[LettingGo]

Just for the record, women don't like Menopause. It sucks. Even when you have an easy one! I've heard from my best friend that during the beginning of Menopause for her, she had ALL of the thoughts about "what have I accomplished...NOTHING.... what am I doing with my husband...he's a lump.... I should be traveling....MORE....and on and on it goes." it is a general crankiness and dissatisfaction with life, combined with changes in your skin, sexual response and ability, body fat shifts.... we don't like it and it's MAJOR, even when it's fairly easy. Your wife sounds like she's white knuckling it cuz if she talks about it, she'll sound like a weak old lady.

[LisaLives]

It is a very simplistic article, IMHO and only touches the surface. 

But, I think one important difference between men and women in dealing with any kind of crisis is that women emote more and have stronger support systems than men.  If I seem depressed, one of my friends is likely to tell me that, and if I stop calling around, someone will call on me--dudes don't do that, in general.  Your wife seems like a less ordinary woman who is more withdrawn, probably more of an I than an E.  And that has a huge impact for dealing with the external crises that is often the catalyzst for MLC.  A death, a job loss, whatever it is is not dealt with and then sends a person into MLC.  Women don't generally accept crises silently, we call our friends and cry and drink wine and complain, or whatever it takes--sometimes seemingly endlessly to the dudes who love us, but it does help...  Just a thought.     

[ece711]

"Is this generally true?"  as this thread ask.  IMHO it will be a difficult question to answer, because despite all the signs/ patterns of behaviour indicates, there still seem to be no tangible proof whether what drives a person to do what they did to us.  Is it death, their age, money, careers, or the children?  I sometimes see in the news "politicians", "professional athletes", "actors/actresses", "recording artists" doing the things that our spouses did to us.  But somehow when these high profiled people do it, the majority sees it as someone that cheated on their better half. Of course we(here in the MLC boards) know that they are experiencing MLC.  On the other hand there are a lot of high profile people that experienced the same thing and yet they remain faithful to their partners.

I as an individual have a lot of things I would love to do/accomplish/change, or would want to have, so sometimes I ask myself, "why didn't I do it?"  I didn't grow up with my parents, brothers, and sisters because my parents left me to grow up with my Grandparents, to this day it is hard to recapture those years, shouldn't I have some "childhood issues"?  My Grandparents are both gone, I still feel that they are my biological parents, so I also experienced "death", my father doesn't recognize any of my achievements only failures, and my parents didn't send me to college but all of my siblings went and graduated.  Does this mean that down the line it will be my turn to have MLC? or  Does it boil down to me being more grounded(due to my fear in God)?
 

[Dontgiveup]

I think we have trouble sometimes with MLC because the symptoms are the obvious part.  Lack of fulfillment (as an example) in life will not cause someone to go into MLC.  By the time the MLCer has started talking about lack of fulfillment, the MLC has already set in.  The childhood/adolescent issues are from a lack of the development of love and self-esteem.....which is why many MLCers are perfectionists.  This lack of development also includes their coping skills.

Most MLCers have several things they say.  For instance the I love you, but....speech.  In addition they may say we have nothing in common, and I don't feel fulfilled.....all symptoms of MLC.

[StandandDeliver]

I was going to say, but DGU beat me to it, I think that it has to do with self-confidence (true self-confidence and self-worth). Who knows why some people have and others don't. I had a crap adolescence - think alcoholic and depressive parents - and I am a relatively confident person, but with true confidence I think - I know my failings and I know that there are people who don't like me, and while I would be lying if I said it doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother me enough to put on a great big "I am always nice and wonderful and accomplished" face to the world, MLCer's seem to be people who have often put on a "please everyone whether I feel like it or not" attitude to navigating life. I think that they hide their true self, even from themselves, because it scares them.
 

[LoveMeMyself]

OMG, S&D...........what you just said,

MLCer's seem to be people who have often put on a "please everyone whether I feel like it or not" attitude to navigating life. I think that they hide their true self, even from themselves, because it scares them.

.............is exactly what my exH said.  He told me he was so tired of trying to make everybody else happy but it didn't seem to make him happy.  His first ex wife was a high maintenance witch and she controlled him.  I think he got it in his mind that he had to please only her and he shoved all his feelings down into a deep dark hole...........and the MLC forced him to explode!  Wow! 

[hopingfourbetter]

It is a very simplistic article, IMHO and only touches the surface. 

But, I think one important difference between men and women in dealing with any kind of crisis is that women emote more and have stronger support systems than men.  If I seem depressed, one of my friends is likely to tell me that, and if I stop calling around, someone will call on me--dudes don't do that, in general.  Your wife seems like a less ordinary woman who is more withdrawn, probably more of an I than an E.  And that has a huge impact for dealing with the external crises that is often the catalyzst for MLC.  A death, a job loss, whatever it is is not dealt with and then sends a person into MLC.  Women don't generally accept crises silently, we call our friends and cry and drink wine and complain, or whatever it takes--sometimes seemingly endlessly to the dudes who love us, but it does help...  Just a thought.     

 I found this quite opposite for my wife, she closed the door to her cousin actually had an argument and then closed the door and did not discuss this with anyone. For me I did not even realize we were having problems or she was, I was trying to figure out why she was angry  with me all the time and I was asking my friends if I was out of line. I talked with anyone I could trying to understand.

  Not until she told me to look up menopause did I realize we were in trouble.

[LoveMeMyself]

I've read somewhere that sometimes the wife's menopause can cause the husband's midlife crisis.  Not real sure how true that really is.  I'd hate to think that my menopause helped push my ex H into his crisis.  I was "forced" into menopause right after my ex H's mother died.  I had a total/radical hysterectomy.  I can honestly say I did not/have not suffered through very many "symptoms" other than hot flashes.  Maybe I'm not normal.