[Couragedearheart]

You guys are so incredibly kind. Thank you. 100% the “LBS” is not the looser in this equation. There is only people who choose to grow and those who don’t.

I am so excited, a friend just texted with free tickets to a football game. I’m going with my best friend. Also I have a best friend. I don’t know a way to give that sentence all the import it actually deserves.

Can I tell you much friends absolutely are the pinnacle of love. They are, and they are more valuable than you could ever realize. You NEED someone that will join you in your hairbrained schemes and wildest impulses. You need someone who will thrift church outfits and hats for each other that the 2 of you two of you wear out to a fancy tea party spot for your birthday and laugh till you cry.  That you have a million inside jokes with. That helps you set up elaborate schemes, like using fake names and signing up for etiquette classes with entirely made up personalities. That loves you at your worst and best and everything in between. That will go race scooters with you in the rain on the beltline on your worst days, while you laugh and whoop like wild women. We are currently conducting a social experiment as to how weird we can be when men approach us and how much they will tolerate.  The other day (As an experiment) she told a man with a straight face that she had 8 kids by 5 different men….and he didn’t bat an eye, told her that with his one they could raise the 9 kids together as a happy family! 😳😳😳😂😂☠️

I have joy, and fun and play again.  We go dancing, and take ourselves out on dream dates. We have 75 unstarted business plans to take over the world.  We take painting classes, and glassblowing classes. It is glorious! I feel the kind of joy and wonder and excitement for the day I haven’t felt since I was a kid.  We do lots of things for the plot…..just to see what happens next.

My sister and her family are coming for Christmas, we have a giant list of all the places we are going to go. Definitely doing all the things around the city.  Our gifts are going to be books to each other and then we will just make memories.

For Thanksgiving me and s20 are going to my other friends house and going to explore Nashville. We have never been so I took 4 days off and we will adventure.

I have another group of friends that get together to have giant philosophical discussions around the fire pit. While we debate everything from the existence of god, to the impact of global warming on racism. Or books we have read. Or sometimes we just pull out the entrance exam questions from all souls and discuss them. It’s so much fun. That and a nice burbon and bonfire….

My house is so cozy, I just got in all the artwork I ordered. It’s bright and wild and full of pinks and yellows. The house is very pink actually. 😂 And full of plants and light catchers. The whole house is full of sunlight. S20 has taken up cooking and I am the main beneficiary. So every other night when I come home he has made Japanese curry, or hotpot, or a roast, or Thai food. We have long talks about physics, or politics, or history or watch movies. We are learning to play dungeons and dragons.  And our board game collection has outgrown the shelves……so have the books if I’m honest. We are discussing turning the extra bedroom into a library. Saturday mornings are for pj dance parties and elaborate breakfasts and watching the sunrise over the lake on the deck.

It’s messy, and hard and lonely sometimes, but my god is it a million times better than anything I ever even imagined for myself. I am my own favorite person. And I am more grateful and humbled than I could ever express to be here. Every bit of it was worth it. I wouldn’t change a single thing about any of it.

S20 said “you are so much more of a person than you were when you and dad were married.”

So put some the things you took off your bucket list cause you were married and would never get to do them on your list. Lean into your friends. Do stuff for the plot like you did in your 20’s. Find play, you need play. And pick some things you are grateful for, write them down and add to it. Show yourself that life didn’t end, you definitely aren’t too old, and there is adventure yet to be discovered.

I can’t wait to read your adventure stories. I love the part where your story stops being a story about them and starts being a story about you. You are always the main character.

Courage ❤️

[Biscuit]

CDH,

That's probably about the most joyous post I've read in my 2 1/2 years on the HS forum. It's actually probably one of the most joyous things I've read full stop. I've reread it about 5 times and love every word of it.... you've not just taken the lemons that life has thrown at you and made lemonade - you've made cocktails, desserts, three course meals and still had enough left over to build a house out of the leftover lemon peel!

Love this, thank you for sharing what life on the other side of BD and all the hurt has ended up looking like for you... 

[Flummoxed]

Truly, what a gem of a share! Thank you so much, Courage- your post just shined with positivity, adventure, and hilarity! Thank you for sharing where you’re at and how much love, brilliance, and fun the future can possibly hold.