some mental illness with her but don’t know for sure.  She really did pull him in like it wasn’t just love.  It’s like she’s done something like this before and he was dumb enough to walk right into it.
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: The Alienator: Who, Why How… Questions, Research, Sharing
« Reply #111 on: May 13, 2019, 08:54:02 AM »
Could have written the same thing as you Stand.  I think there is some sort of anger that my H is working through with ow too.  He is my knight in shining armour and when he can't sustain that, he hangs with her.

That's a really interesting interpretation. I wouldn't call my H my knight in shining armor but he sure seems like he wants to be seen that way. When I get upset he will rattle off this long list of things he is doing for me as if that is enough and his lack of emotional awareness is irrelevant. However, it's 100% clear he is working through some kind of anger with OW.

Offline sachat3

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Re: The Alienator: Who, Why How… Questions, Research, Sharing
« Reply #112 on: May 13, 2019, 10:18:20 AM »
Yuno that insight is so thought provoking. Clington was always the Knight. And the “fixer”. During our relationship when I needed a shoulder he was there. Even to some extent after BD he would check and double check I was okay. He was the same with the kids. There was nothing Clington couldn’t fix until D2 got very poorly & he couldn’t fix it. I’ve always felt D2 getting so poorly was a catalyst.

However, I’ve never had “monster” at all out of Clington. He if anything is exceptionally fair (if you take out the fact he’s shacked up with another woman!) no mean comments. No shouting. No aggression. He’s fair with money. He’s nice I guess. He makes it his aim to be nice and friendly with me. So maybe the monster does spew out to her! As my Ow tends to act her shoe size she makes it clear on Social media when they argue etc and they seem to argue ALOT!
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

 

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