[Lanzo]

Hi Brave heart,

I believe that they can push a pause button, or more likely they will run, gets scared  run back and stay while functioning as normal.  Run a bit further, get scared, run back,  then run again and run, run, run.

Mine is a long story but that’s how I see it with my xW anyway.

Lanzo

[Brave heart]

Thx for the replay!

I do notice that here behavior is diverent this time more calm, and monster is les, no w don't contact me any more, maybe w is sky high with OM.

The day w came back was first like she never left. We had our bad moments and did talk. After rethinking her return ther was actualy never real remors. Now I see that.
W started to change in December. Started with subtile comment on me. Talked to my friends that I don't have a own life, worked long hours, always on the run. Very actif on FB, even friends told me that w is posting strange things. Her sexual behavior changed in a more explicit way.w starts to get les and les sleep maybe 3-5 hours a night. Gets agitated, a louder voice and angry. Angry to her college friends, strang meaning on daily situations. 

I think w is aware of her behavior, a couple of days befor bd w try to tel me something. In 2013 w sent me a email I try to translate.
" I love you with al my heart, but gif me the time to cut out the rotten peaces. I see the beauty of us and I'm gone do something with it. Ignore my demons. Deep in me ther is something beautiful.

This time she hold my hand real strong and told me
" you have to take care for me when I'm down, pick me up when I'm falling"
And the song text from Sam smith" could you love me again"

Like she know what's gone happens....our is it my imaginagen our ther way to start playing us?

Someone with the same expierince?

[Dji76]

Yeah my experience was quite similar. I think they know they are falling from grace and just don't have the self control to stop it. I'll never understand... I watched my w completely melt down and it seemed like it was almost against her own will. Like yours she hardly slept... 2-3 hours a night from someone that used to 8-10 hrs and nap on weekends. It was like she was posessed. Very hard to watch, still haunts me.

[MsT]

TooManyTears - have you read about different insecure attachment styles? My H falls completely in line anxious/insecure attachment style or Fear insecure attachment style.

There is also Avoidant insecure attachment.

Of course all of the traits are severely enhanced in early BD during monster, but my H has always had these issues. but it also talks about how it affects the spouse.

All very interesting, and has helped me detach as he cannot change or be happy with ANYONE until he addresses his childhood and then learns about secure attachment. A lot of work for them.

Does anyone know a good source for this information?