[SwiftCovenant]

SF---I highly suspect my husband texted the OW in church too.  It's now very telling that his MLC began and started escalating pretty quickly after he joined FB and got a Smartphone.  He had every one of the "symptoms" mentioned in the article.  He has told me recently that he has been propositioned several times via FB alone, and his EA began with a connection with an old friend via FB.  His old girlfriend (not the one he had an EA with) propositioned him over FB saying that she kept an old T-shirt of his since high school and took it out every now and then to smell it ("Ewwww..)  That creeped him out to the point he defriended her, but I think it simultaneously fed his ego and he was less careful with women on social media.  I think it made him feel empowered and desirable, so he slowly let his guard down until he ended up in a "chexting" EA which I believe has now escalated to a full-on relationship (He still denies anything other than friendship, but there's to much evidence to the contrary).

I honestly cannot fathom how hard a conscience has to be to do this especially in places like church or in morning staff devotions at his ministry job...I know he did it there.  Maybe it's not a hardened conscious as much as it's that they've gradually deceived themselves to over time, slowly, to believe that's okay.  It's like the whole frog in boiling water analogy.  They put themselves in dangerous waters and slowly turn up the heat until they boil their conscience.  An just like your screen name (and Casting Crowns song)...it's a slow fade.

[SwiftCovenant]

Dagolark...I know it's hard not to become jaded and cynical, and when your trust is broken like this it takes a lot of time get over it, but there are people out there who don't do horrendous things like this.  I helped a friend with her daughter's wedding last weekend.  It was hard to do at first, because my husband had just dropped the D-bomb on Wednesday; however, when I was sitting in their beautiful ceremony I was overcome with joy saying, "I still believe in marriage....even after all I've been put through I do believe in the sacredness and permanence of marriage." and I really do!  My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary that same day, and while their marriage has been far from perfect, as far as I know, they have been faithful and committed to each other for those 50 years.  The key word is "commitment" and unfortunately, we are losing the meaning behind that word in marriage.  With that said there are still good and faithful people out there.  I know couples who model it.  I know a few other standing mates, like me, who are trying our best to model it amongst deep pain and betrayal.  I choose to believe in the goodness of marriage.

[Slow Fade]

An just like your screen name (and Casting Crowns song)...it's a slow fade.

That was the inspiration for my name. I love that song. And my H descended into that pit via smart phone and facebook as well. Satan certainly takes advantage of new technology to further his plans.......

[SwiftCovenant]

SF...true, satan does use technology for his plans, but in the end we know who wins

Because I work for an worldwide evangelical ministry I also have witness to how God uses all this technology for his purposes too.  It's really one of the things that keeps my faith and sanity intact through all this.  I daily get to hear stories of miracles, and the "miracle of technology" is part of that.

[riverbirch]

Can I stamp that on his forehead!!! 

[scooby]

SC-

Attaching to your thread.  I am one of the chexting people too.  H has even exchanged naked selfies with 20 something, but she is gone now and he is into OW that is older than us and also in MLC - what a joy!  ha ha!

I am sure he now is up to something on facebook, as he is on it a lot.  Silly boy.

Thanks for sharing the article it is very interesting.

I had to laugh when my phone broke and I went to the cell phone company.  The salesman told me he liked my H and he sold him our phones and he was really cool.  I basically said something like I am sorry that you lack good judgment in character.  The salesman said that H would only look at smartphones that he could lock the screen.  I told the salesman and you wonder why his w would not like him?  I got 3 free things before leaving due to guilt of salesman.  He said he likes me better than H...LOL

Have a great week. prayers and hugs

[SwiftCovenant]

Hey Scooby,

I've been following/catching up on your threads.  Hang in there. I know how hard this stage is.   Hubby says he's filing for D, so I'm basically at the same point as you.  Just fed up with all his shennanigans and mess.  He is truly a like a teenager.  It blows the mind.

When FB first started getting popular my H was like, "I'm never going on FB...what a waste of time...blah, blah, blah", but within a few months he did.  He was connecting with old high school friends, childhood friends, and he was sucked in like a magnet.  It slowly became his world, his platform, and he had women hanging all over his threads, especially one who became the alienator...fueling his ego, singing his praises.  He felt validated and empowered by it , and it truly became an addiction and his downfall.   He did go off FB for about 3-4 months at the end of 2012.  He put a big going-away post up about how he was wasting too much time on FB, and that he has "an addictive personality", and FB was an addiction.  He stuck to it for 3-4 months, but once he went back on FB and fired up the chexting and FB messaging again with OW he was sucked back in and left me within a month of reactivating his FB account.

I'm not saying that he wouldn't have had an MLC if there was no social media involved.  It was pretty much inevitable because of his FOO issues and emotional maturity issues, but social media/texting/e-mailing was like gasoline on the fire.

[Slow Fade]

When FB first started getting popular my H was like, "I'm never going on FB...what a waste of time...blah, blah, blah", but within a few months he did.  He was connecting with old high school friends, childhood friends, and he was sucked in like a magnet.  It slowly became his world, his platform, and he had women hanging all over his threads, especially one who became the alienator...fueling his ego, singing his praises.  He felt validated and empowered by it , and it truly became an addiction and his downfall.

I could have written this about my H as well....almost word for word!

[scooby]

H is now FBing any chance he can get.  I am sure he is sending message to OW, in addition to texting her 12,000 to 15,000 between them times a month.  Amazing they get any work done.  The thing is that it is against policy at work for them to have relations and to text and have phone calls except during break and lunch.

If you all have read my thread you know H is hanging himself.  I am done done done!

nre thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5008.0