Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Hey, are you making it out on a limb  (Read 13479 times)

Offline BeaconTopic starter

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 347
  • Gender: Female
My Story Reconnecting Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #40 on: June 03, 2016, 02:43:15 PM »
There must be a point that they can't physically and mentally go on like this. her behaviour has  become predictable, the lows last a long time then there is the momentary high. Between being broke and depressed and alone I just can't imagine how they can handle it.

Offline Jaybeecee

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 765
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #41 on: June 03, 2016, 04:43:39 PM »
In moments of clarity they realize just how self destructive they are.  The problem, I believe, is that they lack the emotional maturity to see the path to fixing it.  It is easier just to try everything they can (blame, anger, OP, etc) to ignore it.

Love the quote!

I agree!  In order for my H to make it out of this crisis a better man, he'll have to learn to do 4 things he's never done before:

1.  Grow up
2.  Accept responsibility
3.  Admit wrongdoing
4.  Apologize....and mean it

From this viewpoint, I just don't ever see all those things coming from him.  He was always pretty self centered and very immature, so he's gonna have one hell of a climb to make it back out this hole!

Sounds a lot like my H.  That's what I'm afraid of.  He will have to be twice the man he ever was.  I think he will apologize and be sorry but he has always been very self centered and I'm not sure that will change.
Me 43
H 42
OW 10/16/15
BD 01/16 ILYBINILWY
S 13, S 11
Divorce final 8/24/16
xH marries OW 10/14/16

Offline Jaybeecee

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 765
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #42 on: June 03, 2016, 04:46:57 PM »
I suspect it was the guilt she felt. She said she hadn't slept a wink all night and didn't go to work the next day and then posted that and the next day left on her trip. So obviously she is train wreck thankfully I got off the train.

Mine has had sleepless night too.  I wonder if it's the guilt or the fact that he stays up texting OW. 

Here's to getting off the train.
Me 43
H 42
OW 10/16/15
BD 01/16 ILYBINILWY
S 13, S 11
Divorce final 8/24/16
xH marries OW 10/14/16

Offline BeaconTopic starter

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 347
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #43 on: June 03, 2016, 05:08:55 PM »
I honestly think that's the difference between men and women. I know mlc doesn't have any restrictions but women seem to see the destruction andperhaps make an attempt to fix it. I've seen my wife make the attempt but it needs to just come to a head before she realizes what she will lose. I think maybe men are more stubborn and concerned about the feelings. Women seem to be more in touch with their feelings. Just my observation thus far.

Offline Jaybeecee

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 765
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #44 on: June 03, 2016, 05:23:09 PM »
I honestly think that's the difference between men and women. I know mlc doesn't have any restrictions but women seem to see the destruction andperhaps make an attempt to fix it. I've seen my wife make the attempt but it needs to just come to a head before she realizes what she will lose. I think maybe men are more stubborn and concerned about the feelings. Women seem to be more in touch with their feelings. Just my observation thus far.

I don't disagree. I always said H was the woman in our relationship.  It was not an insult.  He is a 6'8 manly man who went to college on a full division 1 basketball scholarship, so he is all man.  However he has always been much more in touch with his feeling than me.  More expressive, more prone to cry, more sensitive.

I'm more stubborn, less likely to say I'm sorry, and have built up such a wall that it was the first thing our MC noticed when we met with her.
Me 43
H 42
OW 10/16/15
BD 01/16 ILYBINILWY
S 13, S 11
Divorce final 8/24/16
xH marries OW 10/14/16

Offline Shadoe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 572
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #45 on: June 03, 2016, 07:05:59 PM »
My h complained of the same inability to sleep right after he left, he commented 9pm was late and he had to go to bed in order to get enough sleep to be up at 8am the next morning.


As for the 4 things they need to learn, I am not sure mine will be able to face at least two of those if not all four. He almost never admits to being wrong and at least until now has blamed me for this whole situation though he still doesn't have a reason why he left. One of the last things he said to me before we stopped talking because I hired an attorney was that I should stay in touch with him so he can tell me how to fix myself.
And so she took the patches of her life and sewed them together to make wings.

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~Albert Einstein

Not my Circus, Not my monkeys. But if you're either going to force them on me or leave me to deal with them, don't be surprised when I give you back monkey carcasses.

Offline BeaconTopic starter

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 347
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #46 on: June 04, 2016, 06:04:46 AM »
I believe the sleeplessness is caused by the mind not being able to shut down. They have a lot of things racing through their heads and of course the guilt. The one night my W stayed over since she moved out, she said she slept the best she had in the longest time. When she is alone at night she is alone with her thoughts and that is what keeps her up. Oh well not my problem, I personally sleep great  ;D

Offline beyondblessed

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1714
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #47 on: June 04, 2016, 10:31:56 AM »
My h complained of the same inability to sleep right after he left, he commented 9pm was late and he had to go to bed in order to get enough sleep to be up at 8am the next morning.


As for the 4 things they need to learn, I am not sure mine will be able to face at least two of those if not all four. He almost never admits to being wrong and at least until now has blamed me for this whole situation though he still doesn't have a reason why he left. One of the last things he said to me before we stopped talking because I hired an attorney was that I should stay in touch with him so he can tell me how to fix myself.


Shadoe....you can take the last thing that he said to you as being one of the dumbest....so classic MLC and narcissistic.  The only logical thing to think is that he was projecting his own internal views on you!  They certainly do need to fix themselves!!

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 8433
  • Gender: Male
  • Live like they are never coming back
Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #48 on: June 06, 2016, 04:50:38 AM »
I honestly think that's the difference between men and women. I know mlc doesn't have any restrictions but women seem to see the destruction and perhaps make an attempt to fix it. I've seen my wife make the attempt but it needs to just come to a head before she realizes what she will lose. I think maybe men are more stubborn and concerned about the feelings. Women seem to be more in touch with their feelings. Just my observation thus far.

I wish.... My MLCW sees the destruction and thinks it is the greatest thing since sliced bread because she gets to prove to .... someone, I have no idea who... that she can do it all alone on her own... except for one small problem... She can't!  She is, so far, unable to cope with the schedules that she has herself set up including making appointments for the kids for doctors, etc. She called me Thursday to ask if I could take the afternoon off today to take S to the Vision School for an appointment she made months ago because she has no Comp Time left...  ???

Actually, that was another of the "Reasons du Jour" for BD - "You are too emotional" (said to me).... Whatever... Yes, I can cry in a movie and certain songs always get to me... better to own your emotions and accept them than to pretend to be a cold fish...
Me - 54
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline beyondblessed

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1714
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #49 on: June 06, 2016, 05:19:38 PM »
I believe the sleeplessness is caused by the mind not being able to shut down. They have a lot of things racing through their heads and of course the guilt. The one night my W stayed over since she moved out, she said she slept the best she had in the longest time. When she is alone at night she is alone with her thoughts and that is what keeps her up. Oh well not my problem, I personally sleep great  ;D

Same here Beacon....I know for a fact my H doesn't sleep well, if at all sometimes.  I haven't seen him since I had him kicked out of the house, but when I did see him those last couple times, he looked like he had aged 10 years in just the 3 months since BD.  I really do think all the guilt they try to throw back on us eats them alive.

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.