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Author Topic: Discussion Breaking up wiht a BPD partner

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Discussion Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#30: November 28, 2011, 06:52:57 PM
Honey and I have been going over BPD articles..He see's all the traits...hmmm

HB- I asked honey the question...he said again " I dont deserve this" and I asked this point blank.

"please tell me WHY you do not deserve this?"

He at first came up with an entirely off the wall answer, which made NO sense, then I said "That is not what I asked, I didnt ask you WHY you wont commit to her fully" ( this was the crazy answer he was trying to give) I said again.."Tell me WHY YOU do NOT deserve this?"

He thought about it briefly...and could only come up with this " I have not done anything to HER to deserve the things she has done, atleast not when SHE first HURT me" ( in otherwards, when she first HURT him which was VERY early in the R, he hadnt done anything to hurt her, but has since) But he could not give me a full detailed answer...I then said..Then this is where MAYBE your answers lie...

Also, we talked some about the FIRST g/f issue...and he said that OW reminds him of HER...Hmmm thats one to ponder. I would guess, since he has had NO coping skills...and her being his first, I assume she had alot to do with what type of man he would be, couple that with his fathers physical abuse..makes for a VERY messed up BOY.

We are doing well along this convo about BPD..I also made it clear..I would NOT allow OW near our D..period.
and left it at that.


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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
k
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#31: November 28, 2011, 08:05:59 PM
Syn - I think that's fantastic.  How else do these guys make sense of all of this?  Fingers crossed he does some thinking about it - I'm sure he will
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#32: November 28, 2011, 08:15:04 PM
I think it was a great idea for me to go there tonight...it feels right. Like a calm has come over everything.

wierd really...I feel totally different about my own sitch..Maybe HB can tell me why?? ;)

Honey is really thinking...I'll leave time for him to process what he has learned today and see where it leads..
never know..:)
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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
k
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#33: November 28, 2011, 08:20:50 PM
Syn - glad to hear you feel so calm.  I agree - when they take the information on board, we then need to back off.  They'll bring it up when they're ready.
After me sending the link to the addiction article, my H didn't say a word about it.  But did make some excuse to turn up on our doorstep last night.  The boys went to the door and handed him what he'd come to pick up, but he insisted on coming in to talk to me.  Big grin on his face.  We talked about nothing of importance.  Think he just wanted to touch base.  I hope he has read it. 
I hope even more that he reads some more of the articles one day. 
Borderline waif is his mother.  OW def BPD - not sure which one.  Think prob a waif too. 
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#34: December 05, 2011, 02:49:54 PM
Here is something I found enteresting....

Rings pretty correct concerning honey and his childhood issues...could be why he is with a BPD partner,


http://gettinbetter.com/key.html
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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
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