[amazinglove]

Ok here's my question. My MLC H is home now temporarily for xmas and to see kids. He has announced he is going to London to sell a car before going back to his home country - which is the excuse he's given kids - to care for his ailing father. My question is, I have not questioned his decision to bail on us and kids after just 3 weeks (after being away 3 months), or his decision to buy himself 2 new iphone 15s, or his decision to take a trip to London on his own instead of being with us for New Year's or into Jan. I pay all the bills, including entire mortgage, handle everything for kids and my work etc-  I have not denied him anything he's demanded. So why do I stll need to be treated as if i'm the devil? Why not be nice to me? As soon as my kids leave the room I get the stink eye. He walks around like he hates me, ignores a question I've asked, and threw away the waffle batter I made today as substandard before cooking. He delights in snubbing me. Is it necessary to make him feel better about abadoning us? Is he blaming me for ruining his life? Does that ever stop?

[Treasur]

Bc blaming someone else helps people to avoid holding themselves responsible for their own success and happiness, or lack of it. Bc, other than them, you were the person most involved in their life as it was. Bc anger can feel easier to do than fear or sorrow.

[forthetrees]

In some respects it appears that he is baiting you- i.e. waffle batter- so that if you verbally explode he can justify his actions as you must be a raving lunatic. As for buying the iphones when you are the one paying the bills- again, he is seeing just how far he can go to push your buttons. Reminds me of Rep. Matt Gaetz when McCarthy was running for speaker- Gaetz finally reached the point where he couldn´t think of anything more outrageous to demand but it showed that he wanted McCarthy to grovel. So, being nicey-nice is not going to keep him or bring him back. If you´re going to be the one paying anyway, maybe tell him that you´ll book him an Air bnb for the remainder of his stay. The London trip sounds crazy- surely someone he knows could sell it and he´d save the airfare and lodging.

Remember, they know you want to save the marriage. They know that you are vulnerable. They also want what they want when they want it. Oh, and quite a few have said that they are deliberately mean/cruel so that the LBS will just give up - thereby relieving their guilt.

[UrsaMajor]

Bc blaming someone else helps people to avoid holding themselves responsible for their own success and happiness, or lack of it. Bc, other than them, you were the person most involved in their life as it was. Bc anger can feel easier to do than fear or sorrow.

In some respects it appears that he is baiting you- i.e. waffle batter- so that if you verbally explode he can justify his actions as you must be a raving lunatic. As for buying the iphones when you are the one paying the bills- again, he is seeing just how far he can go to push your buttons.  Reminds me of Rep. Matt Gaetz when McCarthy was running for speaker- Gaetz finally reached the point where he couldn´t think of anything more outrageous to demand but it showed that he wanted McCarthy to grovel. So, being nicey-nice is not going to keep him or bring him back. If you´re going to be the one paying anyway, maybe tell him that you´ll book him an Air bnb for the remainder of his stay. The London trip sounds crazy- surely someone he knows could sell it and he´d save the airfare and lodging.

Remember, they know you want to save the marriage. They know that you are vulnerable. They also want what they want when they want it. Oh, and quite a few have said that they are deliberately mean/cruel so that the LBS will just give up - thereby relieving their guilt.

Could not have said it better then these two replies.....