[HeartsBlessing]

Stand and Deliver,

HB - just to clarify, does that mean the MLCer is attracted to alike people, as in like what they are in MLC, or like what they were before? I assume you mean the former?

People in a "normal" situation, are usually attracted to people that are opposite of them.  For example, when my husband and I got together, we had a few things in common, but we are the direct EMOTIONAL opposites of each other in SO many aspects...as you can tell from the "books" I write on here, I'm an engaging, talkative, and friendly person.  My husband on the other hand, is a quiet soul, watches people, says very little; and to some extent he's shy. 

During the MLC, however, my husband became the OPPOSITE of what he had been, and most of this opposite, due to his issues, damage from childhood, immaturity, etc., was really bad; the OW he chose, was JUST LIKE HIM;(although, also, like his mother in temperament; and I'll just say that she wasn't a very nice person), in the emotional state he was in during his MLC...they used each other; controlled and manipulated each other,  ran over each other, he did things to her he wouldn't have dared to do to me; I suspected a few things, but didn't pursue what I suspected, as I'm thinking they literally beat on each other;  based on some bruises and heavy scratches I saw on my husband during that time.  It wasn't something I really wanted to know...there are some things best left uncovered, and this was one of those.  It was enough to know he was involved with another.

Before his MLC, I knew he was NOT a violent person.  He never bothered me that way, although, I saw several times, the temptation to just cut loose and beat the dog out of me, simply because I was THERE; which prompted me to pray for protection...and the Lord granted it to me, and our son.

Anyway,

They choose OWs/OMs that are just as damaged, emotionally as they are; and it would be the opposite of what it normally would be; as THEY are the opposite, they CHOSE one that fits their opposite state; and it's not NORMAL to be this way.  NORMALLY, people that are just  alike, REPEL each other; there should be NO attraction there; and most of the time, there isn't.   Whereas during the MLC; the MLC'er and the affair are ATTRACTED; their personalities, emotional damage, etc. is as close to a match made in Hades as they can get.  I don't know HOW they survive for the time of the affair in that aspect, they are that much of an IMperfect a fit; yet, just LIKE each other.

By all rights, the affairs should NOT go on as long as they do; but they do; and I think it's because one or the other "bypasses" these undesirable traits that are MIRRORED to each other for as long as they are involved with each other.  But these mirrors cast a lot of smoke, too; and eventually, that smoke must clear from the mirror and show a clear reflection; showing the true colors of one or the other, leading to an emotional change; and an eventual breakdown of the affair; IF the MLC'er will allow themselves to see what the affair partner really is, OR the affair partner sees this.

They are BOTH, users of each other and others, abusers of each other and others, emotionally damaged, selfish, and out for themselves. 

As the MLC'er is different they desire something different; but since they have become the opposite; they choose the opposite of what they had chosen in the life they had before the MLC...and the OW/OM they choose is most LIKE them; instead of the affair partner being the opposite of what they have BECOME during the MLC.

This is one of the aspects that doesn't seem to make sense; yet, apply this to MLC, where everything is opposite, and/or upside down; yet, it happens like that for a reason; the affair was never meant to last; and if it does, the MLC'er must REALLY be a glutton for punishment, as their lives will be miserable for the during; because they have chosen such an uneven type union; not to mention the family they have abandoned in favor of a person who is JUST LIKE THEM; and they will NEVER be truly happy, there will always be constant upheaval in their lives..and that is consequences for their actions against the innocent family they left behind in favor of their own selfish pursuits.

And you know the strangest thing, and I speak from experience, during my journey I experienced becoming the opposite, as well, and in many aspects, as I "overhauled" myself; I became the opposite of the person I had once been; and as he changed, and came forward, he became ATTRACTED to me once again; as he tested my changes, found them immovable; and eventually, decided to go on with me, although, I was NOT the same person he had left behind, initially, in his crisis.

His core personality returned; in time, but other changes, as he faced himself and came forward, LONG after the affair was finished, and he was making his way toward the end of the tunnel, took the place of not only the "opposite" behavior I had seen during his MLC; but a great deal of the "old" person, he had once been.

Coming out was two strangers who had to get to know each other again; and that was half the fun of getting to the rebuilding of the new marriage we have, now.

So, they don't remain in this state forever; if they will just move forward, and start facing the issues and aspects at hand.