Author Topic: Discussion General questions 2  (Read 1693 times)

Offline duc239

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Discussion Re: General questions 2
« Reply #20 on: August 26, 2017, 12:48:20 AM »
Does anyone have any thoughts? MLC not spoken to me directly in over 3 years, still living with and working hands on with ow, last year began to build bridges with some of his friends, still lying and rewriting history, however within the  last six months is now reaching out and becoming more involved with his son and grandsons (always wanted this to happen as they used to have a really great relationship, but did not realise how much it would hurt, as I am now not so easy to socialise with) he has now recently added his ow and her son as friends on Facebook. Is this them coming out of the shadows and showing everyone they are a couple after all this time, or what?
Any thoughts would be greatly welcomed.

Offline xyzcf

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Re: General questions 2
« Reply #21 on: August 26, 2017, 07:05:20 AM »
It may be that his becoming more involved with his sons and grandsons is some processing going on as to what he has lost. I have always been surprised at how they do not just leave their spouse, but they also cut contact with their kids....often remaining very superficially in contact, but isolating themselves to such a degree..in other words, they may initiate contact but are not really there for them still if they need something.

I look at things like this as "movement"...something inside of him is missing those boys...of course, he may wish them to "accept" the OW so they can all be a happy family...not understanding how devastating his actions have been to his family. Most of the kids I have read about here, are not willing to be a part of the ow's life, although some are able to "tolerate" her in order to spend time with their dad.

I think any connection is good for it may help them remember the family they once had. They have rewritten history, they no longer have a realistic understanding of the family they left behind.

It may not mean anything  with regards to his relationship with you, and perhaps just as well if he is still involved with OW, then would you want contact with him?
« Last Edit: August 26, 2017, 07:06:35 AM by xyzcf »
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Offline duc239

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Re: General questions 2
« Reply #22 on: August 27, 2017, 05:10:16 AM »
Xyzcf, Thanks for your input, hope this is some movement in his process or progression through his crisis, as you asked I would not want any contact with him if ow is still in the picture, that was one of my personal boundaries that I made to myself many months ago, however did not see this relationship lasting this long especially as they are the only two people in a very little office, travel to and from work together and live together in what was my home.

Offline NorthernIce28

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Re: General questions 2
« Reply #23 on: August 27, 2017, 06:13:16 AM »
To the OP, I am so sorry about what you are going through.
When my H said ILYBINILWY, he said that he would always love me as a person.
In my standing the last 6 months, he has been becoming more angry and passive aggressive as I remain kind, flexible and soft spoken.
I found an email he wrote to a man who totally screwed him over 4 years ago.  He apologized when he had no reason to and told this man that I was the reason he was crabby with him.   
They are so angry and see their spouse in a negative filter.  My H forgets all of the great times and fun memories.  He forgets all of the support I have given when others have rejected him.
I wish I could say to not take it personally but in your case, it is impossible
ME  46
H    47
S15
Married 21 Years
BD    2/2017
H Moved Out  5/2017
Divorce Papers Served 2/2018

There will always be someone who can't see your worth....Don't let it be you

 

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