[xyzcf]

Hello.....welcome to HS.

 

One thing to add about him is that he's able to disconnect himself from things. He told me several years ago about sexual abuse he experienced as a boy over the course of a year. He never told anyone until he told me. He said he suppressed it so he never thought about it

Many of the theories of MLC has to do with something that has affected them in their childhood...and many of the MLCers have been sexually abused and especially in men, may not ever remember that this happened until many years later. They are good at compartmentalizing things.

I am strong in my faith and find myself accountable to God above him. He was strong in his faith but pulled away around the time he said he started to "lose" feelings

Also quite common. Their beliefs. values and morals change...it's hard to fathom how my husband has removed himself from what was a very strong faith life.

If you have not been there, Rejoice Ministries is a site with daily devotionals that I found very helpful. The husband was the prodigal and he came back and remarried Charlene and they both have made this a ministry for marriages that have been destroyed.

The kids are very upset, angry with him. They may be older and in college but they're still affected.

It doesn't matter what age the children are, this is a major traumatic experience for them..because the MLCer doesn't just leave the marriage, they turn their backs on their children as well.

You will get lots of advice. Take what feels right for you, disregard the rest. Rear RCR's articles...they are pure gold. Take really good care of yourself for this impacts us physically and emotionally...and it is very hard....you don't just get over it but you will heal.

As a woman of faith, through prayer and contemplation I realized that was right for me was to follow what Christ said "love one another as I have loved you" and going deeper into that, He told us to love our enemies, those who hurt us and trust in Him.

I have contact with my husband, he's never let go of me although he sure as heck has tried. My daughter and I can see his hurt, his strangeness and we both agree to allow him to be a part of our lives...this broken family.....this has been the best for us and I have worked hard to make it possible and to protect myself but still being open to him...forgiveness can really help us to heal.

My view is not a popular one either in the world, or on HS. I follow what God has placed on my heart. I see MLC as a "dis-ease" and the consequences of his crisis took me many years to sort out...marriage to me is a  sacrament and thus I continue to love him in a way that doesn't seem possible but it does work for me and our family.

Glad you found this site. Be gentle with yourself.

If .......... is your real name, it is best if you change it to something that is not recognizable by him...because sometimes MLCers find this site and could potentially use what you write against you.

[Maintainhope]

Thank you xyzcf, I made that change to the name.

Thank you for the resource info as well.

[Songanddance]

I've just modified all posts that mention your original name - MaintainHope.

Welcome to the forum. 
On here you will find so much advice it will overwhelm you.

Read as many stories as you can, read RCR's articles over and over.  Learn that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your MLCer.   

Have faith that you will pull through this and it genuinely does get better.   11 yrs since BD now and life has even more to offer than I could have imagined.

Keep posting - we're here for you.