[Anjae]

Never been too fond of that 'LBS has the final choice' saying bc it never felt like reality to me.

The final choice of the LBS is regarding reconnection/reconciliation. It does not aplly while the MLCer is in Replay. Or rather, it does if the LBS decides they do not wish to reconnect and/or reconcile. Reconnect and reconcile are different things. The first if possible without the second.

There is nothing a MLCer can do if the LBS does not want to reconnect or reconcile, even if the MLCer wants to.

But I do think that to heal on your own from something so life-altering and painful, or with not much input from a spouse, the LBS often needs to find a way to tackle some of these 4As.

The spouse does not tend to be available during the time we are doing our healing, so we do tend to find our way to the 4As.

Doing that may draw us to a point when we can simply no longer bridge the gap between their current reality and our own in a reconnection situation.

It may. Or it may not. Interestingly, I think the gap between Mr J and I has shorten. I am talking about interest, since nothing else is possible to access. After grandmother's death I got more and more back into my main interest when we meet, and Mr J has been overlaping his MLC musical and cultural interests with some of his pre-MLC ones.

Is isn't much? It isn't, but it was the way things start for us. We become a couple because of mutual interests.

What they can offer is just no longer enough for who we have chosen to become.

A very big and real possibility. I have no way of knowing what after crisis Mr J could have to offer, would, or would not, do. I know his pre-MLC self alone is no longer enough. Among other things, he would need to rise to my level of growth. Is such thing possible? I have no idea.