One of my attributes is that I am an artist and I feel and think visually a lot of times. I lost that in my M and I’m regaining it, so many times when I try to reply to someone, it’s images I see. It’s like my artistic nature has come flooding back and it’s hard for me to think in words again… so I really hope that you all follow me on this.
Your problem is that you expect your MLCer to be friendly. That is not going to happen, not for any length of time.
Think of a child. You are at the grocery store with them. Every time you turn your back, they put some sugary cereal or candy into the cart. You have made a commitment to help your family eat better, and they are going to be eating granola and oatmeal for breakfast from now on. You turn back and put the junk food back on the shelf. It becomes a game. The child puts it back again, but each time they try something a bit different, in a different manner, hide it somewhere different, different sizes. And when you turn around, they smile a devious little smile and you know something is in there again. Every time you take something out, they get a little more annoyed until finally you are leaving the store with them screaming at the top of their lungs like you just strangled and made stew out of their new puppy. They scream about how you don’t ever let them have what they want, what they NEED.
This is an MLCer. They begin to feel in their soul a disquiet, a feeling of unrest, of something not being right. They decide it must be unhappiness, and it must be with you, since you are the one. The one who was supposed to make them happy until death do you part. They proceed to tell you it’s you, it’s all you, you’re the one making them unhappy. But you don’t take the blame (you do know that blame has to be accepted, right?) – you take it out of the cart and put it back on the shelf. This is standing.
So, they try something new. You are too short, too fat, too bald, you promised financial security and didn’t deliver, you never are intimate any more, you don’t like scuba diving like OP does, you like blue and they like yellow. They try over and over, and each time you deflect the blame, they become more and more petulant. By the time they are leaving the store (your marriage, your house, your bedroom – this is their running behavior) they have convinced themselves that you are NOT FAIR. You NEVER let them have what they want. Sound familiar? However, OP does. (if there is an OP – if not, they are at least imagining one)
Do not reason with a child. Their inner child is telling them that you are not fair. What happens when you play tug of war and let go of the rope. You have to let go of the rope. However, you’re playing it over a mud pit. So, when you let go, she will fall into the mud… and then scream and cry how you are unfair (because she lost and her little feelings are bruised) – and she will run away telling everyone how you let her fall into the mud. Little by little, though, as she finds that no one is listening, she’ll turn back and look, she’ll peek to see who is watching and listening to her. And eventually she will turn and walk back towards those people since they seem to have left and walked away, and she doesn’t want to be alone.
THIS will be when you will start to have an effect. A little effect.
Right now, you cannot have any effect because you are the reason she’s so unhappy, and you cannot therefore be the cure, the solution. You are the cause.
Author
Topic: 
Polarization