[Purple stain]

This is beautiful...love it

EDIT: This is a discussion thread that came from this post: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=7.msg20081#msg20081

[xyzcf]

Love it but find it hard to believe. Still feeling that I've been rejected and abandoned and that he knows perfectly well what he's doing...I know, I need to hang on and let go at the same time. I thought I could do this, I'm pretty stubborn and I truly think I can do this...I know I can do this..one way or another..life continues and I will find a path forward.

God promises us "ask and ye shall receive, seek and the door will be opened". God may not say yes to what we are asking, but promises something better. Please God, bring that something better to me soon...peace and removal of the pain is what I ask for now.

[sarahani]

Stayed, I honestly loved what you said.  I don't think I need to sympathize with him and instead just take a stand for myself.  Basically, what I'm saying is I shouldn't go with the flow...right?

[stayed]

Sarahani, when the dust settles, it is ourselves we have to live with.  Everybody will handle this in their own special way, that being said, we must protect ourselves from any more "pain". 

There are a few things we definitely know and understand about MLCer's and that is, that they are LYING, MANIPULATIVE, RUTHLESS, scoundrels during the worst of their crisis. Totally self centered and only concerned about themselves.  WE owe it to ourselves, to protect ourselves from being permanently damaged.

I personally feel (and this is solely my opinion) that an LBS can be TOO SYMPATHETIC with their MLCer. They tend to consider sympathy as VALIDATION for their behavior.  Which, neither party reaps any benefit. 

The most important part of this situation is using this "nightmare" to maximize the benefits to yourself.  To use this and propel ourselves to our FULL POTENTIAL, or at least get us started, as the "journey" is never totally complete until we no longer live on this earth. 

Like most obstacles thrown on our path, it is how we execute around it that ultimately defines who we are.  Generally, broadening our outlook and abilities to navigate with more confidence and determination, becoming less dependent and valuing our "individuality" proudly.

hugs and just take it one day at a time, let your instincts guide you as they will always protect YOU if you listen carefully.

[sarahani]

Thank you for that clarity.  There is a specific situation that I needed to stand up for myself with him and was debating on whether that would send him running or not.

[stayed]

Sarahani, there are so many things that might send them running.  If we made every decision based on that criteria, we would never say BOO to them.  When I felt very strongly about something, I stood my ground.  I decided very early in the process that I would settle for nothing less then TOTAL HONESTY.  That meant me, just as much as him.  It was years before I got "honesty" from him, I think I still get lying by omission, to a certain extent, but I have never dropped my standard for myself.  The way I looked at it then and still see it, IF HE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH, then leave. 

I'm not nasty about it, but I insist on being heard and I do/did not allow him to intimidate or bully me.  I often would take his face in my hands and say "look at me"... I want you to hear this, as I really mean it.  You may choose to ignore what I am saying, that is your choice but you will hear what I have to say and you will know, I mean it now and I will stand by it in the future... so I suggest you listen well. 

He didn't like it, but he quickly got the message, that I was going to speak my mind.  What he did with it was his business but I was not going to hold my piece.  I was not going to be held HOSTAGE by my fear of saying something that might send him scurrying. 

[StillStanding]

Bumping to inform people that this thread should be used for discussion about the articles posted in the Resources: Standing Actions stickied thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=7.0

[LisaLives]

About standing for yourself...  Just the inspiration I needed today!  And for anyone who has never been there, there are so many other good articles (and gossip) on Huff Post Divorce.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cathy-cash-spellman/divorce-and-the-grace-to-_b_1093472.html