[ziggee]

One year ago... it seems like such a long time ago...

I believed I could stand up to the world as long as my wife was behind me... I thought that she was the source of my strength.  I really did delusional as it may seem.  I thought that I could take on the world as long as she loved me.  I would stand up and say... but... but sir.. that does not make sense.. well that is gone... but fool that I am still saying... but that does not make sense... so where does it come from?  I guess it comes from inside of me?  My own sense of honour and integrity.  Still asking stupid questions... but why?  That still does not make sense...


Z.

[StandandDeliver]

Last year H had left just a month before. I spent Christmas day with him and his parents while he was making plans to move in with his OW. I was a mess, on AD's, Xanax and sleeping aids. I was not eating, losing weight. I was so distressed. He didn't care - he kept disappearing off to his room to speak with OW.
I didn't buy gifts for anyone other than my kids, I didn't get a tree or decorate our house. I was still in shock. I had no job, no money of my own and I was living in a town where I had very limited prospects. I truly did not know who I was or what I was going to do without him. I saw for the first time how co-dependant I had become. I felt that everything was my fault, that I was not worthy of love and respect.

THis year - where do I start? I moved to a new city, I settled my kids into school where they already speak the languages, I got a job that helped me move forward and gain skills and the new confidence led to a better job which is doing something I love and which still gives me time with my children. I started writing again, I made new friends, I have done some exciting things that have helped me find who I really am. I have reconnected with some old friends who have embraced me and my story and reminded me of the goodness in people. I have eaten lunch in the UK parliament buildings, I have attended events at the European Parliament, I have appeared in a friend's film production, I have travelled on my own and learned a lot about myself in terms of my adventurous side. I met up with my best friend from part of my childhood who I hadn't seen in 20 years - we had a wonderful day in Paris together.  I realise now how co-dependant H was too.  I realise that whenever we did anything interesting or fun, I was at the helm. Our trips to Eastern Europe and Africa were all at my suggestion. Whenever we had a party, went on a long weekend somewhere, had people over for dinner - it was all at my suggestion and arrangement. He was, for all intents and purposes, quite dull where that sort of thing was concerned. So now I am able to live the sociable lifestyle that I want. I also know that I am not afraid to travel on my own and do my own thing.

This Christmas will be spent with my kids in my house with a tree, lots of decorations, good food and my parents. We will go ice-skating and to the Christmas market. I will be going to a friends Christmas party, I am seeing friends for New Year and I am going on a solo ski-trip while my kids are at their father's. I actually like who I am and I no longer feel like a victim of H's MLC character assassination of me.

[Voyager]

Wasn't sure where to put this video, but it sort of warmed my heart to see it, they are so pleased to be going back home 


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-16073499

[StandandDeliver]

V - that made me giggle!

[Chloe1977]

This is the 2nd Christmas that H has been home and the 3rd Christmas since BD. He is still in a R with OW although I suspect she's putting the pressure on him. Sunday night was the 1st night he's stayed a night away from home since his trip with his friends to the beach in August. I can only assume he was with her, but who knows. He could have been with anyone. I'm seeing a lot more of bouncing back and forth between Monster and Mr. Nice. My mood has actually been worse this year due to various factors. I lost my job, got a new one but barely even getting enough hours to matter. My father and I are still barely speaking and I found that he is in liver and kidney failure. I've not told H because I don't think he'd care.

On the plus side, H bought new lights to decorate the house and has been actively Christmas shopping for the boys. He supposedly  bought me a gift that he himself picked out but told his mother (who is also still living with us) that it's from the boys. He's encouraged me to sell my crafts and baked goods on the side which is a first. He's tried to be supportive of my job situation and even "loaned" me money to get tires for my car (they were really bad). He followed through on replacing both of the toilets in the house that were damaged by the earthquake in August.

I don't know if I'm in a better place this year or not. Sometimes I think so, and other times I'm not so sure. He's admitted to his mother, but not me, that he's enjoying Christmas for the 1st time this year. Maybe things are getting better and I'm just too guarded. Either way, when the kids are around me I'm enjoying the season. When they aren't around, I can't wait for it to be over. I know this was supposed to be positive and I think there are some positives in here. I'm just not in a fully positive mood these days. But I'm trying.

[Thundarr]

I'll do my best here.

Last Christmas Eve my MIL tripped and fell over my S7 and broke her shoulder right in the middle of the floor in front of all of us.  W and I spent most of the evening in the ER until my SIL told us to go ahead and take the kids home.  We didn't get to go to my mom's on Christmas Eve which had always been our family tradition.  We all woke up Christmas morning with a stomach virus and went back to bed after opening Santa presents.  We didn't go to her family's on Christmas Day either.  Instead, we did both in-laws Christmas the following weekend.

This year, my W may or may not spend Christmas Eve night at home as she's flip-flopped on that a couple times.  Either way, my relationship with my kids is stronger than ever.  My relationship with D19 is at a point I didn't think it would ever be at one time and would not be were it not for my W's MLC.  I'm a solo parent but will still be able to give my kids a good Christmas.  I fear we are facing very bad times after the first of the year but we will celebrate on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  My IL's have made it very clear that they want me there on Christmas and my relationship with them is also better than it ever has been.  I have many friends on here that I correspond with regularly and talk on the phone with quite often.  I've met one friend from here in RL and look forward to meeting many more in the future.  I have my master's degree now and have a rewarding career helping troubled kids have a better life.  The reality that I often forget is that I have lost only one member of my family, including IL's.  I know she is the one missing out and not me.  I am glad I am not living by myself in her cramped little apartment.  I wouldn't trade places with her for all the money in the world as I have the respect and admiration of my kids and she does not at this time.  Their love and looking to me keeps me going in the darkest nights and having the opportunity to be the father to them that I have always wanted to be is something I am thankful for.  I just wish they did not have to suffer as they do, but at least I know that they have one parent they can count on and the love I receive in return from them is priceless.  I've also had my mom tell me what a great dad I am, and I had never heard that from her before.  She is more proud of me than she ever has been and that also means the world to me.

Peace to you all.

[Mitzpah]

Last year I had just been BD-ed. Christmas was really bad - I went through the motions - barely. I spent Christmas day in my kitchen (with a house full of my relatives!), out of sight, crying in the corners, I hardly ate a thing. H. disappeared most of the day to go visit his brother in rehab clinic. The kids didn't really know anything. I was a complete mess.
I took down Christmas decorations on the day after Boxing day!
This year, it will be the kids and I on Christmas Eve, hopefully, all of us will go to church on Christmas morning and they will visit their father for Christmas lunch.
I decorated the house with the kids, it looks nice
I will be getting my kids Christmas presents by myself, h. has had no communication with me at all about Christmas (or New Year either).
I am concentrating on what Christmas is really about and spending the time with my kids - it will be a lot better than last year.
I confess that I am sad about spending the first Christmas in 33 years apart from my h.