[Butterfly]

This article totally describes my h's OW. I am seeing lots of the third stage in her now. When she goes too far. She goes back to stage one to reel him back  in.
First stage was a solid year. Then 6-8 months of clinging . Now more hatefulness and going out without him. So interesting.

Butterfly

[RainbowGal]

 I actually shared this article with my W during her last return.She herself was blown away by how accurately it described her OW and their relationship.

 They never quite got to the later cycles though,as OW has never quite felt secure enough with "owning" my W to let her mask slip fully off for extended periods.

 Bizarre that an MLC'er coming out of the fog can see her adultery partner in such a clear light but then the fog comes back and they happily return to the madness making.

[underpressure]

Yes, I find it strange... I "poked" my H by asking him what he knew about BPD. Some of the things he mentioned corresponded to some of OW's behaviors. This was at 1 1/2 months of their relationship. All I know is what leaked through into the trash of his email account and didn't get deleted, plus the text messages that he exported himself onto his computer. He made it fairly easy for me actually. But just from the email alone there were lines about how much she hated him (sort of meant to be flirtatious).  Something in the end betrayed her, though, as he mentioned her behavior at a bakery as being loud or something. This is a bakery he takes his son to. I can imagine her behavior being rather embarrassing to him especially if she started to get controlling or to mouth off. Apparently she gets in trouble with the nuns at the catholic school for using "f--k" every other word. Lovely. WHO does that? What MOTHER does that? With NUNS? Whatever.

I am certain she is a strong candidate for BPD. But then again, maybe I let myself be led into that roll too...mostly with roll-playing on our dates. And then I feel rotten afterward. So the real question of interest to me is WHY are our H's and W's ATTRACTED to BPD people? Because this is something going on in them, too? Ack. I have to re-read the article.

[underpressure]

I am hearing a lot of peculiar things from my clinging boomerang H these days.
He seems to be describing me, or purports to be, at least, but I don't recognize the person he is describing. This also happened when he was at home but more often it was obviously him projecting his own feelings onto me in a particularly abusive way. Now it feels like he is projecting his feelings toward OW onto me.

And that must be why I keep seeing her when I look in the mirror during yoga...I don't want to identify with her, but I am because he is identifying me with her, and perhaps picked her out because she looked like me.

I asked my analyst to comment at length on the possibility that I had BPD and his conclusion was "no". I have never been accused of having it unless it was at the very beginning of our relationship (just after his relationship with the other BPD) or recently during his new relationship with the possibly BPD OW. I think I don't want to hear from him for a long while. Sigh.

[calamity]

To misquote a famous line:  it ain't you, it's him

[toughtimes]

Crikey some of you have touched upon something I was afraid of that Iay have BPD? It's freaked me out because my behaviour kind of fits this description but I always thought I had terrible PMS and possibly just didn't like the way my H treated me at times? I guess we can fit any symptoms if we really look for it. Feel a little like I agree with calamity; bit like a student doctor becomes total hypochondriac I feel like I am aligning myself with anything I read which is negative "yes but that's me, I was like that. No wonder he left me, I bet people are telling him I have BPD" I even rang a helpline  to try and get a diagnosis over the phone. I was pretty paranoid that day!
My husband said he used to dread my birthday because in my 30th I had been so stressed buying flat etc. in run up I was really weird and bizarre and blamed him for not bothering to make it special. This fits with this description doesn't it? Calamity did you mention you found something online to find out if you are? Are BPD people only like this with romantic Rs or others too? Don't think I am, think my H was hard work and so was I!