[turkisheye]

If you've read my story you will know that my H left as our kids slept and they have not spoken, nor text or seen him since they went to beds that night 16th October last year. I have a D15 and a D13. D15 last night says it seems like her dad is on holiday. I know D13 has said that too and me too. H is something of a vanisher with a text to them every couple of weeks or so. They all say pretty much the same - thinking of you, miss you, love you etc They never reply. Has anyone else experienced this kind of situation? I have tried explaining that H will not suddenly phone up, say sorry and ask to come home (would be nice if he did though  ) and that if they want to have a relationship with him then it will have to be whilst he is not living here but they do not want that. H was around today (whilst the girls were at school) to sort out some paperwork and we got along nicely. If he were around more (to see the girls) then it may help pave the way? Let him see how well we all worked together?

Edit to add - they also refuse to see his family as they are enabling him to leave his family but they did not really get along with them anyways. They think their granny should tell him to grow up and kick him out and send him home to sort out his problems.

I would love to hear experiences and thoughts from anyone.

Many thanks, TE

[nesquick2]

sorry i have not read any of your previous threads. was yesterday the first time your kids see there dad. it definitely sounds like your hubby is a vanisher. my kids have regular contact with there dad. i have to say he has kept this up since bd. i think the kids are his anchor if that makes sense. hubby always has a favourite child at a time though. normally out of the two eldest. hope this helps you 

[turkisheye]

Nesquick - My girls have still not seen their dad. He says he would like to see them but they do not want to see him.

[nesquick2]

thats sad to hear. im sure in time the girls will. they are probably feeling very hurt and upset inside. also they probably miss there dad very much. i always encouraged my kids to see there dad but d14 refused to go one weekend and i said that was her choice. she did eventually change her mind and go to her dads though. its stilll early days for your girls.

[watching and waiting]

turkisheye,
My D19 has not seen or spoken to H since he left over 2 year ago.
He snet texts initially.......much the same as you are seeing with your kids.  Then they stopped.
S used to go on trips out with H occasionally......until he started to make promises he couldn't keep (like saying he would buy S stuff he obviously couldn't afford).  Once S got a bit older he started to see through the bull.
S has not seen H since April last year. 
He never sent any messages at all...........just posted all over fb how he loved his kids but they wanted nothing to do with him.
Like he was looking for the sympathy vote yet did nothing to make it right.
S has had a few phonecalls recently but now they have stopped again......
Not much help to you turkisheye, but you can see the pattern.

HUGS

[ece711]

Has anyone else experienced this kind of situation?

I would love to hear experiences and thoughts from anyone.

Many thanks, TE

turkisheve...  A close friend of mine have 2 daughters and a son when her ex Husband left and divorced her.  Her daughter are also in their teens when this happened, her son was the youngest.  The ages are D18, D15, and S12.  The daughters were the ones to discover the affair and they are the ones that were most affected.  It's been 4 years now and to this day the daughters refuse to keep a relationship with their dad. Her daughters don't even address their dad as dad, they named him "dude".  I would hear them tell their mom that "The Dude" text me.  My friend followed the advise of her therapist... she was told to encourage them to have a relationship with their dad, but at the same time not to be involved when her daughters get into a fight with their dad.

My situation is quite the opposite since my 2 sons who were only 10 and 6 when my exW left.  They only know that we divorced because their mom fell out of love and wants to be happy.  They are going through the motions of having to spend every weekend with me and every weekday with her.  They seem to also accepted the boyfriend of their mom as part of their life.  Due to their age I decided not to tell them what truly happened...  in time that will come.  As for exW everything happened the way she wanted... with no consequences. 

[nlovemyfamily]

Turkisheye,

My 3 adult kids who previous to their father's affair had the most wonderful, ideal, relationship but after he left and came back 4 times the last time he left 5 years ago was the last straw.  My son was married in 2010 and his father was merely a guest, then recently my FIL passed away and my kids were there for the funeral but interaction was strained at best.  Now with nothing to bring the family together on the horizon I expect the non-relationship to continue.  He is not the father/man/ husband we knew for 32 years.  My XH says he can't live without his kids in his life but proves this a lie everyday!!
It kills me to see such wasted time spent selfishly.  We were married for 31 years and renewed our vows at 25 with more sincerity than the first.
My kids idolized their father, now I can't even describe the hard feelings they have for him.  The "hardened heart" is a real thing!

[watching and waiting]

My kids have also refered to H by a name......

'Voldemort'

He that should not be named...

HUGS

[Mamma Bear]

  Turkisheye, My kids were told by H that he was leaving. He didn't tell me.
  I kept waiting on Valentines Day to go out to dinner and he never came home
  Ds said "he said he had a stomach ache and went to rite aid. I think he said he got his OWN place."      Nice!
  I tracked him down and he said "We can be friends. Give it a couple weeks. I AM WITH A REAL FRIEND NOW."
  Robot. The Ds 11 and 9 know he's mlc. They say he looks totally confused on visits and he seems happiest around me!
  My sister's kids who were 17 and 20 when her H had mlc he didn't speak to them for almost 2 years. But when a fight broke out about ow moving in and my sister out he asked the kids if they'd live there with him and ow. The said.......... "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
  Now that he woke up and came home everything seems good but the D now 25 says "I will forever have trust issues with men. I mean come on' Dad was out f'ing around town."
  She's getting her masters in psychology and doesn't buy into this mlc excuse as she calls it.

[Covenant for Life]

My D20 and S17 have been very open with their Dad about refusing to ever see him at his apartment.  S17 has told his Dad that this is our family home, this is where all of US live, it was your choice to move out, and I will not go over to your apartment.  Not now.  Not ever.

D20 has thrown the book at her Dad.  She has told him that stepping foot into his apartment would make her feel as if she is ok with or condoning what he has done in leaving and she just cannot EVER agree with his decision.  She has also reminded him of his marriage vows and that a second marriage for him would be ongoing adultery in her eyes and God's eyes.

Both children have told their Dad that they will never accept another woman in his life and if that ever comes to pass, their relationship with him will be over.

However, both spend time with him here at our home.  He eats some meals with us both here and out in restaurants.  We still are together for holidays  and have family game nights.  What is odd is that we will see H for several days in a row and then will go a week with not even a call from him.  Monster has not come out in a while and H is for the most part pleasant when he is around.  I laugh when H is here and he goes upstairs to brush his teeth and to use the master bathroom.  I guess he still feels that that area of the house is still part his which is ok with me.