Author Topic: My Story  10 years on, a story of hope.  (Read 4049 times)

Offline Thunder

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My Story Re: 10 years on, a story of hope.
« Reply #10 on: March 25, 2018, 07:02:30 AM »
Thanks for coming back and updating us on your journey, Tinca.

It's not always the end of the world after a D.  Everything does happens for a reason.
You sound happy now.   I'm happy for you.  :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Anjae

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Re: 10 years on, a story of hope.
« Reply #11 on: March 25, 2018, 12:54:27 PM »
Thank you for your update, Tinca.

Glad to know things are working out for you.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline shimmerofhope

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Re: 10 years on, a story of hope.
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2018, 07:19:24 PM »
I have a few questions if you don't mind?
1. Did your exw ever try to come back during those years?
2. How long were you single before you met your fiance?
3. What happened to your exw during those years that you know of? Relationships, career, etc.
4. How does exw look and appear to you now?
5. Do you think she is still in crisis? If she came through the end of this journey and was a better version of old self, tried to reconnect with you,.... How would you handle it?
6. What made you want to update? Why did this forum cross your mind today?

I hope these questions are not too personal but I'm curious.
Sincerely,
Shimmer
Together 15
Married 14
Bd-nov. 2014
Divorced April 1 2016. Date is fitting for the fool!
Ow 1 ea done
Ow 2 psycho rich  married woman PA
Ow3 obviously desperate putting up with lies and ow2
stalking. PA
Affair down on all of them. They all knew he was married.
H-48 he is such a prize at this point. Let them fight over him. Lol
Me 48 GAL, loving God and who I'm becoming.
I cycle but I get stronger each time it passes.

Offline TincaTopic starter

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Re: 10 years on, a story of hope.
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2018, 10:39:21 AM »
I will answer as best I can.

Q. Did ex ever come back.

A. Apart from once a week dinners as mentioned, no she did not come back or ask to return , her mind was firmly made up. Conversely I did not plead her to come back. The fellow that she had the affair with apologized to me, it did not mean too much, I felt sorry for him in some ways, he was a symptom.

My ex. left most of her possessions here for at least a year maybe more, clothes, piles of books her dog. In the end I had to ask her to finally take them away.

Q. How long was I single before I met my (now) fiancé?

A. I was separated/ single for one year three months before we met.

Q.  What happened to the ex. over the years.

A. Her family (sister) had seen a change in my ex and was worried about her and mentioned it to me; her 'drawn' appearance and more irritable nature.It was not mentioned much but enough for me to realise the change which happened at the time.

As far as career went she kept on the same path as far as I know, no upheaval there. She met a fellow on a train, they hit it off and he moved in with her a while ago. My daughters are not keen on him mostly due to the (sometimes) disrespectful way that he talks to her, they have spoken to her about this. My ex was a strong person when I knew her and would not take any untoward remarks. She was also a calm person who had a quiet but firm way about her which I respected. My daughters have also related how my ex's family have noticed this as well. I met the fellow once but not to talk to, when we gathered at an animal hospital as our elderly family dog was about to pass. He is an older fellow by some 10 years. If my daughters would really get on with him and sing his praises, I sometimes wonder how I would feel. As far as I am concerned, ones (older) children are the ones to listen to in second relationships.

Q. How does ex appear and look to me now.

A. Much older…as I may well do to her. Although she was very fit, she now suffers from isolated arthritis and osteoarthritis, meaning she cannot run or hike as she used to. When I see my daughters, I do not enquire, I hear though once in a while. Its strange, as the years go by I do not think of my ex very much, strangely she crops up in my dreams quite often, but is mostly silent, and I do not talk to her, just notice her there. I should add that I do not put much store in the 'meaning' of dreams. 
The 'love goggles' are off now, after this time and feelings change. Lately, I think that I would like to treasure our early years.

Q. Do I think she is still in crisis.

A. I don't know. I am not even sure that MLC is easily definable, as a prescribed 'illness' per se, is it a re-set button when marriage is not what it seems, if so, how does that explain her leaving her children as well. Was my marriage and our relationship as good as I thought it was. My ex was wonderful in many ways, yet she was the 'boss' and liked to organize us, at the end I must have tagged along behind somewhat. I like to think that I have a confident manner myself, but looking back possibly I gave up a good deal of my 'power' for the supportive, quiet life. Did she see that as a weakness in the end, who knows.

Would she see herself as having been in a crisis, probably not; similar to a difficult teenager knowing they may be difficult.. To be honest, there is not much 'emotional room' anymore for my ex. I tried my best and almost lost myself trying to cope and understand, in the end it was time I needed to face and live with myself after so many years of marriage and family years, that took quite some getting used to.

Q. What made me want to update? 

A. I woke up early the day that I wrote my update, as the previous evening was on my mind with my daughter hoping my ex and I could be friends again, to some extent, as mentioned. Maybe I was not sure how to deal with this new development, I found myself wanting to be civil and polite without any personal conversation and could continue with this into the future, but my daughter is hoping for more. Always being one to reflect on my own behaviours, I was not sure if I would be betraying the past and the hurt of what happened. I read of the 'grace' of letting go, would letting go be conceding in some way.

The forum crossed my mind as I would very occasionally dip into it to read the some of long and often anguished accounts, probably similar to my previous posts which may well make me cringe should I read them again... I thought that at some point I would have like to console and possibly help here with my own experience, that it may not be as bad or financially draining as one might expect, if one can manage to emotionally stay in control.

It seems many on this forum are women, distressed at the change in their husbands. Fewer women seem to be written about in comparison. Our (aforementioned) family doctor  said it at the time:

"Long marriage, children growing up, up and down hormones plus unresolved childhood issues"

Adding:

"Do you have a 'battle plan' as this could go on for some time"
« Last Edit: March 26, 2018, 10:54:32 AM by Tinca »

Offline shimmerofhope

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Re: 10 years on, a story of hope.
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2018, 07:32:34 PM »
Thanks for your openness. I have been single for 3 years divorced coming on 2 years. I do miss my exh sometimes but the longer we are a part, I'm finding peace and confidence in myself. I could not go back to him the way he is now. It does get lonely once in awhile but I don't want to deal with a boyfriend, dating, or exwives etc.. I'm enjoying my freedom.  My life is mine and I'm not wondering what lies is he telling me now. His ow can have all that. I don't need anyone to feel complete. I miss companionship but then I get over that. Lol. I believe God has a plan for me and part of that is to live life everyday with appreciation and to be grateful for another day. I'm glad you posted after so long. I sometimes wonder if people truly move on. Some people meet others and seem to really be in a better place. Others meet people and seem to settle but kid themself that life is better. I hope to be real with myself and someday look at my ex without any hurt or confusion at all. Thanks again for responding. My plan is to live MY life.
Together 15
Married 14
Bd-nov. 2014
Divorced April 1 2016. Date is fitting for the fool!
Ow 1 ea done
Ow 2 psycho rich  married woman PA
Ow3 obviously desperate putting up with lies and ow2
stalking. PA
Affair down on all of them. They all knew he was married.
H-48 he is such a prize at this point. Let them fight over him. Lol
Me 48 GAL, loving God and who I'm becoming.
I cycle but I get stronger each time it passes.

 

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