[TrustingMyHP]

I'm curious if anyone here has done the Retrouvaille retreat program.  In my reading about divorce and trying to prevent divorce it keeps coming up.  I've never known anyone who's done it but, again, from what I read it seems to be well thought of by people in the marriage counseling community.

Wish I could persuade my H to do it but there's no way.  He's committed to OW now and would consider it being unfaithful to her at this point.  Maybe someday!

I'd be interested in hearing about anyone's experience with it if they've done it.

Thanks!

TMHP

[StillStanding]

My wife and I did the program.

I thought it was really good, but to an MLCer it was pure hell because it requires you to examine the past and consider the present in order to build a better future. I would not suggest doing a Retrouvaille weekend until it's pretty clear that your MLCer is willing to recommit.

I can answer some questions about it, but there are limits to what I will discuss; part of the power of the retreat weekend is going in with an open mind and no preconceived notions. I can tell you that one of the things you will get out of the program is a method of doing constructive dialogue between you and your spouse.

[TrustingMyHP]

StillStanding, thanks for the info.

I think I read somewhere that Retrouvaille discourages couples from attending in which one of the partners is in an active affair.  (Makes sense!)

Like I said, I know this isn't something my deep-into-MLC-H would do at this time but, if he's ever wiling to work on our M, I'd like to do it.

TMHP

[unbroken]

We also went during one of my H's returns.

I think it's an interesting program.  They claims a very high success rate.  They also screen you before you go.  They do not allow anyone who is in a relationship outside the marriage.

I do not think it works for MLC.  It's about the couple and communication, not the individual. And of course MLC is about the MLCer first and foremost.  At the time we felt very close and i could see his love for me, but that didn't solve his underlying problem.

[StillStanding]

Yes, they do not want couples to come if either is involved in a relationship outside the marriage.

And I concur with LIW; I think Retrouvaille is best saved for when the MLCer is through the tunnel and wants to work on things. My wife described some of the exercises as "pure torture."

And yes, I think it would be a great program for couples who have weathered the MLC storm and want to work things out. All of the sensitive discussion between you and your spouse happens in private; no one has to air their dirty laundry in front of anyone. At the same time, all of the presenters are couples who have gone through the program and are willing to discuss their challenges and trials; it's a way of saying we know what you two are going through, and we're here to say that you can make it. And it's not just infidelity; one of my presenting couples nearly fell apart after the death of one of their children.