[amazinglove]

Can we please just agree to STOP USING THE WORD RAPE in posts?
I am over it. Enough. Please.

[Baxter1]

FH-

So sorry that you are dealing with this but you seem to have a good handle on things. I’m sure you never thought you would have to worry about your W taking your kids to another country but here you are. MLC is a cruel beast

[FrenchHusband]

Thanks B1, T and AL for your comments.

Can we please just agree to STOP USING THE WORD RAPE in posts?
I am over it. Enough. Please.

OK understood. In the future when I will need to speak with offending words on my thread, I will write in white so that it is invisible for those who don't want to read it. lease forgive me : as a foreigner and not a native, I am not aware of what is offending and what is'nt.

Thank you for the music! I was dancing around here while I cleared up in the kitchen….although the cat walked in, looked at me like I was a crazy woman and walked out ha ha.

You know what ? same time you were writing these words I was dancing in the kitchen with S6 & the music. Instead of a cat D15 was looking at us like we were crazy people ha ha .

After I told D17 about that music I discovered that, she had studied this movie last year during her Italian course. She knows Peppino Impastato.

A bit of journaling
last weeks have been fine. No change for W who continues to come and go few days in the month (around 3-4 days / month is the new standard). I am still very happy in my life with the children and going ahead.
For Christmas it is now settled that we will go to my brother and SIL. I am wanting it. The children are wanting it. Guess who is not wanting it, who is unhappy ?  . When W complains I tell her that she has not sent any clear plans for Christmas. The children have understood that they may go in Switzerland for a few days after Christmas. I told W that she is welcome at my brother's home and that their house is not so far from Switzerland. It's up to her to make her plans.


I continue to help the LBS mum (will call her LBSM from here) the best as I can, and I often take care of the 3 daughters when she needs to . After giving to her some hints, I have finally confided to her a part of my story so that I can now share the advices from the forum to her. She is working on herself and she is fighting for her children.
As I expected (and feared) this to happen, the sharing of my story has added a lot of emotions to the relationship btwn LBSM and I. LBSM is now even closer to me and together with her I have tried to set up boundaries of "friendly relationship".

Last week LBSM was very shocked, because, after the school, her ex had kidnapped her D6. In the evening she called me and said she needed a hug, so I came to her house. I had told D15 that I was walking outside : it was true but not totally true.

Warning : the next paragraphs in white contain sexual content and offending words.
I walked 20 minutes and prayed in the same time to keep the boundaries, because I knew LBSM was not able to keep the boundaries. LBSM did not want her children to see me at her house so she brought me in her car and I listened to her during many hours and hugged her. At the end of the night she sat on me and said that she wanted to rape me. It was hard for me to keep my boundary but I said no. My body was screaming YES, my heart and my brain were saying NO.  She kept me under her during maybe 1 hour, saying I was in jail (oh what a delightful jail when she opened her bra and lifted her shirt up) but I still kept my boundary. And actually, after 5 hours of standing with pride, my reptilian brain was not valiant enough to stand anymore. So if I had said yes, the experience for us would have been one of the worse quality.
At 4:30 am I left the car (yes we have spent the whole night in a car with engine off in November, that's southern France climate)


I plan to continue in the future to help LBSM as much as I can and I plan to keep my boundaries. It looks to me I am playing the sorcerer's apprentice and it looks to me it is the right thing to do right now. For the record the ex brought back the girl at school 2 days after. D6 was not present for an important medical appointment as her dad didn't appear.

the future days
Next days are really important for the family : on Thursday morning I will go with D15 to the judge so that she can tell what she wants. On Thursday afternoon I will go to the school for a meeting with the teacher, the director and a psy. The main topic will be whether S6 will jump directly to 2d year of primary school after 3 months of 1st year. He is already in a mixed class (1st/2d) so it will be smooth. W will participate by phoe to the meeting. I am proud that, even with the difficult situation with their mom, the kids are still doing very well at school.

I got two written testimonies from other parents who testity that I am taking care of the three kids very well, that I am doing the household chores and am always present with the children in the public parks and for friends birthdays. One mother is writing that I am alone to take care of the children since several months and have done everything so that nothing is changed for the children since their mother left. This testimony is actually my only proof before the Court that W has left our home. It is crucial for my case. December 5th I will have the hearing then after 2 months I expect the court decision. 

[Treasur]

Well done on making your Christmas plans for you and the kids! As you say, your wife seems to still have the expectation that everyone should wait on her wishes, as if you all get put in a cupboard when she leaves and then get pulled out when she turns up to ‘play’. Pretty common mindset with MLC folks of course, but still weird….so congratulations on not getting sucked into that.

Re LBSM….a couple of gentle cautions from me fwiw. I read your white text (not quite sure why you’ve chosen that option here to talk about these kind of things though)
You are a grown man and entirely free to make your own choices.
However, if one finds oneself lying or keeping something in the dark, it’s a pretty solid red flag that one might not be choosing wisely or healthily. If there was nothing to hide, why would you choose to hide it even as an act of omission. I think we LBS tend to learn that lies are like dripping acid in life, even small ones. Worth thinking about perhaps?

And if her h is capable of kidnapping his own child, he may not be the healthiest person to be even on the edge of your life or your family’s life. One never wants to think that people can do some of the crazy things that people can do when emotions are running high. But sometimes they DO do those things, and I can’t see how exposing you or your kids to even the slightest risk of being affected by someone else’s current marital crisis is worth taking lightly. And she is still someone else’s wife, I think, and her h may not much like the idea of her rolling around with someone else even if he no longer wants his marriage or does not deserve it. What do you think?