I think it’s probably time for an update.
Am I still doing my antics…..of course. Just dressed up and went to an ABBA concert and went dancing. Did I go overboard with the glitter and give myself an eye infection. Yes. Do I have any regrets….not at all.
I went to the beach and burned my bum, fed alligators. Made a friend and went bar hopping and spent the night laughing my butt off and coloring pictures of Abraham Lincoln. (It was the requirement for attending the bar.
Me and S20 went out on the sliding rocks and spent a day in the sun. Me and my bestie went to a tequila party under an underpass with 600 people and dance to African and Caribbean rap, and ate soul food and then drove to the symphony to change things up a bit.
I decide to run away to the woods to a yoga geodome and connect with myself. It turned out to be an offgrid animal rescue/ Airbnb run by a lovely sweet man who was a submissive, who had lost half his brain due to a gunshot wound and his dominatrix wife and his other girlfriend the food critic. I interviewed him extensively. We will discuss the ethics of making a brain injury patient your submissive later. There was also a cat named Gus who got snatched up by an alligator, fought the alligator off and swam a 1/4 mile to shore.
Next month I go on my golden girls trip back to Oregon with a group of friends and old ladies we met and befriended out there last time, we are going whale watching, and having dinner, and taking more fly fishing classes.
Oh and me and my bestie signed up for a couples massage that went horribly awry. We should have checked the neighborhood, we walked down a weed smoke filled hallway with 70’s carpet into a small room slightly larger than a cubicle. There were 3 stations, we were told to change into towel wraps the size of hand towels and then prayed over, each “area “ of the room was explained. I was put in a chair that vibrated randomly with no discernible pattern, she was put in an electric massage chair, every 20 minutes we were tired to a different station. A bit like rotisserie chickens. When I go to the massage chair it puts you in a birthing position, and then inverts you onto your back, then it start squeezing you, I feel confident it could break bones. Finally it was my chance at massage. I was prayed over, the wafted with a massage gun that only came in contact with my body hair but no actual muscle, then the slapping commenced…..why did I not leave? And miss out on the opportunity to tell you this story……absolutely not.
Things are changing. I have outgrown my job. Well truthfully I fell in love…….with friend. And oh beloved……when I tell you how different this love is than whatever I thought love was in my marriage…….
He is my best friend, he knows me better than anyone else in my entire life. Having experienced unconditional love, acceptance, and positive reguard, to be cherished, and thought of and treasured.
He makes me love myself more deeply than I ever have before. He makes the entire world feel like play and adventure when we are together. And beloved……I have never felt so safe….
It makes the appeal of settling for less than my worth in a career impossible. It makes it hard to hustle for my worth anymore……
It makes overgiving, overdoing and overperforming painful.
And S20 has decided to move out. He is moving to Indiana with a friend. He has never been to Indiana before. They are going to be sharing a 1 bedroom apartment…….it is a cannon event I cannot intervene.
I am renovating the house after a 60 ft tree crushed my bedroom in the middle of the night. But everyone was fine and now I get to fix up some things. I will be renting it out at the end of the year.
And moving in with my partner.
I am in line for a promotion to the c-suite in some capacity, it’s like 5 jobs they offered me. So I am considering one of those, if not I have to choose whether I’m just going to start my own business or choose something remote and easy and relaxing.
As my self love deepens, I am still changing. I stopped fixing my hair and just let it fall in waves. I dress how I want, bright colors and fun patterns and dresses…..somehow I have become a fan of dresses.
The ex reached out. I swear they can sense you moving on. With the lamest most toxic “apology” I have ever read. Here it is for your veiwing pleasure “ Hello. You do not have to respond. Not what it’s about. I just wanted to apologize for what I created for you with the betrayal. Your likely past it. Just felt the need to apologize. “
I considered thanking him……but no point in engaging with someone you don’t want to talk to. It seems like a personal issue.
Did I mention my partner has never once been defensive with me. Never once, he is kind and patient and funny and brillant, and wild and tender.
So that is my update. Life is beautiful and unexpected.and worth every bit of healing I took on.
You are the main character in your life, I hope you live like it!
Love
Courage
The beginning and the end of all thing
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